Springboard 12: Sacrifice
"When you put your head down and bury yourself into your career you wake up ten years later realizing that your career doesn’t hug back." Ken Bruen, Calibre
I have sacrificed four marriages to this job, most of my sanity and a good portion of my soul. And for what? To continue on in a job that pays way less than it should, continues to shred what remains of my soul and sanity and leave me with no social life to speak of. Why? Why do we, the cops, the lab techs, the MEs, the DAs, why do we continue on in a job that can only be described as one of Dante's lost circles of Hell?
In all honesty, we sacrifice more than we should to this job. The innocent rookie attitude we all now scoff at, we were like that once. Hopeful, young, full of energy and life. We were not going to be the 40 something, over-weight, angry, drunk and divorced TO that showed us the ropes. We were going to be different, we were going to be a hero. Over the years, no matter what, we have all come to see that TO in a new light. We understand why he's divorced, alone and drinking. In a sense, we have all become that TO in some corner of our soul. We're angry, we're alone, and we drink just a little too much. We have sacrificed more than any sane person should for a job that never hugs us enough.
Why? Why would be pout ourselves through Hell every day? What makes all the pain, the suffering, the loneliness worth it? Is there something in us, some screwed up cromosome that says "Hey, guess what? Because you have me, you're going to suffer in your chosen career for the rest of your life!" or is it some childhood trauma that makes us wallow in our misery? We are driven ever forward every morning or evening call to put on our badge and gun and deal with some inhuman depravity that will leave us mentally - and sometimes physically as well - scarred for the rest of our lives. It's insane when you get down to it. We're either a bunch of idiots or...
Or we know that our sacrifices protect the rest of the world. Or help a victim. Or get the bad guy. What we give, we want paid back not to us, but to the public that we protect and serve. Do we always feel that way? No. Often we are left frustrated, feeling useless and powerless, but there are the handful of cases that make it worth it. You've gotten the bad guy, you've got him locked up and you've done something worth while with the career that has kicked you down since day one. That is why we work in a career that doesn't hug back.
I have sacrificed four marriages to this job, most of my sanity and a good portion of my soul. And for what? To continue on in a job that pays way less than it should, continues to shred what remains of my soul and sanity and leave me with no social life to speak of. Why? Why do we, the cops, the lab techs, the MEs, the DAs, why do we continue on in a job that can only be described as one of Dante's lost circles of Hell?
In all honesty, we sacrifice more than we should to this job. The innocent rookie attitude we all now scoff at, we were like that once. Hopeful, young, full of energy and life. We were not going to be the 40 something, over-weight, angry, drunk and divorced TO that showed us the ropes. We were going to be different, we were going to be a hero. Over the years, no matter what, we have all come to see that TO in a new light. We understand why he's divorced, alone and drinking. In a sense, we have all become that TO in some corner of our soul. We're angry, we're alone, and we drink just a little too much. We have sacrificed more than any sane person should for a job that never hugs us enough.
Why? Why would be pout ourselves through Hell every day? What makes all the pain, the suffering, the loneliness worth it? Is there something in us, some screwed up cromosome that says "Hey, guess what? Because you have me, you're going to suffer in your chosen career for the rest of your life!" or is it some childhood trauma that makes us wallow in our misery? We are driven ever forward every morning or evening call to put on our badge and gun and deal with some inhuman depravity that will leave us mentally - and sometimes physically as well - scarred for the rest of our lives. It's insane when you get down to it. We're either a bunch of idiots or...
Or we know that our sacrifices protect the rest of the world. Or help a victim. Or get the bad guy. What we give, we want paid back not to us, but to the public that we protect and serve. Do we always feel that way? No. Often we are left frustrated, feeling useless and powerless, but there are the handful of cases that make it worth it. You've gotten the bad guy, you've got him locked up and you've done something worth while with the career that has kicked you down since day one. That is why we work in a career that doesn't hug back.