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Jul 23, 2006 13:11

i havent updated in FOREVER.
ive just been so busy.

the move to tennessee was way more than i expected. i thought it would be a fun way to meet new poeple &experience new things. but i never thought of it as PERMANATE. i keep thinking ill be going back home in a couple weeks. but ill never live in arizona again.. & im miserable here. i know that when people ask me "hows tennessee" im like oh its good. but i lied. sorry. its awful. 5 out of 7 days im alone all day bored with nothing to do. none of my friends call me except like 2 maybe. theres never anyone online, & i feel like ive already lost touch with some people. before i left everyone said theyd keep in touch. but thers so many people who havent even bothered calling, IMing, or leaving me a myspace message or comment. and thats how i know they were never a true friend. its like they think that yea it was fun being friends with her while she was here but whats teh point now, she lives in another state. its not like we'll ever hang out or aanything so theres no point in trying to still be her friend. well it might not matter to you.. but it matters to ME. it hurts that some of my friends dont care enough to send a simple message. it only takes a minute. =/. being out here has made me such an unhappy person. i no longer am enjoying myself. tehre are some days where i have fun.. but when it comes down to it, im not happy. anyways. my mom thinks im depressed and she wants me to see a counseler and get put on medication to make me a happier person. whatever. this is all gay. i dont need to talk to a professional or take some pills. the only thing that will fix this is for me to GO HOME. but i cant. :(

well anyways
i went to florida for a few days with church camp. that was one of the few times ive actually had fun. i got to go to th ebeach every day and go swimming and hang out with friends and meet people and worship the Lord. I was saved on july 11th. i decided it was time to stop playing these silly games with Jesus and that i wanted to make a full commitment. He is in my heart and life forever. ive been praying and reading my bible every day and im slowly but surely making changes in my life.

Majesty, Majesty,
Your grace has found me just as I am
Im empty handed but alive in your hands.
Majesty, Majesty,
FOREVER i am changed by your love
in the presence of your Majesty.

Into marvelous light Im running.
out of darkness out of shame
by the cross you are the TRUTH
you are the LIFE you are the WAY.

You are my joy you are my joy
you are my joy you are my joy.

You are more beautiful than anyone ever
every day youre the same you never change no never
how could i ever deny the love of my Savior
a part of me everything your all i need forever.
how could you be so good to me?
there is no one like you.
there has never EVER been anyone like you.

^^just a few sections of a few songs we sang at camp. i REALLY enjoyed worship. the music &its power was amazing.

today in church the sermon was on the end of the world. He kept saying how excited he was to meet Jesus and to live eternally with his King. Sure im excited to meet Jesus.. but for some reason i feel more scared. it SCARES me that the end of the world may be near. I know that ill be going to heaven and i have faith that he'll take me there.. but its just scary. I want to live. i want to experience my first love and get through high school and go to college and fall in REAL love and get married and have a family and a career. i just want to experience the things that most people experience. i want to experience all that before i die or the end of the world comes. &it scares me because i dont know when hes coming back and i may never get to experience that stuff. He could come right now as im typing this or he could come tonight while im in bed or tomorrow or WHENEVER. he will come whenever he wants to. NO ONE else knows when he'll come. What also scares me is all the stuff going on in the middle east right now. the bible talks about stuff like that and it having to do with the end of the world. so are these signs that the end is near?. idk. maybe they are. but then again, Jesus said hes going to come liek a theif in the night & NO ONE will know Hes coming. so why would he send us signs? its just all SO confusing and scary. Also, theres so many people who wont go to heaven. i have so many friends who dont know Jesus and who have no relationship with him and who will be going to hell. they will be spending ETERNITY in the lake of fire. some of them believe that EVERYONE goes to heaven. that a God so great wouldnt send his people to hell. but the bible says that when Jesus returns for judgement there will be two classifications:SAVED, or LOST. I know that I am saved. but I know that so many are lost. and thats scary as well. idk. none of this probably makes sense i just really needed to get it all out. all i know is that when he comes, the world will know:GOD IS IN CONTROL. ther will be no denying it or not believeing it because the WORLD will see him. NO ONE will be able to hide their eyes from him. everyone will see him. He will come down in the clouds and the graves will be torn open and the dead will go to him in all their perfection. Then the believers will go to him. But the lost will remain on the earth for years of tragedy and scary and awful happenings. so i suggest that ifyou dont know Jesus, you might wana get to know him so that you can spend eternity in heaven instead of hell.
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