Pretty OK
So in recent happenings, it was lebaran and my family came over and have headed home again and tomorrow is my last day at Ciawi and then I can escape from obgyn but only for a while because whats to say I won't meet pregnant ladies at the clinics where I'll be posted next. Ah swell. I am apparently fairly well known for being angry at my patients. I can't help it. It's my default voice. And besides, they of course aren't exactly listening to reason, what with being in almost constant pain and everything. I get that. I really do, I just want you to be quiet so that I can actually help you. But hey. So everyone basically says to me to go and shout at some patient or other or something. It's kinda, you know, not very cool. So anyway, I need to cultivate more patience but then again, I am very level headed according to the same people. But that's another story.
So, about my family's recent visit to Indonesia, we really didn't do anything much. Jakarta is pretty dead when it's lebaran. Every one's headed home and most stalls are closed except for malls. And some tourist parts or something. So we ended up going to malls and to the Monas. But that's it. It was a short visit, but it was wonderful to finally be together and see everyone again after almost two years.
And now to the main reason I am writing this. My sister who's also taking medicine but in Malaysia, is starting her own tour of duty this month. In fact she has started it for a week but it was mainly on campus where she had to go to lectures of how to do correct PEs on pediatric patients. She asked me, "why do you want to become a doctor?" I said "because the chance was there. So I did." She wasn't really satisfied with my answer because apparently she's been listening to horror stories from seniors and lecturers about how, at long last the conviction is what drives you. "Why do you want to become a doctor?" Without the right mindset, it's going to difficult, said she.
To be honest, really honest, the answer I gave is only half the truth. Or like a quarter of it. I really did take medicine because the chance was there. But before the chance was there, I didn't expect there to be a chance anyway.
I have wanted to be a doctor since I was kid. Younger than 7 and already saying I wanted to be a doctor. But the reason? I wanted, want, to be a doctor because my dad is one. It's not really hero worship though, even if I do think my dad is kinda awesome. The main reasoning behind it was, because my dad is a doctor, then one of his kids should be one. So I'm going to be one. It's only right.
And that was the main reason why I wanted to be a doctor. At that time. It wasn't really a conviction, it isn't grand, nor is it in anyway noble. It was just right. At least to me.
So I grew up, still saying I wanted to be a doctor to whoever bothered asking. But then came form 4 and with it biology, physics, chemistry and add maths. I'm pretty good at biology. The thought back then was, I want to be a doctor, so I must be good at biology. Thank god I took to it like a duck to water. I genuinely liked to subject so it wasn't that hard even though I finally realized that biology wasn't only about humans. I was good at it. I almost never got B's in the subject. But I can't say the same for the other subjects, I wavered around being OK to being below average at physics and chemistry, but I was abysmal at add maths. So, being realistic, I put the dream of being a doctor in the back burner. I wasn't scoring in my science subjects and those are the main qualifications. I set my sights on doing something in biology. Because I liked teaching, I figured I'd be a lecturer or teacher. And worked towards there abouts. As expected, SPM did nothing for me and I went to matriculation.
I did pretty well at matriculation, at least, proficient enought that I was considered for the second wave of students who were short listed for a medical course in Indonesia or India. I was happy, but realistic/pessimistic enough to not put too much hope in it. I wasn't given the second call all through out matriculation and that was that. Or so I thought. However, while getting ready for university, I received the call for an interview, and was asked to sit for an exam. So I did. Because why the hell not? It was a chance. I went to the interview, and sat for the exams. Which I failed. Because really, we weren't given any instructions and I wasn't exactly prepared and hey, I never could do maths properly with a calculator, what made them think I'd be any good without one. As I was realistic/pessimistic/fatalistic enough to realize calculating physics and add maths equations with out a calculator is the same as asking me to jump of a building, spread my arms and fly into the sunset while singing punk rock songs, impossible. I wasn't exactly hopeful anyway. But then, when they called me to inform me I had failed, they also offered if I wanted a place at another university? So after a few days dithering and wondering and praying, I said yes. And here I am, because really, the chance was there. And I took it. And I'm here. And I'm almost at the end.
It helps that I really, really like medicine. This stuff is as interesting as heck.
So the question goes, "Why do you want to be a doctor?"
Because my father is a doctor, and it's only right one of his kids should follow in his footsteps. Because the chance was there. Because I genuinely like the stuff.
Here's to finishing Koas soon, and graduating, and to years of housemanship, and to years of MO-ing and to years and years of service. Because really, I want to be a doctor. And that's pretty much that.
have an ueda:
