because i love you i want to pile corpses before you;
title; because i love you i want to pile corpses before you
pairing; minsu (friendship)
rating; pg13
genre; horror, drama, tragedy
summary; obsession can lead to madness. religion can lead to sin. love can lead to murder.
FOR padmik ; you probably don't remember but you kind of started this oneshot. we were talking about zombies and this idea popped into my head and i wanted to write it for you. it's short and not that great but it has all i wanted it to have so it's completed for me.
warnings; zombies, eating the homeless, crazy!junsu, unbeta-ed.
the first time junsu visited his grave, everything was deafeningly quiet.
for months he had struggled with the fact that changmin was gone. had died. just like that. one moment there, being a smartass, looking so ready to live, so prepared to succeed-the next, lying dead on the road; junsu staring in horror from the pavement as his friend bled to death. he hadn’t even been the one to call the ambulance. maybe changmin could have been saved, if he had reacted quicker, if he had made the call immediately. maybe the help would have arrived in time.
changmin’s parents were kind enough not to place any blame. not even towards the driver, for changmin had been careless; running ahead when the light had clearly been red. but junsu knew he was the one that had caused this.
’race you!’ -’yah! junsu! wait, stop. you know i’ll never beat you, you’re too god damn fast!’ - ’wait! changmin! the light’s red-’-’this is the only way i can beat-’the first time was too painful and junsu didn’t return for a year.
†
the second time junsu visited his grave, it was a mess.
in horror, he stared at the fresh patch of dirt, looking as if changmin had been buried only yesterday. flowers that had been planted were gone. candles that had been placed had disappeared.
worried and nervous, he glanced around himself. wondering if it was a joke, if he was having a dream. because it looked like... no. he’d rather not think it.
he left without saying anything to the headstone and later regretted it, wondered if somewhere higher where changmin surely must be, his friend was saddened by the fact that junsu had just stood there silently; not even managing a ’goodbye’.
†
the third time, there was blood. dried blood on the grass that led from changmin’s grave to some nearby bushes. junsu stared at the sight for a few minutes, at a loss. and then he raised his head and looked into the bushes and was startled to see two eyes peering at him. just two eyes visible and a forehead that was covered with greasy strands of hair.
eyes that junsu recognised.
he ran and didn’t return for a whole month.
†
the fourth time, he was somewhat prepared for what happened next. at least in theory.
he had asked changmin’s family about the blood but they had hung up on him, told him not to meddle in things that were none of his business. two days later he was told that changmin’s sister hadn’t come home in a week and that’s probably why the shims had been so snappish with him. three days later changmin’s mother finally called back and admitted that the blood might have been her daughter’s and that she had no idea what was going on at the cemitary.
although junsu had an inkling. and he thought, they all probably had an inkling. no one dared to say it out loud, no one dared to return to changmin’s grave to find out if it was true.
but he was desperate enough to do so.
and so in theory he was ready. but when it came to the real thing, he had a hard time coping with the fact that he was hiding in the bushes, sitting cross-legged with his friend there, physically there in front of him.
„you- you’re here,“ was the first thing he managed to utter.
changmin’s eyes pierced him with their blackness.
„c-can you speak?“ he blushed at the question.
„of course i can speak.“ his voice was dry and sounded as if he had a sore throat. changmin’s pale skin was contrasted by his darkened lips that looked as if he had been eating dirt. hell, he probably had.
„oh-it’s just. in the movies, z-they don’t usually speak.“
„they?“ his eyes challenged junsu.
„well... you know. you are a ... zombie now, aren’t you?“ it felt weird to think it, even weirder to say it and the weirdness of it all was raised even higher when the dead changmin laughed and looked like his old self for a second just before he quieted and looked like he had when junsu first entered the bushes. hungry.
„zombie.“ changmin whispered. „such a strange word, isn’t it? it seems childish to be called that... as if this was fantasy, wasn’t real.“ he choked and looked angry, „well it’s very real!“
junsu considered the consequences of his next question but he needed to know.
„did you... did you ea-...kill your sister?“
changmin’s hands shook before a deadly calm washed over his stained, putrid body that was still dressed in the suit he was buried with only it was now ripped, dirty and wet.
„it’s strange how i still remember everything from my life. i wish i didn’t. i wish i was just a brainless zombie, like in those movies but... i still have my consciousness and my human feelings even though i’m so unnatural i can’t be called a human any longer. i feel guilt, junsu.“ he finished with an unearthly sob.
„you can’t control it, can you?“ he asked, hesitating. „the hunger.“ changmin shook his head, before continuing.
„i see her face. and the faces of others i have eaten while i’ve been up here... i know their names, i know their families. i know exactly just who misses them now that i’ve- ... i can’t handle it.“ he looked up, despair madly clear in his eerie face. „i can’t handle the faces.“ he choked on a sob again and then, clenching his fingers into fists he begged junsu, „please kill me somehow. burn my body. cut off my head. something, anything! this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, this isn’t how god had planned. once you die, you shouldn’t come back! i shouldn’t have come back! i can’t be here! i ... please junsu, help me.“
help me.
junsu left after promising he’d figure something out. he didn’t promise to kill the other. he promised to help.
help... the most basic way to help a zombie was to feed him, right?
changmin didn’t like faces.
†
was god testing him?, was the first question. or was it a quest for him, to show how far he’d go to make up for his mistake? he had asked for changmin’s return in his prayers, even when he knew... or thought it to be futile. for surely even god wouldn’t bring someone back from the dead. only the devil would do such a heinous act. but then again, why would the devil answer his prayers?
it was confusing and it was going around and around in his head; his thoughts running in circles and getting stumped. was he the one responsible for keeping changmin fed? or was he responsible for killing the other again? was god truly testing him in such a cruel way? was he supposed to show his love towards his friend and end his unnatural life right now, while changmin still wanted him to? ... or was this a gift. for him. who had begged so honestly, so raw that he could see his friend again. so he could apologise and spend time with him again. so they could chat like they had used to.
in the end he decided to wait for a sign. if god wanted him to fulfil some kind of a destiny; he would help junsu in his path. he was sure of it.
what seemed to him as a sign came not two days later, when he was on his way to see changmin again.
†
changmin was crying and junsu didn't understand. his friend was cursing him, calling him stupid all the while feasting on the dinner he'd especially got and prepared for him - junsu'd do anything for the other, he knew that now.
he figured, killing a homeless person and carving off the man's face shouldn't have been so easy, shouldn't have left him feeling guiltless, satisfied even, but all he could think about was changmin - changmin, who needed to eat people to survive, changmin who had come back to him, changmin who was never going to leave him again, changmin who didn't like faces.
the homeless guy had been there, asking for his money, begging for some food, complaining about his hunger. junsu had always been a generous boy, he had offered bread and cheese he'd just bought and the man had just insulted him, pushed past him to go beg from someone else. he didn't want food, junsu had realised, he just wanted to drink himself stupid like always - what was the point of his life? the man had thrown it away.
junsu saw it as a sin, almost like suicide, to just stop trying, to stop living - and that's when he had realised it must have been a sign. he followed the homeless man back to his corner in a dark-lit alley - perfect to quickly and carefully hit him against his head - make him lose his conciousness and to rush home only to return with tools that had helped him take away the life that had already been lost.
but changmin didn't seem to see it that way.
"what have you done, junsu? what have you done?"
he kept repeating it over and over, sobbing out bits of flesh as his decaying body kept moving, kept taking and ripping and tearing, kept eating.
"i did what i had to. you came back to me. you're not going to leave me again, changmin. never again."
and despite the blood, the dirt, the decay - junsu hugged his best friend and spoke nonsense in soothing tones, wishing for the other to stop crying.
junsu just couldn't see the problem. all he could focus on were his excuses, his reasons, his wants and needs and what he's sure god must have planned for him.
†
he took changmin home with him, promised to feed him weekly, promised to take him around the world, promised to keep moving so no one would know, no one would suspect. they'd have their lives together, like they planned.
junsu was happy again.
changmin seemed more apathetic with each day that passed.
†
the sixth time junsu went to changmin's grave, he went there to bury his friend - for good this time.
the other boy had burned himself to ashes along with junsu's apartment one day when junsu had gone to get him something to eat.
he had lost his best friend again, changmin had commited suicide, had taken his life when it had been returned to him as a gift, as a way for them to still be together.
his friend had sinned.
junsu felt betrayed, and as he threw the ashes and stray bits of flesh and bones into the freshly dug grave before changmin's headstone... he knew;
he'd never forgive him.
†
even if junsu doesn't forgive changmin....
you can forgive me for being weird sometimes y/y?
i think i'm really back guys :D this is a oneshot i started a long time ago.
and i'm going to try to update at least once a week, with either a oneshot or a new chapter on one of my stories.
ficlets, if they do happen, wont count because of their short length~.
pairing; minsu (friendship)
rating; pg13
genre; horror, drama, tragedy
summary; obsession can lead to madness. religion can lead to sin. love can lead to murder.
FOR padmik ; you probably don't remember but you kind of started this oneshot. we were talking about zombies and this idea popped into my head and i wanted to write it for you. it's short and not that great but it has all i wanted it to have so it's completed for me.
warnings; zombies, eating the homeless, crazy!junsu, unbeta-ed.
the first time junsu visited his grave, everything was deafeningly quiet.
for months he had struggled with the fact that changmin was gone. had died. just like that. one moment there, being a smartass, looking so ready to live, so prepared to succeed-the next, lying dead on the road; junsu staring in horror from the pavement as his friend bled to death. he hadn’t even been the one to call the ambulance. maybe changmin could have been saved, if he had reacted quicker, if he had made the call immediately. maybe the help would have arrived in time.
changmin’s parents were kind enough not to place any blame. not even towards the driver, for changmin had been careless; running ahead when the light had clearly been red. but junsu knew he was the one that had caused this.
’race you!’ -’yah! junsu! wait, stop. you know i’ll never beat you, you’re too god damn fast!’ - ’wait! changmin! the light’s red-’-’this is the only way i can beat-’the first time was too painful and junsu didn’t return for a year.
†
the second time junsu visited his grave, it was a mess.
in horror, he stared at the fresh patch of dirt, looking as if changmin had been buried only yesterday. flowers that had been planted were gone. candles that had been placed had disappeared.
worried and nervous, he glanced around himself. wondering if it was a joke, if he was having a dream. because it looked like... no. he’d rather not think it.
he left without saying anything to the headstone and later regretted it, wondered if somewhere higher where changmin surely must be, his friend was saddened by the fact that junsu had just stood there silently; not even managing a ’goodbye’.
†
the third time, there was blood. dried blood on the grass that led from changmin’s grave to some nearby bushes. junsu stared at the sight for a few minutes, at a loss. and then he raised his head and looked into the bushes and was startled to see two eyes peering at him. just two eyes visible and a forehead that was covered with greasy strands of hair.
eyes that junsu recognised.
he ran and didn’t return for a whole month.
†
the fourth time, he was somewhat prepared for what happened next. at least in theory.
he had asked changmin’s family about the blood but they had hung up on him, told him not to meddle in things that were none of his business. two days later he was told that changmin’s sister hadn’t come home in a week and that’s probably why the shims had been so snappish with him. three days later changmin’s mother finally called back and admitted that the blood might have been her daughter’s and that she had no idea what was going on at the cemitary.
although junsu had an inkling. and he thought, they all probably had an inkling. no one dared to say it out loud, no one dared to return to changmin’s grave to find out if it was true.
but he was desperate enough to do so.
and so in theory he was ready. but when it came to the real thing, he had a hard time coping with the fact that he was hiding in the bushes, sitting cross-legged with his friend there, physically there in front of him.
„you- you’re here,“ was the first thing he managed to utter.
changmin’s eyes pierced him with their blackness.
„c-can you speak?“ he blushed at the question.
„of course i can speak.“ his voice was dry and sounded as if he had a sore throat. changmin’s pale skin was contrasted by his darkened lips that looked as if he had been eating dirt. hell, he probably had.
„oh-it’s just. in the movies, z-they don’t usually speak.“
„they?“ his eyes challenged junsu.
„well... you know. you are a ... zombie now, aren’t you?“ it felt weird to think it, even weirder to say it and the weirdness of it all was raised even higher when the dead changmin laughed and looked like his old self for a second just before he quieted and looked like he had when junsu first entered the bushes. hungry.
„zombie.“ changmin whispered. „such a strange word, isn’t it? it seems childish to be called that... as if this was fantasy, wasn’t real.“ he choked and looked angry, „well it’s very real!“
junsu considered the consequences of his next question but he needed to know.
„did you... did you ea-...kill your sister?“
changmin’s hands shook before a deadly calm washed over his stained, putrid body that was still dressed in the suit he was buried with only it was now ripped, dirty and wet.
„it’s strange how i still remember everything from my life. i wish i didn’t. i wish i was just a brainless zombie, like in those movies but... i still have my consciousness and my human feelings even though i’m so unnatural i can’t be called a human any longer. i feel guilt, junsu.“ he finished with an unearthly sob.
„you can’t control it, can you?“ he asked, hesitating. „the hunger.“ changmin shook his head, before continuing.
„i see her face. and the faces of others i have eaten while i’ve been up here... i know their names, i know their families. i know exactly just who misses them now that i’ve- ... i can’t handle it.“ he looked up, despair madly clear in his eerie face. „i can’t handle the faces.“ he choked on a sob again and then, clenching his fingers into fists he begged junsu, „please kill me somehow. burn my body. cut off my head. something, anything! this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, this isn’t how god had planned. once you die, you shouldn’t come back! i shouldn’t have come back! i can’t be here! i ... please junsu, help me.“
help me.
junsu left after promising he’d figure something out. he didn’t promise to kill the other. he promised to help.
help... the most basic way to help a zombie was to feed him, right?
changmin didn’t like faces.
†
was god testing him?, was the first question. or was it a quest for him, to show how far he’d go to make up for his mistake? he had asked for changmin’s return in his prayers, even when he knew... or thought it to be futile. for surely even god wouldn’t bring someone back from the dead. only the devil would do such a heinous act. but then again, why would the devil answer his prayers?
it was confusing and it was going around and around in his head; his thoughts running in circles and getting stumped. was he the one responsible for keeping changmin fed? or was he responsible for killing the other again? was god truly testing him in such a cruel way? was he supposed to show his love towards his friend and end his unnatural life right now, while changmin still wanted him to? ... or was this a gift. for him. who had begged so honestly, so raw that he could see his friend again. so he could apologise and spend time with him again. so they could chat like they had used to.
in the end he decided to wait for a sign. if god wanted him to fulfil some kind of a destiny; he would help junsu in his path. he was sure of it.
what seemed to him as a sign came not two days later, when he was on his way to see changmin again.
†
changmin was crying and junsu didn't understand. his friend was cursing him, calling him stupid all the while feasting on the dinner he'd especially got and prepared for him - junsu'd do anything for the other, he knew that now.
he figured, killing a homeless person and carving off the man's face shouldn't have been so easy, shouldn't have left him feeling guiltless, satisfied even, but all he could think about was changmin - changmin, who needed to eat people to survive, changmin who had come back to him, changmin who was never going to leave him again, changmin who didn't like faces.
the homeless guy had been there, asking for his money, begging for some food, complaining about his hunger. junsu had always been a generous boy, he had offered bread and cheese he'd just bought and the man had just insulted him, pushed past him to go beg from someone else. he didn't want food, junsu had realised, he just wanted to drink himself stupid like always - what was the point of his life? the man had thrown it away.
junsu saw it as a sin, almost like suicide, to just stop trying, to stop living - and that's when he had realised it must have been a sign. he followed the homeless man back to his corner in a dark-lit alley - perfect to quickly and carefully hit him against his head - make him lose his conciousness and to rush home only to return with tools that had helped him take away the life that had already been lost.
but changmin didn't seem to see it that way.
"what have you done, junsu? what have you done?"
he kept repeating it over and over, sobbing out bits of flesh as his decaying body kept moving, kept taking and ripping and tearing, kept eating.
"i did what i had to. you came back to me. you're not going to leave me again, changmin. never again."
and despite the blood, the dirt, the decay - junsu hugged his best friend and spoke nonsense in soothing tones, wishing for the other to stop crying.
junsu just couldn't see the problem. all he could focus on were his excuses, his reasons, his wants and needs and what he's sure god must have planned for him.
†
he took changmin home with him, promised to feed him weekly, promised to take him around the world, promised to keep moving so no one would know, no one would suspect. they'd have their lives together, like they planned.
junsu was happy again.
changmin seemed more apathetic with each day that passed.
†
the sixth time junsu went to changmin's grave, he went there to bury his friend - for good this time.
the other boy had burned himself to ashes along with junsu's apartment one day when junsu had gone to get him something to eat.
he had lost his best friend again, changmin had commited suicide, had taken his life when it had been returned to him as a gift, as a way for them to still be together.
his friend had sinned.
junsu felt betrayed, and as he threw the ashes and stray bits of flesh and bones into the freshly dug grave before changmin's headstone... he knew;
he'd never forgive him.
†
even if junsu doesn't forgive changmin....
you can forgive me for being weird sometimes y/y?
i think i'm really back guys :D this is a oneshot i started a long time ago.
and i'm going to try to update at least once a week, with either a oneshot or a new chapter on one of my stories.
ficlets, if they do happen, wont count because of their short length~.