Rub it in my face will you? God knows i can handle it.
Everyone keeps telling me they saw them at the movies together. I dont care why tell me. I mean i do care but still why would you tell me? i dont want to know how prefectly unperfect she is. If hes happy okay...whatever i dont care. She cant be that great, she knew he was with me and still she was with him. Damnet why do i care? why am i even wasting my time on it? I mean is this normal. I have been on dates...someone even asked me on another, when i am there though on those dates i feel like i cannot breath. ehh...i feel like i panick. They think im insane. Im not just heartbroken. You feel it before and you think you have had your heart ripped out and then when it really happens its ten times worse. I take this pain i am feeling right now and i know that a year from now i will probably be going through the same thing and it will feel worse. why does it hurt so much? can someone tell me that?
hand in hand let them walk smiling, carefree. Only when its over and done will he think of me and remember. She isnt even pretty. Maybe thats whats confused me. I feel used, i dont understand why people dont seem to like me relationship wise. I have worked on so much stuff. im almost a completely different person. Fixing the previous flaws and undoing what was wrong. i know he isnt worth the words i speak or the breath i take still i can thelp but feel the pain. I know its better this way. I do.
When she lays her head full of black hair on his chest at night i hope she sleeps sound knowing that shes with a liar, a cheater, someone so decietful. I always hope she knows that i loved him, truly, for the first time, and that since he has ripped me apart he is capable of doing the same to others. I hope there happy. Not in a bitter way but i hope they are. whatever i was doing wrong, whatever it was that i lacked, i hope she feels that.until then i will be full of my emptiness. I am sorry guys, i know you dont want to hear this shit but i have to get it out somehwere. anyone whose felt this way or who is currently feeling this way knows what i mean.
much love guaranteed from your local christina.**