the breakup..
I am extremely embarassed of the new Old Navy commerical. It was cute when I first saw it, but now knowing its on national television..
My fiance, Nicholas, and I are taking a break or breaking up if you wish to call it that. I'm hardly ever home and I hate to see him home paying the rent by himself and spending so much time alone. I don't think it's fair to him, or myself. I think I'm doing the right thing, at least I hope I'm doing the right thing. I've been avoiding Tamyra and Kelly lately, I've felt bad about it considering they are two of my best friends but I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around the past few days. They say you can't be a failure if you have friends. And I do, and I love them, but right now I don't know if I can stand to be around anyone so I'll stay mia for awhile.
I'm being overly dramatic. I hope it gets some attention. I want to be an attention whore. I've never been one before, so today I'm going to be an attention whore and cry because I'm going to miss Nick. I've spent the last few years of my life with him, he's become my other half and now I'm leaving him, am I a horrible person? I'd like to think I am for doing this. I can't explain why I am doing it. I can't explain why I gave him back his ring and why I packed my bags and moved my stuff back into my mom's. I'm not in Florida now, I'm in LA, recording. I don't want to go back home, my mom doesn't even know what happens, she'll be crushed. She loved Nick.
A handful of years worth of words and I remember every single one. And now, from this position I can look and know that he really meant them, and he kept all of those promises. I don't know why I left. Maybe I got bored. I do that, with my friends and my interests, but without Nick I never would have done American Idol. I never would have even had a chance to get bored, maybe doing American Idol was a mistake. I don't have any regrets. I could babble on for days about how I think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. And still not know why I have this gut feeling to leave, to get away from this life. To go be my own person. Not Christina Cewe, Christina Christian.
That's who I'm focusing on now, me.