excerpt from a random original email
hi! cheer up, you. as they sing, "we live in a beautiful
world (yeah we do, yeah we do)" and by golly, they're right! SO! i just
drank a lot of caffeine and there's no one to talk to, so i'm just gonna type
for awhile. this is a rare (well, maybe not) glimpse into my psyche. let's
hope nothing scary pops out of my subconscious. do you believe in the
subconscious? we were talking about it in psych, and although i think freud
was missing a couple steps of rationale (rational? hmm...) sometimes, i think
his major contribution to psychology, the idea of the subconscious, was
actually some pretty deep shite. yup. i guess the strength of the
subconscious is much debated, but i think it's definitely there. yes, indeed
i do. i love my dog. motzi. she's perfect. i said that to louie once, and
he said i was "too cute." i still miss louie a lot - mainly just how we used
to talk so much about everything and he made me smile. he always used to talk
about how he loved that i was the only one who could ask him a question, and
he really had to think about his answer. we used to talk about stuff i'd
never talk to other people about - real stuff, you know? that's what i miss.
i feel like a lot of people talk to me cause i'm "cute" or whatever, which i
encourage, of course, through my behavior. i don't know if i do that on
purpose or not...i probably do, to a certain extent, because people seem to
relate to me more favorably when i act kind of like a kid. but i think that i
might also act that way because that's how i've always been treated, you
know? hmm. haha, who knows? doesn't really matter, i guess. i'm happy with
me, and although relationships need to be cultivated and nurtured in order for
them to grow, i'm pretty happy with my relationships with people. i've been
thinking a lot about all those people affected by the tsunami, and it's made
relationships even more important to me, which is really saying something. i
dunno...so many people lost their families. i love my family so much, and i
know i don't tell them enough. i think i take them for granted and take out a
lot of frustration on them because i know they'll always love me. isn't it
funny that we don't save the best of ourselves for the people we love the
most, and who love us unconditionally? sometimes i think about all the love
and compassion i could put into every day, but don't. it's another new
year...how many opportunities did i miss every day in 2004? maybe this all
comes down to the meaning of life. i'm not sure life really has a specific
meaning, but the best thing i can think of is to put as much love and joy into
other people's lives as possible. and if i think about it that way... shoot,
i've been missing out on my life. all that stuff about following the rules of
religion exactly, never breaking laws, not drinking or having sex or swearing,
and maybe even believing in God...i just don't think it's that important.
everyone has personal reasons for doing or not doing things, and i think it's
very presumptuous to judge them for reasons we don't really understand. if
they show love and try to make other people's lives better...what more can you
ask of someone? oh goodness. shit, i'm sorry this is so long! i tend to
type really fast when i'm just following a random train of thought. i wonder
if this even makes sense, haha. i wonder if you made it to the end...ha!
peace and God bless
world (yeah we do, yeah we do)" and by golly, they're right! SO! i just
drank a lot of caffeine and there's no one to talk to, so i'm just gonna type
for awhile. this is a rare (well, maybe not) glimpse into my psyche. let's
hope nothing scary pops out of my subconscious. do you believe in the
subconscious? we were talking about it in psych, and although i think freud
was missing a couple steps of rationale (rational? hmm...) sometimes, i think
his major contribution to psychology, the idea of the subconscious, was
actually some pretty deep shite. yup. i guess the strength of the
subconscious is much debated, but i think it's definitely there. yes, indeed
i do. i love my dog. motzi. she's perfect. i said that to louie once, and
he said i was "too cute." i still miss louie a lot - mainly just how we used
to talk so much about everything and he made me smile. he always used to talk
about how he loved that i was the only one who could ask him a question, and
he really had to think about his answer. we used to talk about stuff i'd
never talk to other people about - real stuff, you know? that's what i miss.
i feel like a lot of people talk to me cause i'm "cute" or whatever, which i
encourage, of course, through my behavior. i don't know if i do that on
purpose or not...i probably do, to a certain extent, because people seem to
relate to me more favorably when i act kind of like a kid. but i think that i
might also act that way because that's how i've always been treated, you
know? hmm. haha, who knows? doesn't really matter, i guess. i'm happy with
me, and although relationships need to be cultivated and nurtured in order for
them to grow, i'm pretty happy with my relationships with people. i've been
thinking a lot about all those people affected by the tsunami, and it's made
relationships even more important to me, which is really saying something. i
dunno...so many people lost their families. i love my family so much, and i
know i don't tell them enough. i think i take them for granted and take out a
lot of frustration on them because i know they'll always love me. isn't it
funny that we don't save the best of ourselves for the people we love the
most, and who love us unconditionally? sometimes i think about all the love
and compassion i could put into every day, but don't. it's another new
year...how many opportunities did i miss every day in 2004? maybe this all
comes down to the meaning of life. i'm not sure life really has a specific
meaning, but the best thing i can think of is to put as much love and joy into
other people's lives as possible. and if i think about it that way... shoot,
i've been missing out on my life. all that stuff about following the rules of
religion exactly, never breaking laws, not drinking or having sex or swearing,
and maybe even believing in God...i just don't think it's that important.
everyone has personal reasons for doing or not doing things, and i think it's
very presumptuous to judge them for reasons we don't really understand. if
they show love and try to make other people's lives better...what more can you
ask of someone? oh goodness. shit, i'm sorry this is so long! i tend to
type really fast when i'm just following a random train of thought. i wonder
if this even makes sense, haha. i wonder if you made it to the end...ha!
peace and God bless