I feel like I'm in a freshman english writing class, and I'm trying to "show" not "tell." Whatever.

May 26, 2005 23:16

Part I of III, a trilogy of lameness

All of my favorite people were transferred to different branches. Our bosses' strategy is to move everyone around until we all get along and sing Sunshine Day or something. This is lovely, in theory, but the only tension, ill will, and general bitchiness is from said managers. They're such ginormous bitches that this task of employee solidarity is past Herculean in nature. They are the lame thorns in my side.

#1 Sabrena- She smells eternally of peanut butter byproducts. She always enters my no-man's-land, personal-space zone and does her best (unintentional) impression of her best Darth Vader. "Static-y rasping breath in (talk, talk), static-y, rasping peanut-butter breath out. If I had a nut allergy, this would most likely induce swelling and collapsed airways and possible death and/or coma. She should have a warning label that explains that she has come in contact with a never-ending, grab bag of nuts and could pose a health hazard to the nut sensitive.

I haven't been able to hazard a guess as to her age. Her body is reminiscent of a morbidly obese prepubescent boy. Even though she most likely tips the scales at 300+, her mammary glands have shriveled up and died or something to that effect, because she is a member of the IBTC. This is ironic because she has the equivalent of multiple DD racks, sprouting out all over her limbs and cavities. Hmmmm.

She's also prone to shouting, "Oh Gee-Zus!! Oh Gee Zus!!" when something makes her excited. (This could be as minute as having Hawaiian Punch in our vending machines.) The only mildly endearing encounter I've had with her was when I caught her singing "Hollaback Girl" in the vault. That lasted through the chorus.

Plus, I get the added bonus of hearing her fire and brimstone, hardxcore, ultra conservative, Christian ramblings every time I work. I totally received a religious tract, that was designed to look like a twenty dollar bill. Religious bank humor rules!

I need to buy a new cell phone this weekend. My old one is almost totally useless. And I still haven't bought a computer yet. I went into the Apple store twice and was overwhelmed, so suggestions are welcome.

Also, happy belated birthday to Ellen!
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