Balance of Power ~ Chapter Two
“Pixies and Pink Rooms”
Arc One; Chapter Two
Balance of Power
WARNING: Post Series, Post Movie **SPOILER HEAVY** and slightly AU
"Information overload," Ducky said. "Bet you wished you'd taken the blue pill, huh, Ed ( Read more... )
"I swear, Rick, if one more person mentions that kid and asks me how he is, I'm going to shove my stethoscope so far down their throat that they'll hear their own bowels move."
Great line. I know a nurse or two in RL who has been inspired to say something similar. :-)
Vague concepts for which he had nothing to compare to.
This is rather awkward; I'd make it, "Concepts for which he had only vague referents."
[The vile pink room.]
This room *works*. It's clearly a Reilly product (hence aiding in her characterization) and it's a horrible place for Ed, as ore-wa as he always is, to wake up (reminding us of what he's like and generating some amusement -- like the original, this story is pretty adept at switching between melodrama and comedy).
[Ed in the bathroom]
Very nice work on the smaller cultural contrasts Ed has to deal with; computers are an easy mark, but personal care items (as well as food storage and prep) require more effort and IMO pay off even better. The "once burned, twice shy" reaction to the toothpaste tube is excellent.
Then his eyes fell on a can nestled in the corner, nearly hidden by various items he wasn’t too sure about, and even less certain he wanted to find out.
There's an "about" missing at the end of the sentence, but that does make it read strangely. Maybe something like: " ... nearly hidden by items he wasn't sure he understood/recognized and was even less certain he wanted to."
Several of them were clearly quite a bit older than others; mostly of a young, broad-shouldered man in a military uniform, or the same man, a little older, in a police officer’s uniform.
I hesitate to bring this up, but would Ed recognize the difference between an American military and a police uniform? The contrast between two different sorts of uniform would be clear, but I'm not sure if there's enough overlap with German 1920s styles to conclude anything further. (I'm flashing back to a trip to Chile where the police all looked like soldiers to me and I had to be corrected.)
One framed item brought him up short. It was a newspaper clipping and the picture that accompanied it was of Reilly being led away… in handcuffs. Oh, great. I’m staying with a criminal. And she’s armed.He squinted in the uncertain light and peered closer at the article and had to suppress a laugh. So, he thought. Not necessarily a criminal; more like an annoyance.
I grin. Ed *would* categorize a civil disobedient as an annoyance. It also lets him feel a little superior to Reilly, which is good psychology at this point.
He gave Ed an appraising look, and a slow, lascivious grin spread across his face, which didn’t endear him to Ed at all. “I didn’t know Reilly had a guest.” He took a few steps forward and held out his left hand. “Everyone calls me Ducky.”
And what I wouldn't give to know what his real name is -- I'll be waiting for the revelation. :-) Here's another character who immediately establishes himself both as an individual and in relationship to Ed. I enjoy the way his "I'm completely at home here" attitude allows him to start poking Ed immediately; Ed's ruffled bantam cock reaction in return is exactly right.
Ed stopped halfway across the kitchen and glanced back at the young man curiously. “Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”
Just a thought: it's characteristic of Ed to speak informally and aggressively to just about everyone just about all the time (as Al speaks formally and politely). "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" is a polite form; I'd think Ed, who's already bugged by Ducky, wouldn't bother with it. "Sprichst du Deutsch?" would be the informal version.
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