meet mrs. dumbfuck.
Hi, my name is Caitlin. I'm a senior. I have a 4.0 GPA and have been in AP/pre-AP classes my entire high school and middle school career. Teachers in elementary school noticed I was "special" and put me in the Gifted and Talented classes. In said classes, we made three dimentional shapes from one dimentional objects. We wrote stories on how-to make a peanut butter sandwich or change a carborator; we went on field trips to aquariums and learned about the different levels of the ocean.
My name is Caitlin and I am a complete dumbfuck.
In the last few days of May, as school was finally dwindling to a close and the summer sun beckoned children to come and bask, I spent several hours of my life in classrooms participating in what we AP children have come to know and love as an AP test. On one particular morning in May, I ventured to my designated classroom, heart full of anticipation and confidence to conquer the AP English 3 test.
After having finished the test early, completely satisfied with my work, I looked over my brilliant essays with delight. I sat back in my chair, imagining what a wonderful feeling it was going to be to enter the University of Texas at Austin having already placed out of Freshman english and what I would do with the one hundred extra dollars soon to be in my bank account.
Today, as I excitedly opened the black and white envelope with the big "AP" stamp on the front, my dreams quickly faded. Maybe I'm being too blunt. My hopes and dreams and any shred of intelligence I once thought I possessed was hacked to pieces with a chainsaw.
I made a 2 on my AP english test. I, the student who was one of TWO people in the entire AP english 3 class to make all 8s and 9s on practice essays in class, have FAILED. I failed the AP english test. ENGLISH: my first and ONLY language.
So, in light of new evidence, this makes me a complete and utter dumbfuck. I used to mock those who did not pass their english classes, wondering how someone could be so stupid as not to be able to pass a class that consisted entirely of their own, fluent, primary language.
Stupidity is my biggest pet peeve and greatest fear. I have fallen. I feel like such a failure; it's completely uncomprehendable. I see what's left of my dreams of college dissapating from my view. My intelligence, obviously, is half (or entirely) illusion. I didn't do very well on my SATs, either. Which just adds to the list of failures I am compiling.
What makes this situation even worse is the fact that I'm getting all emotional about it. I sat in the back yard and actually cried. Who the hell cries over a test? I do, apparently. It makes me miss my mom more than being a senior and the mere thought of graduating without her being there to take pictures even more unbareable. It just adds to the list of things. My mom was an English major. She practiced law for 20 years then was a COLLEGE ENGLISH PROFESSOR. I have noticed my grammar and vocabular dimmish considerably in the year she's been gone.
I have two scenarios as to why I FAILED the AP English test.
SCENARIO A:
I am a complete and utter dumbfuck.
SCENARIO B:
On one essay, they basically wanted you to take either an ultra-liberal viewpoint, or an ultra-conservative viewpoint, stand behind it, and explain your reasoning. Myself, being a diehard moderate, chose the latter choice, thinking I would pretend to be my father and my essay would run smoothly. So the scenario is that a facist liberal took hold of my innocent paper and butchered it with their unholy hand.
I'd rather go with scenario B. Either way, I am a complete and utter failure.
I want to punch every collegeboard person in the FACE.
poop.
My name is Caitlin and I am a complete dumbfuck.
In the last few days of May, as school was finally dwindling to a close and the summer sun beckoned children to come and bask, I spent several hours of my life in classrooms participating in what we AP children have come to know and love as an AP test. On one particular morning in May, I ventured to my designated classroom, heart full of anticipation and confidence to conquer the AP English 3 test.
After having finished the test early, completely satisfied with my work, I looked over my brilliant essays with delight. I sat back in my chair, imagining what a wonderful feeling it was going to be to enter the University of Texas at Austin having already placed out of Freshman english and what I would do with the one hundred extra dollars soon to be in my bank account.
Today, as I excitedly opened the black and white envelope with the big "AP" stamp on the front, my dreams quickly faded. Maybe I'm being too blunt. My hopes and dreams and any shred of intelligence I once thought I possessed was hacked to pieces with a chainsaw.
I made a 2 on my AP english test. I, the student who was one of TWO people in the entire AP english 3 class to make all 8s and 9s on practice essays in class, have FAILED. I failed the AP english test. ENGLISH: my first and ONLY language.
So, in light of new evidence, this makes me a complete and utter dumbfuck. I used to mock those who did not pass their english classes, wondering how someone could be so stupid as not to be able to pass a class that consisted entirely of their own, fluent, primary language.
Stupidity is my biggest pet peeve and greatest fear. I have fallen. I feel like such a failure; it's completely uncomprehendable. I see what's left of my dreams of college dissapating from my view. My intelligence, obviously, is half (or entirely) illusion. I didn't do very well on my SATs, either. Which just adds to the list of failures I am compiling.
What makes this situation even worse is the fact that I'm getting all emotional about it. I sat in the back yard and actually cried. Who the hell cries over a test? I do, apparently. It makes me miss my mom more than being a senior and the mere thought of graduating without her being there to take pictures even more unbareable. It just adds to the list of things. My mom was an English major. She practiced law for 20 years then was a COLLEGE ENGLISH PROFESSOR. I have noticed my grammar and vocabular dimmish considerably in the year she's been gone.
I have two scenarios as to why I FAILED the AP English test.
SCENARIO A:
I am a complete and utter dumbfuck.
SCENARIO B:
On one essay, they basically wanted you to take either an ultra-liberal viewpoint, or an ultra-conservative viewpoint, stand behind it, and explain your reasoning. Myself, being a diehard moderate, chose the latter choice, thinking I would pretend to be my father and my essay would run smoothly. So the scenario is that a facist liberal took hold of my innocent paper and butchered it with their unholy hand.
I'd rather go with scenario B. Either way, I am a complete and utter failure.
I want to punch every collegeboard person in the FACE.
poop.