(no subject)
OK, life audit time.
Home: Shit. I live with a nazi, her boyfriend and Anthony. I can't even have my mum around for a cup of tea without having to deal with a week's worth of negative fallout over it because the Führer doesn't like her. I apparently have to notify Adolf that I'm having someone come over, even if they're just stopping for twenty minutes on their way to somewhere else. I have to deal with them bitching about me to my boyfriend, bitching about my mother, invasions of privacy, being patronised and constant nagging. I want to have a birthday party, but I can't because I can't have one in my own home and I don't have anywhere else to go. And naturally, the rules they apply to me don't apply to them. I feel like an unwanted guest in my own house.
Work: Possibly even worse than home. The work is amazingly boring but that's not the worst part. The lowlight of this job is the boss, the biggest arsehole on the face of the planet. He expects me to read his mind. I can't ask a simple question without getting a snappish reply. I get called stupid all the time and apparently I have no memory. You know what? My memory used to be great. Then I started working here and was abused about it all the time. Now it's shit. Even when he's wrong about something or he forgets something, it's my fault for not correcting him, even though when I correct him his automatic reaction is that I'm wrong anyway. I get blamed for things I can't control. I never get a word of positive feedback on anything. Occasionally I'm treated to one of his racist/homophobic/sexist rants. He believes work is everything and I should be thinking about work even when I'm at home trying to relax. He actually had the nerve to tell me once to give up netball so I wouldn't be so tired when I come to work in the morning. My other co-worker nags constantly and patronises me, but she's nowhere near as bad as the boss. Really the main problem I have with her is that she eats tuna at her desk and the smell spreads throughout the office, making me feel ill.
Netball: Has ups and downs. Tuesday night team is OK - lovely people, lovely facility, but can be frustrating because of the number of players who throw the ball away every time they get it. Wednesday night team is pretty good, with one exception who might not be coming back anyway. Thursday night team is a completely frustrating team with one or two exceptions, plus I have to wear a bodysuit. Yuck. Saturday afternoon team...I'm undecided. It's a great development pathway for our talented juniors but I feel so old and useless! As far as coaching goes, my U12s drive me nuts already, even though I've only had them for two or three weeks. Nice kids, but some serious work on basic skills is needed, which is hard to do when you can't get them to shut up long enough to hear a drill explained, let alone start actually doing it. My U13s are a really good bunch and I think they'll come together pretty nicely but they often have trouble shutting up as well.
Boyfriend: He's generally pretty good but can be moody at times, which annoys me. Never tells me when he's got a problem but just broods and expects me to guess. Could be a little more perceptive and empathetic but generally he's OK and he can be really nice when he tries. The major problem I have with Anthony at the moment is the smell when he gets in the car after football training. :-P
Family: All good, really. My mum is the person I tell everything and even though she snaps at me when I think I've had an awful game at netball she seems to be generally on my side. Now that I'm an adult and can get on the piss with her we generally get along well. I'm a little worried that I'm starting to turn into her though. :-( Grandma is fine, Dad and the stepfamily are fine, even my brother is generally inoffensive. The problem with the family is that I can't invite any of them to my house for a cup of tea because of Hitler and Göbbels at home.
Finances: Not brilliant, but generally under control. All the bloody netball fees come at once though, and the costs really add up when you play for four teams. I'm still trying to recover from all that but I'm confident that I'll be back on track within a month.
Overall: Positive results in a few areas of the audit are totally overshadowed by extremely negative reviews of the Home and Work categories. Those are the two places where I spend the most time and both of them are stressful and difficult. I feel lost and trapped and I don't know what I can do to get out of it. I can't think straight because I'm so busy trying to predict the next crisis and how I can avert it. Even with Mum, Anthony and others to talk to I feel alone because none of them can really help me. What I would really like is a big wad of cash so I can afford to move out and take a couple of weeks off to find another job. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay in my current job long enough to save enough to move but I have to do something or I'm going to snap. I just don't know what it is that I need to do to change something quickly.
Home: Shit. I live with a nazi, her boyfriend and Anthony. I can't even have my mum around for a cup of tea without having to deal with a week's worth of negative fallout over it because the Führer doesn't like her. I apparently have to notify Adolf that I'm having someone come over, even if they're just stopping for twenty minutes on their way to somewhere else. I have to deal with them bitching about me to my boyfriend, bitching about my mother, invasions of privacy, being patronised and constant nagging. I want to have a birthday party, but I can't because I can't have one in my own home and I don't have anywhere else to go. And naturally, the rules they apply to me don't apply to them. I feel like an unwanted guest in my own house.
Work: Possibly even worse than home. The work is amazingly boring but that's not the worst part. The lowlight of this job is the boss, the biggest arsehole on the face of the planet. He expects me to read his mind. I can't ask a simple question without getting a snappish reply. I get called stupid all the time and apparently I have no memory. You know what? My memory used to be great. Then I started working here and was abused about it all the time. Now it's shit. Even when he's wrong about something or he forgets something, it's my fault for not correcting him, even though when I correct him his automatic reaction is that I'm wrong anyway. I get blamed for things I can't control. I never get a word of positive feedback on anything. Occasionally I'm treated to one of his racist/homophobic/sexist rants. He believes work is everything and I should be thinking about work even when I'm at home trying to relax. He actually had the nerve to tell me once to give up netball so I wouldn't be so tired when I come to work in the morning. My other co-worker nags constantly and patronises me, but she's nowhere near as bad as the boss. Really the main problem I have with her is that she eats tuna at her desk and the smell spreads throughout the office, making me feel ill.
Netball: Has ups and downs. Tuesday night team is OK - lovely people, lovely facility, but can be frustrating because of the number of players who throw the ball away every time they get it. Wednesday night team is pretty good, with one exception who might not be coming back anyway. Thursday night team is a completely frustrating team with one or two exceptions, plus I have to wear a bodysuit. Yuck. Saturday afternoon team...I'm undecided. It's a great development pathway for our talented juniors but I feel so old and useless! As far as coaching goes, my U12s drive me nuts already, even though I've only had them for two or three weeks. Nice kids, but some serious work on basic skills is needed, which is hard to do when you can't get them to shut up long enough to hear a drill explained, let alone start actually doing it. My U13s are a really good bunch and I think they'll come together pretty nicely but they often have trouble shutting up as well.
Boyfriend: He's generally pretty good but can be moody at times, which annoys me. Never tells me when he's got a problem but just broods and expects me to guess. Could be a little more perceptive and empathetic but generally he's OK and he can be really nice when he tries. The major problem I have with Anthony at the moment is the smell when he gets in the car after football training. :-P
Family: All good, really. My mum is the person I tell everything and even though she snaps at me when I think I've had an awful game at netball she seems to be generally on my side. Now that I'm an adult and can get on the piss with her we generally get along well. I'm a little worried that I'm starting to turn into her though. :-( Grandma is fine, Dad and the stepfamily are fine, even my brother is generally inoffensive. The problem with the family is that I can't invite any of them to my house for a cup of tea because of Hitler and Göbbels at home.
Finances: Not brilliant, but generally under control. All the bloody netball fees come at once though, and the costs really add up when you play for four teams. I'm still trying to recover from all that but I'm confident that I'll be back on track within a month.
Overall: Positive results in a few areas of the audit are totally overshadowed by extremely negative reviews of the Home and Work categories. Those are the two places where I spend the most time and both of them are stressful and difficult. I feel lost and trapped and I don't know what I can do to get out of it. I can't think straight because I'm so busy trying to predict the next crisis and how I can avert it. Even with Mum, Anthony and others to talk to I feel alone because none of them can really help me. What I would really like is a big wad of cash so I can afford to move out and take a couple of weeks off to find another job. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay in my current job long enough to save enough to move but I have to do something or I'm going to snap. I just don't know what it is that I need to do to change something quickly.