(no subject)
Have caved in to general LJ pressure and started tagging all my old entries. I really did used to crap on about complete shit, didn't I? Well, I still do, I know. But reading all my old stuff - I really don't like who I was four years ago, and yet in a way I'd like to return to being that person. Seventeen-year-old Elizabeth had plenty of friends, even if she doubted them, and she had interests about which she could get really excited. Now I can't really get enthusiastic about anything, and life is monotonous. I don't like where I am now either. When I look at four-years-ago-me and compare it with now-me, I think that I've come a long way in that time but haven't really improved anything.
Sums it all up that most of my 2001/2002 entries so far fall under the tag 'teenage woe'. When I get into the entries after 21 April, 2004 I'll have to change it to 'twenty-something woe' but the general idea is still there. I can't talk about my feelings without the part of my brain that observes everything I do ridiculing me. It's funny - some people are able to make 'life is shit' posts and not seem like idiots, but I don't have the knack. Which is probably why I avoid making them, no matter how much I want to, until it becomes too much and all comes out at once - and then I reread it, feel mortified and make a follow-up entry saying, "Everyone ignore that last entry." I wonder why I don't just delete them? It feels somehow wrong to delete entries. Consequently, I've never once deleted one, no matter how much I've wanted to. Also, this icon? Notice how I use it when I'm angsting about stuff? I take the piss out of myself with my icon. It makes me feel slightly less of a wanker when I'm having a woe episode.
Anyway, despite all this twenty-something woe, I am now glad that I used to save shitty old MSN conversations, no matter how uninterested in them anyone else is. Some of them are still funny. *g*
Sums it all up that most of my 2001/2002 entries so far fall under the tag 'teenage woe'. When I get into the entries after 21 April, 2004 I'll have to change it to 'twenty-something woe' but the general idea is still there. I can't talk about my feelings without the part of my brain that observes everything I do ridiculing me. It's funny - some people are able to make 'life is shit' posts and not seem like idiots, but I don't have the knack. Which is probably why I avoid making them, no matter how much I want to, until it becomes too much and all comes out at once - and then I reread it, feel mortified and make a follow-up entry saying, "Everyone ignore that last entry." I wonder why I don't just delete them? It feels somehow wrong to delete entries. Consequently, I've never once deleted one, no matter how much I've wanted to. Also, this icon? Notice how I use it when I'm angsting about stuff? I take the piss out of myself with my icon. It makes me feel slightly less of a wanker when I'm having a woe episode.
Anyway, despite all this twenty-something woe, I am now glad that I used to save shitty old MSN conversations, no matter how uninterested in them anyone else is. Some of them are still funny. *g*