blog #7: time lapse/ insanity
Mixed thoughts and emotions fill me as I sit and stare blankly at the nothingness. I am physically here yet my mind is wandering elsewhere. It is the end of my 1st semester in college. Time seemed to have passed me by without my noticing yet again. At this rate, i will probably graduate and grow old so fast i wouldn't remember what happened. As cliched as it may sound, it seems just like yesterday... my mind goes way back to enrollment, to the 1st few days(orsem etc.), 1st weeks of classes, and i keep asking, "why the fuck does time pass so quickly?", but of course i keep ending up with a blank answer. i don't remember so clearly what happened between enrollment and today. it seems like i just woke up from a deep sleep. everything is a blur. where has my time gone? again, a blank answer...maybe im losing my mind. or maybe im already insane. im caught between two evils. one part of me is so tired and wants to have a break from everything. i want a break from everything. im so fuckin tired. the other part does not want to go have a break. why? because i somehow like going to school learning some new stuff and hanging out with friends every fuckin day of my life instead of bumming out at home. i somwhow prefer doing something productive and making my mind work instead of switching my system off during break. im thinking i can't bum out for 30 days but thats probably what I'll do. and when i wake up again break is over and 30 days of my life gone once again... im lost. probably going crazy. maybe too much stress. maybe its just lack of sleep. maybe too much coffee. maybe everything put together. I think I will just sleep some more. And who knows what day would tomorrow be. What I would be tomorrow. Where I would be. I'll just sleep some more and hope i wake up and everything is just a dream and I'll be back to yesterday. For now I'll be asleep...and so will this mirror of my mind called my "blog", because for now this will be my last attempt to blog, until the day i will again need to write my thoughts out. For now everything is asleep...