Slightly eerie.
For whatever reason, this evening I decided to spend perusing through old entries here on livejournal. I guess maybe it was because I couldn't remember where I've come from for once, and I really do find that depressing and unnerving and eerie, more than anything. For instance, I can't remember why I stopped posting on here, why I stopped writing at all. It's made me lose my mind, more than anything else and I feel like I can't think straight. Also, while reading through, I wondered why so many people have lost touch with me. It's incredible how one day someone can go from being everywhere in your life to nowhere. I can barely remember the names of people I used to communicate with on here, but I used to view them as friends, they understood me. The other night I went out with Sheridan for the last time before she moves to Florida, and saying goodbye brought me nearly to tears.. In the past year since I've moved, sure, I've met people. But I can genuinely say she was my only true friend down here, she got me through rough days at work, and really made me feel like I had someone I could count on.
Maybe it's the change of location that has me feeling so dislocated.
Maybe it's laying here awake at night, wishing you'd call, or reappear and say this "whole year" is a joke. But I know that won't happen. In dreams, perhaps, but that's not reality.
And the reality is I'm a thousand miles from anything I know to be guaranteed and true, and several thousand from you.
So I'll lay here in wait, and pretend this is all an illusion; pray that you're safe. Warm. Comforted. And that you know - You are never alone. Sometimes, I think it helps just to say that. Just to let someone know, no matter how alone they feel, you are always there with them. I guess I could use that right about now.
Maybe it's the change of location that has me feeling so dislocated.
Maybe it's laying here awake at night, wishing you'd call, or reappear and say this "whole year" is a joke. But I know that won't happen. In dreams, perhaps, but that's not reality.
And the reality is I'm a thousand miles from anything I know to be guaranteed and true, and several thousand from you.
So I'll lay here in wait, and pretend this is all an illusion; pray that you're safe. Warm. Comforted. And that you know - You are never alone. Sometimes, I think it helps just to say that. Just to let someone know, no matter how alone they feel, you are always there with them. I guess I could use that right about now.