I was lying in the grass of Sunday morning just last week/ Indulging in my self-defeat
This was a crappy weekend. My parents found the speeding ticket i got on Tuesday and was honestly going to tell them about but i just hadn't gotten around to yet, and they flipped out and placed me under house arrest for the entire weekend, and then acted all mad and grr and whatnot whenever we crossed paths, which was way more than normal cause i couldn't leave the house. seriously, keeping me home is more of a punishment for them than me, cause then i'm underfoot all the time, and i'm all pissed off and yelling. actually, it's a pretty crappy punishment for me too. personally, i think space and apartness are absolutely necessary for maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship, otherwise we just get in each other's way and piss each other off thouroughly and generally augment an already bad situation. if i were allowed to go out and vent and let off steam or whatever, then by the time i came home i would be calm and relaxed and in a good mood and ready to discuss my many failings rationally without getting all defensive and yelling and my head exploding. damn, i should write a child-rearing book. honestly though, it makes perfect sense.
so yeah, needless to say, i was in a really shitty mood last night, and then amelia called to inform me that this kid mike asked her out, and she said yes, and he's the hottest kid she's ever seen, and so on and so forth, ad nauseum, and i didn't want to burst her bubble or anything, so i didn't bother to tell her that you can't gush about a new boyfriend to your lonely, single friends, because it will only confirm their fears that they're never going to find anyone, and they'll end up dying alone and unloved in a house full of cats. and then i was all mad at myself because it's like, "shut the hell up, why can't you just be happy for your friend instead of being jealous and bitter, does everything have to be about you always?" and of course the answer's yes. And then i started feeling all sorry for myself and missing steve, and i was like, "you broke up with him, idiot! and he has a girlfriend now anyway, so it's too late for anything of that sort." and then i was all set to ask rob to the prom, and then he signs offline and doesn't sign back on, which was just frustrating and disappointing.(i had the opportunity to ask him in english today, but i'm just chickenshit, and i didn't.) and so yeah, i was actually looking forward to school today, only because it would serve to break the monotony and misery of my weekend. and i don't actually know if i'm even allowed to use my car yet, but i took it this morning anyway, and so far there haven't been any reprocussions, but that could be because my parents aren't home yet. which reminds me, i need to get gas. which reminds me, i have no money. which reminds me, i start working at exit next week, definately not soon enough, cause i won't get paid for another two weeks, and i need gas now. and seventy dollar prom shoes. and money for the physics trip. and probably a crapload of other stuff. bleh.
off to walk the dog. and then write a feature about crap, and probably have more a.d.d. with the lj.
so yeah, needless to say, i was in a really shitty mood last night, and then amelia called to inform me that this kid mike asked her out, and she said yes, and he's the hottest kid she's ever seen, and so on and so forth, ad nauseum, and i didn't want to burst her bubble or anything, so i didn't bother to tell her that you can't gush about a new boyfriend to your lonely, single friends, because it will only confirm their fears that they're never going to find anyone, and they'll end up dying alone and unloved in a house full of cats. and then i was all mad at myself because it's like, "shut the hell up, why can't you just be happy for your friend instead of being jealous and bitter, does everything have to be about you always?" and of course the answer's yes. And then i started feeling all sorry for myself and missing steve, and i was like, "you broke up with him, idiot! and he has a girlfriend now anyway, so it's too late for anything of that sort." and then i was all set to ask rob to the prom, and then he signs offline and doesn't sign back on, which was just frustrating and disappointing.(i had the opportunity to ask him in english today, but i'm just chickenshit, and i didn't.) and so yeah, i was actually looking forward to school today, only because it would serve to break the monotony and misery of my weekend. and i don't actually know if i'm even allowed to use my car yet, but i took it this morning anyway, and so far there haven't been any reprocussions, but that could be because my parents aren't home yet. which reminds me, i need to get gas. which reminds me, i have no money. which reminds me, i start working at exit next week, definately not soon enough, cause i won't get paid for another two weeks, and i need gas now. and seventy dollar prom shoes. and money for the physics trip. and probably a crapload of other stuff. bleh.
off to walk the dog. and then write a feature about crap, and probably have more a.d.d. with the lj.