The Inevitable
It's been a while since I first started writing on LJ as
c0g013, a month and change short of five years in fact. I remember when I started out, LJ was basically a means for me to get out of my writing rut. Five years ago, I thought I had been scared out of writing by the competition in college. There were just so many good writers in my classes and I thought that I couldn't compare. I thought that LJ would help me regain the confidence and comfort that I used to have with writing. I had a written journal before that and I wasn't writing in it enough. I thought that maybe having an audience would change that. I thought that if I was a part of a community that wrote and read each others entries, I would be inspired to keep on writing. I was reading back on my first couple of entries a while ago and it seemed like I still had the same issues that I had back then. Indiefilipino was just starting up and I was plagued by my seemingly insurmountable inability to just sit down and write.
While I have written a lot since then, most of my writing has found its way here and it does make me sad when I think of it. The last poems I wrote were written around 2002-2003. It's been five years and I still haven't gotten around to finishing any of the stories that I've started.
Aside from the stuff I wrote for the album, I haven't really been happy with anything I've written in quite a while. I wasn't even completely happy with the articles I came up with for the Amp magazine and I haven't written an entry that I liked for more than a year.
While I have met a lot of friends and shared a lot of my experiences with a lot of the people here on LJ, I think that it's time for me to quit this whole thing. This just isn't serving its purpose anymore. I feel like I'm right where I started back then and I'm actually convinced that I'm not even as good a writer as I used to be. Aside from that, this has been my main output for a lot of my problems in the past five years and I think that to a certain extent that has prevented me from actually talking and communicating with people face to face. I have been talking about myself less and sometimes I don't because I figure that people have already heard what I've had to say through LJ. I've also noticed that in the past couple of months, this hasn't been that much of an output for me anymore. Aside from socializing and talking about how drunk I was over whichever past weekend, nothing substantial has come out of these pages for some time.
I did want to slip away unnoticed but if I just stopped making entries, I probably would come back to it anyway. As for journal writing, I'm going back to the notebooks. I've had the perfect notebook for it for some time now. I haven't used it in over a year and I've been meaning to start again. I'm also not deleting both of my journals because I they're good things to look back at. I'm also probably going to keep on reading your entries anyway. Though not as often hopefully. I'm also probably going to post stuff on both journals just to promote shit. You can still find me everywhere else. I'll still be on Multiply, Last.FM and whatever, though not as a blogger. Not in this sense anyway. If I ever I start blogging or writing online again it will be with more serious stuff and it will probably have something to do with music. I've planned to do something like that for years now. I have in fact planned too many things and not followed up on most of them. This is probably my way of symbolically acknowledging all of that.
Thanks to everyone who's been around for the past five years or so. It's been enjoyable sharing my life with all of you. I also hope that it doesn't just stop there. Talk to me outside of LJ and I'd be glad to actually talk to you one on one... or maybe even face to face like we all used to do before.
c0g013, a month and change short of five years in fact. I remember when I started out, LJ was basically a means for me to get out of my writing rut. Five years ago, I thought I had been scared out of writing by the competition in college. There were just so many good writers in my classes and I thought that I couldn't compare. I thought that LJ would help me regain the confidence and comfort that I used to have with writing. I had a written journal before that and I wasn't writing in it enough. I thought that maybe having an audience would change that. I thought that if I was a part of a community that wrote and read each others entries, I would be inspired to keep on writing. I was reading back on my first couple of entries a while ago and it seemed like I still had the same issues that I had back then. Indiefilipino was just starting up and I was plagued by my seemingly insurmountable inability to just sit down and write.
While I have written a lot since then, most of my writing has found its way here and it does make me sad when I think of it. The last poems I wrote were written around 2002-2003. It's been five years and I still haven't gotten around to finishing any of the stories that I've started.
Aside from the stuff I wrote for the album, I haven't really been happy with anything I've written in quite a while. I wasn't even completely happy with the articles I came up with for the Amp magazine and I haven't written an entry that I liked for more than a year.
While I have met a lot of friends and shared a lot of my experiences with a lot of the people here on LJ, I think that it's time for me to quit this whole thing. This just isn't serving its purpose anymore. I feel like I'm right where I started back then and I'm actually convinced that I'm not even as good a writer as I used to be. Aside from that, this has been my main output for a lot of my problems in the past five years and I think that to a certain extent that has prevented me from actually talking and communicating with people face to face. I have been talking about myself less and sometimes I don't because I figure that people have already heard what I've had to say through LJ. I've also noticed that in the past couple of months, this hasn't been that much of an output for me anymore. Aside from socializing and talking about how drunk I was over whichever past weekend, nothing substantial has come out of these pages for some time.
I did want to slip away unnoticed but if I just stopped making entries, I probably would come back to it anyway. As for journal writing, I'm going back to the notebooks. I've had the perfect notebook for it for some time now. I haven't used it in over a year and I've been meaning to start again. I'm also not deleting both of my journals because I they're good things to look back at. I'm also probably going to keep on reading your entries anyway. Though not as often hopefully. I'm also probably going to post stuff on both journals just to promote shit. You can still find me everywhere else. I'll still be on Multiply, Last.FM and whatever, though not as a blogger. Not in this sense anyway. If I ever I start blogging or writing online again it will be with more serious stuff and it will probably have something to do with music. I've planned to do something like that for years now. I have in fact planned too many things and not followed up on most of them. This is probably my way of symbolically acknowledging all of that.
Thanks to everyone who's been around for the past five years or so. It's been enjoyable sharing my life with all of you. I also hope that it doesn't just stop there. Talk to me outside of LJ and I'd be glad to actually talk to you one on one... or maybe even face to face like we all used to do before.