(no subject)

[c0lleen_]

I’m sorry I’m quiet
and talk too much
I’m sorry my silence
hurts you like a knife
through your heart

I’m sorry my love isn’t
seen or heard
I’m sorry I don’t know
how to love the way
that I should

I’m sorry that I scream
and rant, it’s the only
way to be heard over the
silence that consumes me
that overruns my life to

the point where I can’t
sleep at night or wake
in the morning
the fact that I have so much
to say and cannot let it out

because the silence has become
such a part of who I am
that to change would be
to open the pain and self-hatred
that I have kept bottled up

for so long that if I
let go it might kill
the false me that everyone
knows and loves
ending my meaningless existence

so I will live with that
wall of silence I have created
which is slowly
and silently
Killing me.