I like your sleeves. Totally.
After a break in a few plans all I have today is christmas. But the much celebrated holiday is losing its appeal to me. I have no clue why. It feels stale and I've lost some sort of taste for it. Besides giving presents, its just another land-mark to sophomore year. And, of course, I'll be seeing family. Maybe some that I really don't want to see, but there's no choice there.
I've spent a lot of time with Ana the past week. I didn't actually have much in the way of plans anyway. I suppose we're in the same sorts of situations at the moment. We talked about a few things, stuff that I'm never really sure that I could talk to some people about. Or at least, feel that they can relate. Maybe, but I'm not sure. Perhaps it's my fault because I didn't ever really try to talk about it. Friendships can be so rocky sometimes though and at times I feel that you have to sacrifice something to keep it stable or keep something back so that it can simply remain.
I'm tired of these people on TV. I can't imagine how some people can be so conceited and vain. Most of them spend half of their lives saying "I'm so hot" or "he doesn't deserve someone like me". Then again, I could list a few people I know who do just exactly that. It not only disgusts me, but saddens me. They'll always live like that. ALWAYS. No real person is going to ever respect them or look up to them for being purely who they are. I think that if perhaps I can break that wall, they'll change. It'd take more than my will to do that though, I'm sure of it. I'm sick of these people who are so stuck in their ways to realize that time isn't killing them, they're doing it themselves. Live your life in a ditch and you'll never see genuine beauty. All because you're scared. Too scared to take a leap of faith and give life a chance. Rain will fill up, you'll drown in your ditch. That's how it goes.
I watched Napoleon Dynamite for the second time today. I kind of wished I had watched Breakfast at Tiffany's a second time too, but I couldn't for some reason. Maybe I was afraid it would be worse a second time. Things always tend to be for me. I'll remember a movie or thing as being so great, but then when I watch it or go back, something changed. It could have been the situation, but I'm sure it's me. I wonder if, with each new thing you learn, a part of you changes. Your personality has a small shift. Some call that knowledge. It's supposedly a good thing, because we're all searching for a truth. With truth comes an emotion. You learn that your boyfriend cheated on you, you become sad. You learn that you're getting a good job or the lead role in a play, you become happy or anxious. In that way, I think knowledge is both good and bad, not like you didn't think that already. As well as searching for the truth, we're searching for contentment. Emotion is linked to that. So by gaining the knowledge we were looking for, we may have lost the contentment we so desperately wanted. As the world continues to advance, are we losing a stable emotion that we once had? The two things that are important for us to seek are in a way, complete opposites. Gaining one, you may lose another. It's weird for me to think about, like many other things.
I thought about my plans for a music video today and decided that I needed to revise them. That, and many other things that I should probably revise. My story, which isn't going much of anywhere at the moment. I'm having a tough time filling in the in-betweens. No one I know seems to care much about writing anyway. Well, a few select people, but besides that. I know where I want it to go, but it doesn't feel like I want it to. Like genuine thoughts from an interesting person. Maybe I need to just hire someone to write it because I obviously can't. My characters are bland besides the few quirks that I added. They're dumb characteristics anyhow because I once had inspiration and creativity but lost it. No one cares to hear about this. I don't even know why I'm typing anymore.
I think the thought that possibly it matters is there. In any case, I'm dropping this for today.
C'est la vie j'ai laissé à la trouvaille quelque chose plus.
I've spent a lot of time with Ana the past week. I didn't actually have much in the way of plans anyway. I suppose we're in the same sorts of situations at the moment. We talked about a few things, stuff that I'm never really sure that I could talk to some people about. Or at least, feel that they can relate. Maybe, but I'm not sure. Perhaps it's my fault because I didn't ever really try to talk about it. Friendships can be so rocky sometimes though and at times I feel that you have to sacrifice something to keep it stable or keep something back so that it can simply remain.
I'm tired of these people on TV. I can't imagine how some people can be so conceited and vain. Most of them spend half of their lives saying "I'm so hot" or "he doesn't deserve someone like me". Then again, I could list a few people I know who do just exactly that. It not only disgusts me, but saddens me. They'll always live like that. ALWAYS. No real person is going to ever respect them or look up to them for being purely who they are. I think that if perhaps I can break that wall, they'll change. It'd take more than my will to do that though, I'm sure of it. I'm sick of these people who are so stuck in their ways to realize that time isn't killing them, they're doing it themselves. Live your life in a ditch and you'll never see genuine beauty. All because you're scared. Too scared to take a leap of faith and give life a chance. Rain will fill up, you'll drown in your ditch. That's how it goes.
I watched Napoleon Dynamite for the second time today. I kind of wished I had watched Breakfast at Tiffany's a second time too, but I couldn't for some reason. Maybe I was afraid it would be worse a second time. Things always tend to be for me. I'll remember a movie or thing as being so great, but then when I watch it or go back, something changed. It could have been the situation, but I'm sure it's me. I wonder if, with each new thing you learn, a part of you changes. Your personality has a small shift. Some call that knowledge. It's supposedly a good thing, because we're all searching for a truth. With truth comes an emotion. You learn that your boyfriend cheated on you, you become sad. You learn that you're getting a good job or the lead role in a play, you become happy or anxious. In that way, I think knowledge is both good and bad, not like you didn't think that already. As well as searching for the truth, we're searching for contentment. Emotion is linked to that. So by gaining the knowledge we were looking for, we may have lost the contentment we so desperately wanted. As the world continues to advance, are we losing a stable emotion that we once had? The two things that are important for us to seek are in a way, complete opposites. Gaining one, you may lose another. It's weird for me to think about, like many other things.
I thought about my plans for a music video today and decided that I needed to revise them. That, and many other things that I should probably revise. My story, which isn't going much of anywhere at the moment. I'm having a tough time filling in the in-betweens. No one I know seems to care much about writing anyway. Well, a few select people, but besides that. I know where I want it to go, but it doesn't feel like I want it to. Like genuine thoughts from an interesting person. Maybe I need to just hire someone to write it because I obviously can't. My characters are bland besides the few quirks that I added. They're dumb characteristics anyhow because I once had inspiration and creativity but lost it. No one cares to hear about this. I don't even know why I'm typing anymore.
I think the thought that possibly it matters is there. In any case, I'm dropping this for today.
C'est la vie j'ai laissé à la trouvaille quelque chose plus.