volo non ire
Friday, February 20, 2004
I only feel truly at peace in church. I think it is being so close to the tabernacle, to Him, the real presence.
However, the longer time between being at church, the easier it is not to go.
Last semester stress drove me to mass twice a week. In the summer I went every Tuesday at least. And now?
I still go on Sunday, but…
It feels strange, empty, to go only once a week. I could go in the early morning, before school. But I don't.
It's not just mass I miss, it's time to meditate. There is simply no time.
No time to just be still.
I like praying evening prayer in the cathedral after C&C. I liked praying it Tuesday night in the summer. I was usually the youngest person there, though occaisonally junior high kids would come with the parents.
I miss those summer evening masses. The heat of the day is finally dying down, and Fr Kaz is constantly griping about how it's as hot as hell outside (or maybe just purgatory).
*
so many Christians look forward to death, to the second coming, to an end to this world. I am not one of these.
The idea of departing this world for a new one does not excite me. I have always preferred to stick to what I know. and while my ending hope is heaven, I do not wish to be there now.
Yes, my soul longs for the eventual meeting, to see all who have passed before me, and to spend eternity with the ones I love most.
There is so much more that I want to experience and learn before I go though. I want to go…just not now. I am happy here.
Ask me another day, however, and the answer may change. Today just does not seem so burdensome.
I only feel truly at peace in church. I think it is being so close to the tabernacle, to Him, the real presence.
However, the longer time between being at church, the easier it is not to go.
Last semester stress drove me to mass twice a week. In the summer I went every Tuesday at least. And now?
I still go on Sunday, but…
It feels strange, empty, to go only once a week. I could go in the early morning, before school. But I don't.
It's not just mass I miss, it's time to meditate. There is simply no time.
No time to just be still.
I like praying evening prayer in the cathedral after C&C. I liked praying it Tuesday night in the summer. I was usually the youngest person there, though occaisonally junior high kids would come with the parents.
I miss those summer evening masses. The heat of the day is finally dying down, and Fr Kaz is constantly griping about how it's as hot as hell outside (or maybe just purgatory).
*
so many Christians look forward to death, to the second coming, to an end to this world. I am not one of these.
The idea of departing this world for a new one does not excite me. I have always preferred to stick to what I know. and while my ending hope is heaven, I do not wish to be there now.
Yes, my soul longs for the eventual meeting, to see all who have passed before me, and to spend eternity with the ones I love most.
There is so much more that I want to experience and learn before I go though. I want to go…just not now. I am happy here.
Ask me another day, however, and the answer may change. Today just does not seem so burdensome.