can you help me do this; burn down the final wall?
I've been meaning to write up my feelings on the lawsuit for a WHILE now. >.> But -- well, as you can probably guess...I'm slow. x____x;;;
Like I say towards the end of this long-ass ramble (LOL), this is only my opinion and nothing more. :']] And I certainly don't expect every person in this universe to agree with all my points here...only to hear me out just for a moment. ♥ Please and thank you are the magic words? :DD
Massive amounts of love to all the fellow fans on my f-list if you read this -- and extra cookies for you if you take the time to read this. ^^ It is LONG, though, (and exceptionally incoherent as well ><), I warn you in advance~...!
These past months, it feels like I’m in the middle of the ocean on a small sailboat.
It’s quiet and I’m thankful for that. But at the same time, the silence makes me anxious. All the more, this lack of sound - of reassurances, of understanding, of music - may be the only thing that I miss from what’s on the shore. Of course, I have the songs in my head to keep me company.
But it’s not the same.
I know that much and the thought of losing them
does little to soothe my fears.
Riding on the waves thanks to a light breeze, the sky above me is dyed a beautiful clear blue. But this lovely sight is marred by the promise of rain, charcoal gray clouds spread across the heavens like the hovering doubt upon my restless heart. It makes me think about all the things that I’ve tried so hard to forget, to press forward against despite the amount of strain it puts on my emotions.
Except I feel too much.
And I feel the void from “not knowing” now more than ever.
But the impending storm and the rain that comes with it…
I want to welcome it with my hands outstretched.
Because the water that comes will surely bring forth a swell in the waves again - picking my sailboat up with it and cleansing my parched throat and weary heart.
Because the rain may be enough to drench these seeds of doubt buried deep in my chest, unlocking their potential to become flowers - blooming not by the pelting drops of betrayal and sadness but to the gentle rhythm of eternal optimism and strength.
Because, once the storm has passed at last, the night sky will glimmer in its full glory once more, the constellations as brilliant as always-
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
-And then,
My favorite constellation,
Cassiopeia,
Will be able to shine
The brightest of them all once more.
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
These days, I’ve started to sow these seeds of doubt and actually use them for something.
I am as much an eternal optimist as ever (always keep the faith), but there is a shred of logic and a pragmatic streak in me yet. Clinging to it as if it is my last resort against the storm, these stubborn thoughts become my umbrella - the only thing keeping the rain from drenching me completely - and remain even when I consider outright tossing them into the sea at long last.
Because if I were to ignore the situation altogether, I would be no better than them,
Like those who have already jumped from their ships,
Surrendering to the lull of the ocean and choosing to give into eternal slumber instead.
Even from my boat,
I can see the angry faces of the ex-Cassiopeians
To those who decided to stay.
Actually, it is not just anger in their eyes. Sadness, fear, panic, betrayal, disbelief - all those emotions are there, and all of them...I can understand them all too well: both the ex-Cassies and the Cassies who have decided to stay.
At first, I felt the exact same way as these fellow supporters of the cause (red balloons tied by red strings to their little bobbing white boats, a lifeline cast out toward the celestial bodies strewn through the sky above) when this whole fiasco began. I was scared, too, selfishly clinging to what seemed like it would become a fragment of a memory soon enough. But now, it’s different.
Now, I’ve come to realize the reason I was staying in the first place.
I had to ask myself many questions before I understood it myself, though.
What am I waiting for?
What am I expecting to happen?
What does the end of this journey mean…
And, when it ends, what will become of this warmth within my heart?
I’m sure these were the same questions many of these helpless passengers asked themselves many, many times before they could find their answer, too. But there is no one single answer that encompasses it all. Every answer is different. Every answer is correct.
There’s no black-and-white answer to the purpose for our journey-
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
-Because
For the five stars of
Cassiopeia to shine brightly once more,
I would wait forever,
Wherever the waves may bring us on this journey.
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
This lawsuit issue has turned many so many fans against each other.
Dissenting opinions run rampant, especially in a fandom as interconnected as ours. In as interconnected a world of information as the Internet is, this is to be expected. Truly, we are bound by the World Wide Web, the most convenient means of communication on a planet like ours, able to share knowledge, precious immaterial things, and culture in the blink of an eye.
But I noticed something curious,
watching all this unfold
from the sidelines.
Isn’t it strange? We get so riled up over our opposing thoughts and viewpoints (so many sides, so many positions; it’s not simply a matter of wrong or right, is it?) that we so easily lose track of our shared goal, our shared passion.
What - or rather, who - we were all brought together for in the first place…
Have we already forgotten that?
I understand this is a touchy subject.
Whenever I hear the word “lawsuit” nowadays, my heart trembles.
I understand how scared fans feel for the group’s future.
We have every right to fear the word “disbandment,” because it implies so much.
I understand how much we want to take sides and blame SME for it all.
There is definitely a problem with the entire K-Pop music industry. I agree.
But I think there is something more immediate
We ought to be concerned about:
A group of five much nearer and dearer to our hearts.
The ones who make us smile when they smile. The ones who make us cry when they cry. The ones who put forth so much effort in everything they do; the ones we support, victorious or defeated, no matter what-
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
Fans of Dong Bang Shin Ki, Tohoshinki, TVXQ…
Whether you associate with Cassiopeia or Bigeast
Or the countless international fan clubs that exist for them…
Please don’t ever forget who we are fighting for,
And the love we all share, the reason we are all here today.
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
It’s been a year since I came into this fandom, and this difficult six-month period has brought to my attention - for the first time in my life - the specimen they call the anti-fan.
Anti-fans. I had never known the likes of anything like them before. Never before had I witnessed their hurtful words and sentiments.
Not in the J-Rock fandom, the TeniMyu fandom, not even in the Johnny’s Entertainment fandom…never in fandoms before this had I even considered the possibility that there were those who actually went out of their way to spread their feelings of dislike. Before this, though, I was also painfully unaware of such activities in fandom that contrasted with the loving adoration of regular fan activities.
And that may have been the reason why I had the hardest time to understand what ex-Cassies and so many other people who aren't even Cassies were thinking as they said such terrible things.
People who said TVXQ “deserved” this for being so “money-hungry” or “greedy.”
People who said TVXQ were indeed destined to be “Gods Falling from the East.”
People who said TVXQ needed to repent to God for their mistakes.
…I’m sorry.
I wasn’t aware you were God himself judging the human race.
Because, in case you forgot, these five are human, too.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t just these spiteful words that led me close to tears as of late.
It seemed the fandom itself was splitting into various factions, as well - divided in part by the “JaeSuChun” supporting side and the “HoMin (+SME)” supporting side - but also by the myriad of personal opinions over whether they supported the group disbanding, not disbanding, or supporting something in between.
Initially, my head was swarming with so many thoughts and questions about the who, what, where, and why of it all. I know many other fans who were stressed, plagued by the same feeling of insecurity not only about the group’s future, but by the way it seemed so many fans were on such high alert and high tension for anything that sounded like it was going against “our boys’” wishes that they would attack ANYONE that sounded like they were spreading “baseless assumptions.”
But the words of some of these "fans" baffled me - how they attacked JaeSuChun for "betraying their brothers" and being "selfish, greedy bastards" who were only concerned about money and individual fame, how they attacked HoMin for being "cowards" and "puppets" for staying with SME, how they outright decided to "f___ this s___" and threaten to leave the fandom simply because the fans were "ruining it" for them by "always keep[ing] the faith."
It’s understandable that we’re all on high alert and high tension right now. I know that. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion as well. I know that, too.
But please...to the fans that have stayed, I urge you of this much: please think about what you're saying before you say it. To behave like this and make claims without without hesitation…to call out other people on THEIR opinions and claim your word is absolute...to bash other fandoms when they too are proud of their idols (just like we were once, just like we still are, and just like we always should be) and say that their beloved group will never match up to TVXQ......
Saying those sorts of things
makes us no better than those anti-fans
That criticize “our boys” or us for loving them.
I’m not asking anyone to “let it slide” or ignore things that you feel upset about if you really don’t want to.
But we have to be sure we don’t get defensive for the wrong reasons.
Otherwise, how can we truly listen to each other’s hearts -
hearts that are all connected by loving TVXQ?
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
-But that’s just how I feel right now.
And I’m not asking you to agree with me.
Only to listen.
(Please understand…
That alone would be enough for me.)
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
In writing this, I’ve finally discovered what my stance on the entire lawsuit business was.
Earlier, I described the journey of these past months like being trapped on a little sailboat at sea - plagued by a lingering sense of wanderlust (for what? Even I couldn’t tell you that much) and a wistful sense of melancholy through it all. I watched the other sailboats holding other fans drifting away from me, further and further, until I couldn’t see them anymore as they disappeared into the horizon of the stormy skies above us.
I doubt I need to explain what the storm was a metaphor for.
For me, this isn’t simply a matter of
black and white,
wrong or right,
or JaeSuChun’s side or HoMin’s side of things.
(Then again,
it isn’t a matter of
an unseen gray area, either.)
For me, it isn’t that I want them to
disband or not disband
because I think they’ll be happier that way
or because I selfishly wished for such a thing.
(Then again,
it’s not that
I’m not hoping for the latter, either.)
Personally, I don’t see this ending anytime soon
although technically
we’ve reached the “eye” of the storm.
(Then what does the rest of the storm look like?
That, as they say,
is all up to Fate’s good hand.)
Personally, I don’t believe
Yunho and Changmin were really against JaeSuChun’s decision
to break away from SME’s “slave contracts.”
(If they were really intent on leaving the group -
in not supporting the other three at all -
don’t you think they could have said so already?
Don’t you think they would have already stated their opinion IN PERSON,
rather than through a statement issued through SM?
Of course, because of that same sketchy statement,
there’s no way they can say anything right now to go against it.
And I respect their silence, in a way.
Because sometimes, silence speaks much louder than words ever could.)
I love Kim “Xiah” Junsu.
I love Park “Micky” Yoochun.
I love Kim “Hero” Jaejoong.
I love Shim “Max” Changmin.
I love Jung “U-Know” Yunho.
For me, TVXQ is a group I cannot ever abandon.
So…
Because of that, I’ve decided to stay.
No matter how painful or long the wait may be until this situation comes to its conclusion.
(The waves may beckon me into the dark abyss of the ocean floor, but I won’t give in;
Always Keep The Faith, because they are the one, eternally.)
Because of that, I choose to stand by 5 -
Individually or as a group, I will love them and support them no matter what.
(Hope for the best - hope to the end - and anticipate the worst is what I say;
A song by these guys will outlive all sermons in the memory.)
Because of that, I will continue to believe in them-
*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*～♪ ～*
-Because,
As long as my heart
Calls out for them,
The five stars of Cassiopeia will always shine the brightest
Now and forever.