EC + J fic -- Resolution -- Prompt 95, New Year
Title: Resolution
By: Jessica
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: Eric Delko/Calleigh Duquesne
Prompt: #95 - New Year
Word Count: 2109
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Serious Eric angst. Not for enemies of Jake, heh.
New Year's Eve. It's a night of celebration; a night of letting go of the old, and embracing the new. But on this night of celebration, Eric Delko stands along the wall, unintentionally hiding in the shadows. He isn't trying to hide from anybody, but he makes no effort to make himself stand out either. Tonight he just wants to be left alone. He doesn't even know why he came to this party tonight.
Were this any other year, Eric might be out there with all the rest of his coworkers, enjoying the party, indulging in some celebratory champagne, dancing with a pretty girl. In any other year, he wouldn't be slinking near the doorway, just itching for midnight to arrive so he can make his quiet retreat.
But this isn't any other year. For Eric, this is a year that can't end soon enough. Being sued, being shot in the head, losing parts of his memory…all of it served to dampen what might've been a decent year. But his anger over being sued has faded; most of the pain in his head has faded. He's even regained much of the memory he's lost.
The one ache that hasn't faded is the ache he feels everyday within his heart. As if everything else wasn't enough, this year had to be the year that Eric fell in love.
She's so happy tonight, the beautiful, bubbly Calleigh from years past making its way out of that shell of hers. This year's been rough for her too, but she at least appears as though she's left it behind, in the past where it should stay. She is different at work; she's adopted a more serious demeanor from the Calleigh that Eric had met so many years ago, but tonight, that seriousness is gone. Tonight, Calleigh is all smiles. Tonight, she looks radiant.
Her beauty demands his attention completely. Nothing else in the room is worth looking at; nothing else is worth Eric's attention. Tonight, his eyes belong only to her, but it's a one-way exchange, because her eyes belong completely to another.
He's watched her for all of the night, from the solitude of his place in the shadows, lingering by the doorway. There's only a very slim chance that she's actually noticed his presence there tonight. Eric knows all too well that there's just something about love that makes one oblivious to all but their beloved.
And Eric, however badly he wants to be, isn't her beloved. He's played the part of the best friend, the concerned coworker, the bitter eavesdropper, her late night shoulder to lean on, and the indifferent bystander, but the part of Calleigh's beloved isn't a role that was ever destined to be his.
It's a role destined to somebody more confident than Eric; somebody not afraid to take chances. Somebody who doesn't hesitate; somebody who takes what he wants, instead of sitting back and waiting to see what happens.
Jake Berkeley took the chance. He went for what he wanted, and tonight, he's the one dancing with Calleigh. Tonight, he's the one who gets to hold Calleigh in his arms, hear her as she laughs. Jake is the one who gets to feel the softness of her lips against his own when she kisses him.
But that isn't what hurts Eric the most.
She's beautiful tonight, somehow less guarded, and each of her feelings shines through in her eyes, in her smile. Eric can see the very depth of those feelings tonight, and what hurts the most is that none of those feelings are meant for him. None of them.
If he's honest with himself, it's a fact he's known for a while. It's never been more apparent than it is tonight, though, and even if he were still living in his fantasy world, Eric wouldn't be able to deny that truth anymore, not after tonight.
Eric knows that she's in love with Jake. He knows she probably always has been. He sees it in her eyes when she looks at him, when she talks about him, when she thinks about him. The smile that sneaks across her lips, the sparkle that infuses her eyes, the light tint that colors her cheeks - Eric knows each one of them all too well. Just for once, he wishes his name would make her smile like that; he wishes his presence would make her eyes sparkle and her accent lilt upward. Just once, Eric wishes he could be on the receiving end of Calleigh's affections.
But he's just a friend. Eric is only the friend, and Jake is the man who holds her heart.
Life is always just so cruel to him. Everything he could possibly want is always held tauntingly just outside his grasp.
Eric watches in silence as Jake twirls her out on the dancefloor, pulling the sweetest sounding giggle from her rosy lips. It's an addicting sound; always leaving Eric wanting more. Sometimes he wonders just how sweet it would be to hear her giggle as she lay beside him, her vanilla scented hair splayed out over his pillows, her scent forever imprinted on his sheets.
He allows his mind to wander a bit further than he should, allowing himself to imagine the taste of her lips as he kisses her, the softness of her skin as his hands wander, feeling as she trembles beneath his touch. He imagines the sighs and murmurs that fall from her lips as his own lips trace the path his hands had previously traveled. It's such an exquisite fantasy, and Eric finds it nearly impossible not to lose himself completely within it.
He knows it will forever remain just that - a fantasy.
He watches as Calleigh slowly falls under Jake's spell, her entire being aware of nothing but the place and time she shares with him. She holds onto him tightly, ever reluctant to let go. It's a spell that Eric wishes desperately he could break. Can't she see that he's not good for her? He's hurt her before; how can she trust him not to do it again?
But for some reason, she does. Calleigh does trust Jake, and for the life of him, Eric cannot figure out why. He wonders if Jake ever realizes just how damn lucky he is. The selfish side of him likes to believe he doesn't; that one day, he'll make some stupid mistake and break Calleigh's heart. Eric doesn't want to see Calleigh hurt, ever, but that selfish side of him can't help but think it would be nice if he were the one there waiting, ready to pick up the pieces when Jake inevitably breaks her heart.
But tonight, Calleigh's feelings aren't the only ones that are on display to the world, and for the first time, Eric sees that maybe he's been wrong all along. What he sees in Jake's eyes, in his smile, is like a blow to Eric's stomach.
In Jake's eyes, Eric sees an exact mirror image of what he sees in Calleigh's eyes. Shining clearly in his eyes is nothing less than complete and utter adoration; the genuine affection, the devotion of a man truly in love.
He does love her.
Eric can almost hear the shards of his heart as they hit the floor, mixing with the very last vestiges of his hope. As long as he looks at her like that, Jake isn't going to hurt Calleigh. As long as he looks at her like that, there is no other woman that would ever catch his eye. As long as Jake gazes so intently at Calleigh like that, Eric doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of ever winning her heart.
His entire being aches for her as the room grows hushed around him. The final seconds of the year begin ticking away, but Eric can't bring himself to join in the countdown. Instead, for the final seconds, his eyes remain locked on Jake and Calleigh, his bitter jealousy getting the best of him.
Six seconds to midnight, and Jake pulls Calleigh close, whispers something in her ear. Eric can't help but give a slight cringe, watching the way Calleigh reacts to Jake's words; wishing instead that she would giggle like that for him, that she would bat her eyelashes like that for him.
Three seconds, and Calleigh's eyes sparkle beautifully, revealing the sheer happiness of a woman in love. To Eric, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing Calleigh in love. But why can't she be in love with him instead? It's a question to which Eric may never know the answer; and if he's honest, he isn't sure he wants the answer.
One second to go, and Jake lays a gentle hand on Calleigh's cheek, his thumb rubbing slow circles over her soft skin. Calleigh smiles, and Eric knows that she's completely lost in Jake's dark eyes. She links the fingers of one hand with the fingers on Jake's free hand, tilting her head slightly as she gazes up at him.
And as the room around them becomes alive with cheers and shouts, Jake murmurs a soft "Happy New Year," to Calleigh, but even from a distance, Eric can see that, with the sincerity in his eyes and the tenderness in the words, Jake might as well have said "I love you."
Though it hurts him immensely, Eric can't tear his eyes away as Jake lowers his head, capturing Calleigh's lips in their first kiss of the new year. He sees as she meets Jake's lips willingly; happily. It isn't forced; it isn't rushed. It's the kind of kiss that Eric wishes he could share with Calleigh; slow, sweet, languid yet still full of passion, of love.
He pulls away slowly, resting his forehead against Calleigh's as her eyes flutter open, the depth of her feelings for him plainly visible. The smile upon her freshly-kissed lips is nothing less than radiant, and even though it's not meant for him, it still sets Eric's heart a-flutter.
Eric wishes he were the one to thread his fingers so gently through Calleigh's soft, golden locks. He wishes he could be the one to gaze so lovingly into her beautiful emerald eyes, losing himself so completely. He wishes he could be the one to hold her late into the night, feeling her snuggle against him as she murmurs the three words he knows he'd give anything to hear from her.
But those are three words that just aren't meant for him, at least, not from Calleigh Duquesne. Her heart belongs only to Jake, and probably always has. With a burst of the most intense heartache he's ever felt, Eric wonders if he would've ever had a fair shot with her. Even if Jake hadn't found his way back to her, would Eric ever have had a chance at Calleigh's entire heart, or would a piece of it, no matter what the circumstances, always belong to Jake?
He can't take this anymore.
He can't keep waiting, just hoping, praying that one day he'll hold Calleigh in his arms. It's not going to happen, not in the way that Eric wants.
She'll never love him like that.
For the sake of his mind, his heart, and his sanity, Eric has to let go. As he watches Calleigh lay her head on Jake's shoulder, her body tightly enveloped in his arms, Eric makes that his New Year's resolution. This year, he doesn't resolve to eat better; he doesn't resolve to go to the gym more often. He doesn't resolve to get organized or spend less time at work.
This year, Eric resolves to let go of Calleigh; to let go of the wonderful fantasy he's built for them over the past year. He has to; he can't keep holding on to the final wisps of an unrealized dream.
One last look he allows himself; one more chance to take in the beauty of her smile, the gentle wave of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes. For one last time, he allows himself to enjoy all the reasons why he fell in love with her in the first place. Committing all the reasons to the deepest part of his memory should he ever want to revisit them, he takes a deep breath and turns away, making his way to the door, ready once and for all to walk away, to let go.
And as he bids farewell to the year's final night, Eric Delko also bids farewell to the love of his life.
By: Jessica
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: Eric Delko/Calleigh Duquesne
Prompt: #95 - New Year
Word Count: 2109
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Serious Eric angst. Not for enemies of Jake, heh.
New Year's Eve. It's a night of celebration; a night of letting go of the old, and embracing the new. But on this night of celebration, Eric Delko stands along the wall, unintentionally hiding in the shadows. He isn't trying to hide from anybody, but he makes no effort to make himself stand out either. Tonight he just wants to be left alone. He doesn't even know why he came to this party tonight.
Were this any other year, Eric might be out there with all the rest of his coworkers, enjoying the party, indulging in some celebratory champagne, dancing with a pretty girl. In any other year, he wouldn't be slinking near the doorway, just itching for midnight to arrive so he can make his quiet retreat.
But this isn't any other year. For Eric, this is a year that can't end soon enough. Being sued, being shot in the head, losing parts of his memory…all of it served to dampen what might've been a decent year. But his anger over being sued has faded; most of the pain in his head has faded. He's even regained much of the memory he's lost.
The one ache that hasn't faded is the ache he feels everyday within his heart. As if everything else wasn't enough, this year had to be the year that Eric fell in love.
She's so happy tonight, the beautiful, bubbly Calleigh from years past making its way out of that shell of hers. This year's been rough for her too, but she at least appears as though she's left it behind, in the past where it should stay. She is different at work; she's adopted a more serious demeanor from the Calleigh that Eric had met so many years ago, but tonight, that seriousness is gone. Tonight, Calleigh is all smiles. Tonight, she looks radiant.
Her beauty demands his attention completely. Nothing else in the room is worth looking at; nothing else is worth Eric's attention. Tonight, his eyes belong only to her, but it's a one-way exchange, because her eyes belong completely to another.
He's watched her for all of the night, from the solitude of his place in the shadows, lingering by the doorway. There's only a very slim chance that she's actually noticed his presence there tonight. Eric knows all too well that there's just something about love that makes one oblivious to all but their beloved.
And Eric, however badly he wants to be, isn't her beloved. He's played the part of the best friend, the concerned coworker, the bitter eavesdropper, her late night shoulder to lean on, and the indifferent bystander, but the part of Calleigh's beloved isn't a role that was ever destined to be his.
It's a role destined to somebody more confident than Eric; somebody not afraid to take chances. Somebody who doesn't hesitate; somebody who takes what he wants, instead of sitting back and waiting to see what happens.
Jake Berkeley took the chance. He went for what he wanted, and tonight, he's the one dancing with Calleigh. Tonight, he's the one who gets to hold Calleigh in his arms, hear her as she laughs. Jake is the one who gets to feel the softness of her lips against his own when she kisses him.
But that isn't what hurts Eric the most.
She's beautiful tonight, somehow less guarded, and each of her feelings shines through in her eyes, in her smile. Eric can see the very depth of those feelings tonight, and what hurts the most is that none of those feelings are meant for him. None of them.
If he's honest with himself, it's a fact he's known for a while. It's never been more apparent than it is tonight, though, and even if he were still living in his fantasy world, Eric wouldn't be able to deny that truth anymore, not after tonight.
Eric knows that she's in love with Jake. He knows she probably always has been. He sees it in her eyes when she looks at him, when she talks about him, when she thinks about him. The smile that sneaks across her lips, the sparkle that infuses her eyes, the light tint that colors her cheeks - Eric knows each one of them all too well. Just for once, he wishes his name would make her smile like that; he wishes his presence would make her eyes sparkle and her accent lilt upward. Just once, Eric wishes he could be on the receiving end of Calleigh's affections.
But he's just a friend. Eric is only the friend, and Jake is the man who holds her heart.
Life is always just so cruel to him. Everything he could possibly want is always held tauntingly just outside his grasp.
Eric watches in silence as Jake twirls her out on the dancefloor, pulling the sweetest sounding giggle from her rosy lips. It's an addicting sound; always leaving Eric wanting more. Sometimes he wonders just how sweet it would be to hear her giggle as she lay beside him, her vanilla scented hair splayed out over his pillows, her scent forever imprinted on his sheets.
He allows his mind to wander a bit further than he should, allowing himself to imagine the taste of her lips as he kisses her, the softness of her skin as his hands wander, feeling as she trembles beneath his touch. He imagines the sighs and murmurs that fall from her lips as his own lips trace the path his hands had previously traveled. It's such an exquisite fantasy, and Eric finds it nearly impossible not to lose himself completely within it.
He knows it will forever remain just that - a fantasy.
He watches as Calleigh slowly falls under Jake's spell, her entire being aware of nothing but the place and time she shares with him. She holds onto him tightly, ever reluctant to let go. It's a spell that Eric wishes desperately he could break. Can't she see that he's not good for her? He's hurt her before; how can she trust him not to do it again?
But for some reason, she does. Calleigh does trust Jake, and for the life of him, Eric cannot figure out why. He wonders if Jake ever realizes just how damn lucky he is. The selfish side of him likes to believe he doesn't; that one day, he'll make some stupid mistake and break Calleigh's heart. Eric doesn't want to see Calleigh hurt, ever, but that selfish side of him can't help but think it would be nice if he were the one there waiting, ready to pick up the pieces when Jake inevitably breaks her heart.
But tonight, Calleigh's feelings aren't the only ones that are on display to the world, and for the first time, Eric sees that maybe he's been wrong all along. What he sees in Jake's eyes, in his smile, is like a blow to Eric's stomach.
In Jake's eyes, Eric sees an exact mirror image of what he sees in Calleigh's eyes. Shining clearly in his eyes is nothing less than complete and utter adoration; the genuine affection, the devotion of a man truly in love.
He does love her.
Eric can almost hear the shards of his heart as they hit the floor, mixing with the very last vestiges of his hope. As long as he looks at her like that, Jake isn't going to hurt Calleigh. As long as he looks at her like that, there is no other woman that would ever catch his eye. As long as Jake gazes so intently at Calleigh like that, Eric doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of ever winning her heart.
His entire being aches for her as the room grows hushed around him. The final seconds of the year begin ticking away, but Eric can't bring himself to join in the countdown. Instead, for the final seconds, his eyes remain locked on Jake and Calleigh, his bitter jealousy getting the best of him.
Six seconds to midnight, and Jake pulls Calleigh close, whispers something in her ear. Eric can't help but give a slight cringe, watching the way Calleigh reacts to Jake's words; wishing instead that she would giggle like that for him, that she would bat her eyelashes like that for him.
Three seconds, and Calleigh's eyes sparkle beautifully, revealing the sheer happiness of a woman in love. To Eric, there is nothing more beautiful than seeing Calleigh in love. But why can't she be in love with him instead? It's a question to which Eric may never know the answer; and if he's honest, he isn't sure he wants the answer.
One second to go, and Jake lays a gentle hand on Calleigh's cheek, his thumb rubbing slow circles over her soft skin. Calleigh smiles, and Eric knows that she's completely lost in Jake's dark eyes. She links the fingers of one hand with the fingers on Jake's free hand, tilting her head slightly as she gazes up at him.
And as the room around them becomes alive with cheers and shouts, Jake murmurs a soft "Happy New Year," to Calleigh, but even from a distance, Eric can see that, with the sincerity in his eyes and the tenderness in the words, Jake might as well have said "I love you."
Though it hurts him immensely, Eric can't tear his eyes away as Jake lowers his head, capturing Calleigh's lips in their first kiss of the new year. He sees as she meets Jake's lips willingly; happily. It isn't forced; it isn't rushed. It's the kind of kiss that Eric wishes he could share with Calleigh; slow, sweet, languid yet still full of passion, of love.
He pulls away slowly, resting his forehead against Calleigh's as her eyes flutter open, the depth of her feelings for him plainly visible. The smile upon her freshly-kissed lips is nothing less than radiant, and even though it's not meant for him, it still sets Eric's heart a-flutter.
Eric wishes he were the one to thread his fingers so gently through Calleigh's soft, golden locks. He wishes he could be the one to gaze so lovingly into her beautiful emerald eyes, losing himself so completely. He wishes he could be the one to hold her late into the night, feeling her snuggle against him as she murmurs the three words he knows he'd give anything to hear from her.
But those are three words that just aren't meant for him, at least, not from Calleigh Duquesne. Her heart belongs only to Jake, and probably always has. With a burst of the most intense heartache he's ever felt, Eric wonders if he would've ever had a fair shot with her. Even if Jake hadn't found his way back to her, would Eric ever have had a chance at Calleigh's entire heart, or would a piece of it, no matter what the circumstances, always belong to Jake?
He can't take this anymore.
He can't keep waiting, just hoping, praying that one day he'll hold Calleigh in his arms. It's not going to happen, not in the way that Eric wants.
She'll never love him like that.
For the sake of his mind, his heart, and his sanity, Eric has to let go. As he watches Calleigh lay her head on Jake's shoulder, her body tightly enveloped in his arms, Eric makes that his New Year's resolution. This year, he doesn't resolve to eat better; he doesn't resolve to go to the gym more often. He doesn't resolve to get organized or spend less time at work.
This year, Eric resolves to let go of Calleigh; to let go of the wonderful fantasy he's built for them over the past year. He has to; he can't keep holding on to the final wisps of an unrealized dream.
One last look he allows himself; one more chance to take in the beauty of her smile, the gentle wave of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes. For one last time, he allows himself to enjoy all the reasons why he fell in love with her in the first place. Committing all the reasons to the deepest part of his memory should he ever want to revisit them, he takes a deep breath and turns away, making his way to the door, ready once and for all to walk away, to let go.
And as he bids farewell to the year's final night, Eric Delko also bids farewell to the love of his life.