Your Biggest Fan - 13/?
Title: Your Biggest Fan
Chapter: 13/?
Fandom: Twilight
By: bythedamned
Rating: NC-17 overall
Chapter Wordcount: 8,488
Genre: AU, Slash
Pairing: Edward/Jasper
Summary: Throughout high school, the shy and over-burdened Edward Masen threw himself into work and raising his baby sister. He's always felt lucky just to be friends with track star Jasper Cullen. Now, he doesn't know if just friends is enough. AH AU Slash.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns, I just play
A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta, elveys_stuff
Jasper and I were seated at the kitchen table without touching. Our chairs were a respectable and non-romantic distance apart as we waited for Esme and Carlisle. I'd heard them come down the stairs, but they seemed to be conferring one last time before they delivered their news - whatever it was.
I fidgeted, I couldn't help it. This was such bad luck, such awful timing. Why had Esme come into his room anyway? Had she heard something from last night? Or maybe Rosalie had seen something before… either thought was equally mortifying. Obviously Esme was mad, but she was usually such a gentle woman that her harsh demeanor had come as a shock. I knew that she was still wound pretty tightly over Rosalie's behavior, and I wondered if her foul mood was specifically for us, or over the woes of parenting in general.
Jasper and I had showered, separately, but I could barely think anything besides 'oh shit.' Even if this family meeting wasn't about us, we had most definitely been caught and would have to face the consequences. I didn't know exactly what we'd looked like to her, but it certainly wasn't 'just friends'.
When Jas had slipped out from beneath me, I'd felt the anxiety starting to rise up. It crept over me like it always did, flaming up from an uneasy knot in my stomach to flush down my arms and legs, making me hot and sweaty. After a minute or so, I was too warm to even lie beneath the covers, and I'd kicked them off in aggravation.
When I'd called out to him, asking what we should do, he poked his head out of the bathroom.
"I don't know," he'd said matter-of-factly. "But we'll do it together."
He didn't say any more, though, which was unusual for him. Despite his outwardly calm façade, I knew that in most cases he would joke about the chaos in my head, and promise it would all be okay.
He didn't, and I noticed.
I tried to remember his words as we sat in the kitchen, not touching or making eye contact. Together.
Esme and Carlisle pulled out their chairs and sat, glancing at each other but staying silent.
It was Jas who spoke up first. "Where's Rose?"
Carlisle clasped his hands on the table and raised one eyebrow. "She spent the night at Lauren's. Do you really want her here for this?"
Well, that had an obvious answer, but no one bothered to say it.
Clearing her throat, Esme began to speak. "Your father and I are very disappointed in you, Jasper. And you too, Edward."
I tensed, turning my focus to the sweaty hands in my lap so I wouldn't have to see the accusation in her eyes as she continued.
"We trusted you both, welcomed Edward into our home unconditionally, and this is how you behave?"
My wet hair hung limply in my face and the panic I'd felt earlier was starting to flare up again. My whole body felt chilled and overheated at the same time. Anxiety was one of those things that never got easier, no matter how long I lived with it, and it was hard to concentrate on Esme's words with all the thoughts running through my bowed head.
How could we have been so careless?
So this family meeting really was about us?
How had she found out anyway?
What would our punishment be? Esme was mad - madder than I'd ever seen her - and from what I could tell Carlisle agreed with her every bit. They were doing their best to put up a unified parental 'angry' front.
Would we be grounded? Forced to sleep apart? Would they ask me to leave?
Oh god, would they tell Jasper to stay away from me?
That thought was nearly suffocating. As intertwined as he and I were, taking him away would be like taking away practically… everything. They couldn't. I would do anything they asked, I'd find someplace - anyplace - else to live if I had to, so long as they still let me see Jasper.
I could feel my pulse pounding in my head, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of worries and emotions.
"Obviously," Esme was saying, her voice clipped and clinical, "there are going to be some changes."
Jas didn't say anything right away, and I couldn't bear to look up as a heavy beat of silence passed over the table. Right as he opened his mouth to speak, though, I beat him to it.
I didn't know what he was going to say, but I figured that if we could at least appease his parents then maybe we wouldn't lose everything. Maybe leaving was the best option - that way we didn't have to rub this in their faces.
"I'm sorry," I choked out.
"Mm hmm. And what are you sorry for?" Esme intoned, sounding like a school matron making a student recount his crimes.
I shook my head, because I didn't know. Everything? Anything? "I'm sorry," I repeated. "I can go. If you want, I can le-"
"No!" Jasper barked so suddenly that my head snapped up. His eyes were on me, a mixture of shock and anger, but he quickly turned to plead with his mother. "Mom, no."
His left arm reached out, settling a hand over mine in my lap. His parents couldn't see that, obviously, but we were sitting far enough apart that he had to hold his arm almost straight out to reach me, making his gesture all the more obvious.
Carlisle had both his hands clasped on the table, tapping his thumbs against each other, and eyed the length of Jasper's arm to where it disappeared below the line of the table.
Finally, he said his first words, tight-lipped though they were. "How long as this been going on?"
"It ha-" I started, but a quick squeeze of Jasper's hand told me to hold that thought.
"A week," he answered truthfully.
"But we've only been dating since yesterday," I chimed in.
"Ahh," Carlisle answered coolly, "so you are dating. There's that, then."
I cringed internally. So much for down-playing it.
Both Carlisle and Esme were watching us like our twitches or breathing patterns would give up our whole story, and it was starting to unnerve me. My sense of unrest still hadn't faded, even with Jasper's hand on mine. I just wanted them to say something - what our punishment was, or what they were thinking. Anything, really.
Jasper must have been feeling skittish too, because his next words were, "What were you doing in my room anyway?"
"The plumber was coming," Esme answered simply.
A plumber? That… wasn't what I expected. What did a plumber have to do with anything?"
I'm sure Jas looked just as confused as I did, because when she explained it was in an even voice, like she knew we'd be unable to find her in the wrong. "One of the pipes burst upstairs. I wanted to warn you boys to get up, before the plumber needed to get in your room."
Honestly, her answer left me a bit flabbergasted. Coming to warn us about a plumber? That just sounded so… mundane, so innocent. I'd been imagining something far more incriminating.
Jas was still on the defensive though. "And, what? Decided our punishment then and there?" It was uncharacteristic for Jasper to be so brusque, but more than anything I was just relieved he was doing the talking.
Esme noticed his tone, though, and bristled in response. "No," she over-enunciated. "I closed the door as fast as I could and came to talk with your father. We decided a family meeting would be best."
"Oh," Jas answered, withering a bit.
If Esme had come in once, while we were still asleep, that meant that not only had she seen us groggy and startled, but she had seen us… cuddling. There was just no denying that I'd slept as absolutely intertwined with Jasper as possible: my face nestled into his neck, my arm wrapped around his bare chest and my foot tucked between his legs. We were exactly what we looked like. Lovers.
Chances were she had slammed the door on her way out, waking us up, though whether that was intentional I had no idea.
Jas seemed to come to the same set of conclusions, because he took a deep breath and straightened his back, as if steeling himself against something.
His eyes darted to me briefly, but I was no help - I had no idea what to say or do.
He never took his hand off mine but made sure to look each of his parents in the eyes. Quietly but determinedly he said, "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."
Esme gasped softly, and I did too.
Gay.
No one had said that word yet, but there it was. Gay. Jesus, who knew he was going to make such a declaration?
That wasn't just a casual thing to say - it's not as if you could label and unlabel yourself on a whim. He must have thought about it, for who knows how long, and come to that conclusion.
Jasper was gay, and he knew it.
Did that mean I was? Did dating a gay guy make me one too? I had no idea, and my head spun as I realized this was something I needed to think about. I suddenly felt like I was supposed to pick a label, but I wasn't really sure which one to grab at. It was one thing to know how I felt about Jasper, but another thing altogether to make such a bold statement about all men ever.
The silence that enveloped us was overwhelming until Esme whispered, "Oh Jas. Honey." Her expression changed to a mixture of compassion and sadness. Carlisle nodded stoically.
Belated, I realized that this was a really big step in Jasper's life. I mean, holy crap, he had just come out of the closet… to his parents.
I hadn't even thought about closets yet.
I flipped the hand that was under his so that they were palm to palm and gave him a little squeeze of reassurance. It was what he'd do for me, and I knew this was too important to fuck up. This was about more than just us, and I could always count on Jas to have my back when I was anxious about dealing with my dad. I owed it to him to have his back now, especially since I didn't know how long I'd be allowed to stick around.
My head spun when I realized they still hadn't said whether they wanted me to leave, but in that moment it was Jas who was in the hot seat, even if he was trying not to show it. I poured as much energy and support into his hand as I could, squeezing it tight and rubbing little circles across his warm skin. I kept my eyes on his carefully neutral face, but felt his hand grip back, hard.
After another few moments, Jasper cleared his throat and asked hesitantly, "Mom?"
Esme fingered her jewelry nervously. "I'm sorry, sweety. I'm just so shocked. I don't know what to say."
To be honest, as I watched Esme's eyes track over Jasper's face and vice versa, I had the hint of a feeling this would all turn out alright. Esme and Carlisle loved Jasper, immeasurably, and were two of the most supportive parents I knew. Even in such an awkward moment, both his parents were considering his words carefully. In the end, I fully expected them to embrace him and his gayness - it was just the 'us' part of this equation that I was worried about. They would always love Jasper unconditionally, but I was the guest - the other boy.
Jas swallowed hard, and implored her, "Can you just say it's okay?"
At his plea, she sprang into action immediately, reaching for him across the table. "Oh, sweety!"
Jasper's free hand had been in his lap, but he brought it up to the table for her to grasp.
"Of course it's okay! I love you, no matter what. We both do."
On cue, Carlisle leaned forward, placing his hand over his wife and son's. "Of course we do. You're my son, and I love you, straight or gay."
I was a little bit jarred by how easily that word passed his lips, but Jasper had other concerns. He looked straight at Carlisle and asked, "But you're disappointed?"
He sighed lightly, glancing to Esme, before speaking. "No, Jas, I'm not disappointed about this. We're not," he amended. "Would I have wished this for you? No."
Esme hissed softly, flashing him a disapproving look, but he continued on.
"I don't like knowing you'll have to deal with more than your share of bigotry and persecution in your life. But, as I told Mom this morning, I've actually suspected that you two weren't just friends for quite some time." He looked at me, then, including me in the conversation. "Frankly, I'm shocked this is all so recent."
"Well," Esme spoke again, "I just wish you had told us sooner. It bothers me to no end to know that I missed something so important."
Carlisle patted her hand over Jasper's and looked to her fondly. "I have the advantage, dear. I was a boy too, once, and I remember what most teenage boys are generally like. The signs were a bit more obvious to me."
With that, he actually grinned. The anxiety that had been crawling up my throat like heartburn finally started to fade as I realized that both he and Esme were completely supportive of Jasper. I still wanted to ask Carlisle what exactly made us so obvious because I sure as hell didn't know - I was with Esme on that. More than that, though, I was just relieved to see him so at ease.
"I just thought you two best friends," Esme lamented.
"We were," I answered, right as Jas said, "We are."
I had to think about that for a moment. So, he thought we were best friends, even now that we were dating. It quickly dawned on me that he didn't find the two mutually exclusive, and I couldn't help how that thought doused my anxiety almost entirely.
Jas turned to me, then, a tinge of sadness in his blue eyes, but I was grinning like the smitten fool I was. "We are," I corrected myself, "we still are."
As Jasper took in what I'd said, I was treated to the stunning sight of pure joy blooming across his face. The corner of his lips twitched, his pupils dilated, and he leaned almost imperceptibly towards me until his smile practically stretched from ear to ear. He beamed at me, and he was beautiful.
I wanted to kiss him, to wrap my arms around his firm body and whisper words of friendship and devotion, but this was neither the time nor place. I settled for pulsing my hand around his, which he mimicked in response.
From my peripheral vision I could see that Esme had one hand pressed over her heart with wide, glossy eyes that told me she thought we were absolutely 'precious'. At that point, my anxiety dissipated entirely.
It was clear from that look on her face that she wouldn't ask me to leave, and I felt better for it.
She left her hand over her heart when she sighed, "I'm just not sure how we're going to tell Rosie."
Tell Rosalie? Why would we tell her? That seemed like asking for guaranteed chaos in the house, and I didn't want to subject the Cullens to that any more than I wanted to live through it myself.
"Do we have to?" I asked with a cringe.
Jas twisted one side of his mouth up into a thoughtful expression and looked to me before facing his parents again. "I don't think we should. Yet."
Carlisle and Esme looked to each other, having one of those silent parental conversations with their blinks and head-tilts, but eventually agreed.
"Fair enough," Carlisle said. "We'll let you boys decide how you want to handle it."
That was a relief. Even though I didn't want to have to handle it at all, really, I was just happy to put it off 'til later.
"I'm glad you're not mad," I said to them.
Esme rolled her eyes a tad playfully as she said, "Oh, we're definitely mad."
I felt Jasper stiffen beside me as I tensed into a similar state of alarm. What? But we had just discussed it all so openly, so happily. She was even still smiling!
"Did you think we wouldn't mind you two sharing a bed?" she asked, disbelieving. "We trusted you two, took Edward into our home, and it turns out you two were running around behind our backs."
"You know we have very strict rules for Rose when Emmett's over, and the same apply to you," Carlisle added.
"We gave you freedom, and you turned that into sleeping together, half naked." I blanched when she spelled it out like that. "That's a complete betrayal of our trust."
"Mom," Jas started to say, but Esme held up her hand.
"For now, we're willing to consider it a brief oversight. But we expect you to follow the same rules as Rose." She began counting them off on her fingers. "Door open at all times. You'll sleep in separate rooms from now on. No contact or phone calls after bed."
"Mom" Jas said, with a hint of a whine to his voice, "we didn't have to do that stuff before."
"Exactly," Carlisle answered. "A point which you took full advantage of this morning."
Actually, I thought, we took full advantage of that last night, when Jasper had his hand down my-
I needed to focus! I felt my cheeks flush as I forced myself not to think of that, but from the quirk of Carlisle's eyebrow I think he noticed.
Eager to draw attention back to the conversation, I quickly agreed. "Those rules sound fair. And… thank you. For letting me stay, I mean."
Esme turned to me and, for the first time all morning,unleashed the full force of her maternal warmth on me. Her head tilted to the side and she looked so kind and loving as she said, "Of course, Edward. You're a keeper."
I flushed again at her words, but this time didn't try to hide it.
"Of course," she continued, "that means you're accountable to all the same rules. If you break them, you'll both be grounded."
This part of the conversation was much less fun but, since I was technically getting everything I'd hoped, for I nodded along. Jas grumbled a bit, but I think it was mostly for show.
Eventually the plumber was finished with his round of checking all the bathrooms and came to get Esme's attention. His heavy tool belt looked like it would bring his pants down with the slightest shift of weight, but she maintained dutiful eye contact while they discussed the extent of the water damage, which didn't seem too dire.
Carlisle drew my attention back to the table as he began to stand up. "Well, guys, the Pathology department is schmoozing some investors over lunch, and I've got to be there. Jasper?" He beckoned for Jasper to come with him to the door.
As they passed me Carlisle let a hand fall softly onto my shoulder. He didn't say anything, but gave me a warm, reassuring smile. I nodded in thanks, and he nodded back before proceeding with Jas.
I couldn't hear what they were saying, but after they each answered a few yes or no questions, Carlisle pulled him into a hug. Not an awkward father-son man hug, but a true embrace, and I was momentarily distracted by the ripple of longing that ran up my spine.
The Cullens were amazing people, full of love and acceptance. Even with such a sensitive topic, they said what they were thinking and feeling openly. The way Jasper had asked for Esme's acceptance and she had just given it - the simplicity of it was mind-boggling, because all they did was speak from the heart.
Why couldn't my dad do that? Or Alice?
Before slipping through the front door, Carlisle called out, "Be good!" and Jasper crossed directly over to me.
"Hey Edward?" he asked with a drawl, sounding both giddy and coy. When he reached me he threw his arms around my neck, closing in until our noses were almost touching. The energy zinging from his body to mine and back again made me want to grab his hand and drag him to a secluded corner of the house where he could be coy all he wanted, as long as he did it with his hands on me.
"Yeah?"
"My mom thinks you're a keeper," he giggled before molding his lips to mine and eliminating every last inch of space between our bodies.
When he pulled back I rolled my eyes theatrically and said, "Oh, well, if your mom thinks so."
"Hush!" he scolded, still grinning like a child with a new toy.
I was moving my lips back towards his, trying to steal another kiss, when I heard someone clear their throat behind me.
Jas dropped his arms immediately, and it took me a moment to turn around and face Esme.
"Come on, boys," she said in a determinedly bright voice. "Someone has a guest room to move into."
I spent the next half hour doing exactly that: moving the clothes I had just placed into Jasper's dresser the week before down the hallway to the guestroom. With a short antique dresser, a small closet and a window facing the trees, it had everything I ever wanted from a room. Except Jas.
That night was not nearly as fun as the ones before it because Esme came downstairs at eleven o'clock sharp to announce that it was time we said goodnight. We did so under her watchful eye, without touching, and slinked quietly to our rooms.
Jas crept into guest room around eleven thirty for a more enthusiastic and much longer goodnight, but still slept in his own bed like we'd been told to do.
As I fidgeted in the strange bed, thinking over the day, I marveled at how good it had felt to have the Cullen's acceptance. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone about my newfound connection with Jas for fear that they would try to discourage or taint it, but sharing this new part of ourselves with his family just seemed to solidify everything. Being boyfriends took on a (much?) more tangible quality than it had the day before - instead of being some glossy and ethereal notion of happiness, dating Jas felt a little more like something I could hold onto, and count on.
Part of me wanted to tell Ali. I wanted to share this feeling of belonging with her, so that I wouldn't continue to feel more and more estranged from her.
The next morning, Jas agreed completely. He seemed all in favor of telling anyone I wanted to, so I planned on asking Ali when we took her to school to put aside some one-on-one time for me. She had been so busy and absent the week before, I felt like I needed to pencil myself in just to make sure we could stay updated on each other's lives.
I didn't get a chance to ask her much of anything, though, because she and Bella were too busy squealing in the back seat over that party at La Push. Seth had been 'so sweet' and 'absolutely amazing' and all sorts of other romantic platitudes that didn't actually tell me a thing about him.
I was just about to ask her what they actually did at this party when she announced, "And there's this guy who's totally got the hots for Bella too."
Bella's resounding cry made Jas and I cringe.
"Alice! I already told you, he does not! He's just a friend."
"Oh, he so totally does. Trust me, Bella, it was obvious."
Jas chimed in with a loud laugh. "Yes! Edward, Bella finally has a boyfriend we can beat up."
"I do not! Our dads have been friends for years. He's just a sweet guy, that's all."
"I don't know, Bella, are you sure?" Jasper teased.
"Positive!" she huffed, "We're just friends." In the rearview mirror I could see her folding her arms aggressively and blowing some errant hair out of her eyes.
Her pouting was absolutely adorable. "So Bella," I goaded her, "what's the name of this positively just-a-friend guy you're supposedly not dating?"
"Jacob Black."
In that moment, the whole conversation stopped being funny. Jas and I shared a look that said he too thought Black was no good for our little Bella.
"No," I said, probably a little too forcefully. "Bella, you can't date him."
"What?" she perked up. "Why not?"
"He's…" I searched for the right word, "creepy. And way too old for you."
That was, apparently, not a good enough reason for her because she only scowled more. "What if I like older guys?"
Ugh. Ten seconds ago she didn't even like his guy. What was her deal?
"We've met him," Jas said very seriously, turning around in the front seat to look at her. "And he seemed kind of dangerous. Just be careful, okay?"
"Fine. Whatever. We just went so Alice could see Seth, anyway."
Ali seemed to pick up her cue to distract us and chattered away about her new boy some more, but Bella mostly just glared out her window the whole way to school.
Since I didn't get the chance to talk to Ali in the car, I ventured off to find her at lunch. She and Bella were sitting with a bunch of older kids, and from the mix of both too-colorful and all-black outfits I figured they were the drama tech crowd.
'Sitting' was actually a loose term, because Bella had been shoved to the end of the bench and looked like she was about to fall off, and Alice was practically sprawled across Seth's lap while he kept her balanced with an arm around her shoulders. Seth noticed me first, but instead of waving me over or getting Ali's attention with the hand that was draped too low over her shoulder for my liking, he curled her closer into his body and away from me.
When we made eye contact, he scowled.
I didn't know what this kid's problem was, but he wasn't gonna stop me from talking to my sister. Unfortunately, though, I didn't get the chance because suddenly more than half the table stood up and filed quickly out the door, lugging poster-board and a few odd knick-knacks I couldn't identify with them.
I guessed they were headed to the auditorium to accomplish great feats of dramatic technicalities, or something, because Bella was left sitting alone at her end of the long table. She looked a little, well, abandoned, so I continued my way to the table and waited for her to notice me leaning my hip against it.
I probably startled her, because when she finally did look up her hand went straight over her heart the way Esme's did when she was surprised, and her cheeks turned that telltale shade of pink. Honestly, this girl should have the color named after her. Bella's Blush, or something. I acted like I didn't notice, though, because I knew how uncomfortable it could be to turn bright red in public, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
I invited her to come sit with Jas and me, since it looked like most of her friends had gone, but she said she had homework to finish.
Returning to the table where all the track guys sat, I resolved to stop by the drama room after practice to see Alice.
It seemed like more than just a few hours later when I was finally showering after practice - quickly, and as far away from Jas as possible. My years of experience in keeping my eyes above shoulder-level were paying off, now that the words JASPER-IS-NAKED seemed to be scrolling like a neon marquee through my head every time I thought about the locker room. Luckily, today I was almost too tired to care. Almost.
This particular practice had been grueling, because both Coach and Carlisle thought I was ready to ramp back up to my old training regimen. Today I'd been nearly ten seconds over my best time - miserable - so I'd run one lap after another to wake my muscle memory back up. I'd stopped every ten minutes or so to make sure my knee and calf weren't under too much strain, and it was the highlight of an otherwise discouraging practice that I could run for almost an hour before my knee started to protest. I figured it was the exhaustion that helped me keep my focus in the showers, because instead of taunting me with dirty thoughts and images of Jasper in this very room, my mind was mostly set on hoping he would be the one to drive us home.
I remembered at the last minute to stop by to see Ali, and told Jas I'd meet him at the car.
Initially, as I stood in the doorway to the drama room, she was nowhere to be seen. As I stepped over the threshold I gazed around, trying to pick out the tiniest, palest girl in the room. Even after I remembered that looking for our telltale auburn hair wouldn't work, I still couldn't spot her. Instead, I found the largest and darkest jackass, who was scowling at me from the steps of the miniature-stage at the front of the room. I was already tired of his hostile bullshit, but seeing him there reminded me that there was a 'backstage' of sorts, and that Ali might be back there.
The minute I even thought about approaching the stage, Seth was on his feet, snorting and charging at me like some skinny, awkward calf that thinks it has the horns of a full-grown bull. When he reached me he planted his feet and crossed his arms like some bouncer, preventing me from coming any farther into the room.
I was a little taken aback, because I'd thought for sure I was taller than him. Now, face to face, he actually had a bit of height on me. It was almost like he'd grown perceptibly over the weekend since I'd last seen him waiting for Ali in the parking lot.
Regardless, though, he didn't intimidate me. I didn't know what his problem was - probably some fucked up loyalty to the La Push High Wolves, because it was clearer now more than ever that he was a Quileute - but I didn't care. He could come to the races and cheer on Jacob Black, if he wanted to, so long as he treated Alice with the respect and sensitivity she deserved. So far, she seemed to be flustered with joy over this turd, so it was for her sake that I tried to be friendly.
"Hi," I said, with what I thought was an admirably polite tone. "I'm Alice's brother, Edward. You must be Seth."
His wide nostrils flared, and the frown etched onto his face never lifted. "I know who you are, Masen. What do you want?"
Masen? Was that supposed to scare me? No one ever called me Masen.
Except that… when I was on the track, they did. I wondered if, in Seth's head, this was some fucking turf war - not that that made any sense, since he was technically on my turf. Our mutual turf.
Plus, his sister was on the Forks High team.
What was this guy's problem?
"I want to see my sister."
"She's not here."
Yeah, right. "Where is she?"
He raised one insolent eyebrow that seemed to say, 'As if I'd tell you.'
"Whatever," I said, backing out of the room and fishing my cell phone from my pocket. "I'll call her."
"Don't bother. She went to town to get some set supplies."
Town? The nearest craft store was miles away, and none of these underclassmen looked old enough to even have their permits. "Who's driving?" I demanded.
At that, Seth actually rolled his eyes. "Oh, so - what? You're worried about her safety now?"
Did this guy want me to hit him? 'Cause, honestly, it sounded like he was asking for it. She was my baby sister, and my only family left. Of course I worried about her safety.
"Look," Seth spit out, still trying out his tough-guy persona. "She won't be back for a while. Why don't you just go."
As much as I hated the idea of following his suggestion - if it was actually that - there was no point in waiting around if Alice wasn't coming back soon. I threw my hands in the air, effectively admitting defeat, and told him to let Ali know I'd stopped by.
Mostly I said it just to see if he would.
When I got to my car, Jas was already in the driver's seat, ready to let me relax on the drive home. I would have kissed him right then and there except that I was still fuming, and Bella was watching us from the back seat.
After explaining how Seth had gone all aggressive and weird, I growled out, "What the fuck is his problem?"
Jas and I were exchanging some questioning looks when Bella piped up.
"He and Jacob are really close, actually. Jake's like the big brother he doesn't have, or something."
I sighed, finally resting back into my seat. That explained it. Well, except that it didn't, not completely… but at least it was a start.
Finally feeling the full weight of my exhaustion, I let my head fall back against the headrest and let it roll until I was looking at Jas.
"Thanks for driving," I said quietly.
He looked up from the gearshift, smiled that soft, crooked smile that was just for me, and took us home.
The next morning, Alice was in a snit about how I'd supposedly barged into the theater room and been a dick to Seth. I couldn't seem to air my version of the story until I apologized, and when I told her I just wanted some time to talk to her she scoffed. Apparently set design was keeping her really busy, so she told me she'd find me when she had time to talk.
That kinda got under my skin, but I wasn't eager to get into another fight with her, so I let it slide.
When the girls tumbled out of the car at school, Jas caught my attention with the light brush of his hand on mine.
'You okay?' he mouthed, and I nodded because I was okay - or better than I had been, at least - with the feel of his skin against mine. It reminded me that even if Ali had suddenly made Seth the center of her world, Jas and I still rotated loyally around each other.
Alice didn't find any free time for me that day, or the next. By Thursday I had been thinking about what I wanted to say to her for so long that I was dreading the actual conversation. I mean, if I still didn't know which words to use, would I ever?
I couldn't just start off with "Hi, I'm gay" the way Jas had, 'cause I didn't even know if I was. I couldn't tell her how it all started, because it was all mixed in with the mess at Dad's house, and bringing that up was the quickest way to end a conversation with her. Also, I'd have to make sure to swear her to absolute secrecy, even if Seth was her new boyfriend and protector and BFF rolled into one. I had no idea what he'd think of me and Jas dating, and I didn't want to find out.
As it turned out, I didn't have to know what to say to Ali on Thursday either. Even though I still picked her up for school, there was no time to talk about anything personal. She was much too focused on chirping about the wonders of stage lighting and how much Seth could lift at once to let any conversation turn serious.
I was complaining about her avoidant tendencies, yet again, as we drove home that evening. Jas listened while I bitched, agreeing dutifully that Ali was stuck in some sort of unhealthy defense-mechanism, and that Seth was just an asshole.
The minute we got into the house, though, Esme whisked me into the kitchen to help set the table, and told Jas that Carlisle would like see him in the upstairs study. He and I exchanged apprehensive looks, but there was nothing we could do besides comply.
Esme kept me busy with tasks in the kitchen, and I folded napkins while confirming with myself that neither of us had been seen or heard while sneaking to each other's rooms. We'd never stayed very long, and our trips hadn't been for much more than the company and some passionate kissing - nothing that would draw attention to ourselves.
I had just finished everything and was trying to decide if I should wait in my new room or Jasper's when he came back down the stairs, looking flushed and shaken.
I was immediately at the foot of the stairs, waiting for him with a concerned look and open arms. "What did he say?"
Jas stopped a few steps above me, and said in a shell-shocked tone, "He wants to see you too."
I was confused, but nodded and started to move past Jasper. He stopped me with a hand on my arm and whispered, "Sex talk."
My eyes widened, and I was no longer concerned for Jas, but for myself. Sex talk? Carlisle wanted to talk? About sex? With me?
Jas saw my mortification, and it was mirrored in his own face as he gave me a slow, defeated nod. With a commiserating pat on my back, he pushed past me and left me to forge on ahead.
I didn't know how I would bring myself to knock on the study door, but Carlisle had left it gratuitously open so he saw me as soon as I reached the landing of the stairs.
"Edward," he smiled. "Come on in."
I sure as hell made sure to close the door behind me.
The room was decorated tastefully, and even had one of those large world maps on the wall that declared it a room of study and work. Two identical L-shaped desks sat in the middle of the room, pressed up against each other - the His and Hers of the professional world. Both had a glossy finish over fine, dark wood and brass loops hanging off each drawer, but Esme's had some fabric swatches on hers and Carlisle had piles of scientific textbooks on his.
Along the far wall, under a wide window that showcased the last few rays of the day's sunlight was a long couch with deep brown leather, where Carlisle motioned for us to sit.
I sat as far away from him as possible, and he gave me an understanding nod when he saw me arranging pillows so that there were more between us than behind my back.
"I'm guessing Jasper tipped you off?"
I couldn't quite force myself to answer, but I think it was obvious anyway that he had.
"Look, Edward. I don't want to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable, but as parents Esme and I want to make sure you're prepared for sex and all that it entails.
At that word I took in a sharp breath, and squeezed my eyes shut. Not even thirty seconds in, and he'd already brought up sex? I knew, right then, that this was going to be as awful as I'd feared. I covered my eyes with one hand, trying to block it out even farther while I took a few fortifying breaths. I was starting to feel a bit warm, and knew my cheeks must look flushed already.
I was quickly startled by the sound of Carlisle breathing loudly through his nose, and then couldn't help but be curious when I heard him chuckling quietly. I spread my fingers, peeking out at him from behind my hand.
When he noticed me looking he said, "I'm sorry, it's just… Jasper did that exact same thing when I started this talk with him. I think he must have gotten it from you."
Despite myself, I felt the corners of my mouth twitch at that thought. I guess that was the risk when you were so attuned to someone. I could only hope that I picked up some of Jasper's calm behavior in return.
Carlisle fixed his kind blue eyes on mine and said, "I don't want to drag this out any more than you do. I just want to make sure that you're safe, and well-informed. First, I have to ask, have you had sex yet, Edward?"
In an instant my cheeks were blazing - but not just them. My neck and chest and even my ears felt like they were burning up. Carlisle was watching me patiently, though, so I knew I wouldn't get out of answering. I supposed I could tell him it was none of his business, but that seemed more aggressive than I felt at the moment. Besides, I wanted him and Esme to trust us, and to know that we hadn't been stripping naked in their house all along while they thought we were doing homework.
My voice sounded weak and unsteady, cracking like it had during puberty, but I still managed to get out, "No. Jas and I-"
Carlisle put a hand out to stop me, looking away. He held that position, making it quite clear that I shouldn't say any more. I quickly understood his message - that this was a talk about sex, not sex with his son.
"No," I croaked out again.
Taking a deep breath, he turned back to me. "Alright. Well, I'm not going to tell you not to have sex, because I know that's just a waste of breathe. You're a teenager, and you can find ways to get away with whatever you want to. So, instead, I'm just going to say that when you do, there are a few things I want to make sure you know."
First, he talked about sex as an act of love, and how emotions can get tied up with it. That's not always the case, he'd said, but it's better when it is.
Next he talked about sex with women - the concerns and the technicalities. It sounded like he was reciting something he'd read, the way he was spouting off technical terms like a textbook. When he got to the word 'clitoris' he pronounced it in a detached, clinical way, but I still nearly choked on my own spit. I spent most of his talk tugging at my collar, trying to alleviate some of the heat was radiating from me. I tried to tune him out, thinking to myself, I can't believe he really just said that. Please just let this be over. I can't believe this is actually happening. When he picked up a brown paper bag and spilled a few condoms onto the couch cushions, I wondered desperately if it was possible to die of embarrassment.
Next, of course, he talked about sex with men. That was even worse, because I could tell he was uncomfortable too. He stumbled a lot more as he pointed out that there were different concerns when engaging in 'homosexual relations', as he put it. I was so mortified when he took a bottle of lube out of the bag that I actually began to sweat and had to take my sweater off.
Either he took pity on me, or was just as uncomfortable as I was, because at that point he told me I could go. As he said so, though, he shoved his show-and-tell items back in the bag and held it out to me. We both avoided each other's eyes when I reached out to take it, and then I practically ran to the door. The moment my hand grasped the knob, Carlisle cleared his throat and said, "Oh, Edward?"
I cursed internally, and wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my arm before turning back to him. When I did, I could see that he, too, was pulling at the collar of his business shirt like it was choking him.
"Umm" he started hesitantly, looking anywhere but at me. "Given our recent plumbing problems, Esme has asked that you make sure not to flush anything unusual in the toilets."
Toilets? Plumbing? What was there to flush?
Seeing my confusion, Carlisle dragged a hand across his stubbly chin and sighed deeply. Finally, he looked right at me and mouthed the word 'Condom'.
The room was so hot it was actually hard to breathe. In that moment, I knew that it was possible to die of embarrassment because I was already dead. This - this was hell.
I raced downstairs without looking back, and didn't stop until I got to Jasper's room. I pushed past Rosalie on the way, who yelled out, "Hey!" but I didn't even slow down until I had Jas's door firmly shut behind me.
He was laying on his bed, smirking at me but still looking a little rattled himself. "That bad?" he asked.
"Worse," I confirmed, before moving to sit on the edge of the bed and bury my face in his neck. He ran his fingers through my hair, trailing the tips along my scalp, and it went a long way towards calming me down.
I couldn't stay there long, though, because within a few minutes Esme's voice rang out. "Door open, boys! And come to dinner."
I sighed and stood up. Jas looked so peaceful lying there that I just wanted to wrap myself around him and never leave.
"At least we know they've accepted this completely," he offered, pushing himself off the bed and standing beside me.
"Yeah," I agreed.
"So next time we get caught, don't be so quick to try to get away, okay?" he said with a teasing lilt in his voice. One look at his face told me he wasn't really teasing though. His eyebrows were knitted at a steep angle and his lips were tight.
"Jas," I tried to explain, but then the rest of what he'd said caught up with me. "Next time?"
A sly grin took over his features, and I could only imagine - but wanted to experience - the evil things he was picturing in his head.
"Next time," he promised, and I didn't think we were talking about his parents anymore. It quickly came to mind that we hadn't really explored any new territory since my birthday.
His gaze zeroed in on my lips and I leaned forward, eager for just a taste of what he was promising. His mouth came closer and closer but instead of feeling his lush, warm lips against mine I felt the sharp smack of his hand against my butt cheek.
The minute I gasped he pulled away, crossing quickly to throw the door open and dart into the hallway.
Ow, I thought, rubbing a hand over my poor butt. It didn't so much hurt as it shocked me.
Still, though, I'd have to ask Jasper to rub it later.
Chapter 14
Chapter: 13/?
Fandom: Twilight
By: bythedamned
Rating: NC-17 overall
Chapter Wordcount: 8,488
Genre: AU, Slash
Pairing: Edward/Jasper
Summary: Throughout high school, the shy and over-burdened Edward Masen threw himself into work and raising his baby sister. He's always felt lucky just to be friends with track star Jasper Cullen. Now, he doesn't know if just friends is enough. AH AU Slash.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns, I just play
A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta, elveys_stuff
Jasper and I were seated at the kitchen table without touching. Our chairs were a respectable and non-romantic distance apart as we waited for Esme and Carlisle. I'd heard them come down the stairs, but they seemed to be conferring one last time before they delivered their news - whatever it was.
I fidgeted, I couldn't help it. This was such bad luck, such awful timing. Why had Esme come into his room anyway? Had she heard something from last night? Or maybe Rosalie had seen something before… either thought was equally mortifying. Obviously Esme was mad, but she was usually such a gentle woman that her harsh demeanor had come as a shock. I knew that she was still wound pretty tightly over Rosalie's behavior, and I wondered if her foul mood was specifically for us, or over the woes of parenting in general.
Jasper and I had showered, separately, but I could barely think anything besides 'oh shit.' Even if this family meeting wasn't about us, we had most definitely been caught and would have to face the consequences. I didn't know exactly what we'd looked like to her, but it certainly wasn't 'just friends'.
When Jas had slipped out from beneath me, I'd felt the anxiety starting to rise up. It crept over me like it always did, flaming up from an uneasy knot in my stomach to flush down my arms and legs, making me hot and sweaty. After a minute or so, I was too warm to even lie beneath the covers, and I'd kicked them off in aggravation.
When I'd called out to him, asking what we should do, he poked his head out of the bathroom.
"I don't know," he'd said matter-of-factly. "But we'll do it together."
He didn't say any more, though, which was unusual for him. Despite his outwardly calm façade, I knew that in most cases he would joke about the chaos in my head, and promise it would all be okay.
He didn't, and I noticed.
I tried to remember his words as we sat in the kitchen, not touching or making eye contact. Together.
Esme and Carlisle pulled out their chairs and sat, glancing at each other but staying silent.
It was Jas who spoke up first. "Where's Rose?"
Carlisle clasped his hands on the table and raised one eyebrow. "She spent the night at Lauren's. Do you really want her here for this?"
Well, that had an obvious answer, but no one bothered to say it.
Clearing her throat, Esme began to speak. "Your father and I are very disappointed in you, Jasper. And you too, Edward."
I tensed, turning my focus to the sweaty hands in my lap so I wouldn't have to see the accusation in her eyes as she continued.
"We trusted you both, welcomed Edward into our home unconditionally, and this is how you behave?"
My wet hair hung limply in my face and the panic I'd felt earlier was starting to flare up again. My whole body felt chilled and overheated at the same time. Anxiety was one of those things that never got easier, no matter how long I lived with it, and it was hard to concentrate on Esme's words with all the thoughts running through my bowed head.
How could we have been so careless?
So this family meeting really was about us?
How had she found out anyway?
What would our punishment be? Esme was mad - madder than I'd ever seen her - and from what I could tell Carlisle agreed with her every bit. They were doing their best to put up a unified parental 'angry' front.
Would we be grounded? Forced to sleep apart? Would they ask me to leave?
Oh god, would they tell Jasper to stay away from me?
That thought was nearly suffocating. As intertwined as he and I were, taking him away would be like taking away practically… everything. They couldn't. I would do anything they asked, I'd find someplace - anyplace - else to live if I had to, so long as they still let me see Jasper.
I could feel my pulse pounding in my head, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the onslaught of worries and emotions.
"Obviously," Esme was saying, her voice clipped and clinical, "there are going to be some changes."
Jas didn't say anything right away, and I couldn't bear to look up as a heavy beat of silence passed over the table. Right as he opened his mouth to speak, though, I beat him to it.
I didn't know what he was going to say, but I figured that if we could at least appease his parents then maybe we wouldn't lose everything. Maybe leaving was the best option - that way we didn't have to rub this in their faces.
"I'm sorry," I choked out.
"Mm hmm. And what are you sorry for?" Esme intoned, sounding like a school matron making a student recount his crimes.
I shook my head, because I didn't know. Everything? Anything? "I'm sorry," I repeated. "I can go. If you want, I can le-"
"No!" Jasper barked so suddenly that my head snapped up. His eyes were on me, a mixture of shock and anger, but he quickly turned to plead with his mother. "Mom, no."
His left arm reached out, settling a hand over mine in my lap. His parents couldn't see that, obviously, but we were sitting far enough apart that he had to hold his arm almost straight out to reach me, making his gesture all the more obvious.
Carlisle had both his hands clasped on the table, tapping his thumbs against each other, and eyed the length of Jasper's arm to where it disappeared below the line of the table.
Finally, he said his first words, tight-lipped though they were. "How long as this been going on?"
"It ha-" I started, but a quick squeeze of Jasper's hand told me to hold that thought.
"A week," he answered truthfully.
"But we've only been dating since yesterday," I chimed in.
"Ahh," Carlisle answered coolly, "so you are dating. There's that, then."
I cringed internally. So much for down-playing it.
Both Carlisle and Esme were watching us like our twitches or breathing patterns would give up our whole story, and it was starting to unnerve me. My sense of unrest still hadn't faded, even with Jasper's hand on mine. I just wanted them to say something - what our punishment was, or what they were thinking. Anything, really.
Jasper must have been feeling skittish too, because his next words were, "What were you doing in my room anyway?"
"The plumber was coming," Esme answered simply.
A plumber? That… wasn't what I expected. What did a plumber have to do with anything?"
I'm sure Jas looked just as confused as I did, because when she explained it was in an even voice, like she knew we'd be unable to find her in the wrong. "One of the pipes burst upstairs. I wanted to warn you boys to get up, before the plumber needed to get in your room."
Honestly, her answer left me a bit flabbergasted. Coming to warn us about a plumber? That just sounded so… mundane, so innocent. I'd been imagining something far more incriminating.
Jas was still on the defensive though. "And, what? Decided our punishment then and there?" It was uncharacteristic for Jasper to be so brusque, but more than anything I was just relieved he was doing the talking.
Esme noticed his tone, though, and bristled in response. "No," she over-enunciated. "I closed the door as fast as I could and came to talk with your father. We decided a family meeting would be best."
"Oh," Jas answered, withering a bit.
If Esme had come in once, while we were still asleep, that meant that not only had she seen us groggy and startled, but she had seen us… cuddling. There was just no denying that I'd slept as absolutely intertwined with Jasper as possible: my face nestled into his neck, my arm wrapped around his bare chest and my foot tucked between his legs. We were exactly what we looked like. Lovers.
Chances were she had slammed the door on her way out, waking us up, though whether that was intentional I had no idea.
Jas seemed to come to the same set of conclusions, because he took a deep breath and straightened his back, as if steeling himself against something.
His eyes darted to me briefly, but I was no help - I had no idea what to say or do.
He never took his hand off mine but made sure to look each of his parents in the eyes. Quietly but determinedly he said, "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."
Esme gasped softly, and I did too.
Gay.
No one had said that word yet, but there it was. Gay. Jesus, who knew he was going to make such a declaration?
That wasn't just a casual thing to say - it's not as if you could label and unlabel yourself on a whim. He must have thought about it, for who knows how long, and come to that conclusion.
Jasper was gay, and he knew it.
Did that mean I was? Did dating a gay guy make me one too? I had no idea, and my head spun as I realized this was something I needed to think about. I suddenly felt like I was supposed to pick a label, but I wasn't really sure which one to grab at. It was one thing to know how I felt about Jasper, but another thing altogether to make such a bold statement about all men ever.
The silence that enveloped us was overwhelming until Esme whispered, "Oh Jas. Honey." Her expression changed to a mixture of compassion and sadness. Carlisle nodded stoically.
Belated, I realized that this was a really big step in Jasper's life. I mean, holy crap, he had just come out of the closet… to his parents.
I hadn't even thought about closets yet.
I flipped the hand that was under his so that they were palm to palm and gave him a little squeeze of reassurance. It was what he'd do for me, and I knew this was too important to fuck up. This was about more than just us, and I could always count on Jas to have my back when I was anxious about dealing with my dad. I owed it to him to have his back now, especially since I didn't know how long I'd be allowed to stick around.
My head spun when I realized they still hadn't said whether they wanted me to leave, but in that moment it was Jas who was in the hot seat, even if he was trying not to show it. I poured as much energy and support into his hand as I could, squeezing it tight and rubbing little circles across his warm skin. I kept my eyes on his carefully neutral face, but felt his hand grip back, hard.
After another few moments, Jasper cleared his throat and asked hesitantly, "Mom?"
Esme fingered her jewelry nervously. "I'm sorry, sweety. I'm just so shocked. I don't know what to say."
To be honest, as I watched Esme's eyes track over Jasper's face and vice versa, I had the hint of a feeling this would all turn out alright. Esme and Carlisle loved Jasper, immeasurably, and were two of the most supportive parents I knew. Even in such an awkward moment, both his parents were considering his words carefully. In the end, I fully expected them to embrace him and his gayness - it was just the 'us' part of this equation that I was worried about. They would always love Jasper unconditionally, but I was the guest - the other boy.
Jas swallowed hard, and implored her, "Can you just say it's okay?"
At his plea, she sprang into action immediately, reaching for him across the table. "Oh, sweety!"
Jasper's free hand had been in his lap, but he brought it up to the table for her to grasp.
"Of course it's okay! I love you, no matter what. We both do."
On cue, Carlisle leaned forward, placing his hand over his wife and son's. "Of course we do. You're my son, and I love you, straight or gay."
I was a little bit jarred by how easily that word passed his lips, but Jasper had other concerns. He looked straight at Carlisle and asked, "But you're disappointed?"
He sighed lightly, glancing to Esme, before speaking. "No, Jas, I'm not disappointed about this. We're not," he amended. "Would I have wished this for you? No."
Esme hissed softly, flashing him a disapproving look, but he continued on.
"I don't like knowing you'll have to deal with more than your share of bigotry and persecution in your life. But, as I told Mom this morning, I've actually suspected that you two weren't just friends for quite some time." He looked at me, then, including me in the conversation. "Frankly, I'm shocked this is all so recent."
"Well," Esme spoke again, "I just wish you had told us sooner. It bothers me to no end to know that I missed something so important."
Carlisle patted her hand over Jasper's and looked to her fondly. "I have the advantage, dear. I was a boy too, once, and I remember what most teenage boys are generally like. The signs were a bit more obvious to me."
With that, he actually grinned. The anxiety that had been crawling up my throat like heartburn finally started to fade as I realized that both he and Esme were completely supportive of Jasper. I still wanted to ask Carlisle what exactly made us so obvious because I sure as hell didn't know - I was with Esme on that. More than that, though, I was just relieved to see him so at ease.
"I just thought you two best friends," Esme lamented.
"We were," I answered, right as Jas said, "We are."
I had to think about that for a moment. So, he thought we were best friends, even now that we were dating. It quickly dawned on me that he didn't find the two mutually exclusive, and I couldn't help how that thought doused my anxiety almost entirely.
Jas turned to me, then, a tinge of sadness in his blue eyes, but I was grinning like the smitten fool I was. "We are," I corrected myself, "we still are."
As Jasper took in what I'd said, I was treated to the stunning sight of pure joy blooming across his face. The corner of his lips twitched, his pupils dilated, and he leaned almost imperceptibly towards me until his smile practically stretched from ear to ear. He beamed at me, and he was beautiful.
I wanted to kiss him, to wrap my arms around his firm body and whisper words of friendship and devotion, but this was neither the time nor place. I settled for pulsing my hand around his, which he mimicked in response.
From my peripheral vision I could see that Esme had one hand pressed over her heart with wide, glossy eyes that told me she thought we were absolutely 'precious'. At that point, my anxiety dissipated entirely.
It was clear from that look on her face that she wouldn't ask me to leave, and I felt better for it.
She left her hand over her heart when she sighed, "I'm just not sure how we're going to tell Rosie."
Tell Rosalie? Why would we tell her? That seemed like asking for guaranteed chaos in the house, and I didn't want to subject the Cullens to that any more than I wanted to live through it myself.
"Do we have to?" I asked with a cringe.
Jas twisted one side of his mouth up into a thoughtful expression and looked to me before facing his parents again. "I don't think we should. Yet."
Carlisle and Esme looked to each other, having one of those silent parental conversations with their blinks and head-tilts, but eventually agreed.
"Fair enough," Carlisle said. "We'll let you boys decide how you want to handle it."
That was a relief. Even though I didn't want to have to handle it at all, really, I was just happy to put it off 'til later.
"I'm glad you're not mad," I said to them.
Esme rolled her eyes a tad playfully as she said, "Oh, we're definitely mad."
I felt Jasper stiffen beside me as I tensed into a similar state of alarm. What? But we had just discussed it all so openly, so happily. She was even still smiling!
"Did you think we wouldn't mind you two sharing a bed?" she asked, disbelieving. "We trusted you two, took Edward into our home, and it turns out you two were running around behind our backs."
"You know we have very strict rules for Rose when Emmett's over, and the same apply to you," Carlisle added.
"We gave you freedom, and you turned that into sleeping together, half naked." I blanched when she spelled it out like that. "That's a complete betrayal of our trust."
"Mom," Jas started to say, but Esme held up her hand.
"For now, we're willing to consider it a brief oversight. But we expect you to follow the same rules as Rose." She began counting them off on her fingers. "Door open at all times. You'll sleep in separate rooms from now on. No contact or phone calls after bed."
"Mom" Jas said, with a hint of a whine to his voice, "we didn't have to do that stuff before."
"Exactly," Carlisle answered. "A point which you took full advantage of this morning."
Actually, I thought, we took full advantage of that last night, when Jasper had his hand down my-
I needed to focus! I felt my cheeks flush as I forced myself not to think of that, but from the quirk of Carlisle's eyebrow I think he noticed.
Eager to draw attention back to the conversation, I quickly agreed. "Those rules sound fair. And… thank you. For letting me stay, I mean."
Esme turned to me and, for the first time all morning,unleashed the full force of her maternal warmth on me. Her head tilted to the side and she looked so kind and loving as she said, "Of course, Edward. You're a keeper."
I flushed again at her words, but this time didn't try to hide it.
"Of course," she continued, "that means you're accountable to all the same rules. If you break them, you'll both be grounded."
This part of the conversation was much less fun but, since I was technically getting everything I'd hoped, for I nodded along. Jas grumbled a bit, but I think it was mostly for show.
Eventually the plumber was finished with his round of checking all the bathrooms and came to get Esme's attention. His heavy tool belt looked like it would bring his pants down with the slightest shift of weight, but she maintained dutiful eye contact while they discussed the extent of the water damage, which didn't seem too dire.
Carlisle drew my attention back to the table as he began to stand up. "Well, guys, the Pathology department is schmoozing some investors over lunch, and I've got to be there. Jasper?" He beckoned for Jasper to come with him to the door.
As they passed me Carlisle let a hand fall softly onto my shoulder. He didn't say anything, but gave me a warm, reassuring smile. I nodded in thanks, and he nodded back before proceeding with Jas.
I couldn't hear what they were saying, but after they each answered a few yes or no questions, Carlisle pulled him into a hug. Not an awkward father-son man hug, but a true embrace, and I was momentarily distracted by the ripple of longing that ran up my spine.
The Cullens were amazing people, full of love and acceptance. Even with such a sensitive topic, they said what they were thinking and feeling openly. The way Jasper had asked for Esme's acceptance and she had just given it - the simplicity of it was mind-boggling, because all they did was speak from the heart.
Why couldn't my dad do that? Or Alice?
Before slipping through the front door, Carlisle called out, "Be good!" and Jasper crossed directly over to me.
"Hey Edward?" he asked with a drawl, sounding both giddy and coy. When he reached me he threw his arms around my neck, closing in until our noses were almost touching. The energy zinging from his body to mine and back again made me want to grab his hand and drag him to a secluded corner of the house where he could be coy all he wanted, as long as he did it with his hands on me.
"Yeah?"
"My mom thinks you're a keeper," he giggled before molding his lips to mine and eliminating every last inch of space between our bodies.
When he pulled back I rolled my eyes theatrically and said, "Oh, well, if your mom thinks so."
"Hush!" he scolded, still grinning like a child with a new toy.
I was moving my lips back towards his, trying to steal another kiss, when I heard someone clear their throat behind me.
Jas dropped his arms immediately, and it took me a moment to turn around and face Esme.
"Come on, boys," she said in a determinedly bright voice. "Someone has a guest room to move into."
I spent the next half hour doing exactly that: moving the clothes I had just placed into Jasper's dresser the week before down the hallway to the guestroom. With a short antique dresser, a small closet and a window facing the trees, it had everything I ever wanted from a room. Except Jas.
That night was not nearly as fun as the ones before it because Esme came downstairs at eleven o'clock sharp to announce that it was time we said goodnight. We did so under her watchful eye, without touching, and slinked quietly to our rooms.
Jas crept into guest room around eleven thirty for a more enthusiastic and much longer goodnight, but still slept in his own bed like we'd been told to do.
As I fidgeted in the strange bed, thinking over the day, I marveled at how good it had felt to have the Cullen's acceptance. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone about my newfound connection with Jas for fear that they would try to discourage or taint it, but sharing this new part of ourselves with his family just seemed to solidify everything. Being boyfriends took on a (much?) more tangible quality than it had the day before - instead of being some glossy and ethereal notion of happiness, dating Jas felt a little more like something I could hold onto, and count on.
Part of me wanted to tell Ali. I wanted to share this feeling of belonging with her, so that I wouldn't continue to feel more and more estranged from her.
The next morning, Jas agreed completely. He seemed all in favor of telling anyone I wanted to, so I planned on asking Ali when we took her to school to put aside some one-on-one time for me. She had been so busy and absent the week before, I felt like I needed to pencil myself in just to make sure we could stay updated on each other's lives.
I didn't get a chance to ask her much of anything, though, because she and Bella were too busy squealing in the back seat over that party at La Push. Seth had been 'so sweet' and 'absolutely amazing' and all sorts of other romantic platitudes that didn't actually tell me a thing about him.
I was just about to ask her what they actually did at this party when she announced, "And there's this guy who's totally got the hots for Bella too."
Bella's resounding cry made Jas and I cringe.
"Alice! I already told you, he does not! He's just a friend."
"Oh, he so totally does. Trust me, Bella, it was obvious."
Jas chimed in with a loud laugh. "Yes! Edward, Bella finally has a boyfriend we can beat up."
"I do not! Our dads have been friends for years. He's just a sweet guy, that's all."
"I don't know, Bella, are you sure?" Jasper teased.
"Positive!" she huffed, "We're just friends." In the rearview mirror I could see her folding her arms aggressively and blowing some errant hair out of her eyes.
Her pouting was absolutely adorable. "So Bella," I goaded her, "what's the name of this positively just-a-friend guy you're supposedly not dating?"
"Jacob Black."
In that moment, the whole conversation stopped being funny. Jas and I shared a look that said he too thought Black was no good for our little Bella.
"No," I said, probably a little too forcefully. "Bella, you can't date him."
"What?" she perked up. "Why not?"
"He's…" I searched for the right word, "creepy. And way too old for you."
That was, apparently, not a good enough reason for her because she only scowled more. "What if I like older guys?"
Ugh. Ten seconds ago she didn't even like his guy. What was her deal?
"We've met him," Jas said very seriously, turning around in the front seat to look at her. "And he seemed kind of dangerous. Just be careful, okay?"
"Fine. Whatever. We just went so Alice could see Seth, anyway."
Ali seemed to pick up her cue to distract us and chattered away about her new boy some more, but Bella mostly just glared out her window the whole way to school.
Since I didn't get the chance to talk to Ali in the car, I ventured off to find her at lunch. She and Bella were sitting with a bunch of older kids, and from the mix of both too-colorful and all-black outfits I figured they were the drama tech crowd.
'Sitting' was actually a loose term, because Bella had been shoved to the end of the bench and looked like she was about to fall off, and Alice was practically sprawled across Seth's lap while he kept her balanced with an arm around her shoulders. Seth noticed me first, but instead of waving me over or getting Ali's attention with the hand that was draped too low over her shoulder for my liking, he curled her closer into his body and away from me.
When we made eye contact, he scowled.
I didn't know what this kid's problem was, but he wasn't gonna stop me from talking to my sister. Unfortunately, though, I didn't get the chance because suddenly more than half the table stood up and filed quickly out the door, lugging poster-board and a few odd knick-knacks I couldn't identify with them.
I guessed they were headed to the auditorium to accomplish great feats of dramatic technicalities, or something, because Bella was left sitting alone at her end of the long table. She looked a little, well, abandoned, so I continued my way to the table and waited for her to notice me leaning my hip against it.
I probably startled her, because when she finally did look up her hand went straight over her heart the way Esme's did when she was surprised, and her cheeks turned that telltale shade of pink. Honestly, this girl should have the color named after her. Bella's Blush, or something. I acted like I didn't notice, though, because I knew how uncomfortable it could be to turn bright red in public, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
I invited her to come sit with Jas and me, since it looked like most of her friends had gone, but she said she had homework to finish.
Returning to the table where all the track guys sat, I resolved to stop by the drama room after practice to see Alice.
It seemed like more than just a few hours later when I was finally showering after practice - quickly, and as far away from Jas as possible. My years of experience in keeping my eyes above shoulder-level were paying off, now that the words JASPER-IS-NAKED seemed to be scrolling like a neon marquee through my head every time I thought about the locker room. Luckily, today I was almost too tired to care. Almost.
This particular practice had been grueling, because both Coach and Carlisle thought I was ready to ramp back up to my old training regimen. Today I'd been nearly ten seconds over my best time - miserable - so I'd run one lap after another to wake my muscle memory back up. I'd stopped every ten minutes or so to make sure my knee and calf weren't under too much strain, and it was the highlight of an otherwise discouraging practice that I could run for almost an hour before my knee started to protest. I figured it was the exhaustion that helped me keep my focus in the showers, because instead of taunting me with dirty thoughts and images of Jasper in this very room, my mind was mostly set on hoping he would be the one to drive us home.
I remembered at the last minute to stop by to see Ali, and told Jas I'd meet him at the car.
Initially, as I stood in the doorway to the drama room, she was nowhere to be seen. As I stepped over the threshold I gazed around, trying to pick out the tiniest, palest girl in the room. Even after I remembered that looking for our telltale auburn hair wouldn't work, I still couldn't spot her. Instead, I found the largest and darkest jackass, who was scowling at me from the steps of the miniature-stage at the front of the room. I was already tired of his hostile bullshit, but seeing him there reminded me that there was a 'backstage' of sorts, and that Ali might be back there.
The minute I even thought about approaching the stage, Seth was on his feet, snorting and charging at me like some skinny, awkward calf that thinks it has the horns of a full-grown bull. When he reached me he planted his feet and crossed his arms like some bouncer, preventing me from coming any farther into the room.
I was a little taken aback, because I'd thought for sure I was taller than him. Now, face to face, he actually had a bit of height on me. It was almost like he'd grown perceptibly over the weekend since I'd last seen him waiting for Ali in the parking lot.
Regardless, though, he didn't intimidate me. I didn't know what his problem was - probably some fucked up loyalty to the La Push High Wolves, because it was clearer now more than ever that he was a Quileute - but I didn't care. He could come to the races and cheer on Jacob Black, if he wanted to, so long as he treated Alice with the respect and sensitivity she deserved. So far, she seemed to be flustered with joy over this turd, so it was for her sake that I tried to be friendly.
"Hi," I said, with what I thought was an admirably polite tone. "I'm Alice's brother, Edward. You must be Seth."
His wide nostrils flared, and the frown etched onto his face never lifted. "I know who you are, Masen. What do you want?"
Masen? Was that supposed to scare me? No one ever called me Masen.
Except that… when I was on the track, they did. I wondered if, in Seth's head, this was some fucking turf war - not that that made any sense, since he was technically on my turf. Our mutual turf.
Plus, his sister was on the Forks High team.
What was this guy's problem?
"I want to see my sister."
"She's not here."
Yeah, right. "Where is she?"
He raised one insolent eyebrow that seemed to say, 'As if I'd tell you.'
"Whatever," I said, backing out of the room and fishing my cell phone from my pocket. "I'll call her."
"Don't bother. She went to town to get some set supplies."
Town? The nearest craft store was miles away, and none of these underclassmen looked old enough to even have their permits. "Who's driving?" I demanded.
At that, Seth actually rolled his eyes. "Oh, so - what? You're worried about her safety now?"
Did this guy want me to hit him? 'Cause, honestly, it sounded like he was asking for it. She was my baby sister, and my only family left. Of course I worried about her safety.
"Look," Seth spit out, still trying out his tough-guy persona. "She won't be back for a while. Why don't you just go."
As much as I hated the idea of following his suggestion - if it was actually that - there was no point in waiting around if Alice wasn't coming back soon. I threw my hands in the air, effectively admitting defeat, and told him to let Ali know I'd stopped by.
Mostly I said it just to see if he would.
When I got to my car, Jas was already in the driver's seat, ready to let me relax on the drive home. I would have kissed him right then and there except that I was still fuming, and Bella was watching us from the back seat.
After explaining how Seth had gone all aggressive and weird, I growled out, "What the fuck is his problem?"
Jas and I were exchanging some questioning looks when Bella piped up.
"He and Jacob are really close, actually. Jake's like the big brother he doesn't have, or something."
I sighed, finally resting back into my seat. That explained it. Well, except that it didn't, not completely… but at least it was a start.
Finally feeling the full weight of my exhaustion, I let my head fall back against the headrest and let it roll until I was looking at Jas.
"Thanks for driving," I said quietly.
He looked up from the gearshift, smiled that soft, crooked smile that was just for me, and took us home.
The next morning, Alice was in a snit about how I'd supposedly barged into the theater room and been a dick to Seth. I couldn't seem to air my version of the story until I apologized, and when I told her I just wanted some time to talk to her she scoffed. Apparently set design was keeping her really busy, so she told me she'd find me when she had time to talk.
That kinda got under my skin, but I wasn't eager to get into another fight with her, so I let it slide.
When the girls tumbled out of the car at school, Jas caught my attention with the light brush of his hand on mine.
'You okay?' he mouthed, and I nodded because I was okay - or better than I had been, at least - with the feel of his skin against mine. It reminded me that even if Ali had suddenly made Seth the center of her world, Jas and I still rotated loyally around each other.
Alice didn't find any free time for me that day, or the next. By Thursday I had been thinking about what I wanted to say to her for so long that I was dreading the actual conversation. I mean, if I still didn't know which words to use, would I ever?
I couldn't just start off with "Hi, I'm gay" the way Jas had, 'cause I didn't even know if I was. I couldn't tell her how it all started, because it was all mixed in with the mess at Dad's house, and bringing that up was the quickest way to end a conversation with her. Also, I'd have to make sure to swear her to absolute secrecy, even if Seth was her new boyfriend and protector and BFF rolled into one. I had no idea what he'd think of me and Jas dating, and I didn't want to find out.
As it turned out, I didn't have to know what to say to Ali on Thursday either. Even though I still picked her up for school, there was no time to talk about anything personal. She was much too focused on chirping about the wonders of stage lighting and how much Seth could lift at once to let any conversation turn serious.
I was complaining about her avoidant tendencies, yet again, as we drove home that evening. Jas listened while I bitched, agreeing dutifully that Ali was stuck in some sort of unhealthy defense-mechanism, and that Seth was just an asshole.
The minute we got into the house, though, Esme whisked me into the kitchen to help set the table, and told Jas that Carlisle would like see him in the upstairs study. He and I exchanged apprehensive looks, but there was nothing we could do besides comply.
Esme kept me busy with tasks in the kitchen, and I folded napkins while confirming with myself that neither of us had been seen or heard while sneaking to each other's rooms. We'd never stayed very long, and our trips hadn't been for much more than the company and some passionate kissing - nothing that would draw attention to ourselves.
I had just finished everything and was trying to decide if I should wait in my new room or Jasper's when he came back down the stairs, looking flushed and shaken.
I was immediately at the foot of the stairs, waiting for him with a concerned look and open arms. "What did he say?"
Jas stopped a few steps above me, and said in a shell-shocked tone, "He wants to see you too."
I was confused, but nodded and started to move past Jasper. He stopped me with a hand on my arm and whispered, "Sex talk."
My eyes widened, and I was no longer concerned for Jas, but for myself. Sex talk? Carlisle wanted to talk? About sex? With me?
Jas saw my mortification, and it was mirrored in his own face as he gave me a slow, defeated nod. With a commiserating pat on my back, he pushed past me and left me to forge on ahead.
I didn't know how I would bring myself to knock on the study door, but Carlisle had left it gratuitously open so he saw me as soon as I reached the landing of the stairs.
"Edward," he smiled. "Come on in."
I sure as hell made sure to close the door behind me.
The room was decorated tastefully, and even had one of those large world maps on the wall that declared it a room of study and work. Two identical L-shaped desks sat in the middle of the room, pressed up against each other - the His and Hers of the professional world. Both had a glossy finish over fine, dark wood and brass loops hanging off each drawer, but Esme's had some fabric swatches on hers and Carlisle had piles of scientific textbooks on his.
Along the far wall, under a wide window that showcased the last few rays of the day's sunlight was a long couch with deep brown leather, where Carlisle motioned for us to sit.
I sat as far away from him as possible, and he gave me an understanding nod when he saw me arranging pillows so that there were more between us than behind my back.
"I'm guessing Jasper tipped you off?"
I couldn't quite force myself to answer, but I think it was obvious anyway that he had.
"Look, Edward. I don't want to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable, but as parents Esme and I want to make sure you're prepared for sex and all that it entails.
At that word I took in a sharp breath, and squeezed my eyes shut. Not even thirty seconds in, and he'd already brought up sex? I knew, right then, that this was going to be as awful as I'd feared. I covered my eyes with one hand, trying to block it out even farther while I took a few fortifying breaths. I was starting to feel a bit warm, and knew my cheeks must look flushed already.
I was quickly startled by the sound of Carlisle breathing loudly through his nose, and then couldn't help but be curious when I heard him chuckling quietly. I spread my fingers, peeking out at him from behind my hand.
When he noticed me looking he said, "I'm sorry, it's just… Jasper did that exact same thing when I started this talk with him. I think he must have gotten it from you."
Despite myself, I felt the corners of my mouth twitch at that thought. I guess that was the risk when you were so attuned to someone. I could only hope that I picked up some of Jasper's calm behavior in return.
Carlisle fixed his kind blue eyes on mine and said, "I don't want to drag this out any more than you do. I just want to make sure that you're safe, and well-informed. First, I have to ask, have you had sex yet, Edward?"
In an instant my cheeks were blazing - but not just them. My neck and chest and even my ears felt like they were burning up. Carlisle was watching me patiently, though, so I knew I wouldn't get out of answering. I supposed I could tell him it was none of his business, but that seemed more aggressive than I felt at the moment. Besides, I wanted him and Esme to trust us, and to know that we hadn't been stripping naked in their house all along while they thought we were doing homework.
My voice sounded weak and unsteady, cracking like it had during puberty, but I still managed to get out, "No. Jas and I-"
Carlisle put a hand out to stop me, looking away. He held that position, making it quite clear that I shouldn't say any more. I quickly understood his message - that this was a talk about sex, not sex with his son.
"No," I croaked out again.
Taking a deep breath, he turned back to me. "Alright. Well, I'm not going to tell you not to have sex, because I know that's just a waste of breathe. You're a teenager, and you can find ways to get away with whatever you want to. So, instead, I'm just going to say that when you do, there are a few things I want to make sure you know."
First, he talked about sex as an act of love, and how emotions can get tied up with it. That's not always the case, he'd said, but it's better when it is.
Next he talked about sex with women - the concerns and the technicalities. It sounded like he was reciting something he'd read, the way he was spouting off technical terms like a textbook. When he got to the word 'clitoris' he pronounced it in a detached, clinical way, but I still nearly choked on my own spit. I spent most of his talk tugging at my collar, trying to alleviate some of the heat was radiating from me. I tried to tune him out, thinking to myself, I can't believe he really just said that. Please just let this be over. I can't believe this is actually happening. When he picked up a brown paper bag and spilled a few condoms onto the couch cushions, I wondered desperately if it was possible to die of embarrassment.
Next, of course, he talked about sex with men. That was even worse, because I could tell he was uncomfortable too. He stumbled a lot more as he pointed out that there were different concerns when engaging in 'homosexual relations', as he put it. I was so mortified when he took a bottle of lube out of the bag that I actually began to sweat and had to take my sweater off.
Either he took pity on me, or was just as uncomfortable as I was, because at that point he told me I could go. As he said so, though, he shoved his show-and-tell items back in the bag and held it out to me. We both avoided each other's eyes when I reached out to take it, and then I practically ran to the door. The moment my hand grasped the knob, Carlisle cleared his throat and said, "Oh, Edward?"
I cursed internally, and wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my arm before turning back to him. When I did, I could see that he, too, was pulling at the collar of his business shirt like it was choking him.
"Umm" he started hesitantly, looking anywhere but at me. "Given our recent plumbing problems, Esme has asked that you make sure not to flush anything unusual in the toilets."
Toilets? Plumbing? What was there to flush?
Seeing my confusion, Carlisle dragged a hand across his stubbly chin and sighed deeply. Finally, he looked right at me and mouthed the word 'Condom'.
The room was so hot it was actually hard to breathe. In that moment, I knew that it was possible to die of embarrassment because I was already dead. This - this was hell.
I raced downstairs without looking back, and didn't stop until I got to Jasper's room. I pushed past Rosalie on the way, who yelled out, "Hey!" but I didn't even slow down until I had Jas's door firmly shut behind me.
He was laying on his bed, smirking at me but still looking a little rattled himself. "That bad?" he asked.
"Worse," I confirmed, before moving to sit on the edge of the bed and bury my face in his neck. He ran his fingers through my hair, trailing the tips along my scalp, and it went a long way towards calming me down.
I couldn't stay there long, though, because within a few minutes Esme's voice rang out. "Door open, boys! And come to dinner."
I sighed and stood up. Jas looked so peaceful lying there that I just wanted to wrap myself around him and never leave.
"At least we know they've accepted this completely," he offered, pushing himself off the bed and standing beside me.
"Yeah," I agreed.
"So next time we get caught, don't be so quick to try to get away, okay?" he said with a teasing lilt in his voice. One look at his face told me he wasn't really teasing though. His eyebrows were knitted at a steep angle and his lips were tight.
"Jas," I tried to explain, but then the rest of what he'd said caught up with me. "Next time?"
A sly grin took over his features, and I could only imagine - but wanted to experience - the evil things he was picturing in his head.
"Next time," he promised, and I didn't think we were talking about his parents anymore. It quickly came to mind that we hadn't really explored any new territory since my birthday.
His gaze zeroed in on my lips and I leaned forward, eager for just a taste of what he was promising. His mouth came closer and closer but instead of feeling his lush, warm lips against mine I felt the sharp smack of his hand against my butt cheek.
The minute I gasped he pulled away, crossing quickly to throw the door open and dart into the hallway.
Ow, I thought, rubbing a hand over my poor butt. It didn't so much hurt as it shocked me.
Still, though, I'd have to ask Jasper to rub it later.
Chapter 14