Your Biggest Fan - 11/?
Title: Your Biggest Fan
Chapter: 11/?
Fandom: Twilight
By: bythedamned
Rating: NC-17 overall
Chapter Wordcount: 8,741
Genre: AU, Slash
Pairing: Edward/Jasper
Summary: Throughout high school, the shy and over-burdened Edward Masen threw himself into work and raising his baby sister. He's always felt lucky just to be friends with track star Jasper Cullen. Now, he doesn't know if just friends is enough. AH AU Slash.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns, I just play
A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta, elveys_stuff
Eighteen. It's an important age, apparently. It signified manhood and maturity. It meant that I was an adult, capable of making important decisions and taking care of myself.
Except that when I woke up on Saturday, when I was supposedly this older and wiser man, I felt exactly like I had the day before. There were a lot of changes that were supposed to come along with turning eighteen. I could buy cigarettes (not that I ever would) and porn (not that I had anywhere to hide it) and I could vote (not that it was an election year).
Eighteen also meant I was free of my father. I never had to go home again, if I didn't want to. And I was old enough to legally get custody of Alice, if it came to that. I would, if I had to, but I was really hoping things wouldn't get that bad. I felt no more equipped to raise a teenage girl than I did to drop out of school and start earning a living.
I mean, hell, I was still letting the Cullen's feed and coddle me. I was the exact opposite of self-sufficient.
All these thoughts streaked through my mind in an incessant loop as I lay in bed the morning of my birthday. The anxiety of it all made my pulse quicken uncomfortably. I was so immersed in the thoughts of what I should do for Alice, versus what I could do for her, that I completely missed Jasper's awakening until the hand he had wrapped across my chest began to slide down to my stomach.
My body responded immediately, in several ways.
In an instant I had jerked my knees up into the position I usually employed to hide my daily erection from Jasper. With his hand already on my chest, however, it was a useless gesture; my morning wood was already reaching up towards his touch. I could feel his breath on my neck and the pressure of his fingers drifting across my ribs as his hand began to rub light circles against my shirt.
As much as I tried to remain rational, any other thoughts I had were ultimately forgotten under his touch. My whole body went Yes, and my thrumming pulse shot even higher. It wasn't until his hand began to drift lower that I began to regain my senses. I was very blatantly and undeniably hard; the army of one in my boxers stood sharply at attention like the inexperienced cadet he was.
If I didn't stop Jasper he would stumble upon it, and I had no idea how he would react. For all the nights sleeping in Jasper's arms, and all the mornings spooning, I had never once felt or seen Jas's hard-on. Would he be startled to find mine so actively participating in this cuddle session?
He placed a soft kiss on the side of my neck and whispered, thick with sleep, "Happy birthday, Edward." I could feel his even, steady breath against my skin and the wetness of his lips made me shiver. My dick strained even harder against the thin cotton concealing it.
We had barely woken up and I was already panting and horny for him. Every sensory cell in my body was aching for him to touch me, but I was afraid of the consequences. I didn't know how to explain my situation when he was so sleepy and calm, completely unaware of my struggle to appear unaffected. I knew he wasn't trying to initiate anything like that - anything sexual - because instead of sliding his hand further down my stomach, he pulled it back to rest on my hip.
As he did, though, he found the sliver of skin exposed between my shirt and my boxers. By the time his warm hand slid across my bare hip I had gotten myself so thoroughly worked up that I jerked sharply under his touch. His grip tightened around me just as my dick bobbed along with my sudden movement, tugging at my boxers. I didn't know if he had felt it, or even understood what he felt, but I knew I was cutting it too close.
Without a word I was out of bed and heading for the bathroom, my body twisted away from his view. I hunched over the sink, trying to calm my dumbass boner.
I wanted to lay in bed with Jas, I really did. I wanted to be sleepy and cuddly and talk about what we'd do with the day and watch the way his captivating blue eyes would shimmer when he blinked away the sleep. I didn't want to spring something so clearly out of his comfort zone, like an erection, on him.
I mean, we hadn't even been doing this - whatever it was we were doing - for a week. I didn't know much about dating, but I was pretty sure you didn't go waving your dick around in front of people after only a week.
I hadn't had much time to get my thoughts or my problem under control when there was a light knock, followed by Jasper's face peering around the bathroom door. I grabbed a wash cloth from beside the sink and let my hand fall, hoping the cloth would hide his view of my lower half.
"Edward?"
His eyes were still heavy-lidded with sleep, and his lengthy wavy locks were twisted up into a mess of bed hair that made it clear he would rather not be out of bed yet. I tried to get him out of the bathroom by saying, "I have to pee."
"But," he pointed out, looking mildly bewildered, "you're not. Peeing, I mean."
I pushed myself away from the sink as he swung the door fully open.
"Edward, what's going on?"
"Nothing."
He rolled his eyes. "No, seriously. You've been doing this random escape-the-room thing for a while." He waved his hands in the air as if to punctuate how random it really was. "What's the deal?"
"Nothing," I insisted. "I just had to take care of something."
I was trying to deflect his curiosity and concern, but I knew I'd missed the mark when his eyebrows suddenly furrowed and his lips pursed into an angry twist.
His words, though, were still quiet. "Last time you said that you bolted out the front door and didn't talk to me all week."
I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.
"And now you're running into the bathroom every morning like clockwork. You used to lie around until the last possible moment when you were sleeping on the couch, but now you jump up like you can't stay in bed with me one second longer. So I'm sorry, Edward, but I have to ask. What's going on?"
I had no idea he'd been so attentive, or so bothered by my self-conscious morning routine. Christ, even when I'd avoided him in the previous week - with the notable exception of when I'd left the house altogether - it had been for the exact same reason. I was surprised he could put the two together, even if he didn't know what was going on. It was clear this had been bothering him all along, and I quickly felt guilty for putting him on edge.
"Jas," I said soothingly, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get away from you." Even though I was. "It's just something… personal that keeps coming up."
Har har, no pun intended.
The annoyed expression dropped from his face as he surveyed the bathroom behind me, before gazing at me once again. "Edward," he asked, with a twinge of worry in his voice, "are you okay? I mean, if there's something wrong, you can tell me. Plus, you can ask Dad anything, honest. Patient confidentiality, and all that."
I groaned and took a moment to clap my hands over my eyes, shutting out the conversation while I tried to group my thoughts. The only thing more embarrassing than hiding a boner from my oblivious bed partner was hiding it from my endearingly and overly-concerned bed partner.
"Jas, it's nothing. Really. This whole thing has just gotten out of hand. Can we just forget it?"
He stepped fully into the bathroom then, letting the door click shut behind him as he stepped directly up to me. I awkwardly kept the washcloth between us, but he took no notice of it. Instead, he laid his hands lightly on my chest, his face a snapshot of concern, as he said, "If it's gonna keep happening, I'm gonna keep worrying. Can you at least tell me if you're okay?"
Mortification doesn't even begin to cover how I was feeling. I could feel the embarrassment flushing up my neck to my cheeks, my whole body prickling with awkward self-awareness. Here Jas was, my best friend in the whole world, getting all worked up over whether I was sick or hurting or whatever, and I was just trying to hide my perfectly normal teenage urges from him.
If I had known things were going to get so unbelievably awkward, I would have just poked him with the damn thing in bed in the first place.
Okay, maybe not. But I would have at least hid it better.
Now, though. Now I had to tell him, because I couldn't stand for him to look so upset over something that wasn't even a problem to begin with.
I couldn't look him in the eye, so I turned my head into my shoulder and mumbled an answer.
"What?" he asked gently, sliding a hand up to my cheek and turned me to face him. "I didn't hear you."
I still couldn't look at him, though, so I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a slow and stilted whisper. "When I wake up. With you. I'm…. hard."
He didn't say anything, or move his hands even the slightest bit, and the silence was pounding in my ears like my humiliation had a voice and was screaming.
Finally, I couldn't stand not knowing and peeked one eye open to look at him. His eyebrows had shot up practically into his hairline, but he looked like he was… laughing? Or, actually, trying not to laugh.
"Jas?"
"Are you serious?" he asked.
Well, I sure as hell wasn't the one laughing.
He let out a bark of laughter and let his forehead fall onto my shoulder, where he proceeded to shake his head side to side.
Well, he wasn't running, or pissed, which I counted as a good sign.
"Oh my god, Edward," he finally said, exasperated. "I thought you were offended. Or sick, or-" He pulled his head up to see me. "I thought so many things. But it turns out that you've just got some wood! Was that the problem last week too?"
I nodded, almost imperceptibly, and he just shook his head with more laughter. I failed to see his amusement.
"I thought that might be it," he admitted." At first. But then, it just happened all the time."
"Yes," I confirmed, completely deadpan. This wasn't fucking funny to me. "It happened all. the. time."
I was still overwhelmed by self-consciousness and bitter embarrassment, which made it impossible for me to find my humiliating erections funny. And I certainly didn't appreciate being laughed at.
That's probably why, despite his broad grin and gentle touch, I was immediately defensive when he asked, "Why didn't you say something sooner?"
Me? I wasn't the one who pulled us into the same bed without a single fucking word. And I had tried to convince myself I was okay with that, but not if he was going to act like all the silence was my fault when I had been waiting for him to say something, anything, all week.
"How was I supposed to say something, when you can't talk and touch me at the same time?"
Just like that, all the levity in Jas's demeanor was gone. His eyes narrowed and he stepped completely away from me, practically backing himself up against the bathroom door. "What was I supposed to say, Edward? You jumped out of bed every morning like I was fucking burning you. I had no idea what would set you off. I was waiting for some kind of sign that you weren't freaked out by all of this." He gestured sharply to the space between us.
"Of course I was freaked out," I answered, my rebuttal getting a little heated. "I had no idea what I was doing, and I was hoping you at least clue me in a little. I mean, you started this."
As soon as I said it, I regretted it. It sounded far more like an accusation than I'd meant it to.
I heard the sharp inhale he took through his nose and saw the way his shoulders tensed. His messy bed hair and squinted eyes just added to his ragged appearance. In an instant his hand was on the knob behind him, and he backed out of the bathroom with a quiet but very firm command. "Don't yell."
I sighed heavily, dragging a hand across my face. I didn't want to yell, I only wanted to talk. I hadn't even realized I was raising my voice. For all the times I'd wished Jas would just open up about all this, I never thought it'd dissolve into an argument.
I followed him back into his bedroom, finding him as far away from me as possible, in the corner by the window. He had his back to me, like he was directing his attention to something through the window, except that the blinds were drawn. He had opted to stare at nothing rather than look at me.
The hunch of his shoulders and the way his arms were crossed tightly across his chest made it clear - even from the back - how shitty and dejected he felt.
"Jas," I said from across the room, keeping my voice low, but he didn't respond. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? This is all really new so, yeah, I was freaking out, okay? But only because I had no idea what I was doing or what you were thinking."
Still, he made no move or sound, so I pressed on.
"I mean, two weeks ago I thought I was into girls."
That certainly got his attention, but when he twisted his head to look at me he seemed even more pained than he had before.
His voice was soft but strained. "Two weeks?"
I didn't even need to recount the time, since I'd measured it in my head so many times already. I nodded my head encouragingly, hoping he would just understand my insecurities like he usually could. "Just two weeks. It takes some figuring out, you know?"
I mean, he had to know. He had to understand. This was new and intimidating and confusing for both of us. He had to understand that I wasn't mad, that I didn't mean to fight. I just had a hard time talking because I didn't know what to say yet.
When he turned to face me completely, though, he didn't look understanding. He looked cold, and rigid. The piercing blue of his eyes that usually drew me in were suddenly guarded, keeping me out. "So this is like… what?" he asked in a bitter whisper. "A trial run? Some kind of experiment?"
What? "No. Jas, of course not." I reached out for him, even though he was still the length of the room away, but he continued to stare at me unflinchingly.
His lips were pulled into a taught line and his hands gripped his own biceps, as if for support. "Do you regret this?"
How could he even think that?
"No," I insisted, finally crossing the empty space between us. I made to grab his hands, to hold them and insist that he calm down and warm up and stop giving me that icy stare, but he refused to uncurl his fingers from around his arms. Even standing right in front of him, it felt like there was an immeasurable distance between us, and I finally began to realize what he was saying. I didn't regret it but … "Do you regret it?" I asked timidly.
Without missing a beat, he nodded stiffly. "I do if you do. If you're gonna run and hide and do this thing half-assed while you figure out if you even want to do it at all, then yeah. I sure as hell do."
His words were like ice down my back, and I felt uncomfortably chilled beside his sun-warmed window.
Jasper was clearly angry. Even though he wasn't yelling or anything, his posture and his expression carried so much pain and defensiveness, and I knew it was my fault. I had done this to him, with my insecurities and my Masen temper and my complete inability to ever say the right thing.
Maybe we were better off not talking. Maybe I should have enjoyed the peace and pleasure while I had it.
But now, with him all pissed and closed off and talking about trial runs and regret, the damage was already done. I wasn't sure how I'd managed it, but the boy that had been stroking my hip and whispering happy birthday in my ear now looked like he refused to ever touch me again.
I wasn't sure I could handle that. Everything he and I had shared over the past week was nerve-wracking and puzzling, but good. So, so good. And I didn't want to let that go.
I had learned to live without a lot of things in my life. I had given up all my friends when we moved from Phoenix, before I'd had to let go of my parents too. And now, somehow, I'd lost Ali's trust on top of all that. But if Jasper wanted to take himself away too…
His strained voice interrupted my thoughts, but it was the imploring edge to it that caught my attention. The slant of his eyebrows had softened some, but he still held himself carefully away from me. "Edward? Please say something."
I stared back at him mutely.
"You're doing that thing, Edward, where I know you have eight million thoughts in your head but you're not saying anything. I need to know what you're thinking."
I wasn't even sure how to put it into words, so I reached up to wrap my arms around his shoulders, wishing for all the world that if I could just press him close enough we'd fit together again. He didn't return the embrace, not even bothering to drop his arms, but I didn't let go anyway.
Finally, I said into his ear, "I've lost a lot of things, Jas. But I can't lose you."
I felt his arms slide down to his sides passively, and I took the opportunity to hold him closer.
"If you're not sure about this," he started, "I can't do it. This isn't just some adolescent experiment for me."
The hesitance and pain in his voice cut me deeply, because I knew I had put it there. In the course of a morning - or maybe throughout my whole process of self-discovery, I didn't really know - I'd somehow managed to make him doubt my intentions despite all the amazingly tender kissing and cuddling we'd shared.
"Jas," I said as I tucked my head into his neck, still willing us to be closer. "I don't know what I'm doing, but this," this what? relationship? "this, with you, feels like the best thing I've ever done." It wasn't eloquent, but it was true. "Does that make sense?"
Finally, Jasper let out a deep breath and moved his limp arms up to my waist, wrapping them around me and squeezing lightly. I still held on tightly, ashamed of my insecurities and the drama I'd caused, but so glad to feel him touch me once again.
He pulled back slightly to place his lips on mine in what I realized was our first kiss of the day. I kissed him back eagerly, clutching tightly, until we were gently swaying like we were slow-dancing to the rhythm of our own affection. We kissed for a while, all relief and intimacy, until he pressed his forehead against mine, letting our noses bump between us.
"I really like you," he professed quietly, letting his thumb sweep miniature circles against my lower back in an affectionate gesture.
While my mind went duh, I still couldn't stop my heart from beating with extra exuberance, like it was casting a vote in favor of his declaration.
"What exactly are we doing?"
He was asking me? Hadn't I already proved that I was completely inept at this talking-about-relationships thing?
Of course, even as I thought that, I realized I might already know the answer to his question. Was this a relationship?
I blinked a bit, buying time with my arms still cradling him, before I finally said, "Dating? Are we dating?"
He took a deep breath and asked, "Like… boyfriends?"
Oh my god. Boyfriends. I was somebody's boyfriend.
I mean, it's not like it was that odd of a thing. It was the natural course of life to like someone enough to want to take them out on dates and make them laugh and run your fingertips over their skin. Of course, I never thought that someone would be a guy, or my best friend, but those were merely technicalities from where I was standing.
His eyes were searching mine, even as he pressed on. "I want to go out on dates and hold hands and buy each other dinner and do all the normal stuff, like a normal couple." His expression became more and more vulnerable until I realized I hadn't actually said anything yet, at which point I nodded wildly.
"Yes. Absolutely, yes. Boyfriends. Only… can we not tell anyone yet?"
I wanted to get comfortable with just us, before we opened up our new relationship - relationship! - to the whole world.
"Um," he hedged, before nodding along. "Of course."
I grinned stupidly, repeating one word over and over in my head. Boyfriends. Boyfriends boyfriends boyfriends.
He grinned back, wide enough to show his shallow dimples, and I gave up any semblance of self control.
I stepped forward, pushing him against the wall beside the window, and kissed him heartily. I had trouble containing my excitement, and when our teeth clacked from our smiling kisses I slid my lips down to his neck.
He turned his head, giving me full access to the soft expanse of skin that led from his ear to his shoulder, and fisted my shirt at my sides.
I kissed the lobe of his ear before again whispering, "Boyfriends."
Apparently happiness reduces me to a bumbling idiot, or a really smart parrot, but I didn't care either way.
In response, Jas slid his grip down to my hips, saying, "Edward? Next time you wake up with a happy under the covers?"
"Mm-hmm?" I refused to unlatch myself from his neck, or dwell on the burning embarrassment I'd felt earlier in the morning.
He brought his lips to my ear, murmuring, "I just want you to remember one thing."
With that, he shifted his weight so that his legs were staggered with mine, and pulled my hips flush against him.
I felt it, nestled into the joint of my hip and against my thigh, all firm and thick and hard. I felt it. It.
Oh my god. Jasper's hard for me. Hard for me, just like I was for him. It's so long and it's touching me and I could touch it back.
I wanted to, but I was rendered completely immobile from the shock. I gasped into his neck, feeling my fingers curl into claws that sunk themselves into his skin as I held on tightly.
I finally pulled my head up, which only pressed our lower halves more firmly together and I reveled in the feel of his stiffness between us. He watched me as I stared wondrously at him, both of us thinking about his dick pressed up against my thigh. Which, of course, led me to think about my own dick, which was absolutely saluting Jasper where he stood.
"I didn't know, I mean, I never felt, or saw or, you know," I sputtered through my amazement.
"Well," he smirked. "I've had several more months to practice hiding it." He looked a little sheepish, but also really excited about the idea of not hiding it anymore.
I wanted to ask about it, like how many months and how I had never noticed, but he attacked my lips greedily. He let his hands fall down to the line of my boxers and eventually to my butt. His hands rested there with light pressure as we ground our hips against each other's. I decided it felt so nice that I moved a hand down to rest along the curve of his ass too.
I knew he had a nice ass, but damn.
It felt completely wanton of me to grope and grind against him without restraint, but our newly declared status made me bold.
Of course, it couldn't last. As it grew later - practically noon, I was soon told - a knock from Esme on the door called us out for a birthday breakfast of blueberry pancakes. We jumped apart before Jasper croaked for her to come in, and we both attentively hid behind chairs while she chattered brightly about flavors of syrup.
After a breakfast which had quickly become brunch, we spent the rest of the afternoon basically making it the best birthday I'd ever had.
We made out in his room, and the tree house, and even in the living room and kitchen when no one was watching.
Instead of feeling isolated and uncertain, like I had all week, it felt like the time we spent kissing just reaffirmed our affections. And Jasper was, surprisingly, anything but quiet now that we'd confronted the silence.
He'd murmur against my skin as he kissed and caressed me, whispering his fondness for my collarbones, my fingers, and the curve of my neck. It was overwhelming, in the most delicious way.
Our kisses were deep and our hands were steady, adventurous even, as the roamed over each other. That is, until they dipped below the belt. I enjoyed the feel of his palm against my butt, or my knee, and we were both painfully aware of our twin erections. But, even as we pressed our pelvises together, our hands still avoided that important area all together.
Not that I minded - in fact, I was kind of glad. We had come so far in only a day, and it was a bit of a relief to not jump straight into everything that being boyfriends entailed.
The opportunity to take a breather came later in the afternoon. Ali showed up with, I was surprised to see, Bella trailing behind her. Esme, of course, welcomed them in as if they were both my family, or her own.
Ali looked much as she had all week, wearing dark colors and those crazy amber contacts that shifted each time she blinked. She was in baggy army-green cargo pants and some black mesh tank top thing that I didn't really understand. Bella was sporting her typical nondescript jeans and sweater look, appearing even more conventional next to Alice's new foray into goth stylings. Or was that punk? Emo? I had no idea.
Just as the girls were taking off their coats Rosalie slipped past us, obviously eager to get away from us and our birthday celebration.
She paused, though, just steps in front of Alice and took a few seconds to look her over, head to toe.
"Angst looks good on you," she mused, before stalking out the front door.
We all did our best to pretend that hadn't happened. It certainly didn't help Ali's moon (mood) though.
Conversation was a little stilted after the expected 'happy birthday's, reminding me that regardless of how far Jas and I had come in only a week, Alice and I were still very much at odds. She wasn't yelling at me anymore, but hadn't really managed to smile since I dropped off her clothes either - at least, not at me. In fact, every morning her smile was pointed directly away from my car, towards Mr. Tall, Dark and Gangly.
After a few more pleasantries Jasper finally asked how set design was going, which put some perk into Alice's posture. Sitting on the couch beside Jas, I wanted to squeeze his hand or bump his shoulder in thanks for the effortless way he seemed to put everyone at ease, but I knew it would be too obvious a gesture.
Ali rambled on, talking very seriously about the strategies behind well-designed sets, and how friendly all the designers and techies were.
I supposed I should be happy that she was making more friends, even if it meant she was avoiding me at school. Bella, beside her, looked wistful but threw in occasional comments of the backdrops she'd seen and the plot of Midsummer Night's Dream. I wondered if she was jealous or lonely now that Alice was spending so much time with the theater group, but she never actually said anything to suggest it.
Esme poked her head into the living room eventually, a clutch of herbs from her window-sill garden in one hand. "I was thinking of roast chicken for tonight. Girls, are you staying for dinner?"
Bella blushed at some invisible cue, but Alice piped right up and said, "No thanks, Esme. We have plans."
I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Plans?"
"It's a party," Bella informed us, like she wasn't sure whether to grin or spit at the word 'party'. "We'd invite you but, uh." Her eyes flickered to Ali's, whose expression made it damn clear that they would not invite us, regardless of whether or not Bella came up with an excuse.
Not that I wanted to go to some freshman party, anyway.
Luckily, Jas waved away Bella's stuttering and chuckled, effectively masking any awkward ill-intent Alice was harboring. "Don't worry 'bout us. I'm sure Edward and I can amuse ourselves for the night."
Damn straight we could.
"Is Charlie taking you?" I asked. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about the goings-on at any Charlie-approved party.
"Actually," Bella answered, "Dad's coming too. He has some friends on the rez."
"You're going to a rez party?" I blurted, unable to contain my surprise and curiosity. The rez was known for some seriously rowdy shit. Their parties were full of salvia or peyote or peace pipes, or whatever it was they passed around, not to mention all the plain old weed and booze. Or, so I'd heard, as I'd never actually been invited to one. "Did Seth Clearwater invite you?"
As soon as I said his name Alice turned to face Bella completely, making emphatic eye contact that spoke loudly of everything she was silently thinking. "Bella!" she hissed.
Her hands were balled by her sides, and Bella immediately recoiled into the stiff sofa cushions behind her.
I stuck a hand out to shield Bella from her mental daggers, though it did no good. "She didn't say anything. Charlie told me."
Alice deflated some, removing her aggressive stare from Bella, but didn't apologize to her. "Oh."
"Ahh," Jasper proclaimed loudly, taking the bait since he was the only one she was unlikely to be angry with. "So Alice here is rather fond of this Seth guy." He knew who Seth Clearwater was, I had filled him in on everything, but he was probably right not to tell Ali that.
"He likes me too," she muttered, avoiding any and all eye contact. "He's my, um…"
"Boyfriend," Bella bravely finished for her. "He asked her out two days ago."
It didn't escape my notice that my baby sister, who was four years younger and barely into high school, got herself a boyfriend before I did. But that wasn't the point.
Her ire seemed to have faded to discomfort and she was idly picking at the loose threads of her mesh top. "Ali," I said quietly, "that's awesome."
Through her thick eyelashes and messy, cropped bangs, she finally looked up at me. "Yeah, it really is," she said, a small smile twisting away at her lips.
I knew then that it was this Seth guy who was behind all her smiles this week. Even the one directed at me was because of him. That must have been why she was all cheery on Thursday - he'd asked her out.
As much as it weirded me out that my little sister was dating, and that this Seth guy could talk to her and get her to smile and laugh when I couldn't, I was relieved to know that something was making her happy, at least.
"I can't wait to meet him," I said earnestly.
And, bam. The smile was gone.
"I don't know," she hedged, and Jasper let out a low chuckle at her rapid mood swings. She continued, "It might be kind of awkward. He's not like anyone around."
"Oh, come on Ali. I've met rez kids before."
A jolt of anger flashed across her face. "He's not a rez kid."
"Okay. Okay, sorry." I held up my hands defensively. Clearly I had stepped on a sore subject, and I had no interest in aggravating her further.
"Anyway. I think if he's gonna be hanging out with our girls here," Jas commented casually, cracking his knuckles for effect, "we definitely have to meet him."
"No!" Ali protested. "No. That's the other thing. You don't get to be all annoying and over-protective." As she said so, she flexed her delicate arms and puffed out her chest in what I was sure was a terrible impression of me.
"Aww," Jas faked a whine, still trying to keep things light. "But that's half the fun. We'll get to beat up your boyfriends, won't we Bella?"
He turned to her with a wink that brought a whole new shade of red into her flushed cheeks.
"Seriously," I asked, trying to keep the levity in my voice. "Don't I get to meet him? I promise not be intimidating."
She rolled her eyes, finally relaxing back against the love seat. "You're not intimidating, Edward."
"Sure I am," I tried to joke, but any hints of amusement drifted from her face as swiftly as they'd come.
"Edward," she said with rigid eye contact. "You can't protect me from everything. Stop trying."
The implications of her words were not lost on me, and anything I might have said got stuck in my throat. I really wanted to keep talking, to push through the isolation and turmoil to find common ground again, like Jasper and I had this morning. It was clear, though, that the rift between Ali and me would not be so easy to repair.
When Esme leaned through the kitchen doorway moments later to ask if anyone wanted to help ice the cake, Ali shot up without another word.
"I think she's just nervous," Bella said helpfully.
"It's not like I would ever be mean to her new boyfriend."
"I know," she said with a delicate shrug. "I told her you'd be happy for her no matter who she dated. I mean, she'd do the same for you. Even if you liked someone unexpected."
Bella was studiously picking at her fingernails as she spoke, and it afforded Jas and I the chance to steal a look at each other.
"Anyway," she continued. "He's really nice. You'll like him."
She jumped up then, and followed after Alice to the kitchen.
"Well," Jas said, clearing this throat. "That was interesting."
Sure, if interesting meant temperamental and laden with subtext. Jas had done his best to smooth the conversation over, though.
"Thanks for trying."
He shot me a resigned half-smile before we, too, headed to the kitchen.
Carlisle soon joined us with an envelope for me. We all completely ruined our appetites for dinner with coconut cake, which was delicious, before Ali and Bella pulled out small packages wrapped in last week's comics section like my mom used to do when we were kids.
I had long since become accustomed to exchanging gifts with the Cullens, so I thanked everyone and happily opened the few presents they'd set out. Carlisle and Esme had written me a long note, which I took the time to silently read before them. It welcomed me into their home, officially, and promised to help me move into and furnish a dorm room, wherever I went to college. I knew that, despite being only ink and paper, I was actually holding a very expensive present in my hands. I resigned myself to wait until later to haggle over how much they would contribute financially, though.
The P.S. of their letter mentioned a little something to help me make an impression when I finally did have to meet a whole school full of new people. The small box they pushed towards me held a bottle of cologne, which I hesitantly spritzed on my arm and let the girls smell. They both nodded enthusiastically, but it was Jas's reaction I paid the closest attention to. He said nothing, but his eyes were slightly unfocussed in a way I was just beginning to realize indicated desire.
I sprayed a bit more on my neck, and moved along.
Alice gave me a wool scarf that looked very Halloween-ish with its thick black and orange stripes until I read the Princeton name embroidered into it. Under that were the words 'Class of 2014'. It reminded me that I hadn't yet told her my change of heart about leaving the northwest - hell, I hadn't told her about any of the recent changes in my life - but I thanked her warmly anyway.
The box from Jasper held a duplicate of my Forks High Track jersey, which puzzled me until I turned it over to see RACIN' MASEN written on the back where my name belonged. I felt proud at the thought of my opponents seeing that as I beat them to the finish line. Especially if that opponent was Jacob Black.
Bella's gift turned out to be a mixed CD that she had made herself. A quick glance at the track listings revealed, well, nothing. I couldn't tell what mood or theme she was going for with such a wide variety of music, but I thanked her all the same.
We all chatted amicably for a while, but as the girls made to leave Esme stood up and announced, "Actually, Alice, I have something for you too."
Ali looked at me questioningly, but I had no answers for her as Esme led her towards the guest room. Carlisle, who seemed to be the only other person who knew what was going on, took that moment to excuse himself.
When Ali returned more than ten minutes later with a paper bag tucked under her arm, her first move was to punch her tiny fist straight into my arm. It didn't hurt, but it sure as hell shocked me.
I protected my bicep with my other hand and asked, "What the hell, Ali?"
She leaned toward me to whisper harshly, "That's for telling Esme to buy me tampons."
I pulled away from her, astounded and stuttering. "What? No, I-. That's not what… Tampons?" Who had ever said anything about tampons? That was a subject I was glad to know next to nothing about.
I remembered, then, the slew of questions I'd come to Esme with, and her promise to talk to Alice. They had been gone long enough that I assumed Esme had done more than just hand over a box of supplies.
I'd have to remember to thank Esme later.
I was still completely unprepared to actually sit there and discuss tampons, of all things, with my sister.
Apparently, watching me get all flustered and spluttering was payback enough, because the hint of a smirk tugged at her mouth. She sighed, completely exasperated, but I got the feeling I was at least partially forgiven.
After that, though, Alice was more than ready to escape the Cullen household, and Jas and I walked the girls to the door as Esme got her keys.
I was surprised again when Alice slipped her arms around my waist for a quick hug. It was hard to hear, but I think she whispered, "Thanks."
Louder, she said, "Don't ever do that again."
I could tell from the crinkle at her eyes that she still thought that my approaching Esme about her woman-ness was funny, so I just nodded along penitently.
"Happy birthday, Edward."
"Thanks, Ali."
Jasper's relief was practically palpable when they left. I couldn't blame him; Alice's mood swings were certainly jarring. I had seen her smile, though, and these days that was all it took to count as a good day in my book.
Plus, as much as I enjoyed the insight into my sister's new social life, it was still easier when it was just me and Jas.
We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out, by which I mean making out, in between watching movies and having a generally lazy day.
Esme came to wish us goodnight in a quieter moment, and smiled warmly when I confirmed that I did, indeed, have a wonderful birthday. She ruffled Jas's hair on her way out of the room, but stopped and turned with her nose wrinkled. After a brief pause, she let out a soft laugh.
"Maybe a little less cologne next time, for both of you. Goodnight, boys."
I felt a blush invade my cheeks almost immediately but, luckily, she had already shut the door behind her. Jasper, too, was transfixed. His eyes had gone so wide they were practically bugging out of his head.
After we were sufficiently sure Esme was out of hearing range, Jasper burst into a fit of bashful giggles, and I quickly joined in.
"Do I smell like you?" he asked, approaching me and offering his arm for a sniff.
"I don't know," I said, not even bothering. "I already smell like me, so I can't tell."
"No more cologne," he said decisively.
I agreed. No more cologne.
I soon traipsed off to the bathroom, as had become my routine. I found myself in front of the mirror debating with myself, but found that it was a fairly easy decision to finally lose the night shirt. I pulled it over my head impulsively before stepping back into the bedroom in my boxers. Upon seeing me, Jas dropped the shirt that was in his hands back into his drawer and turned to me, all smiles and skin.
He had this line that ran straight down his stomach, defining his abs, that disappeared into the small tuft of dirty blond hair escaping from his boxers. It was a pretty line. I did my best not to stare.
You've seen it before, I told myself. You've had full access to those muscles all day, but it didn't seem to help.
We soon crawled into bed, happy but exhausted. Making out is taxing work, apparently.
Not so taxing that we didn't resume once we were under the covers, though. It was practically comical how, now that we'd admitted our feelings, we spent nearly every moment of the day expressing physical affection.
I lay in the thin space between his arms and his body, with one arm and one leg flung over him. His hands swept large arcs across my back, pressing me securely against him.
It was the first time that we had been both shirtless and intimate, ever. The sheer amount of skin we had touching was completely breathtaking.
I trailed my fingers down his chest, tracing the muscles of his stomach and feeling the tiny quivering breaths he took whenever I brushed my fingers over a particularly sensitive spot.
My crotch was pressed up against his thigh, just as his was to mine, and the sensations were divine. Within just a few minutes of smooching and rubbing I was so flushed that I threw the covers off to below our knees. I could feel our chests, slick with sweat, slide against each other as we moved.
For all my previous self control and hesitance, I couldn't help but rub myself gently against his leg. Jas, too, was undulating his hips so that I could feel his stiffness move against me. I kissed him desperately, moving my lips from his mouth to his neck to his ear.
He seemed to like it when I ran the tip of my tongue along the shell of his ear. And by like it, I mean his hands would grab at my flesh and his whole body would tense as he made these soft, breathy moans. I delighted in bringing him that kind of pleasure, and did it several times just to feel his reaction. I loved the need with which he grabbed at me, and the feeling of being wanted and possessed at the same time.
As I ran my hands along the smooth skin of his broad shoulders and chest, the pads of his fingers were gently tracing the top hem of my boxers. When they dipped below the fabric, onto the bare skin of my ass, I stilled. Craning my neck to look at him, I found him watching me attentively. When I made no move to stop him, though, he continued palming me in a long sweep that followed the curve of my behind to the crease where it met the back of my thigh. That, I found, was a very sensitive spot, and I gritted my teeth to keep quiet.
"Does that feel good?" Jas whispered, as I burrowed my face in his neck. He made the sweep a few more times, pushing my straining hard-on against his body each time. Eventually, he let the tips of his fingers slip down to my inner thigh before sliding back up, and I nodded shamelessly as I panted heavily against his skin.
My whole body felt awkward and out of place, but my skin was tingling with the sensation of his touch and I couldn't bring myself to care. My dick felt like it was pulsing against his leg of its own accord.
When he twisted his hand to grip my hip, actually letting his thumb fall below my body and swipe across the tender skin just inside my hipbone, I groaned softly and gave up trying to do anything but feel. Instead, I just wrapped my fingers around his muscular shoulders and hung on.
He had never been so bold before, but then, I had never wanted it so badly either. I was astounded that, with just the tiny circle of his thumb beside my pubic bone, he had reduced me to incoherency. To be fair, though, I had been aching for him all day without any hope of receiving such a wonderful gift as this.
He skimmed his free hand across my heated back to grip my other hip, and continued massaging my sensitive skin on both sides, stretching both his hands until they were practically touching my dick. The teasing was unbearable, as with each circle he got progressively closer to where I so desperately wanted him to touch, but refused to actually make contact. I couldn't help but groan more loudly as my hips made shallow thrusts into his waiting hands.
I was almost embarrassed by how shamelessly I needed his touch, but then I remembered how he'd pressed his steel erection into me this morning - the same erection that was presently trapped against my thigh - and I gave up trying to restrain myself. I pushed myself fully against his leg, and my groans turned into a sharp whimper.
"Do you want this?"
I nodded desperately, whispering my pleas against his neck, and he moved one finger to the tip of my dick, tracing it gently.
I had obviously taken a hand to myself countless times, but it'd felt nothing like this. I wanted his hands on me so badly, I was reduced to begging.
"Please, Jas. I'm sorry, I just n-"
"Shh," his cool breath hit the sweat on my neck. "No sorries." As he said so, his full hand cupped the base of my shaft and gave it a quick squeeze.
I was flooded with so much sensation and relief, I nearly popped.
"I love touching you," he murmured, and I clutched myself to him harder so that I was moaning directly into his ear. "It's so sexy to hear you moan for me."
He shifted my hips away from his leg to that he could get a complete grip on my shaft, using the precum I had been leaking to slicken his way. He somehow maneuvered his other hand to tug lightly on my balls, and I couldn't help but moan deeply.
"Ugh, god. Jasper."
He moaned in response, repeating the actions several times while I trembled and moaned helplessly against him.
Simultaneously, he palmed my balls and slid his slick fist down my shaft, and I just couldn't take it anymore.
I seized up, pressing my throbbing dick into his hand one last time and shot jets of hot stickiness all over my stomach and arm. My whole body convulsed, and the unrestrained cries I made into his skin made Jasper groan in return.
When I finally settled down, I left my face pressed into the sweaty curve of Jas's neck.
"Edward," he called on a whisper, planting tender kisses in my sweaty hair. "Edward, look at me."
I finally did, and when I met his gaze his eyes shone with intensity even in the near-darkness.
"That was the gift I wanted to give you. Happy birthday." He seemed so pleased with himself, and with me, and he never took his eyes off mine.
"We made a mess," I lamented, but he just chuckled with a crooked smile.
"Sure did."
He kissed me once, his tongue hot against my own, before gingerly sliding his hand out of my boxers and rolling out of the bed. Once the rush of my orgasm subsided, I felt weighted and heavy against the soft pillows that smelled like cologne and Jasper and sweat. He wiped himself off with a dirty shirt from his hamper, before bringing another one over to me.
When he slid back into bed, quickly dabbing at the remaining mess with the second t-shirt, I reached for him.
He grabbed my wrist, though, restraining me. "You can barely keep your eyes open," he commented, amused.
"I know," I said, still making an uncoordinated attempt to run my hands along his taught stomach. "But you-"
"In the morning," he whispered, tucking me into his side like I'd been before. "Sleep now."
I was so tired it was difficult to argue, but I kissed him in thanks and told him how lucky I was to have such a sexy boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
The last thing I remember from the night was nuzzling my head against Jas's shoulder as I lay half on top of him, one leg tangled with his, all sweaty and shirtless and drowsily content. He planted one final kiss in my hair as he pulled the covers up to our waists.
I was awoken, far earlier than I would have liked, by a loud noise I couldn't place.
I stirred against Jasper, still cradled against his side, with his hand splayed against my back.
"What was that?" I mumbled.
"Dunno. Sleep." He sounded even groggier than I felt.
Our peaceful half-sleep didn't last long though because, within a few minutes, there was a loud rap at the door. We had no time to respond before Esme marched herself into the room, clearly furious.
I barely had time to process that we'd been caught half-naked in bed together. Her disbelief registered, though, and a sinking feeling came over me when she said, "Family meeting in the kitchen in half an hour. Shower first."
She was almost in the doorway when she looked back over her shoulder to add a stern, "Separately."
Chapter 12
Chapter: 11/?
Fandom: Twilight
By: bythedamned
Rating: NC-17 overall
Chapter Wordcount: 8,741
Genre: AU, Slash
Pairing: Edward/Jasper
Summary: Throughout high school, the shy and over-burdened Edward Masen threw himself into work and raising his baby sister. He's always felt lucky just to be friends with track star Jasper Cullen. Now, he doesn't know if just friends is enough. AH AU Slash.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns, I just play
A/N: Thanks to my awesome beta, elveys_stuff
Eighteen. It's an important age, apparently. It signified manhood and maturity. It meant that I was an adult, capable of making important decisions and taking care of myself.
Except that when I woke up on Saturday, when I was supposedly this older and wiser man, I felt exactly like I had the day before. There were a lot of changes that were supposed to come along with turning eighteen. I could buy cigarettes (not that I ever would) and porn (not that I had anywhere to hide it) and I could vote (not that it was an election year).
Eighteen also meant I was free of my father. I never had to go home again, if I didn't want to. And I was old enough to legally get custody of Alice, if it came to that. I would, if I had to, but I was really hoping things wouldn't get that bad. I felt no more equipped to raise a teenage girl than I did to drop out of school and start earning a living.
I mean, hell, I was still letting the Cullen's feed and coddle me. I was the exact opposite of self-sufficient.
All these thoughts streaked through my mind in an incessant loop as I lay in bed the morning of my birthday. The anxiety of it all made my pulse quicken uncomfortably. I was so immersed in the thoughts of what I should do for Alice, versus what I could do for her, that I completely missed Jasper's awakening until the hand he had wrapped across my chest began to slide down to my stomach.
My body responded immediately, in several ways.
In an instant I had jerked my knees up into the position I usually employed to hide my daily erection from Jasper. With his hand already on my chest, however, it was a useless gesture; my morning wood was already reaching up towards his touch. I could feel his breath on my neck and the pressure of his fingers drifting across my ribs as his hand began to rub light circles against my shirt.
As much as I tried to remain rational, any other thoughts I had were ultimately forgotten under his touch. My whole body went Yes, and my thrumming pulse shot even higher. It wasn't until his hand began to drift lower that I began to regain my senses. I was very blatantly and undeniably hard; the army of one in my boxers stood sharply at attention like the inexperienced cadet he was.
If I didn't stop Jasper he would stumble upon it, and I had no idea how he would react. For all the nights sleeping in Jasper's arms, and all the mornings spooning, I had never once felt or seen Jas's hard-on. Would he be startled to find mine so actively participating in this cuddle session?
He placed a soft kiss on the side of my neck and whispered, thick with sleep, "Happy birthday, Edward." I could feel his even, steady breath against my skin and the wetness of his lips made me shiver. My dick strained even harder against the thin cotton concealing it.
We had barely woken up and I was already panting and horny for him. Every sensory cell in my body was aching for him to touch me, but I was afraid of the consequences. I didn't know how to explain my situation when he was so sleepy and calm, completely unaware of my struggle to appear unaffected. I knew he wasn't trying to initiate anything like that - anything sexual - because instead of sliding his hand further down my stomach, he pulled it back to rest on my hip.
As he did, though, he found the sliver of skin exposed between my shirt and my boxers. By the time his warm hand slid across my bare hip I had gotten myself so thoroughly worked up that I jerked sharply under his touch. His grip tightened around me just as my dick bobbed along with my sudden movement, tugging at my boxers. I didn't know if he had felt it, or even understood what he felt, but I knew I was cutting it too close.
Without a word I was out of bed and heading for the bathroom, my body twisted away from his view. I hunched over the sink, trying to calm my dumbass boner.
I wanted to lay in bed with Jas, I really did. I wanted to be sleepy and cuddly and talk about what we'd do with the day and watch the way his captivating blue eyes would shimmer when he blinked away the sleep. I didn't want to spring something so clearly out of his comfort zone, like an erection, on him.
I mean, we hadn't even been doing this - whatever it was we were doing - for a week. I didn't know much about dating, but I was pretty sure you didn't go waving your dick around in front of people after only a week.
I hadn't had much time to get my thoughts or my problem under control when there was a light knock, followed by Jasper's face peering around the bathroom door. I grabbed a wash cloth from beside the sink and let my hand fall, hoping the cloth would hide his view of my lower half.
"Edward?"
His eyes were still heavy-lidded with sleep, and his lengthy wavy locks were twisted up into a mess of bed hair that made it clear he would rather not be out of bed yet. I tried to get him out of the bathroom by saying, "I have to pee."
"But," he pointed out, looking mildly bewildered, "you're not. Peeing, I mean."
I pushed myself away from the sink as he swung the door fully open.
"Edward, what's going on?"
"Nothing."
He rolled his eyes. "No, seriously. You've been doing this random escape-the-room thing for a while." He waved his hands in the air as if to punctuate how random it really was. "What's the deal?"
"Nothing," I insisted. "I just had to take care of something."
I was trying to deflect his curiosity and concern, but I knew I'd missed the mark when his eyebrows suddenly furrowed and his lips pursed into an angry twist.
His words, though, were still quiet. "Last time you said that you bolted out the front door and didn't talk to me all week."
I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.
"And now you're running into the bathroom every morning like clockwork. You used to lie around until the last possible moment when you were sleeping on the couch, but now you jump up like you can't stay in bed with me one second longer. So I'm sorry, Edward, but I have to ask. What's going on?"
I had no idea he'd been so attentive, or so bothered by my self-conscious morning routine. Christ, even when I'd avoided him in the previous week - with the notable exception of when I'd left the house altogether - it had been for the exact same reason. I was surprised he could put the two together, even if he didn't know what was going on. It was clear this had been bothering him all along, and I quickly felt guilty for putting him on edge.
"Jas," I said soothingly, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get away from you." Even though I was. "It's just something… personal that keeps coming up."
Har har, no pun intended.
The annoyed expression dropped from his face as he surveyed the bathroom behind me, before gazing at me once again. "Edward," he asked, with a twinge of worry in his voice, "are you okay? I mean, if there's something wrong, you can tell me. Plus, you can ask Dad anything, honest. Patient confidentiality, and all that."
I groaned and took a moment to clap my hands over my eyes, shutting out the conversation while I tried to group my thoughts. The only thing more embarrassing than hiding a boner from my oblivious bed partner was hiding it from my endearingly and overly-concerned bed partner.
"Jas, it's nothing. Really. This whole thing has just gotten out of hand. Can we just forget it?"
He stepped fully into the bathroom then, letting the door click shut behind him as he stepped directly up to me. I awkwardly kept the washcloth between us, but he took no notice of it. Instead, he laid his hands lightly on my chest, his face a snapshot of concern, as he said, "If it's gonna keep happening, I'm gonna keep worrying. Can you at least tell me if you're okay?"
Mortification doesn't even begin to cover how I was feeling. I could feel the embarrassment flushing up my neck to my cheeks, my whole body prickling with awkward self-awareness. Here Jas was, my best friend in the whole world, getting all worked up over whether I was sick or hurting or whatever, and I was just trying to hide my perfectly normal teenage urges from him.
If I had known things were going to get so unbelievably awkward, I would have just poked him with the damn thing in bed in the first place.
Okay, maybe not. But I would have at least hid it better.
Now, though. Now I had to tell him, because I couldn't stand for him to look so upset over something that wasn't even a problem to begin with.
I couldn't look him in the eye, so I turned my head into my shoulder and mumbled an answer.
"What?" he asked gently, sliding a hand up to my cheek and turned me to face him. "I didn't hear you."
I still couldn't look at him, though, so I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a slow and stilted whisper. "When I wake up. With you. I'm…. hard."
He didn't say anything, or move his hands even the slightest bit, and the silence was pounding in my ears like my humiliation had a voice and was screaming.
Finally, I couldn't stand not knowing and peeked one eye open to look at him. His eyebrows had shot up practically into his hairline, but he looked like he was… laughing? Or, actually, trying not to laugh.
"Jas?"
"Are you serious?" he asked.
Well, I sure as hell wasn't the one laughing.
He let out a bark of laughter and let his forehead fall onto my shoulder, where he proceeded to shake his head side to side.
Well, he wasn't running, or pissed, which I counted as a good sign.
"Oh my god, Edward," he finally said, exasperated. "I thought you were offended. Or sick, or-" He pulled his head up to see me. "I thought so many things. But it turns out that you've just got some wood! Was that the problem last week too?"
I nodded, almost imperceptibly, and he just shook his head with more laughter. I failed to see his amusement.
"I thought that might be it," he admitted." At first. But then, it just happened all the time."
"Yes," I confirmed, completely deadpan. This wasn't fucking funny to me. "It happened all. the. time."
I was still overwhelmed by self-consciousness and bitter embarrassment, which made it impossible for me to find my humiliating erections funny. And I certainly didn't appreciate being laughed at.
That's probably why, despite his broad grin and gentle touch, I was immediately defensive when he asked, "Why didn't you say something sooner?"
Me? I wasn't the one who pulled us into the same bed without a single fucking word. And I had tried to convince myself I was okay with that, but not if he was going to act like all the silence was my fault when I had been waiting for him to say something, anything, all week.
"How was I supposed to say something, when you can't talk and touch me at the same time?"
Just like that, all the levity in Jas's demeanor was gone. His eyes narrowed and he stepped completely away from me, practically backing himself up against the bathroom door. "What was I supposed to say, Edward? You jumped out of bed every morning like I was fucking burning you. I had no idea what would set you off. I was waiting for some kind of sign that you weren't freaked out by all of this." He gestured sharply to the space between us.
"Of course I was freaked out," I answered, my rebuttal getting a little heated. "I had no idea what I was doing, and I was hoping you at least clue me in a little. I mean, you started this."
As soon as I said it, I regretted it. It sounded far more like an accusation than I'd meant it to.
I heard the sharp inhale he took through his nose and saw the way his shoulders tensed. His messy bed hair and squinted eyes just added to his ragged appearance. In an instant his hand was on the knob behind him, and he backed out of the bathroom with a quiet but very firm command. "Don't yell."
I sighed heavily, dragging a hand across my face. I didn't want to yell, I only wanted to talk. I hadn't even realized I was raising my voice. For all the times I'd wished Jas would just open up about all this, I never thought it'd dissolve into an argument.
I followed him back into his bedroom, finding him as far away from me as possible, in the corner by the window. He had his back to me, like he was directing his attention to something through the window, except that the blinds were drawn. He had opted to stare at nothing rather than look at me.
The hunch of his shoulders and the way his arms were crossed tightly across his chest made it clear - even from the back - how shitty and dejected he felt.
"Jas," I said from across the room, keeping my voice low, but he didn't respond. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? This is all really new so, yeah, I was freaking out, okay? But only because I had no idea what I was doing or what you were thinking."
Still, he made no move or sound, so I pressed on.
"I mean, two weeks ago I thought I was into girls."
That certainly got his attention, but when he twisted his head to look at me he seemed even more pained than he had before.
His voice was soft but strained. "Two weeks?"
I didn't even need to recount the time, since I'd measured it in my head so many times already. I nodded my head encouragingly, hoping he would just understand my insecurities like he usually could. "Just two weeks. It takes some figuring out, you know?"
I mean, he had to know. He had to understand. This was new and intimidating and confusing for both of us. He had to understand that I wasn't mad, that I didn't mean to fight. I just had a hard time talking because I didn't know what to say yet.
When he turned to face me completely, though, he didn't look understanding. He looked cold, and rigid. The piercing blue of his eyes that usually drew me in were suddenly guarded, keeping me out. "So this is like… what?" he asked in a bitter whisper. "A trial run? Some kind of experiment?"
What? "No. Jas, of course not." I reached out for him, even though he was still the length of the room away, but he continued to stare at me unflinchingly.
His lips were pulled into a taught line and his hands gripped his own biceps, as if for support. "Do you regret this?"
How could he even think that?
"No," I insisted, finally crossing the empty space between us. I made to grab his hands, to hold them and insist that he calm down and warm up and stop giving me that icy stare, but he refused to uncurl his fingers from around his arms. Even standing right in front of him, it felt like there was an immeasurable distance between us, and I finally began to realize what he was saying. I didn't regret it but … "Do you regret it?" I asked timidly.
Without missing a beat, he nodded stiffly. "I do if you do. If you're gonna run and hide and do this thing half-assed while you figure out if you even want to do it at all, then yeah. I sure as hell do."
His words were like ice down my back, and I felt uncomfortably chilled beside his sun-warmed window.
Jasper was clearly angry. Even though he wasn't yelling or anything, his posture and his expression carried so much pain and defensiveness, and I knew it was my fault. I had done this to him, with my insecurities and my Masen temper and my complete inability to ever say the right thing.
Maybe we were better off not talking. Maybe I should have enjoyed the peace and pleasure while I had it.
But now, with him all pissed and closed off and talking about trial runs and regret, the damage was already done. I wasn't sure how I'd managed it, but the boy that had been stroking my hip and whispering happy birthday in my ear now looked like he refused to ever touch me again.
I wasn't sure I could handle that. Everything he and I had shared over the past week was nerve-wracking and puzzling, but good. So, so good. And I didn't want to let that go.
I had learned to live without a lot of things in my life. I had given up all my friends when we moved from Phoenix, before I'd had to let go of my parents too. And now, somehow, I'd lost Ali's trust on top of all that. But if Jasper wanted to take himself away too…
His strained voice interrupted my thoughts, but it was the imploring edge to it that caught my attention. The slant of his eyebrows had softened some, but he still held himself carefully away from me. "Edward? Please say something."
I stared back at him mutely.
"You're doing that thing, Edward, where I know you have eight million thoughts in your head but you're not saying anything. I need to know what you're thinking."
I wasn't even sure how to put it into words, so I reached up to wrap my arms around his shoulders, wishing for all the world that if I could just press him close enough we'd fit together again. He didn't return the embrace, not even bothering to drop his arms, but I didn't let go anyway.
Finally, I said into his ear, "I've lost a lot of things, Jas. But I can't lose you."
I felt his arms slide down to his sides passively, and I took the opportunity to hold him closer.
"If you're not sure about this," he started, "I can't do it. This isn't just some adolescent experiment for me."
The hesitance and pain in his voice cut me deeply, because I knew I had put it there. In the course of a morning - or maybe throughout my whole process of self-discovery, I didn't really know - I'd somehow managed to make him doubt my intentions despite all the amazingly tender kissing and cuddling we'd shared.
"Jas," I said as I tucked my head into his neck, still willing us to be closer. "I don't know what I'm doing, but this," this what? relationship? "this, with you, feels like the best thing I've ever done." It wasn't eloquent, but it was true. "Does that make sense?"
Finally, Jasper let out a deep breath and moved his limp arms up to my waist, wrapping them around me and squeezing lightly. I still held on tightly, ashamed of my insecurities and the drama I'd caused, but so glad to feel him touch me once again.
He pulled back slightly to place his lips on mine in what I realized was our first kiss of the day. I kissed him back eagerly, clutching tightly, until we were gently swaying like we were slow-dancing to the rhythm of our own affection. We kissed for a while, all relief and intimacy, until he pressed his forehead against mine, letting our noses bump between us.
"I really like you," he professed quietly, letting his thumb sweep miniature circles against my lower back in an affectionate gesture.
While my mind went duh, I still couldn't stop my heart from beating with extra exuberance, like it was casting a vote in favor of his declaration.
"What exactly are we doing?"
He was asking me? Hadn't I already proved that I was completely inept at this talking-about-relationships thing?
Of course, even as I thought that, I realized I might already know the answer to his question. Was this a relationship?
I blinked a bit, buying time with my arms still cradling him, before I finally said, "Dating? Are we dating?"
He took a deep breath and asked, "Like… boyfriends?"
Oh my god. Boyfriends. I was somebody's boyfriend.
I mean, it's not like it was that odd of a thing. It was the natural course of life to like someone enough to want to take them out on dates and make them laugh and run your fingertips over their skin. Of course, I never thought that someone would be a guy, or my best friend, but those were merely technicalities from where I was standing.
His eyes were searching mine, even as he pressed on. "I want to go out on dates and hold hands and buy each other dinner and do all the normal stuff, like a normal couple." His expression became more and more vulnerable until I realized I hadn't actually said anything yet, at which point I nodded wildly.
"Yes. Absolutely, yes. Boyfriends. Only… can we not tell anyone yet?"
I wanted to get comfortable with just us, before we opened up our new relationship - relationship! - to the whole world.
"Um," he hedged, before nodding along. "Of course."
I grinned stupidly, repeating one word over and over in my head. Boyfriends. Boyfriends boyfriends boyfriends.
He grinned back, wide enough to show his shallow dimples, and I gave up any semblance of self control.
I stepped forward, pushing him against the wall beside the window, and kissed him heartily. I had trouble containing my excitement, and when our teeth clacked from our smiling kisses I slid my lips down to his neck.
He turned his head, giving me full access to the soft expanse of skin that led from his ear to his shoulder, and fisted my shirt at my sides.
I kissed the lobe of his ear before again whispering, "Boyfriends."
Apparently happiness reduces me to a bumbling idiot, or a really smart parrot, but I didn't care either way.
In response, Jas slid his grip down to my hips, saying, "Edward? Next time you wake up with a happy under the covers?"
"Mm-hmm?" I refused to unlatch myself from his neck, or dwell on the burning embarrassment I'd felt earlier in the morning.
He brought his lips to my ear, murmuring, "I just want you to remember one thing."
With that, he shifted his weight so that his legs were staggered with mine, and pulled my hips flush against him.
I felt it, nestled into the joint of my hip and against my thigh, all firm and thick and hard. I felt it. It.
Oh my god. Jasper's hard for me. Hard for me, just like I was for him. It's so long and it's touching me and I could touch it back.
I wanted to, but I was rendered completely immobile from the shock. I gasped into his neck, feeling my fingers curl into claws that sunk themselves into his skin as I held on tightly.
I finally pulled my head up, which only pressed our lower halves more firmly together and I reveled in the feel of his stiffness between us. He watched me as I stared wondrously at him, both of us thinking about his dick pressed up against my thigh. Which, of course, led me to think about my own dick, which was absolutely saluting Jasper where he stood.
"I didn't know, I mean, I never felt, or saw or, you know," I sputtered through my amazement.
"Well," he smirked. "I've had several more months to practice hiding it." He looked a little sheepish, but also really excited about the idea of not hiding it anymore.
I wanted to ask about it, like how many months and how I had never noticed, but he attacked my lips greedily. He let his hands fall down to the line of my boxers and eventually to my butt. His hands rested there with light pressure as we ground our hips against each other's. I decided it felt so nice that I moved a hand down to rest along the curve of his ass too.
I knew he had a nice ass, but damn.
It felt completely wanton of me to grope and grind against him without restraint, but our newly declared status made me bold.
Of course, it couldn't last. As it grew later - practically noon, I was soon told - a knock from Esme on the door called us out for a birthday breakfast of blueberry pancakes. We jumped apart before Jasper croaked for her to come in, and we both attentively hid behind chairs while she chattered brightly about flavors of syrup.
After a breakfast which had quickly become brunch, we spent the rest of the afternoon basically making it the best birthday I'd ever had.
We made out in his room, and the tree house, and even in the living room and kitchen when no one was watching.
Instead of feeling isolated and uncertain, like I had all week, it felt like the time we spent kissing just reaffirmed our affections. And Jasper was, surprisingly, anything but quiet now that we'd confronted the silence.
He'd murmur against my skin as he kissed and caressed me, whispering his fondness for my collarbones, my fingers, and the curve of my neck. It was overwhelming, in the most delicious way.
Our kisses were deep and our hands were steady, adventurous even, as the roamed over each other. That is, until they dipped below the belt. I enjoyed the feel of his palm against my butt, or my knee, and we were both painfully aware of our twin erections. But, even as we pressed our pelvises together, our hands still avoided that important area all together.
Not that I minded - in fact, I was kind of glad. We had come so far in only a day, and it was a bit of a relief to not jump straight into everything that being boyfriends entailed.
The opportunity to take a breather came later in the afternoon. Ali showed up with, I was surprised to see, Bella trailing behind her. Esme, of course, welcomed them in as if they were both my family, or her own.
Ali looked much as she had all week, wearing dark colors and those crazy amber contacts that shifted each time she blinked. She was in baggy army-green cargo pants and some black mesh tank top thing that I didn't really understand. Bella was sporting her typical nondescript jeans and sweater look, appearing even more conventional next to Alice's new foray into goth stylings. Or was that punk? Emo? I had no idea.
Just as the girls were taking off their coats Rosalie slipped past us, obviously eager to get away from us and our birthday celebration.
She paused, though, just steps in front of Alice and took a few seconds to look her over, head to toe.
"Angst looks good on you," she mused, before stalking out the front door.
We all did our best to pretend that hadn't happened. It certainly didn't help Ali's moon (mood) though.
Conversation was a little stilted after the expected 'happy birthday's, reminding me that regardless of how far Jas and I had come in only a week, Alice and I were still very much at odds. She wasn't yelling at me anymore, but hadn't really managed to smile since I dropped off her clothes either - at least, not at me. In fact, every morning her smile was pointed directly away from my car, towards Mr. Tall, Dark and Gangly.
After a few more pleasantries Jasper finally asked how set design was going, which put some perk into Alice's posture. Sitting on the couch beside Jas, I wanted to squeeze his hand or bump his shoulder in thanks for the effortless way he seemed to put everyone at ease, but I knew it would be too obvious a gesture.
Ali rambled on, talking very seriously about the strategies behind well-designed sets, and how friendly all the designers and techies were.
I supposed I should be happy that she was making more friends, even if it meant she was avoiding me at school. Bella, beside her, looked wistful but threw in occasional comments of the backdrops she'd seen and the plot of Midsummer Night's Dream. I wondered if she was jealous or lonely now that Alice was spending so much time with the theater group, but she never actually said anything to suggest it.
Esme poked her head into the living room eventually, a clutch of herbs from her window-sill garden in one hand. "I was thinking of roast chicken for tonight. Girls, are you staying for dinner?"
Bella blushed at some invisible cue, but Alice piped right up and said, "No thanks, Esme. We have plans."
I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Plans?"
"It's a party," Bella informed us, like she wasn't sure whether to grin or spit at the word 'party'. "We'd invite you but, uh." Her eyes flickered to Ali's, whose expression made it damn clear that they would not invite us, regardless of whether or not Bella came up with an excuse.
Not that I wanted to go to some freshman party, anyway.
Luckily, Jas waved away Bella's stuttering and chuckled, effectively masking any awkward ill-intent Alice was harboring. "Don't worry 'bout us. I'm sure Edward and I can amuse ourselves for the night."
Damn straight we could.
"Is Charlie taking you?" I asked. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about the goings-on at any Charlie-approved party.
"Actually," Bella answered, "Dad's coming too. He has some friends on the rez."
"You're going to a rez party?" I blurted, unable to contain my surprise and curiosity. The rez was known for some seriously rowdy shit. Their parties were full of salvia or peyote or peace pipes, or whatever it was they passed around, not to mention all the plain old weed and booze. Or, so I'd heard, as I'd never actually been invited to one. "Did Seth Clearwater invite you?"
As soon as I said his name Alice turned to face Bella completely, making emphatic eye contact that spoke loudly of everything she was silently thinking. "Bella!" she hissed.
Her hands were balled by her sides, and Bella immediately recoiled into the stiff sofa cushions behind her.
I stuck a hand out to shield Bella from her mental daggers, though it did no good. "She didn't say anything. Charlie told me."
Alice deflated some, removing her aggressive stare from Bella, but didn't apologize to her. "Oh."
"Ahh," Jasper proclaimed loudly, taking the bait since he was the only one she was unlikely to be angry with. "So Alice here is rather fond of this Seth guy." He knew who Seth Clearwater was, I had filled him in on everything, but he was probably right not to tell Ali that.
"He likes me too," she muttered, avoiding any and all eye contact. "He's my, um…"
"Boyfriend," Bella bravely finished for her. "He asked her out two days ago."
It didn't escape my notice that my baby sister, who was four years younger and barely into high school, got herself a boyfriend before I did. But that wasn't the point.
Her ire seemed to have faded to discomfort and she was idly picking at the loose threads of her mesh top. "Ali," I said quietly, "that's awesome."
Through her thick eyelashes and messy, cropped bangs, she finally looked up at me. "Yeah, it really is," she said, a small smile twisting away at her lips.
I knew then that it was this Seth guy who was behind all her smiles this week. Even the one directed at me was because of him. That must have been why she was all cheery on Thursday - he'd asked her out.
As much as it weirded me out that my little sister was dating, and that this Seth guy could talk to her and get her to smile and laugh when I couldn't, I was relieved to know that something was making her happy, at least.
"I can't wait to meet him," I said earnestly.
And, bam. The smile was gone.
"I don't know," she hedged, and Jasper let out a low chuckle at her rapid mood swings. She continued, "It might be kind of awkward. He's not like anyone around."
"Oh, come on Ali. I've met rez kids before."
A jolt of anger flashed across her face. "He's not a rez kid."
"Okay. Okay, sorry." I held up my hands defensively. Clearly I had stepped on a sore subject, and I had no interest in aggravating her further.
"Anyway. I think if he's gonna be hanging out with our girls here," Jas commented casually, cracking his knuckles for effect, "we definitely have to meet him."
"No!" Ali protested. "No. That's the other thing. You don't get to be all annoying and over-protective." As she said so, she flexed her delicate arms and puffed out her chest in what I was sure was a terrible impression of me.
"Aww," Jas faked a whine, still trying to keep things light. "But that's half the fun. We'll get to beat up your boyfriends, won't we Bella?"
He turned to her with a wink that brought a whole new shade of red into her flushed cheeks.
"Seriously," I asked, trying to keep the levity in my voice. "Don't I get to meet him? I promise not be intimidating."
She rolled her eyes, finally relaxing back against the love seat. "You're not intimidating, Edward."
"Sure I am," I tried to joke, but any hints of amusement drifted from her face as swiftly as they'd come.
"Edward," she said with rigid eye contact. "You can't protect me from everything. Stop trying."
The implications of her words were not lost on me, and anything I might have said got stuck in my throat. I really wanted to keep talking, to push through the isolation and turmoil to find common ground again, like Jasper and I had this morning. It was clear, though, that the rift between Ali and me would not be so easy to repair.
When Esme leaned through the kitchen doorway moments later to ask if anyone wanted to help ice the cake, Ali shot up without another word.
"I think she's just nervous," Bella said helpfully.
"It's not like I would ever be mean to her new boyfriend."
"I know," she said with a delicate shrug. "I told her you'd be happy for her no matter who she dated. I mean, she'd do the same for you. Even if you liked someone unexpected."
Bella was studiously picking at her fingernails as she spoke, and it afforded Jas and I the chance to steal a look at each other.
"Anyway," she continued. "He's really nice. You'll like him."
She jumped up then, and followed after Alice to the kitchen.
"Well," Jas said, clearing this throat. "That was interesting."
Sure, if interesting meant temperamental and laden with subtext. Jas had done his best to smooth the conversation over, though.
"Thanks for trying."
He shot me a resigned half-smile before we, too, headed to the kitchen.
Carlisle soon joined us with an envelope for me. We all completely ruined our appetites for dinner with coconut cake, which was delicious, before Ali and Bella pulled out small packages wrapped in last week's comics section like my mom used to do when we were kids.
I had long since become accustomed to exchanging gifts with the Cullens, so I thanked everyone and happily opened the few presents they'd set out. Carlisle and Esme had written me a long note, which I took the time to silently read before them. It welcomed me into their home, officially, and promised to help me move into and furnish a dorm room, wherever I went to college. I knew that, despite being only ink and paper, I was actually holding a very expensive present in my hands. I resigned myself to wait until later to haggle over how much they would contribute financially, though.
The P.S. of their letter mentioned a little something to help me make an impression when I finally did have to meet a whole school full of new people. The small box they pushed towards me held a bottle of cologne, which I hesitantly spritzed on my arm and let the girls smell. They both nodded enthusiastically, but it was Jas's reaction I paid the closest attention to. He said nothing, but his eyes were slightly unfocussed in a way I was just beginning to realize indicated desire.
I sprayed a bit more on my neck, and moved along.
Alice gave me a wool scarf that looked very Halloween-ish with its thick black and orange stripes until I read the Princeton name embroidered into it. Under that were the words 'Class of 2014'. It reminded me that I hadn't yet told her my change of heart about leaving the northwest - hell, I hadn't told her about any of the recent changes in my life - but I thanked her warmly anyway.
The box from Jasper held a duplicate of my Forks High Track jersey, which puzzled me until I turned it over to see RACIN' MASEN written on the back where my name belonged. I felt proud at the thought of my opponents seeing that as I beat them to the finish line. Especially if that opponent was Jacob Black.
Bella's gift turned out to be a mixed CD that she had made herself. A quick glance at the track listings revealed, well, nothing. I couldn't tell what mood or theme she was going for with such a wide variety of music, but I thanked her all the same.
We all chatted amicably for a while, but as the girls made to leave Esme stood up and announced, "Actually, Alice, I have something for you too."
Ali looked at me questioningly, but I had no answers for her as Esme led her towards the guest room. Carlisle, who seemed to be the only other person who knew what was going on, took that moment to excuse himself.
When Ali returned more than ten minutes later with a paper bag tucked under her arm, her first move was to punch her tiny fist straight into my arm. It didn't hurt, but it sure as hell shocked me.
I protected my bicep with my other hand and asked, "What the hell, Ali?"
She leaned toward me to whisper harshly, "That's for telling Esme to buy me tampons."
I pulled away from her, astounded and stuttering. "What? No, I-. That's not what… Tampons?" Who had ever said anything about tampons? That was a subject I was glad to know next to nothing about.
I remembered, then, the slew of questions I'd come to Esme with, and her promise to talk to Alice. They had been gone long enough that I assumed Esme had done more than just hand over a box of supplies.
I'd have to remember to thank Esme later.
I was still completely unprepared to actually sit there and discuss tampons, of all things, with my sister.
Apparently, watching me get all flustered and spluttering was payback enough, because the hint of a smirk tugged at her mouth. She sighed, completely exasperated, but I got the feeling I was at least partially forgiven.
After that, though, Alice was more than ready to escape the Cullen household, and Jas and I walked the girls to the door as Esme got her keys.
I was surprised again when Alice slipped her arms around my waist for a quick hug. It was hard to hear, but I think she whispered, "Thanks."
Louder, she said, "Don't ever do that again."
I could tell from the crinkle at her eyes that she still thought that my approaching Esme about her woman-ness was funny, so I just nodded along penitently.
"Happy birthday, Edward."
"Thanks, Ali."
Jasper's relief was practically palpable when they left. I couldn't blame him; Alice's mood swings were certainly jarring. I had seen her smile, though, and these days that was all it took to count as a good day in my book.
Plus, as much as I enjoyed the insight into my sister's new social life, it was still easier when it was just me and Jas.
We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out, by which I mean making out, in between watching movies and having a generally lazy day.
Esme came to wish us goodnight in a quieter moment, and smiled warmly when I confirmed that I did, indeed, have a wonderful birthday. She ruffled Jas's hair on her way out of the room, but stopped and turned with her nose wrinkled. After a brief pause, she let out a soft laugh.
"Maybe a little less cologne next time, for both of you. Goodnight, boys."
I felt a blush invade my cheeks almost immediately but, luckily, she had already shut the door behind her. Jasper, too, was transfixed. His eyes had gone so wide they were practically bugging out of his head.
After we were sufficiently sure Esme was out of hearing range, Jasper burst into a fit of bashful giggles, and I quickly joined in.
"Do I smell like you?" he asked, approaching me and offering his arm for a sniff.
"I don't know," I said, not even bothering. "I already smell like me, so I can't tell."
"No more cologne," he said decisively.
I agreed. No more cologne.
I soon traipsed off to the bathroom, as had become my routine. I found myself in front of the mirror debating with myself, but found that it was a fairly easy decision to finally lose the night shirt. I pulled it over my head impulsively before stepping back into the bedroom in my boxers. Upon seeing me, Jas dropped the shirt that was in his hands back into his drawer and turned to me, all smiles and skin.
He had this line that ran straight down his stomach, defining his abs, that disappeared into the small tuft of dirty blond hair escaping from his boxers. It was a pretty line. I did my best not to stare.
You've seen it before, I told myself. You've had full access to those muscles all day, but it didn't seem to help.
We soon crawled into bed, happy but exhausted. Making out is taxing work, apparently.
Not so taxing that we didn't resume once we were under the covers, though. It was practically comical how, now that we'd admitted our feelings, we spent nearly every moment of the day expressing physical affection.
I lay in the thin space between his arms and his body, with one arm and one leg flung over him. His hands swept large arcs across my back, pressing me securely against him.
It was the first time that we had been both shirtless and intimate, ever. The sheer amount of skin we had touching was completely breathtaking.
I trailed my fingers down his chest, tracing the muscles of his stomach and feeling the tiny quivering breaths he took whenever I brushed my fingers over a particularly sensitive spot.
My crotch was pressed up against his thigh, just as his was to mine, and the sensations were divine. Within just a few minutes of smooching and rubbing I was so flushed that I threw the covers off to below our knees. I could feel our chests, slick with sweat, slide against each other as we moved.
For all my previous self control and hesitance, I couldn't help but rub myself gently against his leg. Jas, too, was undulating his hips so that I could feel his stiffness move against me. I kissed him desperately, moving my lips from his mouth to his neck to his ear.
He seemed to like it when I ran the tip of my tongue along the shell of his ear. And by like it, I mean his hands would grab at my flesh and his whole body would tense as he made these soft, breathy moans. I delighted in bringing him that kind of pleasure, and did it several times just to feel his reaction. I loved the need with which he grabbed at me, and the feeling of being wanted and possessed at the same time.
As I ran my hands along the smooth skin of his broad shoulders and chest, the pads of his fingers were gently tracing the top hem of my boxers. When they dipped below the fabric, onto the bare skin of my ass, I stilled. Craning my neck to look at him, I found him watching me attentively. When I made no move to stop him, though, he continued palming me in a long sweep that followed the curve of my behind to the crease where it met the back of my thigh. That, I found, was a very sensitive spot, and I gritted my teeth to keep quiet.
"Does that feel good?" Jas whispered, as I burrowed my face in his neck. He made the sweep a few more times, pushing my straining hard-on against his body each time. Eventually, he let the tips of his fingers slip down to my inner thigh before sliding back up, and I nodded shamelessly as I panted heavily against his skin.
My whole body felt awkward and out of place, but my skin was tingling with the sensation of his touch and I couldn't bring myself to care. My dick felt like it was pulsing against his leg of its own accord.
When he twisted his hand to grip my hip, actually letting his thumb fall below my body and swipe across the tender skin just inside my hipbone, I groaned softly and gave up trying to do anything but feel. Instead, I just wrapped my fingers around his muscular shoulders and hung on.
He had never been so bold before, but then, I had never wanted it so badly either. I was astounded that, with just the tiny circle of his thumb beside my pubic bone, he had reduced me to incoherency. To be fair, though, I had been aching for him all day without any hope of receiving such a wonderful gift as this.
He skimmed his free hand across my heated back to grip my other hip, and continued massaging my sensitive skin on both sides, stretching both his hands until they were practically touching my dick. The teasing was unbearable, as with each circle he got progressively closer to where I so desperately wanted him to touch, but refused to actually make contact. I couldn't help but groan more loudly as my hips made shallow thrusts into his waiting hands.
I was almost embarrassed by how shamelessly I needed his touch, but then I remembered how he'd pressed his steel erection into me this morning - the same erection that was presently trapped against my thigh - and I gave up trying to restrain myself. I pushed myself fully against his leg, and my groans turned into a sharp whimper.
"Do you want this?"
I nodded desperately, whispering my pleas against his neck, and he moved one finger to the tip of my dick, tracing it gently.
I had obviously taken a hand to myself countless times, but it'd felt nothing like this. I wanted his hands on me so badly, I was reduced to begging.
"Please, Jas. I'm sorry, I just n-"
"Shh," his cool breath hit the sweat on my neck. "No sorries." As he said so, his full hand cupped the base of my shaft and gave it a quick squeeze.
I was flooded with so much sensation and relief, I nearly popped.
"I love touching you," he murmured, and I clutched myself to him harder so that I was moaning directly into his ear. "It's so sexy to hear you moan for me."
He shifted my hips away from his leg to that he could get a complete grip on my shaft, using the precum I had been leaking to slicken his way. He somehow maneuvered his other hand to tug lightly on my balls, and I couldn't help but moan deeply.
"Ugh, god. Jasper."
He moaned in response, repeating the actions several times while I trembled and moaned helplessly against him.
Simultaneously, he palmed my balls and slid his slick fist down my shaft, and I just couldn't take it anymore.
I seized up, pressing my throbbing dick into his hand one last time and shot jets of hot stickiness all over my stomach and arm. My whole body convulsed, and the unrestrained cries I made into his skin made Jasper groan in return.
When I finally settled down, I left my face pressed into the sweaty curve of Jas's neck.
"Edward," he called on a whisper, planting tender kisses in my sweaty hair. "Edward, look at me."
I finally did, and when I met his gaze his eyes shone with intensity even in the near-darkness.
"That was the gift I wanted to give you. Happy birthday." He seemed so pleased with himself, and with me, and he never took his eyes off mine.
"We made a mess," I lamented, but he just chuckled with a crooked smile.
"Sure did."
He kissed me once, his tongue hot against my own, before gingerly sliding his hand out of my boxers and rolling out of the bed. Once the rush of my orgasm subsided, I felt weighted and heavy against the soft pillows that smelled like cologne and Jasper and sweat. He wiped himself off with a dirty shirt from his hamper, before bringing another one over to me.
When he slid back into bed, quickly dabbing at the remaining mess with the second t-shirt, I reached for him.
He grabbed my wrist, though, restraining me. "You can barely keep your eyes open," he commented, amused.
"I know," I said, still making an uncoordinated attempt to run my hands along his taught stomach. "But you-"
"In the morning," he whispered, tucking me into his side like I'd been before. "Sleep now."
I was so tired it was difficult to argue, but I kissed him in thanks and told him how lucky I was to have such a sexy boyfriend.
Boyfriend.
The last thing I remember from the night was nuzzling my head against Jas's shoulder as I lay half on top of him, one leg tangled with his, all sweaty and shirtless and drowsily content. He planted one final kiss in my hair as he pulled the covers up to our waists.
I was awoken, far earlier than I would have liked, by a loud noise I couldn't place.
I stirred against Jasper, still cradled against his side, with his hand splayed against my back.
"What was that?" I mumbled.
"Dunno. Sleep." He sounded even groggier than I felt.
Our peaceful half-sleep didn't last long though because, within a few minutes, there was a loud rap at the door. We had no time to respond before Esme marched herself into the room, clearly furious.
I barely had time to process that we'd been caught half-naked in bed together. Her disbelief registered, though, and a sinking feeling came over me when she said, "Family meeting in the kitchen in half an hour. Shower first."
She was almost in the doorway when she looked back over her shoulder to add a stern, "Separately."
Chapter 12