(no subject)
I love kick ball! I think it all started back in grade school. It kept the bullies occupied and it was also very entertaining. How much fun was it to kick the shit out of that little red ball? Baby it ROCKED! I remember it like it was yesterday. Pick a captain, stand there and see all the popular kids go first, then the dumb strong kids, and then the dorks. I was always one of the last to go. You could almost tell your place in the popularity ladder. Little did they know that when your one of the last steps that means you're on the top! I would play outfield. Duh! Since I was one of the dorks there was no way I could hold my own infield. You see, at that age not many kids could kick it over the infield and into my world. Good to an extent. I didn't have to show that I didn't have the strongest arm. On the other hand, I spent most of the time popping the heads off dandelions or checking out the girls and wondering why I had this funny feeling in my pants. Not to bad but boring.
Now, the real reason I played. There was this girl I had a crush on and we had the same lunch. I'm assuming that you know by now I was a dork. In fifth grade I was the kid with the jeans, sneakers, and dress shirt with a tie. "Damn you Alex P. Keaton!!!" The only way to try to get her attention was kick ball. Lets just call her Sheila. She obviously didn't get the hint with all the times I'd try to say "Hi" or "Hello" or "You make me feel funny in my pants." The countless number of notes and presents. Standing outside her bedroom window. Ahhhhh the good old days. This was my only chance at wooing her. So I'd put myself in situations to do just that. Try to steel a base while she's looking even though I knew I'd never make it. Get caught between bases was a good one because I got the chance to so off my dodge ball skills. I never got hit. I was a big dreamer.
When it was my turn to kick I would go into my mind and see it all play out. Slow motion. I could see myself before the play ground. I walk up to the plate. Sheila shouts out to me "Kick it hard baby!" and blows me a kiss. I wink back and turn my head to the pitcher, lift my upper lip, growl and point to the out field. The pitcher is trembling as he rolls the ball my way. I take a few steps toward the ball, wind up, and boot the fuck out of that piece of red rubber. It's sailing over the opposing team and out toward the fence. Sheila is jumping up and down with her friends and I take off running. I round first toward second. The right fielding dork has the ball and stumbles as he tries to kick it back in. Rounding third to home. I can hear the third base man pick it up and heave it at me. Naturally my dodge ball instinctsdodge kick in and I do a Matrix type dodge as I slide into home. Sheila is going nuts my team picks me up and I am the King Shit of Fuck Mountain.
Then someone says "Kracke! Are you gonna kick the ball or do we need to do that for you too?" Everyone is laughing so I walk up and get ready for the pitch. It's rolling to me and POW! I kicked that ball harder than I've ever before and took off. The ball flew over the second base and into the grass. Passing first base. The team is scrambling for the ball. They couldn't let a dork score. Passing second. I learned to run fast early because, well I was a dork. Passing third. I was going to make it! I looked over my shoulder at Sheila. She was holding hands with Jacob Pudershmit! That's when I tripped and slid toward home stopping an inch from the base. The ball really stung when it hit me in the back but I just laid there and watched Sheila and Jacob. I was out. Out of it and ready to give up.
The next day Jacob got suspended for putting snakes in the Sheila's desk. He swore he didn't do it.......but I made sure Mrs. Skelton knew that it was him. So I took Jacob's desk and moved mine over by Sheila's. Neat how things just work out like that. This brings me to my point. I love kick ball!
I have the chance to make a team of dorks and play in a local kick ball league. This time I'm the captain. The only problem is I can't come up with a good name. So, I will leave it up to you the reader. Please help this retard get the name he deserves and lead this team of rejects to victory!
I love you all.
David Kracke
Now, the real reason I played. There was this girl I had a crush on and we had the same lunch. I'm assuming that you know by now I was a dork. In fifth grade I was the kid with the jeans, sneakers, and dress shirt with a tie. "Damn you Alex P. Keaton!!!" The only way to try to get her attention was kick ball. Lets just call her Sheila. She obviously didn't get the hint with all the times I'd try to say "Hi" or "Hello" or "You make me feel funny in my pants." The countless number of notes and presents. Standing outside her bedroom window. Ahhhhh the good old days. This was my only chance at wooing her. So I'd put myself in situations to do just that. Try to steel a base while she's looking even though I knew I'd never make it. Get caught between bases was a good one because I got the chance to so off my dodge ball skills. I never got hit. I was a big dreamer.
When it was my turn to kick I would go into my mind and see it all play out. Slow motion. I could see myself before the play ground. I walk up to the plate. Sheila shouts out to me "Kick it hard baby!" and blows me a kiss. I wink back and turn my head to the pitcher, lift my upper lip, growl and point to the out field. The pitcher is trembling as he rolls the ball my way. I take a few steps toward the ball, wind up, and boot the fuck out of that piece of red rubber. It's sailing over the opposing team and out toward the fence. Sheila is jumping up and down with her friends and I take off running. I round first toward second. The right fielding dork has the ball and stumbles as he tries to kick it back in. Rounding third to home. I can hear the third base man pick it up and heave it at me. Naturally my dodge ball instinctsdodge kick in and I do a Matrix type dodge as I slide into home. Sheila is going nuts my team picks me up and I am the King Shit of Fuck Mountain.
Then someone says "Kracke! Are you gonna kick the ball or do we need to do that for you too?" Everyone is laughing so I walk up and get ready for the pitch. It's rolling to me and POW! I kicked that ball harder than I've ever before and took off. The ball flew over the second base and into the grass. Passing first base. The team is scrambling for the ball. They couldn't let a dork score. Passing second. I learned to run fast early because, well I was a dork. Passing third. I was going to make it! I looked over my shoulder at Sheila. She was holding hands with Jacob Pudershmit! That's when I tripped and slid toward home stopping an inch from the base. The ball really stung when it hit me in the back but I just laid there and watched Sheila and Jacob. I was out. Out of it and ready to give up.
The next day Jacob got suspended for putting snakes in the Sheila's desk. He swore he didn't do it.......but I made sure Mrs. Skelton knew that it was him. So I took Jacob's desk and moved mine over by Sheila's. Neat how things just work out like that. This brings me to my point. I love kick ball!
I have the chance to make a team of dorks and play in a local kick ball league. This time I'm the captain. The only problem is I can't come up with a good name. So, I will leave it up to you the reader. Please help this retard get the name he deserves and lead this team of rejects to victory!
I love you all.
David Kracke