original: untitled, written 20/7/2010

[__sine]

I was digging around in my folders and came across this... thing I started writing in 2009. I remember reworking it a bita lot and showing this to the lovely myjulien back in July 2010, and in May this year I went back to fiddle about with it a little. It's supposed to be part of a larger story (?) that I've always called Scions in my head, but since I've

Comments

[sinonymity]

I think it's rather unfair of you to say that your Jun has nothing to do with Matsujun, and have the first line be what it is. But that aside, I find it really interesting that even your original fiction takes a turn toward the fantasy/epic world-building genre. It both answers and doesn't answer how you come up with so many different universes and scenarios (seriously, what is your secret!).

It's funny that you say you've never known where to start because this totally reads like a prologue or chapter one to me. I have no idea what is (or would be) to come, but I'm intrigued by who Lovelace really is and the future implications of this proposed alliance. And this is coming from someone who doesn't normally enjoy more politically-inclined fiction!

I also don't think I have much to criticize, except perhaps the lack of a glossary of terms. You were doing a very good job of explaining everything in digestible pieces, but by the time of Lovelace & The Youngest Master's conversation, it felt as if I should already know all these families and terms -- but I didn't quite. It's not a bad thing, but a tiny bit jarring since the narrative aligns itself to Jun's third-person POV, and so I almost expect to know everything Jun does or have "him" explain it like he does with the Granville's eldest son. Unless the other terms and families won't matter in the long run, but this reads like the kind of story where everything will matter eventually.

Anyway, I would be interested in reading more should you ever continue. :)

On a completely irrelevant note: somehow I was indirectly asked to get you to sign up for je_whiteday. While I'm still mystified by the request myself -- since you wrote something so lovely last year, I thought I might as well mention that sign-ups end today if you were interested in joining this year. :>

[__sine]

Hello! Thank you for commenting! (And reading this... since it's original and everything.)

At one point I actually changed the name Jun to something else, but it didn't fit as well so I Ctrl-H'ed it back. I'm glad you were intrigued by the premise! Jun's story was kind of a spin-off of sorts from the actual plot, which used to excite me a lot more than it does now. Which is probably why I haven't really written much for it since. :x

Point taken about the lack of explanation near the end. The families do matter, so I'd probably do well to clue people in about them through Jun. :)

Thank you so much for coming by to comment, and being so thoughtful as always!

And thanks for coming by to remind me about je_whiteday; I was thinking of signing up from the start and then school got crazy and I wasn't sure whether I could commit. But now I think I'll just go for it. :)

[sinonymity]

Reading original fiction, esp. from fic writers, has always been interesting to me so no need for thanks~ It reminds me of a college workshop, though only about half of what I ever read was as interesting or even well-written as this one.

I'm surprised yet not surprised you wrote this much for something that was a "spin-off" of a much bigger story. I can only imagine what you had in store otherwise, but what you have here seems more than enough to warrant its own story.

So happy that didn't come off as presumptuous and even happier you decided to join! :D