#64b: collab - devilry, despair, and donuts
Part One
Jun (really should have done that law degree instead)
Perhaps it is not too late to apply to law school.
This is the focal point of Jun’s brooding when he hears an inappropriate exclamation of excitement from Aiba.
Ever since they became partners on that fateful, fateful day in Jun’s career, Jun has found most of what Aiba does inappropriate in some way or other. As such, he has had to stop cataloguing the lesser order inappropriate behaviours, as they are simply too numerous.
Aiba crowing MATSUJUN, LOOK THERE! in the middle of a doomed mission, however, is clearly not lesser order. Jun’s lips pinch into the Severe Disapproval of Seniority.
His eyes, however, follow the direction that Aiba is pointing in, and end on…
No. No, it must be a mirage. Jun has heard of these hallucinations, mostly from Taichi, who enjoys recounting them at headquarters in uncalled for levels of lurid detail. (His always seem to involve, in some way or other, buxom ladies who turn out to be not entirely that.)
And yet, it all seems so real. Jun notes how the DONUT sign is lit bright orange, with little multicoloured lights flashing dizzyingly as rainbow sprinkles.
Who said Police Aces couldn’t be more than partial to rainbow sprinkles? Jun makes the rules here.
He clears his throat.
“Warring factions of the Tempest of Righteousness,” Jun says, using his booming voice for the occasion. “The hour has come for us to set aside our differences and embark on a crusade for a cause holier than us all.”
Aiba is giving him a strange look. Damn, Jun realizes, when did he start talking like that quack Sakurai?
“Shove aside your petty little disputes,” Jun says, being extra-brusque to cover up the slip. Brusqueness is something Jun has taken lessons in. “We are now proceeding in that direction. Sakurai, put that damn tablecloth away. Ninomiya -”
“After this level,” Ninomiya says. “Just a few more -”
At this point Jun chooses to employ some very strategic rustling of the Slips (the most strategy that has taken place all evening, unless you count Aiba’s companionship with that ridiculous animal. Which Jun doesn’t.)
Jun takes only professional satisfaction from Ninomiya’s huff of exasperation. Really.
“Aiba, bring up the rear,” Jun says, as they advance forth.
“Shouldn't I be in front?” Sakurai says, a brave move on his part, in Jun’s opinion. “I am, after all, the Supreme Leader of the Tempest -”
“No,” Jun says.
The lights of the Shop seem to twinkle invitingly as they approach. Jun does not think this is possible - but it happens before his very eyes. After the tedium of the last few days, Jun is quite inclined to taking a break, especially if it presents itself so nicely and beckons him closer.
And this is possibly when the first professional lapse in judgment of Jun’s career takes place. (Yet there is always the reasonable amount of ambiguity stemming from Sakurai’s presence, which is what Jun will go with in his incident report.)
It was a clever disguise, really. For all intents and purposes, the shop seemed innocuous enough, even with the whole lights display it had outside.
As they step inside, Jun notes the saccharine teen pop playing lightly over the sound system. The sweet aroma of confectionaries drifts out to greet them.
And Jun misses the Clue, which would have told him that something was afoot. Because despite the near-flawless guise of donuts and innocence, there is a sign hanging on the door, a sign written on special stationery with glitter and dancing unicorns. A sign that said:
Do come in~ (=^_^=)v We’ll be so sad if you don’t!!! q(T~T)p
“Welcome in! I’m Daiki-chan, pleased to serve you,” says man - boy, behind the counter. The first thing that Jun notes about this particular prepubescent is that his complexion is amazingly fair, almost luminous - and Jun does have Standards, thank you very much.
“What donuts have you got today?” Jun asks.
“All sorts!” Daiki says enthusiastically. “We bake them fresh and sweet every day.” He gives a Winning Smile. “We’ve also got a special on today - little cupcakes with pink sugar icing.”
Aiba (is good backup)
Aiba has heard this song before.
Perhaps Jun has gotten too little sleep in the past few days, while Ninomiya is busy miming gagging, and Sakurai seems to have gotten in a minor altercation with a pastel blue pouffe.
But Aiba’s guard is definitely raised. Because he knows about this song, and while it seems harmless enough (frequent references to sunsets and ‘fresh love’ notwithstanding,) Aiba knows that when played backwards, there are Decidedly Age-Inappropriate Concepts.
He communicates his concern to Gyoza by whinnying gently but purposefully.
Gyoza, unperturbed, moves on to Aiba’s lanyard, which he had earned through a six-week course under Nagase that involved a lot of shouting about ENDURANCE and MIND OVER MATTER without any actual displays of either.
Matsujun is on the verge of being sold a box of buy-twelve-get-one-free-with-extra-rainbow-sprinkles. (“This rainbow has eight colours! The extra one is an amalgamation of all the Love, Care, and Joy we put into our baking!”)
Aiba is On The Alert. And just when Jun is being talked into a Froth of Tenderness Latte, Aiba raises the alarm.
“DON’T BUY IT, MATSUJUN,” Aiba loudspeakers - he’s really learnt a thing or two from Jun’s regular booming. “WE DON’T GIVE BUSINESS TO PERPS.” He shoots Daiki an accusatory glare -
- and finds himself staring down the barrel of a Sparkle Gun.
Aiba has learnt not to underestimate a weapon simply because there are decorative sequins involved. Liberally.
“STAND BACK,” Aiba says, drawing his own handgun - the one that Matsujun had signed out for him, albeit with Serious Reservations.
Aiba was going to prove those Serious Reservations wrong.
“You are about to get several Slips for disrupting the peace, and the overuse of reflective ornaments in an effort to blind law enforcement officers,” Aiba says, most officially. “By law, I am required to read you -”
“Aiba,” Jun says, “what. Are you doing?”
“Nailing the perp,” Aiba says. (Aiba’s favourite word, ever since Nagase’s six-week training camp, is without a doubt ‘perp’.)
“ARE YOU MAD?” Jun bellows. The frilly cute ends of the Daiki’s apron quiver. “HE WANTS TO SHOOT US AND YOU’RE GIVING HIM SLIPS?”
“They only shoot out glitter unicorn figurines,” Daiki puts in. “Kei-chan very much enjoys arts and crafts.”
So maybe Aiba doesn't prove Jun’s Serious Reservations wrong as much as he does confirm them.
But he’ll try again next time.
Ohno (misses Maki)
Things rapidly degenerate from there. Chinen and Yuto do some approximation of what they call a ‘sexy dance’, and it is only when Ohno’s limbs are becoming inert that he realizes they must be students of some obscure hypnosis sect (or perhaps just not Ohno’s cup of tea).
“Don’t worry, Ohno-kun,” Ohno hears Chinen say. “We’ll take good care of you.”
Oh no, Ohno thinks, please don’t say it.
“…Forever,” says Chinen, with a glint of his grin that is the last thing Ohno sees before blackness takes over (and not even Nino’s sort, which is really quite harmless.)
Ohno’s dream involves some rather frightful great cupcakes with pink sugar icing.
Sho (has never been so righteously angry in his life)
It is time for an Intervention, fit only for the Great Leader of th -
“God, put that down,” comes Nino’s voice, plainly bored. A measured degree of contempt creeps into his voice as he regards the Sparkle Gun clutched in Daiki’s outstretched hand.
“I would,” says Daiki, sweetly, “but you’re not asking nicely enough.”
Nino looks like he is fighting the urge to hurl. Or hurl something.
Well, Sho is well prepared. In addition to records with soothing classical music, in his leisure time, he also enjoys fast-paced action movies. Such as Austin Powers.
So, in conclusion, he knows where this is going.
Sho marches up to Daiki with much fortitude in each stride, seizes him by the collar and is actually able to lift him clean off the ground.
“TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER,” he booms, trying not to get distracted by the way Daiki has acquired a pout of tremendous proportions. “NOW.”
“Are you kidding, I don’t want to meet his leader!” squawks Nino.
It is a short-lived protest, because Daiki, whose voice has taken on an air of fragility, says, “Don’t shout at me.”
And right then, they are catapulted into a Magical Whirlwind of Psychedelic Colour, during which even Gyoza stops masticating and Sho, Hero of the Light or not, feels rather quite ill.
---------
After being tossed around in a nauseating array of disco lights, the Tempest of Righteousness and its four-legged mascot gets ejected onto a fluffy carpet of such soft pink shades that they seem to shift and move under their feet.
“Air sickness bags are by the side,” says a Deceptively Cute voice.
Sho looks up. He does not recognize these - enemies?
“Aren’t you underage?” he goggles.
“We’re cute,” says the apparent leader. “All else is immaterial.”
“Hey Say Jump,” say Jun and Aiba, in unison.
“You missed out the exclamation marks!” says the same boy, brightly. “I’m Chinen, by the way.”
“Hey Say Jailbait,” Nino mutters under his breath. He vaguely remembers a Dark Advisory from last Christmas that told of a bunch of undersized whippersnappers spreading too much of what they called ‘Our Sweet Joy in Song’.
“We know you,” says Chinen, addressing Nino directly. “We go to your club.”
“That’s ridiculous. It’s a Powerhouse. Which,” Nino says, with as much disdain as he can muster, “you are not.”
Chinen just giggles, in a manner that is Deceptively Cute and suggests that Sho does not want to know.
“Shall we get to the point?” Jun says, most Pointedly.
“We’d be very glad to,” Hey!Say!JUMP purr.
And it is most decidedly Not Cute. In fact, Sho, lionhearted as he is (unless it happened to involve a harness), would venture so far as to call it Downright Creepy.
Ohno (has fun)
Ohno awakens to much ruckus. But the first thing he notices is a horn that is dangerously close to his face.
For a moment, he thinks it is Gyoza who has turned into a unicorn and is here to save him with his magic unicorn powers (to repay Ohno for all the door knobs and shirts he’d chewed over the years).
But then the horn almost jabs him in the eye and gives a soft whine and Ohno finds himself staring into the eyes of a real unicorn.
We’re the same! says the unicorn in Ohno’s mind, sounding more Sparkly than Unicorn. Ohno shifts instinctively away; he’s grown quite allergic to Sparkles (of the capitalized kind) lately.
Don’t be afraid! I would never hurt you! My Masters just like Ohno-san a lot and I was curious, you see.
Ohno blinks curiously. The candy-striped gates are locked and when Ohno listens closely enough, he can hear (or rather, feel) Righteous Anger radiating through the ceiling from the level above.
“…you make coffee too?” He asks, earning a lick and a cheek plastered with drool.
No, but I’m Neutral! Magic, just like you!
“Ma-“ Ohno is about to ask, when there is a Thunderous Thundering from the ceiling above him and what sounds like Sho shouting “UNHAND OUR kJKLASHDLASKJHLD”.
Jun (is Terribly Long-Suffering)
This, had definitely not been in Jun’s job description.
What had begun as a Clear-headed and Adult discussion has degenerated to his partner riding a sheep, and what is supposed to be the superhero being sat on by a boy half his age. (Granted, the other party taking part in the discussion could barely be considered Adult.)
The Villain Ninomiya, on the other hand, appears unperturbed by this development. Jun might be wrong, but there is something almost congratulatory in the way he is now speaking to Chinen.
“So you got past the bouncers, then.”
Chinen nods. “One of them was preoccupied with singing and the other one just let us through when we gave him some cupcakes.”
Ninomiya shakes his head. “Someone needs to speak to Pi about this.”
Jun has always known that Ninomiya was not to be trusted. Birds of a feather, after all. Now Ninomiya will turn out to be in cahoots with Hey!Say!JUMP and all will be lost because Sakurai will fail at getting that boy off him and Aiba - well, Aiba is riding a goat.
“I’m impressed, says Ninomiya. “What are your grand plans of supervillainy, then?”
“I knew it!” Jun exclaims. “You’re in cahoots!”
Ninomiya rubs his hands together in exaggerated villainy. “Oh yes.” He turns to Chinen. “I’d love to see the rest of your digs, actually.”
Chinen beams, Sparkling once more.
“Don’t worry,” says Daiki to Chinen, from where he’s sitting on Sho’s back. “While I’m here to hold the fort this lot won’t be going anywhere.”
And then they do some sort of elaborate fist-bump that is precluded by twirling and peace signs and cute little finger guns.
“Bang!” they chime adorably. Jun feels sick to his stomach.
Nino (has a plan)
Nino is a genius. This has always been evident to Nino, but he cannot think of a time when he was quite as much of a genius as he is right now.
It’s one of the oldest tricks in the books - Pretending To Be In Cahoots To Find The Location Of A Treasured Friend. And Chinen is falling for it hook, line and sinker.
He is still chattering away as they enter the second secret elevator. “It wasn’t big enough, and we didn’t have enough floor space to practice our dance moves, so we built two basement levels as well.”
“Very inspired,” Nino murmurs, glancing quickly around to take note of any possible escape routes. He hopes there are stairs, if the lift is halted when he manages to rescue Ohno and his other friends.
What Nino has not taken into account, however, is the fact that he is carrying out this dastardly plan only a short distance away from Sho, making it highly likely that he is still very much within the Radius of Fail.
He realizes this only when it is too late. They are taking a detour to look at the toilets that Yamada custom-designed, and before Nino can kick his plan into action he is being locked into one of the cubicles.
“I’m sorry, Ninomiya-senpai!” Chinen chirps infuriatingly from the other side. “We just couldn’t trust you.”
“LET ME OUT!” Nino hollers, hammering at the door. “You villainous, dizzy-eyed, hell-hated death tokens!”
No, the irony is not lost on Nino.
Ohno (finally understands why Sho and Nino frequent his café)
Ohno is enjoying a nice spot of intelligent conversation with Unicorn-san, with only occasional loud disturbances from above.
“So, what exactly does being Neutral mean?”
It’s a force more powerful than vigilantism or villainy.
“Hm,” says Ohno. It would be so nice to boast about this to Sho and Nino.
That’s why Sho doesn’t fail so badly in your vicinity. And none of the schemes Nino tells you about actually work.
This makes a lot of sense to Ohno. He’d asked around the day after Nino told him about the trains, and no one had noticed anything out of the ordinary. Ohno, however, is tactful, and has not mentioned this to Nino.
It is sad, really.
“So what are they doing upstairs? Having some sort of villainous conference?”
Unicorn-san cocks his head. No. They’re here to save you.
“Really?” Ohno says, unsure if it is polite to feel this amused. Through the brief lull in the thumping, Ohno can discern that they are having some sort of shrieking competition.
Sho has a very distinctive, almost ladylike shriek.
Supposedly Ohno should be appreciating the effort.
Oh well. He eases back into the Hello Kitty upholstery with Unicorn-san at his feet, crunching on sugar cubes that appear to have materialized from nowhere. While the motley bunch above resolve their issues - which, judging from the audibly epic confrontation taking place, will take a while - he might as well take a nap. Preferably not involving pastries of any sort.
Sho (a hero never reveals his secrets)
Sho likes to think that he is this handling this with aplomb - ‘this’ being Daiki leaping onto his back and clinging on like an extremely tenacious marsupial. In fact, he is pretty certain that after this, Jun will offer him some sort of medal of honour.
He is still fantasizing about this when Daiki squeezes his legs around Sho’s neck to the point of suffocation and demands for him to “gallop like a pony.”
If the outside world ever catches wind of this - Sakurai Sho, Hero of the Light, reduced to making neighing noises and clopping laps around the enemy’s lair - he will tell them that it was between this and asphyxiation.
And when they look distinctly unimpressed, he will think that perhaps he should have chosen asphyxiation after all.
Aiba (still thinks they should have issued Slips)
The next time Nagase is taking ideas for a Force Retreat, Aiba is definitely suggesting goatback riding. It’s underrated, really.
In the midst of the ballyhoo, Chinen returns, conspicuously Nino-less.
Under normal circumstances, Matsujun’s look would be one of curdling interrogation. Since these are not, Aiba notes that Matsujun’s look is merely one of mild questioning.
“Ninomiya-senpai is Enjoying the commode on the Hello Kitty floor,” Chinen announces, with great glee. From the far end of the room Sho gives a faint yelp as Daiki digs in his heels, and slows to a trot.
From atop Gyoza, Aiba does a spot of Serious Consideration.
“Now,” Chinen says. “Who would like to play tea time?”
Jun looks like he is ready to stick forks in his eyes as Chinen does a little twirl and flourish, producing a rather gargantuan playhouse with flashing fuchsia lights. There is even a stable, which Aiba supposes is in Sho’s honour.
For the second time that night, Aiba’s guard is definitely raised. But he files obediently into the house, which they have all apparently taken up residence in and are living the life of a Very Happy Family.
Just as Chinen is pouring the Vanilla Tea (“Without tea!”) into their teacups, and Jun is finding that there is insufficient space for his legs at the tea table, Aiba charges outside and locks the door.
He peeks in through the window, just in case Matsujun thinks he has defected.
“WAIT HERE, MATSUJUN,” Aiba says, “I KNOW NINO DOES NOT EVEN LIKE HELLO KITTY.”
“WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE ME INSIDE?” sputters Jun.
“NO TIME TO TALK,” Aiba says, and scuttles off to do great things. Gyoza haws valiantly.
Nino (has seen better days)
As Nino’s eyes adjust to the pink glare of his surroundings, he realizes that the toilets in The (Sexual) Powerhouse are actually more palatable that… this.
And that, he would like to stress, is really saying something.
The loo itself, he notes, has ears and a pink ribbon.
Just as he is contemplating flushing himself away, the door bursts open in a shower of floaty glitter.
---------
Operation Reunite the Tempest of Righteousness is the mission, and Nino, nursing his wounded villainous ego, finds that even he cannot complain.
“So, Sho and Matsujun are having a tea party with Chinen and Daiki,” says Aiba. “I figure that gives us enough time to find Ohno-kun. And I found a floor plan, so we’re all set.”
This is an unreasonable amount of optimism, Nino thinks, given that ninety percent of said floorplan consists of complicated emoticons of bunnies.
Ohno (ends up saving himself)
When they get back, Ohno is definitely asking Maki out.
This is the only appealing thought that comes to him as he wakes up to an eerie silence, with a faraway twinkle of bells.
“Are they making any progress, do you think?”
This causes Unicorn-san to look extremely tickled. Ohno has never seen a unicorn look tickled.
Well, okay, Ohno has never seen a unicorn. But this particular equine expression of amusement is something quite unique.
Chinen’s hosting a tea party, and Aiba and Nino are lost somewhere watching My Little Pony videos on loop.
Ohno considers this.
“Perhaps we should do something,” he suggests.
Indeed, Unicorn-san agrees.
--------
Ohno’s greatest takeaway from this incident is not to trust Very Cute things. Because, as Unicorn-san tells him, their united powers of neutrality will destroy anything evil, and the fact that the candy-striped gates are promptly destroyed shows just how evil JUMP are.
In quick succession, they free Matsuyama (looking rather unshaven), Okada, Yoko, and Riisa (the most displeased of them all.) Ohno suspects that not one of them will ever touch a cupcake again.
“We’ve just got a few more people left to pick up,” Ohno says, after Yoko has stopped hyperventilating over the fact that it’s a real, live unicorn! “They’re not doing very well, you see.”
AT THIS DISMAL MOMENT IN TIME -
Sho (it’s time to bust this joint)
Sho has had Enough. And when heroes have had Enough, it means Serious Business.
With a rather desperate cry, Sho gives Daiki, who has just offered him a scone with orange cream butter, a swift uppercut.
Daiki falls over, surprising Sho himself.
“Ow,” Daiki says, in a fetal position on the ground.
A wave of guilt washes over Sho. Daiki is younger than him! How could he have - he must be some kind of monster! To hit a small child! He ought to be locked up! It is a paralysing sensation.
Sho has to do some Self Reflection.
Jun (will be taking a sabbatical shortly)
The good news is that Sakurai, in Jun’s opinion, has done his first successful thing - ever.
The bad news is that this probably means he has reached his quota.
The situation gets rapidly worse as Chinen decides that Daiki is not essential to their game, and that they should all take their afternoon naps, having had their tea party.
Sakurai, Jun can see, has been overcome by some sort of misbegotten remorse that he knocked Daiki out. Jun cannot for the life of him imagine why. Is Sakurai not a vigilante? Does he not understand what a vigilante does?
Jun, for one, would very much relish inflicting any sort of pain to these JUMP fellows.
However, as there is no sight of Aiba (as if he hadn’t known how that would go), Jun pretty much has to rely on… Sakurai.
As Sakurai resigns himself to a Nice Afternoon Nap, Jun leans over to hiss at him, “Why don’t you just hug Chinen?”
Sakurai squeaks. “What?”
“Since you fail at winning,” Jun says, in very measured tones, “win at failing, and make him fail too.”
From Sakurai’s expression it is clear that he is doubtful of Jun’s brilliant plan.
“Look - do you really want to pretend to sleep in a pink four-poster half your size while Chinen sings lullabies?” Jun says, dangerously. “I think not.”
---------
Chinen does in fact fail Spectacularly when Sho puts his arms awkwardly around the little pipsqueak.
It is not clear who enjoys it less, Sakurai or Chinen, but the next thing they know, the house is collapsing into a pile of garish, flowery debris around them, immobilizing Chinen while they escape.
Sakurai’s second successful thing, in a span of a day, even. Jun resolves not to think too much about this. It might give him a headache.
However, the situation promptly presents Jun another headache-inducing thing to make up for it.
“MATSUJUN,” comes a squeal of excitement. Aiba materializes, with Ninomiya trailing behind him. “YOU’RE FREE.”
Jun restrains himself from pointing out how this is to no credit of his.
“We got stuck somewhere,” Aiba explains. Ninomiya, meanwhile, is humming the opening of My Little Pony while simultaneously appearing to hate himself for it. “Did you know that the latest My Little Pony theme is ‘Friendship is Magic’?”
“I didn’t want to,” Jun says. “Where is Ohno?”
“And Twilight Sparkle learns valuable lessons about caring for her friends,” Aiba elaborates.
“Aiba.” Jun says, employing his Dangerous Tone again. “Where is Ohno?”
“We nearly found him, I swear! But then there were these signs with emoticons and -”
At that very instant, like an answer to Jun’s prayers, Ohno appears, with an entourage he appears to have amassed during his time in captivity, and - Jun is definitely getting a migraine - a unicorn.
“Shall we go?” Ohno says, quite casually.
Nino (is of the opinion that villainy should have some sort of age limit)
Before Nino can begin to demystify Ohno’s sudden, seemingly effortless appearance (which has even shocked that stupidly catchy theme music out of his brain), Chinen finds his way out of the pile of debris that had not been there before.
Worse, he summons backup.
The rest of Hey!Say!Jailbait appear using a variety of shenanigans that culminate in a formation with Chinen in the middle, wearing a coy grin. Nino is positive that they’ve rehearsed this.
“We won’t let Ohno-kun go!” they chorus. “Ohno-kun, stay with us! We promise you’ll like it here!”
Nino notes that their ‘promise’ has acquired an air of coercion.
Thankfully, Ohno seems prepared for this.
“I’d have to decline,” he says, very pleasantly.
“Ohno-kun can’t decline!” says the chorus. “We still have more dances to show you! Yamada-kun even made you a giant marshmallow for your welcome party!”
“Really?” Ohno says, perking up at the mention of marshmallows. “Can I see it?”
----------
Things move quickly afterwards.
With that silent, calming force of his that Nino has always coveted, Ohno and the unicorn banish Hey!Say!Jailbait into the Giant Marshmallow of Oblivion.
After an instant of stunned silence, Nino can hear faint sounds of shrill protest.
And just like that, no Sparkle Gun will ever be used again.
In the ensuing hubbub, in which Sho prepares to commit seppuku (and attempts to draw everyone’s attention to this), Jun mutters darkly for aspirin, Gyoza returns to Nino’s side, Aiba starts tearfully shaking everyone’s hand, and the four returned captives look generally taken aback, Ohno Takes Control of the Situation.
“Now shall we go?” Ohno says.
Sho (has one hell of a Justice Update to write)
On the way home in a carriage powered by Unicorn-san, who had been JUMP’s magic unicorn of power, Sho sulks.
Ohno’s saving the day clean has clean overshadowed Sho’s two achievements in defeating the villains. Two! The more Sho thinks about this, the harder he sulks.
Either no one notices, or they do not care.
As if to add insult to injury, Aiba starts calling Ohno ‘Leader’. Jun, the Ace, the respect of whom Sho has always desired like a fire in his blood, actually agrees with Aiba on this point.
It is simply not fair. Ohno had the aid of a unicorn.
Nino, however, seems to find being a member of the Tempest of Righteousness significantly less distasteful, now that Ohno is in charge.
“We don’t have to limit ourselves, Oh-chan,” Nino says, cajolingly. “We can do all sorts of things. At least let me have the opportunity to use my staff of fiendishness.” Nino invested a lot in it and feels like he should be getting the appropriate returns.
“I’d rather just make coffee,” Ohno says. “Sho-kun and Nino-chan like my café, right?”
Okay. Sho can perhaps find it in himself to forgive Ohno for ousting Sho as Supreme Leader. But just a little, and only because heroes must often find it in themselves to be the Bigger Person.
Ohno (hosts a collective sabbatical)
Aiba and Jun are sipping chamomile tea and having a nice slice of sponge cake, while Nino is attempting to rediscover his villainy through the specially large cup of coffee with “less than no sugar” and some complicated choreography with his staff of fiendishness.
Ohno thinks that all is going well. Despite the minor brouhaha coming from Nino’s direction, Jun’s lips are no longer pursed and he is not so much brooding as he is staring aimlessly into space. Aiba, meanwhile, seems to have established a firm friendship with Gyoza, and they appear to be discussing topics of great bovine importance while Gyoza nibbles lightly on Aiba’s scarf.
All is peaceful until Sho storms in like an unruly… well, storm.
“AHOY, COMRADES,” he says, and receives no response.
As Sho is in high spirits, he overlooks this, pulling up a chair to Jun and Aiba’s table.
“I have two important announcements to make,” Sho says, with the air of Authority. “First, I’ve decided to revamp my image. I will henceforth no longer be known as Captain Chawanmushi. I will now be… the Human Shadow of Goodness.”
“Um,” Jun says, clearly enjoying his chamomile tea way too much to be disturbed by Sho.
“It’s a bit long,” Aiba remarks.
“Yes,” Ohno agrees. “How about the Human Shadow?”
“Still a mouthful,” Nino says, twirling his staff like a drum majorette. Quite, quite fancy, Ohno thinks.
“Yes,” Jun says. “How about the Human?”
The name sticks. Nino seems especially delighted that this turns Sho’s revamping-his-image plan on its head.
“That defeats the purpose altogether,” Sho grumbles.
“It’s all a matter of perspective,” Jun says, more relaxed than he has ever been with Sho in the immediate vicinity.
Sho smooths his ruffled feathers and continues. “The second thing is that we have a New Mission.”
This halts even Ohno and his beloved polishing.
“The New Mission is about balls,” Sho says, assuming what is evidently meant to be a cool and striking pose. “Random balls.”
The End
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Note: We don't actually have anything against HSJ! In fact, a couple of their songs turned into earworms in the process of writing this fic...