(no subject)
So, I have to go in for an ultrasound, but I probably do not have cancer. Which is good, we just need to confirm that. But I'm so tired, guys. I feel like giving up but like I don't know how. I'm too tired to purge, too tired to even restrict. I'm just trying to slog from one place to the next. My job is stressful, but mostly because I can't actually figure my shit out. My manager makes me want to claw my eyes out sometimes, but I should be able to deal. Oh yeah, my job also requires that I eat food. I literally am a cheese expert. I've been too afraid to sample any of the cheeses to make sure they are aging correctly. Ugh. And I love dancing, but my husband doesn't really like it and it frustrates me and makes me feel bad for dancing so much and spending so much of our money on it. He's struggling to keep my mood up, but it isn't working and I think he's blaming himself and/or getting tired of it.
I ate a two pancakes, six crackers, and a bowl of ramen yesterday. Then I had an internal meltdown about posting on this forum when I'm eating that much. Like I'm a total wannarexic or whatever and wasting everyone's time. I feel like such a poser. I'm not even that sick. I ate fucking hashbrowns this morning, then cream of mushroom soup, then peach cobbler, the sausage, then popsicles. I feel like I don't belong here, and I'm pretty ashamed about it.
Then there's everything else. I pretty much just want to curl up and sleep, but I have so many obligations...