What's It All About?
I woke about an hour earlier than I should have this morning. Couldn't sleep. My mind was buzzing with questions about living and success...and if it was possible for anyone to live a happy fulfilling life from birth to death...and if so, what makes that possible?
Also, I felt I wanted to get rid of every possession and start fresh doing anything anywhere.
Once the sun came up I got it together. No desperate moves or changes: we'll keep doing what we're doing. Still, it was very concerning.
I have been paranoid about work now for the last six years and just when I started feeling better about this last year it has taken a big turn in the opposite direction.
Doing anything, even at work, is difficult. Trying to focus on anything is not easy.
It is not my age. True, I have problems with my left foot, my hearing is plagued by tinnitus, I need an eye exam and the teeth always need work...but I have recently come to terms with this. I feel, in fact, it is quite possible for me to get back in the shape I was 30 years ago with a gradual program of exercise and work-outs (especially using a bicycle which should put less stress on my left foot).
I also feel I should just accept what happens where I work and keep looking for opportunities and make the best of what is there: stop worrying about all the back-room dealing which has been hidden from me.
All the clutter in our house: well, it's a problem but we have learned about how to tame it and have slowly moved in that direction.
But that doesn't help my focus. Unfortunately I have come to the conclusion, as mousemessenger has already, that Betty is really weighing us down in every way. The impact has not been so obvious on me. As is often the case with men, the difficulties have been internalized and arising in often totally unrelated ways.
I know when we first took Betty in last June that it was good for her. We worked with medical professionals and stabilized her physical health. And, she was able to communicate with us much better and occasionally enjoyed life with us (and we with her).
Betty still recognizes and enjoys certain things first thing in the morning but most of the day she is anxious. Even when we rule out all the possible physical aggravations that might contribute she still goes on with her panicked repetition of "Sister Please" and offers no useful hints as to what we can do to help her. Sometimes, as I experienced yesterday afternoon, she becomes belligerent. Firmness on our part prevents her from getting hurt but she then becomes accusatory and uncooperative.
mousemessenger has said she just wants her life back. That is not exactly what I would say, but it is pretty close. The fact is that as Betty's condition has worsened it has taken away from our lives just at a time when we have been discovering what we want to do and how we want to do it. So it is frustrating that we can't spend the time on things that we need to get working on.
So here we are, Betty bringing us down to the point where I feel our livelihood is threatened and our future bleak...and us not able to help her in a meaningful way anymore. We have to find another way.
Also, I felt I wanted to get rid of every possession and start fresh doing anything anywhere.
Once the sun came up I got it together. No desperate moves or changes: we'll keep doing what we're doing. Still, it was very concerning.
I have been paranoid about work now for the last six years and just when I started feeling better about this last year it has taken a big turn in the opposite direction.
Doing anything, even at work, is difficult. Trying to focus on anything is not easy.
It is not my age. True, I have problems with my left foot, my hearing is plagued by tinnitus, I need an eye exam and the teeth always need work...but I have recently come to terms with this. I feel, in fact, it is quite possible for me to get back in the shape I was 30 years ago with a gradual program of exercise and work-outs (especially using a bicycle which should put less stress on my left foot).
I also feel I should just accept what happens where I work and keep looking for opportunities and make the best of what is there: stop worrying about all the back-room dealing which has been hidden from me.
All the clutter in our house: well, it's a problem but we have learned about how to tame it and have slowly moved in that direction.
But that doesn't help my focus. Unfortunately I have come to the conclusion, as mousemessenger has already, that Betty is really weighing us down in every way. The impact has not been so obvious on me. As is often the case with men, the difficulties have been internalized and arising in often totally unrelated ways.
I know when we first took Betty in last June that it was good for her. We worked with medical professionals and stabilized her physical health. And, she was able to communicate with us much better and occasionally enjoyed life with us (and we with her).
Betty still recognizes and enjoys certain things first thing in the morning but most of the day she is anxious. Even when we rule out all the possible physical aggravations that might contribute she still goes on with her panicked repetition of "Sister Please" and offers no useful hints as to what we can do to help her. Sometimes, as I experienced yesterday afternoon, she becomes belligerent. Firmness on our part prevents her from getting hurt but she then becomes accusatory and uncooperative.
mousemessenger has said she just wants her life back. That is not exactly what I would say, but it is pretty close. The fact is that as Betty's condition has worsened it has taken away from our lives just at a time when we have been discovering what we want to do and how we want to do it. So it is frustrating that we can't spend the time on things that we need to get working on.
So here we are, Betty bringing us down to the point where I feel our livelihood is threatened and our future bleak...and us not able to help her in a meaningful way anymore. We have to find another way.