feelings by their very nature are vague.
What the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck.
I feel stuck in this indeterminate nether region, nothing is bad, but nothing is good either. No. That's not it. there's bad stuff, and that's all the normal bullshit. But the good. The Good Is So Fleeting. So out of reach at all times. Where the more I grasp at it, the more it struggles to get away, like a cat going in to a bath. The good cannot BE. It must always be leaving, perpetually. Some say I have out grown my surroundings, I can think maybe that is the case. Maybe. But there is something that tells me to stay. A sixth sense telling me "those who run away will always be looking." Let's call it: My Mother Syndrome, for shits and giggles. How do you know when to leave, where to go? Some say, "come here" but that I know, is not for me, at least, not yet. I know the bounds of my personality, and this is not a place to go. I have ideas of where I could go. But those are infantile, and half formed. There are other ideas still, more, "scholarly" yet, less BYRON. Those seem closer, but seem untrue to my core. Not what I am truly looking for. Other things still, coming quick, coming soon, which turn all of this on his head. But those things are always "coming" and end up never "going."
I feel stuck in this indeterminate nether region, nothing is bad, but nothing is good either. No. That's not it. there's bad stuff, and that's all the normal bullshit. But the good. The Good Is So Fleeting. So out of reach at all times. Where the more I grasp at it, the more it struggles to get away, like a cat going in to a bath. The good cannot BE. It must always be leaving, perpetually. Some say I have out grown my surroundings, I can think maybe that is the case. Maybe. But there is something that tells me to stay. A sixth sense telling me "those who run away will always be looking." Let's call it: My Mother Syndrome, for shits and giggles. How do you know when to leave, where to go? Some say, "come here" but that I know, is not for me, at least, not yet. I know the bounds of my personality, and this is not a place to go. I have ideas of where I could go. But those are infantile, and half formed. There are other ideas still, more, "scholarly" yet, less BYRON. Those seem closer, but seem untrue to my core. Not what I am truly looking for. Other things still, coming quick, coming soon, which turn all of this on his head. But those things are always "coming" and end up never "going."