Realization?
I've been wondering why my Julia is so sad. I just don't get it sometimes. Sometimes I think she focuses on the negative way to much. She didn't do well on her entrance exams, she didn't get the right dorm, I'm not with her. Now, I understand the last one totally. I miss her so much that I can't describe it in words, and maybe that's why she always gets mad at me. Because I never tell her I miss her only because I don't know how. I mean... I could say I miss her, I could say I miss her eyes. I could say I missed her skin, hair, touch, smell, warmth, but no matter how much I put here, it doesn't compare to my feelings, and I can't express it in words. Also, no matter how much I say it, it won't change it. I'm still going to miss her, and I have a chance of missing her even more. So I try to focus on my happy stuff. I'm going to see her this weekend. I've got a nice apartment. I've got an Xbox. I've got a 120 GB HD that I'm filling with movies that I'll burn and watch with Julia when I go up. I've got a TV, a stereo. I get to talk with Julia through AIM and once MIT gets its shit together on the phone system I'll talk to her on the phone. None of this can replace my Julia, and I won't ever let it get close to that, but it's positives to focus on, and when the shit starts flying I just think of positive things and slough off the shit stains because they'll come off in the wash.