Something is wrong
I don't know what it is, but something is wrong with me. I should feel like the happiest person in the world but things just keep dragging me down. I've got so many things on my plate right now I think I'm just overwhelmed and when that happens I run away from things. It's bad, but it gives me such a good temporary relief that I just run farther and farther away.
Money is such a huge issue with me and I wish it wasn't. It seems to dictate my life and how I get to live it. I'm in debt to several different things, credit card, my fiance, bills, Hickory Creek Municipal court, Mike Drezowsky, with all this debt it just feels like you can't escape the vortex. Who do I repay first, who will get pissed off more? When will I stop adding to the debt? Can I even stop adding to it, is that actually a feasible possibility? Too many questions that I don't want to address because in my logic it all ends up with me selling all my possesions just so I can get free and clear... maybe I will. I don't need this computer do I? it only distracts me from my real life. I don't need my bike anymore cause it always gets flat tires cause I'm too big for it. I don't really need my guitar, my dreams of actually recording worthful songs don't ever come to fruition because of time constraints. I can do without my keyboard, it's been sitting collecting dust. Getting rid of all this stuff would actually make this place neater too. But I don't want to give anything up, I want to die with all my toys as stupid as that sounds. I can't use them once I'm dead.. or in debtors prison.
Let me end with this. Fuck the police, fuck the police, fuck the police. I've met one good cop in my life and several bad ones. I've had a cop stare at my truck after it was rear ended and write a report against ME for driving it drunk, running into someone else, fleeing the scene and parking horribly in the street when in reality a drunk driver rear ended my parked car. I then had to track down the wrecked vehicle myself, call the police, do all the detective work myself, just to clear everything up for them. BUT, the good cop was officer padilla, he at least listened to me and my logical deductions and went and apprehended the suspect as well as corrected the reports and made everything copecetic again. However.. every other cop I've come in contact with is a piece of shit that doesn't deserve the badge he wears. Case in point, I just got a ticket. Let me explain. I remember having my cruise control set to about 74 because the speed limit was 70.. somewhere in there it changed to 65 and I didn't notice but this wasn't the problem. Julia tells me that she's going to throw up and I need to pull over at the next exit. Sounds reasonable, better to pull off at an exit than to pull to the side of the road with a should of size X and Y^6 cars speeding by at supposedly 65MPH. However, this is west texas.. on I-20. Exits are somewhat sparse at some points and at this particular point I believe it was 3 mins in between exits. at the clocked speed I was going that would mean that exits were spaced roughly 4.05 miles apart. So, Julia says she's gonna throw up, we just passed an exit a few seconds ago.. I don't know where the next one is. I speed up not paying attention at all to my speed because I just want to get her out of the car before she pukes inside and causes distraction. Finally, I see the exit ahead, but oh.. what's this.. a cop comes around a curve blindly, crosses the median, and turns on his lights and points at me to pull over.. how the FUCK he could clock me while he was pulling across a median I'll never understand, but anyways, I pull over at the exit, which is where I was going anyways, and the cop comes up and says, " The reason you're being pulled over is that you were speeding, is there an emergency?" First thing out of MY mouth is," well sir,
she's feeling kinda sick" Julia opened her mouth at the same time and said something about rushing to catch her flight which wasn't the case at all cause we left Abeline with plenty of time. He proceeds to tell me my registration sticker is expired and I explain that the car is registered I just haven't affixed the sticker (Booya bitch). I also didn't have my license with me, big deal. He pulled me out to the back of my truck and started taking down my information, julia Opens the door walks to the front of the truck, throws up, and the cop still gives me a ticket even though he knew fully well that if he were in the same position he woulda done the same thing. FUCK HIM! seriously, if a cop makes a bad call 3 times he should be put in jail permanantly. There's a 3 strikes rule for heavy offenders, why not for cops.. that would seriously make them think twice about handing out bogus shit for brains tickets. But no, what ramification is there for cops, none. What kinda corrupted bullshit is that. any other job in the world, you get reprimanded for making a bad call, written up, and in most cases after 3 write ups, you're gone. Not cops, they live without fear because their word is truth, their word is law, and they have the judge on their side. I'll kill every one of them if I have to in order to make the world a better place. All except officer Padilla.
Money is such a huge issue with me and I wish it wasn't. It seems to dictate my life and how I get to live it. I'm in debt to several different things, credit card, my fiance, bills, Hickory Creek Municipal court, Mike Drezowsky, with all this debt it just feels like you can't escape the vortex. Who do I repay first, who will get pissed off more? When will I stop adding to the debt? Can I even stop adding to it, is that actually a feasible possibility? Too many questions that I don't want to address because in my logic it all ends up with me selling all my possesions just so I can get free and clear... maybe I will. I don't need this computer do I? it only distracts me from my real life. I don't need my bike anymore cause it always gets flat tires cause I'm too big for it. I don't really need my guitar, my dreams of actually recording worthful songs don't ever come to fruition because of time constraints. I can do without my keyboard, it's been sitting collecting dust. Getting rid of all this stuff would actually make this place neater too. But I don't want to give anything up, I want to die with all my toys as stupid as that sounds. I can't use them once I'm dead.. or in debtors prison.
Let me end with this. Fuck the police, fuck the police, fuck the police. I've met one good cop in my life and several bad ones. I've had a cop stare at my truck after it was rear ended and write a report against ME for driving it drunk, running into someone else, fleeing the scene and parking horribly in the street when in reality a drunk driver rear ended my parked car. I then had to track down the wrecked vehicle myself, call the police, do all the detective work myself, just to clear everything up for them. BUT, the good cop was officer padilla, he at least listened to me and my logical deductions and went and apprehended the suspect as well as corrected the reports and made everything copecetic again. However.. every other cop I've come in contact with is a piece of shit that doesn't deserve the badge he wears. Case in point, I just got a ticket. Let me explain. I remember having my cruise control set to about 74 because the speed limit was 70.. somewhere in there it changed to 65 and I didn't notice but this wasn't the problem. Julia tells me that she's going to throw up and I need to pull over at the next exit. Sounds reasonable, better to pull off at an exit than to pull to the side of the road with a should of size X and Y^6 cars speeding by at supposedly 65MPH. However, this is west texas.. on I-20. Exits are somewhat sparse at some points and at this particular point I believe it was 3 mins in between exits. at the clocked speed I was going that would mean that exits were spaced roughly 4.05 miles apart. So, Julia says she's gonna throw up, we just passed an exit a few seconds ago.. I don't know where the next one is. I speed up not paying attention at all to my speed because I just want to get her out of the car before she pukes inside and causes distraction. Finally, I see the exit ahead, but oh.. what's this.. a cop comes around a curve blindly, crosses the median, and turns on his lights and points at me to pull over.. how the FUCK he could clock me while he was pulling across a median I'll never understand, but anyways, I pull over at the exit, which is where I was going anyways, and the cop comes up and says, " The reason you're being pulled over is that you were speeding, is there an emergency?" First thing out of MY mouth is," well sir,
she's feeling kinda sick" Julia opened her mouth at the same time and said something about rushing to catch her flight which wasn't the case at all cause we left Abeline with plenty of time. He proceeds to tell me my registration sticker is expired and I explain that the car is registered I just haven't affixed the sticker (Booya bitch). I also didn't have my license with me, big deal. He pulled me out to the back of my truck and started taking down my information, julia Opens the door walks to the front of the truck, throws up, and the cop still gives me a ticket even though he knew fully well that if he were in the same position he woulda done the same thing. FUCK HIM! seriously, if a cop makes a bad call 3 times he should be put in jail permanantly. There's a 3 strikes rule for heavy offenders, why not for cops.. that would seriously make them think twice about handing out bogus shit for brains tickets. But no, what ramification is there for cops, none. What kinda corrupted bullshit is that. any other job in the world, you get reprimanded for making a bad call, written up, and in most cases after 3 write ups, you're gone. Not cops, they live without fear because their word is truth, their word is law, and they have the judge on their side. I'll kill every one of them if I have to in order to make the world a better place. All except officer Padilla.