The Genius of Fat Babies
A/N: This essay contains spoilers for a “Doctor Who” episode that aired in the US in 2008. If you’re upset about reading this because of that, then you really need to spend more time watching TV and less time reading about it.
Television has given us some pretty ingenious ideas: Chrismukkah (“The OC), the Biscuit’s toilet flusher remote (“Ally MacBeal”), The Evil Dead franchise’s Ash Williams’ chainsaw prosthetic hand, and pretty much all of MacGyver’s gizmos (“MacGyver”) and Sean’s creations (“Felicity”).
One of, if not the absolute, best ideas in my mind came from “Partners In Crime”, season 4 episode 1 on the British television series, “Dr. Who”.
For those not familiar with Dr. Who, here’s a very basic breakdown: the Doctor is a Time Lord who travels through time and space. He can go to other planets, but he tends to hang around Earth, helping fend off aliens and getting into various adventures. He likes to travel with at least companion, a human he meets at various points during those adventures.
In “Partners In Crime”, company called Adipose Industries starts selling a diet pill in England. Basically, a person takes the pill and loses a couple of pounds by the next day.
Sound too good to be true?
Turns out, while the people are sleeping, their body fat is used to create small whitish aliens, called adipose, who leave their host’s bodies and slip out into the night using open windows or doggie doors. The company’s tagline, “The Fat Just Walks Away”, proves to be more literal than any human (or Time Lord) originally thinks.
The Doctor and Donna, his future companion, are on the case and learn that Miss Foster, the adiposes’ nanny, needed to find a new breeding planet to create the small beings for the Adiposian First Family. Cornered, she accelerates the process, causing the diet pill users to die as all of their fat is used to make more of the babies.
This is where Miss Foster and the first family went wrong: they kept their true intentions a secret. I guarantee that they still would have had volunteers if they had revealed the existence of the adipose; in fact, I would’ve probable have been one of the first to sign up.
Imagine taking a pill and waking the next day two pounds lighter? Who cares if the fat becomes adorable little fat babies who don’t ask you to raise them, feed them, or send them to college? All they want is for you to eat another slice of pizza. In fact, I’d sign up for an accelerated program, popping off two in a night and losing four pounds every time. “I will absolutely have another piece of cake. It’s for my fat babies.”
With the company’s full disclosure, the need to suck out all of a person’s fat would disappear. The first family would have more babies than they’d know what to do with, the food industry would make money hand over fist, and people might just get a little more sleep at night. That’s a classic win/win/win. Okay, maybe the fitness industry might be a little upset initially, but fat babies will only make a person lose a few pounds, not become fit and healthy.
So if we have any Time Lords hanging out with their sonic screwdrivers while reading posts online (because why would they be doing anything else?), know that this idea might not be so unwelcome.
And neither would be that second piece of cake.
Credits: https://en.wikipedia.org
Television has given us some pretty ingenious ideas: Chrismukkah (“The OC), the Biscuit’s toilet flusher remote (“Ally MacBeal”), The Evil Dead franchise’s Ash Williams’ chainsaw prosthetic hand, and pretty much all of MacGyver’s gizmos (“MacGyver”) and Sean’s creations (“Felicity”).
One of, if not the absolute, best ideas in my mind came from “Partners In Crime”, season 4 episode 1 on the British television series, “Dr. Who”.
For those not familiar with Dr. Who, here’s a very basic breakdown: the Doctor is a Time Lord who travels through time and space. He can go to other planets, but he tends to hang around Earth, helping fend off aliens and getting into various adventures. He likes to travel with at least companion, a human he meets at various points during those adventures.
In “Partners In Crime”, company called Adipose Industries starts selling a diet pill in England. Basically, a person takes the pill and loses a couple of pounds by the next day.
Sound too good to be true?
Turns out, while the people are sleeping, their body fat is used to create small whitish aliens, called adipose, who leave their host’s bodies and slip out into the night using open windows or doggie doors. The company’s tagline, “The Fat Just Walks Away”, proves to be more literal than any human (or Time Lord) originally thinks.
The Doctor and Donna, his future companion, are on the case and learn that Miss Foster, the adiposes’ nanny, needed to find a new breeding planet to create the small beings for the Adiposian First Family. Cornered, she accelerates the process, causing the diet pill users to die as all of their fat is used to make more of the babies.
This is where Miss Foster and the first family went wrong: they kept their true intentions a secret. I guarantee that they still would have had volunteers if they had revealed the existence of the adipose; in fact, I would’ve probable have been one of the first to sign up.
Imagine taking a pill and waking the next day two pounds lighter? Who cares if the fat becomes adorable little fat babies who don’t ask you to raise them, feed them, or send them to college? All they want is for you to eat another slice of pizza. In fact, I’d sign up for an accelerated program, popping off two in a night and losing four pounds every time. “I will absolutely have another piece of cake. It’s for my fat babies.”
With the company’s full disclosure, the need to suck out all of a person’s fat would disappear. The first family would have more babies than they’d know what to do with, the food industry would make money hand over fist, and people might just get a little more sleep at night. That’s a classic win/win/win. Okay, maybe the fitness industry might be a little upset initially, but fat babies will only make a person lose a few pounds, not become fit and healthy.
So if we have any Time Lords hanging out with their sonic screwdrivers while reading posts online (because why would they be doing anything else?), know that this idea might not be so unwelcome.
And neither would be that second piece of cake.
Credits: https://en.wikipedia.org