my, my, my heart like a kickdrum (jonghyun/taeyeon)
my, my, my heart like a kickdrum
jonghyun/taeyeon; pg; 2,606 words
multicolored stage lights beat heavily onto kim taeyeon's back, the blue and red reflecting off the sequins of what was now in the race for "least favorite stage outfit of the evening". normally, she was fond of what she was given for "the boys" stages but tonight? everything seemed to be going wrong with this one. strings were frayed and sticking out in every which direction, the bottom of her top was digging into her hip and she was pretty sure one of the sequins had actually fallen off on her travel out from the dressing room
either the company was starting to go really cheap on material or she'd snagged herself on something and failed to notice.
she'd been doing that a lot as of late: failing to notice things. taeyeon had always had her birdbrained moments like anyone else, recently though it'd just been getting ridiculous. she had her assumptions as to what it connected back to, but thinking about… that. it just made her head feel as if it was going to spin off it's axis and thin sheen of sweat develop over the top of her skin that had nothing to do with the burning beams hovering above her.
god, speaking of, she must have looked like a total mess - and right before their next stage. five minutes until super junior oppa's finished off their performance and they were scheduled to go out and dazzle the crowd with their first actual english single. (everyone, their mother and regis philbin loved it; that had to mean something, right?) but how was she going to keep their image stabilized if she looked like she'd just ran a marathon in the middle of a downpour? the first thing that always melted in the heat was her eyeliner, which was preferable to the off chance of her skin and clothes ever melting off, but barely peachy keen.
… peachy keen? what the hell was she on tonight? snagged clothes and fifties american slang? where had she even heard that one before?
oh, right. grease. still irrelevant though. leaning in the direction of a nearby food cart (the other girls had managed to eat out half of the food that had been ordered in for them in the first half hour of the show, go figure), she squinted at the metal surface. maybe if she got the angle just right, she could figure out what kind of damage control she had to do here. just a little bit further to the right and she should be fi-...
"unnie? do you have a hand mirror on you?" frowning in defeat down at the cart, she shot a quick look at her favorite stylist unnie, fingers crossing at her side that she wouldn't fail her. (not that she ever could, but still) tapping her fingernails across her upper thigh as she waited for some sort of response from the older woman, she stopped herself as the mirror (of her dreams) popped into view suddenly. reaching forward to take the offering, throwing her a smile. "thank you so much."
feeling the small pang of panic that had splayed through her stomach at the petty (and maybe not even subsisting) problem, she brought her free hand up to the side of her right eye, attempting to smooth out a small patch of eyeshadow that had smudged out of bounds there. if that was all, maybe she really had been freaking out for no reason. letting out a small sigh of relief, she turned the mirror at an angle to double check on the side of her face when something else caught her eye.
or, more accurately put, struck a chord of fear in her heart
"jesus christ!" jolting forward, the mirror flew out of her damp hands, ricocheting onto the floor back in the direction of her unnie. sending a fast, apologetic smile at her, taeyeon turned on her heel to face what had taken her so aback. "jonghyun." he reacted to her only with a smirk.
feeling herself recoil back in embarrassed at his simper, she absentmindedly shot a hand up toward the fringe, gripping at a strand, tucking it behind her lobe while waiting for a response. any sort of response; it didn't even have to be an actual explanation. even a grunt would do.
"you looked pretty concerned about… whatever was going on there."
pursing her lips together as he finally spoke, "yeah… uh…" it was if she was completely devoid of the chance at any sort of intelligible conversation when he was within close range of her. speaking of… "how… long were you standing there for?"
eyes turning slightly more upward to get a better look at his (quite lovely) face, she caught a glimpse of his own taking on a sheen that she couldn't exactly place. maybe it was amusement? she hadn't said anything funny to him though. hell, she was barely able to find the right words to say right then, let alone throw down a good pun or one liner. oh god, what if he found her embarrassment (it was growing by the moment) amusing?
focusing on something in the distance for a moment in an attempt to regain some sort of composure, she was brought back to face him directly as he chuckled once more - this time more heartily. "for long enough to witness that entire… incident." he nodded toward the empty food tray. "not that i was lurking around or watching you or anything. i just came out to get some water and you were kind of… here too."
"watching me?" pause. "no. i didn't think that; everyone's always… somewhere around here. it's totally not weird that you were back there or anything… looking into m-… i mean, into unnie's hand mirror." her tone boarding on underhanded, this only causing him to laugh again.
"oh, so you did think it was a weird." eyes widening into little saucers at his reply, she felt her neck begin to turn from one side to the other in rapid disagreement, ready to speak up and find some way to explain her comment but the understanding smile that crossed his features seconds later stopped her from doing so. wow, how did he do that? make people stop in their tracks just by smiling? or maybe he just had that affect on her. "it's cool. i probably should have said "hey" to you or something before hiding behind you like that. i was meaning to do that anyway."
"were you?" the velocity of her response was enough to make her want to turn her back on him right then and walk in the opposite direction. she'd been too eager, jesus. no one answered back to people that quickly, that was just… sad? obvious? feeling a warm flush creep up the back of her neck to the center of her cheeks, her eyes flickered downward almost bashfully, an awkward laugh escaping. awkward, awkward, awkward. maybe if she just kept on laughing like that, it'd drive him away or… no. she didn't want to drive him away
but he wasn't replying back to her, maybe she'd already done the driving away business without actually realizing so. that'd be just like her.
after a few more moments of deafening (it was to her, okay?) silence, "sorry, i was trying to figure out what you were looking at." the fact that he was actually paying that close attention to her made something that she couldn't really put her finger on pool at the center of her stomach. courage, maybe? "was it my shoes?"
squinting in confusion at the direction his response started to go in, "no, but they are pretty awesome. you guys are so lucky, you always get the cool, comfortable shoes."
"really? you can borrow them sometime if you want."
scrunching up her nose at the thought of sharing shoes with someone, let alone a pair that had become familiar with all the complicated dance moves shinee had to memorized and what was sure to be hours of thick dripping (and, not to mention, disgusting) sweat, taeyeon shook her head. "thanks, but no thanks. i don't think i could pull them off as well as you do."
whoops. spur of the moment compliments… if you could really take that as a compliment. "thanks!" and apparently he did; that was good, that was cool. "don't put yourself down too much, though. you're cooler than these stupid things."
as she felt that same pool in her stomach spread further outward, that thing that she was now going to refer to as "confidence' or the fool's gold variation of it, the small grin that she had been sporting slowly begun to spread outward into something larger. "thank you… for comparing me to a pair of shoes. it means a lot." feeling herself ease even further into the conversation as he laughed again in response, "so, you said that you wanted to come and talk to me?"
confidence, taeyeon, confidence. there it was.
"not talk to you; just… say "hey" to. there's a difference." eyes widening for another few moments, in surprise at his response (the humoring tone that he had completely flying over her head), she went in to start on a response that would completely avalanche over her random spur of confidence. her mouth hung agape, beginning to start before he cut her off. "just kidding. but, yeah, i wanted to talk to you."
okay, so… he'd been joking around with her again? that was a good sign; people joked with people that they liked. not that she'd ever questioned whether or not jonghyun liked her. they were friends… kind of, just not as close as he was to jessica or krystal or amber or… an entire hoard of other girls. that wasn't a problem or anything though. he was social. she was social, they'd just never really mingled in the same… social circle much.
"yeah? about what?" the three words hung over her head, question marks heavy, as that same prolonged waiting period became all too real once again.
"i was just…" she eyed him in curiosity as he trailed off for the first time in their conversation. gaze still fixated on him as his hand slithered up to the back of his neck almost nervously. kim jonghyun? nervous? she never would have thought… okay, maybe there was an itch that had been nagging at him back there too. that was probably it; she was reading too much into all of this. into stupid, petty little things. "i wanted to see if you'd be into switching seats with minho on the flight back tomorrow? i know that we're not… assigned places to sit or anything but he always latches himself to my side and it's been getting kind of annoying. i'm pretty sure he'd be okay with it though. he's been nagging about trying to get yuri noona to go out to lunch with him again, so…"
head beginning to swim at the rush of words he'd shot at her, taeyeon attempted to grasp what he was asking her but failed to figure it out. was he asking her to sit by him because he wanted to, or because he didn't want to sit with minho? not sure whether to be flattered or offended, "so…, you're asking if i'll sit by you because you don't want to be around minho?"
and just as soon as her words had come out, jonghyun was the next one to response back at lightning spread. "no! that's not what i'm… okay, maybe it sounded that way, but i just want to…" awkward laugh. "i'm kind of just… trying to find an excuse to hang out with you alone."
alone? he wanted to be alone with her?
"alone? like… you and i?"
with that, the smile that she had grown to know and life reappeared once again as she finally (slowly but surely) begun to grasp on what he was trying to say. "yeah! you and i. i know it's not really private or anything, but we can still have a good time. the flight attendants really like me so we can get all the good leftovers and seconds and… i have a movie or two on my laptop that i've been wanting to watch so we can watch one of them… together, if you want."
"like a date?"
surprised at her straightforwardness, that crimson red that had taken hold of her cheeks made a second cameo appearance in their conversation. "or… a hang out, whatever you want to call it. i'm cool with it just being a hang out."
"no, i'm fine with it being a date. if you are, i mean."
feeling her heart unexpectedly jolt in her chest and a goofy grin replace the expression of apprehension that had latched to her features over the previous minute or so, "okay! i… yeah, i'm totally okay with that too."
"awesome, we can…" he started before cutting himself off at the sight of the unnie stylist a few feet behind taeyeon shooting him a curious, and almost annoyed, glance. "we can talk about it after the show's over because… she kind of looks like she wants to wring my neck about right now, and you have a stage starting in, like, thirty seconds or something, right?"
eyes shooting behind her for a moment at her unnie, who had moved on swinging her arm like a flag girl at a drag race to get taeyeon's attention, "oh, shit. yeah, i should probably go." everyone else was already standing on the other side of the room, ready to storm out on stage and sing and dance their hearts out for their thousands of screaming fans. she knew being late on the entrance would have been… not so great. "after the show though, yes, i'll be around."
"yes, we can talk and stuff."
"and stuff?" her eyebrow quirked as she started to move in the direction of the eight other girls, barely catching on to how jonghyun was following not too far behind her until he spoke up again.
"i really wanted to kiss you back there, couldn't you tell?"
resisting the urge to stop her step, taeyeon continued to stride forward, hiding the new smile he had just helped to crack. "not really. it's really bizarre, kim jonghyun, i can't read you like i can read a lot of other people."
feeling his presence slow behind her, she realized that he had stopped his travel just as she hit the curtain, thighs tapping with the maknae of her group as she did so. "maybe that's a good thing!" sending him a slanted gaze, taeyeon stifled back a laugh as he stood in place - a mere ten or fifteen feet away from the rest of the girls and herself - attempting to shake off any strange looks she was getting from the others. "that makes it more fun, right?"
raising her hand to give him a small wave in response, her thumb tweaked upward into an thumbs up just afterward, moments before they were given their cue to prep themselves for stage. "hey, also! noona, you're always pretty, i don't know why you were so... you know, uh... worried."
oh god, that was so cheesy, and he was being so awkward and cute and she had to stop herself from barking out an embarrassing laugh as she moved to where he was entirely out of sight. cheesy or not though, it was enough to keep her smile shining bright as she descended onto stage.
jonghyun/taeyeon; pg; 2,606 words
multicolored stage lights beat heavily onto kim taeyeon's back, the blue and red reflecting off the sequins of what was now in the race for "least favorite stage outfit of the evening". normally, she was fond of what she was given for "the boys" stages but tonight? everything seemed to be going wrong with this one. strings were frayed and sticking out in every which direction, the bottom of her top was digging into her hip and she was pretty sure one of the sequins had actually fallen off on her travel out from the dressing room
either the company was starting to go really cheap on material or she'd snagged herself on something and failed to notice.
she'd been doing that a lot as of late: failing to notice things. taeyeon had always had her birdbrained moments like anyone else, recently though it'd just been getting ridiculous. she had her assumptions as to what it connected back to, but thinking about… that. it just made her head feel as if it was going to spin off it's axis and thin sheen of sweat develop over the top of her skin that had nothing to do with the burning beams hovering above her.
god, speaking of, she must have looked like a total mess - and right before their next stage. five minutes until super junior oppa's finished off their performance and they were scheduled to go out and dazzle the crowd with their first actual english single. (everyone, their mother and regis philbin loved it; that had to mean something, right?) but how was she going to keep their image stabilized if she looked like she'd just ran a marathon in the middle of a downpour? the first thing that always melted in the heat was her eyeliner, which was preferable to the off chance of her skin and clothes ever melting off, but barely peachy keen.
… peachy keen? what the hell was she on tonight? snagged clothes and fifties american slang? where had she even heard that one before?
oh, right. grease. still irrelevant though. leaning in the direction of a nearby food cart (the other girls had managed to eat out half of the food that had been ordered in for them in the first half hour of the show, go figure), she squinted at the metal surface. maybe if she got the angle just right, she could figure out what kind of damage control she had to do here. just a little bit further to the right and she should be fi-...
"unnie? do you have a hand mirror on you?" frowning in defeat down at the cart, she shot a quick look at her favorite stylist unnie, fingers crossing at her side that she wouldn't fail her. (not that she ever could, but still) tapping her fingernails across her upper thigh as she waited for some sort of response from the older woman, she stopped herself as the mirror (of her dreams) popped into view suddenly. reaching forward to take the offering, throwing her a smile. "thank you so much."
feeling the small pang of panic that had splayed through her stomach at the petty (and maybe not even subsisting) problem, she brought her free hand up to the side of her right eye, attempting to smooth out a small patch of eyeshadow that had smudged out of bounds there. if that was all, maybe she really had been freaking out for no reason. letting out a small sigh of relief, she turned the mirror at an angle to double check on the side of her face when something else caught her eye.
or, more accurately put, struck a chord of fear in her heart
"jesus christ!" jolting forward, the mirror flew out of her damp hands, ricocheting onto the floor back in the direction of her unnie. sending a fast, apologetic smile at her, taeyeon turned on her heel to face what had taken her so aback. "jonghyun." he reacted to her only with a smirk.
feeling herself recoil back in embarrassed at his simper, she absentmindedly shot a hand up toward the fringe, gripping at a strand, tucking it behind her lobe while waiting for a response. any sort of response; it didn't even have to be an actual explanation. even a grunt would do.
"you looked pretty concerned about… whatever was going on there."
pursing her lips together as he finally spoke, "yeah… uh…" it was if she was completely devoid of the chance at any sort of intelligible conversation when he was within close range of her. speaking of… "how… long were you standing there for?"
eyes turning slightly more upward to get a better look at his (quite lovely) face, she caught a glimpse of his own taking on a sheen that she couldn't exactly place. maybe it was amusement? she hadn't said anything funny to him though. hell, she was barely able to find the right words to say right then, let alone throw down a good pun or one liner. oh god, what if he found her embarrassment (it was growing by the moment) amusing?
focusing on something in the distance for a moment in an attempt to regain some sort of composure, she was brought back to face him directly as he chuckled once more - this time more heartily. "for long enough to witness that entire… incident." he nodded toward the empty food tray. "not that i was lurking around or watching you or anything. i just came out to get some water and you were kind of… here too."
"watching me?" pause. "no. i didn't think that; everyone's always… somewhere around here. it's totally not weird that you were back there or anything… looking into m-… i mean, into unnie's hand mirror." her tone boarding on underhanded, this only causing him to laugh again.
"oh, so you did think it was a weird." eyes widening into little saucers at his reply, she felt her neck begin to turn from one side to the other in rapid disagreement, ready to speak up and find some way to explain her comment but the understanding smile that crossed his features seconds later stopped her from doing so. wow, how did he do that? make people stop in their tracks just by smiling? or maybe he just had that affect on her. "it's cool. i probably should have said "hey" to you or something before hiding behind you like that. i was meaning to do that anyway."
"were you?" the velocity of her response was enough to make her want to turn her back on him right then and walk in the opposite direction. she'd been too eager, jesus. no one answered back to people that quickly, that was just… sad? obvious? feeling a warm flush creep up the back of her neck to the center of her cheeks, her eyes flickered downward almost bashfully, an awkward laugh escaping. awkward, awkward, awkward. maybe if she just kept on laughing like that, it'd drive him away or… no. she didn't want to drive him away
but he wasn't replying back to her, maybe she'd already done the driving away business without actually realizing so. that'd be just like her.
after a few more moments of deafening (it was to her, okay?) silence, "sorry, i was trying to figure out what you were looking at." the fact that he was actually paying that close attention to her made something that she couldn't really put her finger on pool at the center of her stomach. courage, maybe? "was it my shoes?"
squinting in confusion at the direction his response started to go in, "no, but they are pretty awesome. you guys are so lucky, you always get the cool, comfortable shoes."
"really? you can borrow them sometime if you want."
scrunching up her nose at the thought of sharing shoes with someone, let alone a pair that had become familiar with all the complicated dance moves shinee had to memorized and what was sure to be hours of thick dripping (and, not to mention, disgusting) sweat, taeyeon shook her head. "thanks, but no thanks. i don't think i could pull them off as well as you do."
whoops. spur of the moment compliments… if you could really take that as a compliment. "thanks!" and apparently he did; that was good, that was cool. "don't put yourself down too much, though. you're cooler than these stupid things."
as she felt that same pool in her stomach spread further outward, that thing that she was now going to refer to as "confidence' or the fool's gold variation of it, the small grin that she had been sporting slowly begun to spread outward into something larger. "thank you… for comparing me to a pair of shoes. it means a lot." feeling herself ease even further into the conversation as he laughed again in response, "so, you said that you wanted to come and talk to me?"
confidence, taeyeon, confidence. there it was.
"not talk to you; just… say "hey" to. there's a difference." eyes widening for another few moments, in surprise at his response (the humoring tone that he had completely flying over her head), she went in to start on a response that would completely avalanche over her random spur of confidence. her mouth hung agape, beginning to start before he cut her off. "just kidding. but, yeah, i wanted to talk to you."
okay, so… he'd been joking around with her again? that was a good sign; people joked with people that they liked. not that she'd ever questioned whether or not jonghyun liked her. they were friends… kind of, just not as close as he was to jessica or krystal or amber or… an entire hoard of other girls. that wasn't a problem or anything though. he was social. she was social, they'd just never really mingled in the same… social circle much.
"yeah? about what?" the three words hung over her head, question marks heavy, as that same prolonged waiting period became all too real once again.
"i was just…" she eyed him in curiosity as he trailed off for the first time in their conversation. gaze still fixated on him as his hand slithered up to the back of his neck almost nervously. kim jonghyun? nervous? she never would have thought… okay, maybe there was an itch that had been nagging at him back there too. that was probably it; she was reading too much into all of this. into stupid, petty little things. "i wanted to see if you'd be into switching seats with minho on the flight back tomorrow? i know that we're not… assigned places to sit or anything but he always latches himself to my side and it's been getting kind of annoying. i'm pretty sure he'd be okay with it though. he's been nagging about trying to get yuri noona to go out to lunch with him again, so…"
head beginning to swim at the rush of words he'd shot at her, taeyeon attempted to grasp what he was asking her but failed to figure it out. was he asking her to sit by him because he wanted to, or because he didn't want to sit with minho? not sure whether to be flattered or offended, "so…, you're asking if i'll sit by you because you don't want to be around minho?"
and just as soon as her words had come out, jonghyun was the next one to response back at lightning spread. "no! that's not what i'm… okay, maybe it sounded that way, but i just want to…" awkward laugh. "i'm kind of just… trying to find an excuse to hang out with you alone."
alone? he wanted to be alone with her?
"alone? like… you and i?"
with that, the smile that she had grown to know and life reappeared once again as she finally (slowly but surely) begun to grasp on what he was trying to say. "yeah! you and i. i know it's not really private or anything, but we can still have a good time. the flight attendants really like me so we can get all the good leftovers and seconds and… i have a movie or two on my laptop that i've been wanting to watch so we can watch one of them… together, if you want."
"like a date?"
surprised at her straightforwardness, that crimson red that had taken hold of her cheeks made a second cameo appearance in their conversation. "or… a hang out, whatever you want to call it. i'm cool with it just being a hang out."
"no, i'm fine with it being a date. if you are, i mean."
feeling her heart unexpectedly jolt in her chest and a goofy grin replace the expression of apprehension that had latched to her features over the previous minute or so, "okay! i… yeah, i'm totally okay with that too."
"awesome, we can…" he started before cutting himself off at the sight of the unnie stylist a few feet behind taeyeon shooting him a curious, and almost annoyed, glance. "we can talk about it after the show's over because… she kind of looks like she wants to wring my neck about right now, and you have a stage starting in, like, thirty seconds or something, right?"
eyes shooting behind her for a moment at her unnie, who had moved on swinging her arm like a flag girl at a drag race to get taeyeon's attention, "oh, shit. yeah, i should probably go." everyone else was already standing on the other side of the room, ready to storm out on stage and sing and dance their hearts out for their thousands of screaming fans. she knew being late on the entrance would have been… not so great. "after the show though, yes, i'll be around."
"yes, we can talk and stuff."
"and stuff?" her eyebrow quirked as she started to move in the direction of the eight other girls, barely catching on to how jonghyun was following not too far behind her until he spoke up again.
"i really wanted to kiss you back there, couldn't you tell?"
resisting the urge to stop her step, taeyeon continued to stride forward, hiding the new smile he had just helped to crack. "not really. it's really bizarre, kim jonghyun, i can't read you like i can read a lot of other people."
feeling his presence slow behind her, she realized that he had stopped his travel just as she hit the curtain, thighs tapping with the maknae of her group as she did so. "maybe that's a good thing!" sending him a slanted gaze, taeyeon stifled back a laugh as he stood in place - a mere ten or fifteen feet away from the rest of the girls and herself - attempting to shake off any strange looks she was getting from the others. "that makes it more fun, right?"
raising her hand to give him a small wave in response, her thumb tweaked upward into an thumbs up just afterward, moments before they were given their cue to prep themselves for stage. "hey, also! noona, you're always pretty, i don't know why you were so... you know, uh... worried."
oh god, that was so cheesy, and he was being so awkward and cute and she had to stop herself from barking out an embarrassing laugh as she moved to where he was entirely out of sight. cheesy or not though, it was enough to keep her smile shining bright as she descended onto stage.