(no subject)
A return to LJ after more than 2 year break. Reading through my old entries I'm a little (read: a lot) embarrassed as to how emo I was.
I think a lot of my growth can be attributed to my relationship with A . There's something about feeling...accepted and loved that calms the inner beastie. It's created a certain...stability within me, which has only of late started to show cracks.
Since moving to Cape Town last year I havn't really touched sides. I keep complaining about The Company being the problem - that they expect too much, work us too hard and never let up. Which they do, no doubt about that.
Reading back over my LJ entries raises suspicions that my feelings of being overworked and overstressed are more a function of my own personality than the fault of The Company. Agreed, the combination of my personality and The Company's insatiable Needs may not be healthy. *twiches* Points to ponder for 2013 when I assess if I want to stay with them...:)
I've had a fairly stable last two days...the grey seems to have lifted a little, and no "panics" like at The Company. I suspect that that has less to do with the lifting of my depression and more to do with being offsite and comfortable with the environment. Who would have thought that the Client from Hell would end up as a comfort zone? I wonder if I'm just too tired to be able to deal with Captain Chaos right now. Or The Company. I hope Reinette can help me work this out...
Writing this now, the thought just occurred to me...most of the grey issues that have pushed me over the edge have originated at The Company (I think). I'm trying to remember if any of my other work situations have caused me this level of distress...and I cannot think that they did. My distress was mainly in terms of my relationships in the past. But perhaps that same insecurity that was driving my reaction to my private life is now just resurfacing in my work life?
Psycho-analysing myself is perhaps not something I should give too much thought to until I see Reinette on Friday. I'm just going to focus on dragging my fat skanky as to gym and moving some of this lard off. And of course, avoiding the comfort eating. :)
I think a lot of my growth can be attributed to my relationship with A . There's something about feeling...accepted and loved that calms the inner beastie. It's created a certain...stability within me, which has only of late started to show cracks.
Since moving to Cape Town last year I havn't really touched sides. I keep complaining about The Company being the problem - that they expect too much, work us too hard and never let up. Which they do, no doubt about that.
Reading back over my LJ entries raises suspicions that my feelings of being overworked and overstressed are more a function of my own personality than the fault of The Company. Agreed, the combination of my personality and The Company's insatiable Needs may not be healthy. *twiches* Points to ponder for 2013 when I assess if I want to stay with them...:)
I've had a fairly stable last two days...the grey seems to have lifted a little, and no "panics" like at The Company. I suspect that that has less to do with the lifting of my depression and more to do with being offsite and comfortable with the environment. Who would have thought that the Client from Hell would end up as a comfort zone? I wonder if I'm just too tired to be able to deal with Captain Chaos right now. Or The Company. I hope Reinette can help me work this out...
Writing this now, the thought just occurred to me...most of the grey issues that have pushed me over the edge have originated at The Company (I think). I'm trying to remember if any of my other work situations have caused me this level of distress...and I cannot think that they did. My distress was mainly in terms of my relationships in the past. But perhaps that same insecurity that was driving my reaction to my private life is now just resurfacing in my work life?
Psycho-analysing myself is perhaps not something I should give too much thought to until I see Reinette on Friday. I'm just going to focus on dragging my fat skanky as to gym and moving some of this lard off. And of course, avoiding the comfort eating. :)