time i updated

[bybo]

i was reading mary's journal and realized that while it wasn't about me, i had been guilty of the same things she was talking about. i have been the one that made promises and the one that broke them. I have talked of freindships that would last forever and love that would do the same. i never meant my words to be false. not once. i never meant to build walls where bridges once stood. i just didn't know better. i talked with all the knowledge that i had but it wasn't all the knowledge i needed. once again i was running the show, not God.
i probably should ask for forgiveness over and over but it won't ever cover the hurt, or cover the feelings, or cover the unanswered questions. i am guilty. i loved recklessly and then saw that i was concentrating my effort on some other guy's future, not mine. it was a hard thing to hear, and even harder to admit to myself. it hurt to feel it and think it.
all i know is that the God that made us can pick us up and dust us off and he will tell us that while we are broken, we are not beyond repair. i am thankful that he is patient with me because i continue to try to run things, and sometimes i hurt people on my way.

i think the holidays make everyone reflective

some day there will be no more questions, no more doubt, it will just be. God let it come soon.

all for now