[hp] corridors of power 2
Corridors of Power
Being An Originally Intermittent Account
of the Political (Mis)Adventures
of the Viscount Northallerton, Lord Malfoy of Wimbledon;
and the Rt. Honourable Harry J. Potter,
Member of Parliament for North Southwark and Bermondsey (Liberal Democrat).
Annotated, with Footnotes
THE CENTRAL LOBBY
HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT
Tuesday March 9th, 5:08 pm
Draco loitered--which he supposed wasn't really the done thing for a Peer, but he had both youth and good looks on his side and had determined very early on in his political career that both were to be exploited like small children in Indonesian sweatshops.
He knew about that sort of thing, now. Draco had found himself on the Joint Select Committee for Human Rights1 entirely by ticky-box accident, but he had come to appreciate every second Tuesday for (a) the sheer outrage that Muggles could perpetuate on each other and (b) the fertile source of outrageous remarks that now liberally peppered his conversation.
Currently in favour was Yeah, and I once had a farm in Zimbabwe.
As it was there weren't that many places to sit in the Central Lobby even if he had wanted to, and all the available nooks were full of people urgently whispering about decommissioning in Northern Ireland or the waiting times on the NHS. Privately Draco thought there was a lot to be said for considering the two issues as one, if only so there was more space on the Order of Business to talk about whether Prince Charles' marriage was legal and when they were getting the new aircraft carrier2.
"Woof."
Draco glanced down to see Sadie3, the Home Secretary's guide dog, looking intently at his pocket.
"Minister," Draco said. "Interesting approach to binge drinking the government's taking."
"Lord Malfoy," Blunkett nodded. "I'm surprised you're old enough to partake."
"It's a special dispensation," Draco hunkered down to give Sadie the remainder of his chocolate bar. He was fascinated at how clever the animal was, and how strange it was that she bonded to Blunkett--a man who, while possessed of a gentle wit, was resolutely Not One Of Them--like a familiar.
Draco always had a treat for Sadie. "That's a Yorkie4," he scratched her ears, "not for you, apparently." The dog made a contented growl and headbutted Draco's knee, which would have been fine, except it was at that precise moment that Potter chose to appear and haul him up by the sleeve.
"What was that for?" Draco hissed, brushing off the combined annoyances of dog hair and public manhandling as Sadie and her Muggle took their leave.
Harry regarded him coolly. It was a good look on him, Draco thought. He did a nice line in a piercing gaze. "You're up to something."
Draco glanced around but the combined ecstasies of Sinn Fein and Local Hospital Trusts had the assembled politicians in thrall. No-one was paying any attention to them. He laughed. "You really don't have much on me, do you? Do you really think I was trying to poison his seeing-eye dog?"
"Hexing it. Influencing social policy by delaying the Home Secretary's business." Harry scowled.
"She's not an it. Actually I think she's been stepping out, if you know what I--"
"What are you, the Dog Whisperer?"
The conversation was so ridiculous. Draco was delighted, and not just because Harry thought he looked like--
"And I do not think you look like Robert Redford."
Draco smirked. Judging by the faint blush, he didn't think it was necessary to remind Harry about the incident on the Long Terrace5 with the bottle of gin and that song about raindrops.
Harry shoved a spiral-bound folder in front of him with a print-out of the list of Current Peers. Draco's name was highlighted in angry pink. "What's this?" Harry demanded, jabbing his finger at the column labelled Political Affiliation.6
"This is the new list, correct?" Draco leaned back against the statue of Disraeli7 and straightened his lapels. He had to resist the urge to do the same to Harry.
"You. Are. A. Tory, Malfoy."
"Please. Conservative. Tory is so tabloid."
"So what's this rubbish then?" Harry stepped closer, probably to reinforce his Determined Glare, but that only meant that he had to look up at Draco, and Draco didn't mind that at all.
"Cross. Bench." Draco murmured the words deliberately close to Harry's ear. "It has such a ring to it."
"Oh, Draco." Harry sighed, and for a second Draco's blood spiked at the sultry look Harry gave him. "Not half as much as Allegations of Misconduct."
1. SELECT COMMITTEE: Just read Wikipedia, it's what Potter does.
2. ITEMS UNDER DEBATE: Yes, those issues were all under debate in one week. Such fast-paced politics was instrumental in justifying Lord Malfoy's need for a secretary.
3. SADIE: David Blunkett's (Home Secretary 2001-2004) guide dog. A cute dog and the blind thing could still not save him from scandal and disgrace.
4. YORKIE BAR: A British chocolate bar, marketed with the enticing slogan "It's not for girls!"
5. LONG TERRACE: Extraordinarily well-situated bar/restaurant on the south side of the Houses of Parliament, riverside on the Thames.
6. AFFILIATION: A Peer does not have to affiliate with the major political parties (Labour, Conservative (Tory), or Liberal Democrat) but can choose to be a Crossbench Peer, which is as slutty as it sounds.
7. DISRAELI: Benjamin Disraeli, Conservative, first and only Jewish Prime Minister of Britain (1868, 1874-1880). He also wrote romances.
THE ATHENAEUM CLUB
PALL MALL
Thursday March 11th, 1:12 pm
"Listeria and salmonella."
There was a pause while Draco crunched on an ice-cube that he fished out of the bottom of his Campari. He had been intermittently listening to Blaise's gossip-- mostly a riff on the Prime Minister's rejection by Comic Relief8--and contemplating an interconnected series of referencing spells that would eliminate the need for the Joint Committee on Consolidation and Bills. Which grand feat would, in turn, win Draco the gratitude and acclaim of his (haha) Peers, and more importantly, free up his Fridays for the foreseeable future.
"Blaise," he glanced down at the table, recoiling a little from the truly disgusting photograph that now sat between them, "--ick, cover that up--now, I know just as much bloody Latin as you do, but what the fuck are you on about, and also, what are those revolting...things?"
"Bacteria, Draco," Blaise tapped his exquisitely heavy Mont Blanc on the folder. "Debilitating little organisms that cause gastro-intestinal--"
"Let me stop you right there." Draco held no court with the word intestine, in any way, shape or form. "I want the five minute summary. Did you learn nothing about political communication at your fancy seminar?"
Blaise's smug look went awfully well with his Kilgour9 bespoke suit. Draco congratulated himself on finding a Muggle tailor (expenses claimable) that employed wizard cutters. "I learnt that Peter Mandelson10 likes to b--"
Draco put his hands over his ears and reconsidered his plan to invite Blaise upstairs after they'd finished their (again, expenses claimable) meeting. "La la la. Please." He couldn't quite abide the thought of Blaise, with his cheekbones and extraordinarily refractory period, having willingly consorted with a Blairite so careless he had been forced to resign. Twice.
"Please move along to the part where you tell me what this has to do with Ha--Potter."
Blaise gave him a sharp look, which Draco chose to ignore. "Simon Hughes11--the previous incumbent, terribly popular in the constituency, chummy with Ginger--developed recurrent and serious poisoning by said bacteria in the weeks running up to the election." Blaise snapped his fingers at the photograph and it wavered into a collection of bright yellow boxes with text. "This is the Lib Dem's website," he said.
"Yellow and black." They shared a snicker. "I wonder if Potter knows he's a closet Hufflepuff." Draco skimmed the small article that Blaise pointed out.
"Curious, isn't it?"
"Hughes might have just been unfortunate." Draco drummed his fingers on the arm of the leather chair, refusing to allow the little bubble of excitement become a full-blown frisson until he had some very sticky mud to decorate Harry's basement office. "Also, Potter is a terminal do-gooder. He may have sniffed out an heroic cause and read Socialism for Dummies the night beforehand."
Draco very much appreciated the Dummies books, although he of course transfigured the covers to the key political editions of Everyman's Library luxury cloth-and-gilt volumes.
"Or he may have inelegantly incapacitated his senior with dreadful rotten-meat poisoning." Blaise clicked his fingers again and the picture changed to the previous MP for Southwark and North Bermondsey standing in front of a Hare Krishna Food-For-Life.
Draco frowned, mainly at the people in terribly shapeless orange robes. "Meat?"
"Hughes was a vegetarian." Blaise said triumphantly.
"This is terribly tenuous," Draco suspected that fucking Labour Party members was playing havoc with Blaise's sense of logic. Too close to the locus of power, Draco reasoned. Which fact only added to Harry's appeal, because there was a sparrow's chance in Hades that his party would ever have a majority. He brightened. "It might be useful leverage, though."
Blaise scoffed, unamused. "Leverage." He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Draco, you are so fucking predictable."
"Me? Mandelson, Blaise, really. You want an obliviate with your scotch?"
8. COMIC RELIEF: A charity that encourages Muggles to buy artificial red noses and then donates the proceeds to the poor in the UK and Africa. Why people will give money to those less fortunate only when they can be humiliated by some strange accessory remains a topic for study.
9. KILGOUR: 8 Savile Row. Ask for Caspar.
10. PETER MANDELSON: Draco exaggerates. One was merely networking.
11. SIMON HUGHES: One of the less vile members of the House of Commons, previous incumbent in the constituency held by Potter. Like Potter, has dreadful taste in ties, was a Lib Dem, had fits of passionate civic enthusiasm, and "plays for both teams".
End, Part II ~ Part III
Being An Originally Intermittent Account
of the Political (Mis)Adventures
of the Viscount Northallerton, Lord Malfoy of Wimbledon;
and the Rt. Honourable Harry J. Potter,
Member of Parliament for North Southwark and Bermondsey (Liberal Democrat).
Annotated, with Footnotes
THE CENTRAL LOBBY
HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT
Tuesday March 9th, 5:08 pm
Draco loitered--which he supposed wasn't really the done thing for a Peer, but he had both youth and good looks on his side and had determined very early on in his political career that both were to be exploited like small children in Indonesian sweatshops.
He knew about that sort of thing, now. Draco had found himself on the Joint Select Committee for Human Rights1 entirely by ticky-box accident, but he had come to appreciate every second Tuesday for (a) the sheer outrage that Muggles could perpetuate on each other and (b) the fertile source of outrageous remarks that now liberally peppered his conversation.
Currently in favour was Yeah, and I once had a farm in Zimbabwe.
As it was there weren't that many places to sit in the Central Lobby even if he had wanted to, and all the available nooks were full of people urgently whispering about decommissioning in Northern Ireland or the waiting times on the NHS. Privately Draco thought there was a lot to be said for considering the two issues as one, if only so there was more space on the Order of Business to talk about whether Prince Charles' marriage was legal and when they were getting the new aircraft carrier2.
"Woof."
Draco glanced down to see Sadie3, the Home Secretary's guide dog, looking intently at his pocket.
"Minister," Draco said. "Interesting approach to binge drinking the government's taking."
"Lord Malfoy," Blunkett nodded. "I'm surprised you're old enough to partake."
"It's a special dispensation," Draco hunkered down to give Sadie the remainder of his chocolate bar. He was fascinated at how clever the animal was, and how strange it was that she bonded to Blunkett--a man who, while possessed of a gentle wit, was resolutely Not One Of Them--like a familiar.
Draco always had a treat for Sadie. "That's a Yorkie4," he scratched her ears, "not for you, apparently." The dog made a contented growl and headbutted Draco's knee, which would have been fine, except it was at that precise moment that Potter chose to appear and haul him up by the sleeve.
"What was that for?" Draco hissed, brushing off the combined annoyances of dog hair and public manhandling as Sadie and her Muggle took their leave.
Harry regarded him coolly. It was a good look on him, Draco thought. He did a nice line in a piercing gaze. "You're up to something."
Draco glanced around but the combined ecstasies of Sinn Fein and Local Hospital Trusts had the assembled politicians in thrall. No-one was paying any attention to them. He laughed. "You really don't have much on me, do you? Do you really think I was trying to poison his seeing-eye dog?"
"Hexing it. Influencing social policy by delaying the Home Secretary's business." Harry scowled.
"She's not an it. Actually I think she's been stepping out, if you know what I--"
"What are you, the Dog Whisperer?"
The conversation was so ridiculous. Draco was delighted, and not just because Harry thought he looked like--
"And I do not think you look like Robert Redford."
Draco smirked. Judging by the faint blush, he didn't think it was necessary to remind Harry about the incident on the Long Terrace5 with the bottle of gin and that song about raindrops.
Harry shoved a spiral-bound folder in front of him with a print-out of the list of Current Peers. Draco's name was highlighted in angry pink. "What's this?" Harry demanded, jabbing his finger at the column labelled Political Affiliation.6
"This is the new list, correct?" Draco leaned back against the statue of Disraeli7 and straightened his lapels. He had to resist the urge to do the same to Harry.
"You. Are. A. Tory, Malfoy."
"Please. Conservative. Tory is so tabloid."
"So what's this rubbish then?" Harry stepped closer, probably to reinforce his Determined Glare, but that only meant that he had to look up at Draco, and Draco didn't mind that at all.
"Cross. Bench." Draco murmured the words deliberately close to Harry's ear. "It has such a ring to it."
"Oh, Draco." Harry sighed, and for a second Draco's blood spiked at the sultry look Harry gave him. "Not half as much as Allegations of Misconduct."
1. SELECT COMMITTEE: Just read Wikipedia, it's what Potter does.
2. ITEMS UNDER DEBATE: Yes, those issues were all under debate in one week. Such fast-paced politics was instrumental in justifying Lord Malfoy's need for a secretary.
3. SADIE: David Blunkett's (Home Secretary 2001-2004) guide dog. A cute dog and the blind thing could still not save him from scandal and disgrace.
4. YORKIE BAR: A British chocolate bar, marketed with the enticing slogan "It's not for girls!"
5. LONG TERRACE: Extraordinarily well-situated bar/restaurant on the south side of the Houses of Parliament, riverside on the Thames.
6. AFFILIATION: A Peer does not have to affiliate with the major political parties (Labour, Conservative (Tory), or Liberal Democrat) but can choose to be a Crossbench Peer, which is as slutty as it sounds.
7. DISRAELI: Benjamin Disraeli, Conservative, first and only Jewish Prime Minister of Britain (1868, 1874-1880). He also wrote romances.
THE ATHENAEUM CLUB
PALL MALL
Thursday March 11th, 1:12 pm
"Listeria and salmonella."
There was a pause while Draco crunched on an ice-cube that he fished out of the bottom of his Campari. He had been intermittently listening to Blaise's gossip-- mostly a riff on the Prime Minister's rejection by Comic Relief8--and contemplating an interconnected series of referencing spells that would eliminate the need for the Joint Committee on Consolidation and Bills. Which grand feat would, in turn, win Draco the gratitude and acclaim of his (haha) Peers, and more importantly, free up his Fridays for the foreseeable future.
"Blaise," he glanced down at the table, recoiling a little from the truly disgusting photograph that now sat between them, "--ick, cover that up--now, I know just as much bloody Latin as you do, but what the fuck are you on about, and also, what are those revolting...things?"
"Bacteria, Draco," Blaise tapped his exquisitely heavy Mont Blanc on the folder. "Debilitating little organisms that cause gastro-intestinal--"
"Let me stop you right there." Draco held no court with the word intestine, in any way, shape or form. "I want the five minute summary. Did you learn nothing about political communication at your fancy seminar?"
Blaise's smug look went awfully well with his Kilgour9 bespoke suit. Draco congratulated himself on finding a Muggle tailor (expenses claimable) that employed wizard cutters. "I learnt that Peter Mandelson10 likes to b--"
Draco put his hands over his ears and reconsidered his plan to invite Blaise upstairs after they'd finished their (again, expenses claimable) meeting. "La la la. Please." He couldn't quite abide the thought of Blaise, with his cheekbones and extraordinarily refractory period, having willingly consorted with a Blairite so careless he had been forced to resign. Twice.
"Please move along to the part where you tell me what this has to do with Ha--Potter."
Blaise gave him a sharp look, which Draco chose to ignore. "Simon Hughes11--the previous incumbent, terribly popular in the constituency, chummy with Ginger--developed recurrent and serious poisoning by said bacteria in the weeks running up to the election." Blaise snapped his fingers at the photograph and it wavered into a collection of bright yellow boxes with text. "This is the Lib Dem's website," he said.
"Yellow and black." They shared a snicker. "I wonder if Potter knows he's a closet Hufflepuff." Draco skimmed the small article that Blaise pointed out.
"Curious, isn't it?"
"Hughes might have just been unfortunate." Draco drummed his fingers on the arm of the leather chair, refusing to allow the little bubble of excitement become a full-blown frisson until he had some very sticky mud to decorate Harry's basement office. "Also, Potter is a terminal do-gooder. He may have sniffed out an heroic cause and read Socialism for Dummies the night beforehand."
Draco very much appreciated the Dummies books, although he of course transfigured the covers to the key political editions of Everyman's Library luxury cloth-and-gilt volumes.
"Or he may have inelegantly incapacitated his senior with dreadful rotten-meat poisoning." Blaise clicked his fingers again and the picture changed to the previous MP for Southwark and North Bermondsey standing in front of a Hare Krishna Food-For-Life.
Draco frowned, mainly at the people in terribly shapeless orange robes. "Meat?"
"Hughes was a vegetarian." Blaise said triumphantly.
"This is terribly tenuous," Draco suspected that fucking Labour Party members was playing havoc with Blaise's sense of logic. Too close to the locus of power, Draco reasoned. Which fact only added to Harry's appeal, because there was a sparrow's chance in Hades that his party would ever have a majority. He brightened. "It might be useful leverage, though."
Blaise scoffed, unamused. "Leverage." He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Draco, you are so fucking predictable."
"Me? Mandelson, Blaise, really. You want an obliviate with your scotch?"
8. COMIC RELIEF: A charity that encourages Muggles to buy artificial red noses and then donates the proceeds to the poor in the UK and Africa. Why people will give money to those less fortunate only when they can be humiliated by some strange accessory remains a topic for study.
9. KILGOUR: 8 Savile Row. Ask for Caspar.
10. PETER MANDELSON: Draco exaggerates. One was merely networking.
11. SIMON HUGHES: One of the less vile members of the House of Commons, previous incumbent in the constituency held by Potter. Like Potter, has dreadful taste in ties, was a Lib Dem, had fits of passionate civic enthusiasm, and "plays for both teams".
End, Part II ~ Part III