So Here I Am
"Time goes by, I just try
To hold my, head up high
People try to deny, classify, or just hide
The feelings, what's inside, broken hearts and hard times
Don't let life break you down this time
I'm sitting here crying here
You're alone and dying there waiting for bad news
Like walking on broken glass, no answers for what was asked
You're all alone
'Cause you know that I'd give my life for you
Time can be nothing but our enemey
Don't give up, just hold on
Is the pain, just too strong
Too hold on, sometimes we're wrong
When we think we're right
Tonight will be the night
You'll break free, from this fight
Don't let life break you down this time"
(I don't just post lyrics because I like them, I post lyrics when it pertains to my current situation... Just F.Y.I.)
Okay so yeah, I'm in a pretty crappy mood, but I'll deal like always, right?
On days like these, I have too much freaking time to myself and all I can do is think.
You know, people say they'll think about you because your all close and crap, but sometimes words are nothing more than bull crap. ACTIONS people, ACTIONS! Maybe I'm just worrying about the little things too much, but those damned little things are what make up a bond. And those are the things that frustrate me the most *sigh*.
I think another thing that really bothers me is when people don't take me seriously. Not just me, but the things I do, the things I like, and most of all my damned feelings. It fucking hurts to think when people don't even take your feelings seriously and just put it off as a foot note. And I don't know, all my self-confidence this summer is just getting shot down the fucking drain.
I mean, I don't even want to be around a lot of people I know because that would require me to be social. It would require me to feel like I fit in in this world and right now that's the last damned thing on my mind.
When it gets to the point that you have to concentrate on you breathing just to think things through, you know something is really bothering you.
My gosh, I tried to go out today but like an hour into it, I just got freaking depressed as shit and had to get out. So I did, and now I'm home, THINKING. Great fucking plan that was!
Why the heck do I have to put myself in the worst situations? The things I do, the way I act, the people I like. It all just comes back to kick me in the ass, but do I learn? NO! Okay, so I could change the things I do and the way I act, but then I'd just not be me. And as far as pleasing someone else for their benefit and their's alone, it just freaking sucks. As for the people I like... It's IMPOSSIBLE. Why in the world do I have to like people....just....ack....nevermind.
The world NEVER gave me anything I could cherish deeply, and I'm guessing I just have to make due with what I have.
I mean I know half the people out there that read this are going to think "Deal with it, we all have problems" or "try to be happy". Well first of all, you never complained about your problems! And I bet half of the people's problems out there don't make them wish that they could get hit over with a metal club so they could be in a coma. IT WOULD BE A HECKA LOT EASIER THAT WAY! Second of all, I tried being happy, but who am I kidding. Actually, I'm kidding everyone apparently. Right now I can only feel happy, but I deffinitely can't be happy. Being happy would signify that something actually is going right in my life. Feeling happy is just a lapsed moment of change where you aren't sad. It's like a freaking tease that you aren't really happy at all!
Oh well, enough of my ranting for now. I'll be back with more of the things on my mind later on.
~My world, My life, My heart....that's exactly how it is. There is no our, because I'm alone.
To hold my, head up high
People try to deny, classify, or just hide
The feelings, what's inside, broken hearts and hard times
Don't let life break you down this time
I'm sitting here crying here
You're alone and dying there waiting for bad news
Like walking on broken glass, no answers for what was asked
You're all alone
'Cause you know that I'd give my life for you
Time can be nothing but our enemey
Don't give up, just hold on
Is the pain, just too strong
Too hold on, sometimes we're wrong
When we think we're right
Tonight will be the night
You'll break free, from this fight
Don't let life break you down this time"
(I don't just post lyrics because I like them, I post lyrics when it pertains to my current situation... Just F.Y.I.)
Okay so yeah, I'm in a pretty crappy mood, but I'll deal like always, right?
On days like these, I have too much freaking time to myself and all I can do is think.
You know, people say they'll think about you because your all close and crap, but sometimes words are nothing more than bull crap. ACTIONS people, ACTIONS! Maybe I'm just worrying about the little things too much, but those damned little things are what make up a bond. And those are the things that frustrate me the most *sigh*.
I think another thing that really bothers me is when people don't take me seriously. Not just me, but the things I do, the things I like, and most of all my damned feelings. It fucking hurts to think when people don't even take your feelings seriously and just put it off as a foot note. And I don't know, all my self-confidence this summer is just getting shot down the fucking drain.
I mean, I don't even want to be around a lot of people I know because that would require me to be social. It would require me to feel like I fit in in this world and right now that's the last damned thing on my mind.
When it gets to the point that you have to concentrate on you breathing just to think things through, you know something is really bothering you.
My gosh, I tried to go out today but like an hour into it, I just got freaking depressed as shit and had to get out. So I did, and now I'm home, THINKING. Great fucking plan that was!
Why the heck do I have to put myself in the worst situations? The things I do, the way I act, the people I like. It all just comes back to kick me in the ass, but do I learn? NO! Okay, so I could change the things I do and the way I act, but then I'd just not be me. And as far as pleasing someone else for their benefit and their's alone, it just freaking sucks. As for the people I like... It's IMPOSSIBLE. Why in the world do I have to like people....just....ack....nevermind.
The world NEVER gave me anything I could cherish deeply, and I'm guessing I just have to make due with what I have.
I mean I know half the people out there that read this are going to think "Deal with it, we all have problems" or "try to be happy". Well first of all, you never complained about your problems! And I bet half of the people's problems out there don't make them wish that they could get hit over with a metal club so they could be in a coma. IT WOULD BE A HECKA LOT EASIER THAT WAY! Second of all, I tried being happy, but who am I kidding. Actually, I'm kidding everyone apparently. Right now I can only feel happy, but I deffinitely can't be happy. Being happy would signify that something actually is going right in my life. Feeling happy is just a lapsed moment of change where you aren't sad. It's like a freaking tease that you aren't really happy at all!
Oh well, enough of my ranting for now. I'll be back with more of the things on my mind later on.
~My world, My life, My heart....that's exactly how it is. There is no our, because I'm alone.