The test drive and the crash-test dummy
New year, new post, new look LJ ... but same ol' cheeky gorilla. Tough luck! LOL! Yo, how are ya all? Been a while huh? And before you ask ... nope, I've not eloped with J and secretly exchanged quickie vows at some Las Vegas chapel (she wouldn't hear of it), nor am I daddy to a rugby team of lil' gorillas (yet!) ... and yes, we're still very much
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Um, domestic life has it ups and downs for sure, but on the whole I must say I'm enjoying it. Our relationship has moved on to another level methinks and we're thinking very much more as ONE now in everything we do, every decision we make. After the test drive, I'm even more confident of being able to handle the ups and down that one can expect of married life. :)
Hmmm, I think you have to find the best approach that suits you and him. I don't think there's a "silver bullet" approach that works for every couple. For J and me, after a heated argument, we usually call for a time-out period to cool down and think about what the other person has said. This could be hours or days, after which we'll talk things through again, usually re-stating our initial grievances, but this time round also factoring in what the other person has said or feels.
There are usually 3 possible outcomes ... one party realises he/she is wrong and apologises ... or we agree to meet each other half way and reach a compromise ... or we agree that the matter is not life and death nor fundamental to our relationship, so we agree to disagree and move on. As for hugs and kisses ... aiyah, it's usually the gorilla who makes the move first lah. It's not to say that I agree with J all the time, but more of "Hey, let's not fight over this ok? Let's work things out ... and btw, I [insert THAT four letter word *lol*] you" ;)
One thing we've learnt is never to apologise for expressing our true thoughts or feelings, or pretend they don't matter because such things will surface again later on if not resolved and bite us in the backside! If we believe strongly in something, it's better that our partner understands this even though we might disagree initially. Bottomline: Work things out, not back off even though you feel you're right or, worse, sweep them under the rug. It's ok to disagree sometimes lah. :)
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All has been well with me and him. :D Loving and learning about each other more and more each day. We don't really quarrel much, but we do sometimes have different opinions on certain things. We'll talk things through and most of the time things sorta 'resolve' themselves after talking things through. :)
Thanks for your advice buzzie! Recently, I've a guy friend who just got married and he was telling me that domestic life is quite a huge jump from the dating phrase. Many things to adapt to and learn. Also, he has to plan for less personal time and more 'together' time. Seems like you're adapting pretty well to domestic life. I guess it's good to have a 'test drive' before 'buying the car'. ;) At least both parties are able to see the 'best n worst' of each other and if the 'worst' is tolerable, there should be not much problems going for the big M, if both are committed to making things work.
Talking about 'test driving', I and him wanted to go on a holiday together, just us, but my parents didn't allow, citing the reason that only after marriage then a couple can 'sleep together'. It's like 'improper' for a single guy n gal to be on a trip together. (They said) Well, I understand their pov, but these days many of my friends are already going on trips with their bfs. It's hard trying to change my parents' mind... :( Just wondering if J's parents had any reservations about letting her go with you for work?
-lil' cow-
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Yup, domestic life together is quite a big leap from paktor days. Besides having to make quite a bit of adjustments to your usual home lifestyle and learning to live with each other's quirky habits, there's also figuring out roles and responsibilities like who makes breakfast, who does the grocery, division of household chores, financial contributions, etc. J and I firmly believe in personal time and make it a point to carve out some for ourselves, of coz with the other party's understanding. So even though we might be in the same house together, she could be doing her own stuff (e.g. baking, reading up for her MBA) and I my own ... like updating my blog. Heh!
I was already sold on the car lah ... erm, not sure about J though. Hahaha! For me, the test drive was really to have a taste of what to expect of married life and living together, so that I can learn in advance how to handle things and be more prepared for when the big day comes. You could say I'm very determined to make our marriage work lah. :)
I can understand your parents' POV about going on holidays together although, if you think about it, the couple could easily "sleep together" even in S'pore right? :) Gals usually get it harder when it comes to such things. Fortunately, J's parents trust her a lot to make the right decisions and be responsible for them, so they were ok with her accompanying me overseas (especially since I'd already proposed lah). But even before this, J would sometimes stay over at my place ... hoy, doesn't mean we'll be naughty hor. Geez, the gorilla so naughty one meh? *ahem*
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Hahaa, couples can still 'sleep together' even in S'pore.. that I agree. Guess parents' thinking's a bit different.. My frens also said if wanna 'anything' to happen, anywhere can happen. Don't need to wait til one goes overseas. Dunno how to make my parents 'trust' me more.. :(
Hmm.. isn't it the nature of gorillas to be naughty? *winks* Haha.. I always think that we're all adults, we can all make informed decisions, so I guess if both parties consent, gorillas can 'exhibit' their 'naughty' selves once in a while. ;P Buzzie don't need shy shy ah.. ;)
-lil' cow-
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Slowly ... slowly ... Even J had to earn her parents' trust gradually. Heh, or maybe it's not you they don't trust, but guys in general. ;) I'm not sure if this will help or if you parents will even allow, how about have him bunk over at your place sometimes for a start? Don't have to share bed lah ... he can sleep on the floor or take the couch. Perhaps you parents will gradually get used to the idea and trust you/him more. Also, it helps if your parents get to know him better.
Yup, we're both consenting adults ... and of coz gorillas will be naughty now and then lah. ;)
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Actually naughty gorillas ain't too bad. I kinda like guys to be cheeky n naughty at times.. ;) They're more fun to be with and add 'spice' to life. :) J's really lucky to have you as her future hubby! All the best to the both of u! :D
-lil' cow-
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