Huge Amelican Penis!
OK so like the day before yesterday, Dangerous Max Deadwax and I are in the Castro eatin' burritos (yum!) and after I decide to stop by Walgreen's to get the staple of our household... Kleenex.
Now although I'm not a prude, I do try to keep my young son shielded from anything overly vulgar. He's 9 and knows where babies come from and what homosexuality is, but I try to avoid exposing him to outright porn (duh). There'll be plenty of time for that when he's older (double duh) and besides, he's blissfully all into yo-yos and legos and kid stuff - not girls (or boys) at all just yet.
As you all know, the Castro is a difficult place to avoid porn as it is in many shop windows, but I keep a steady gate and keep him occupied with conversation and strategically pointing out dogs, architecture, airplanes, and whatever when sauntering by a window full of madbuttsex. If he catches a glimpse, so be it, but that fine eve, we turn the corner and low and
BEHOLD!
So now I'm full of burrito, happy as a clam, it's a nice evening and I REALLY DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN A 7 FOOT TALL WALKING PENIS TO MY 9 YEAR OLD RIGHT NOW!
Fortunately, we are able to duck into Walgreen's and he didn't see anything. We shop (for a nice long while) then get in the checkout line. Behind us is a rather FLAMEboyant gentleman on his mobile with his mom... (to be said at the top of your lungs complete with lisp) "OKAY momma! I will! Yes momma! No he doesn't momma! Yes momma, I promise! Okay momma, I gotta go now, some cute boy wants me to give him money. Buh bye!".
Whew. People talking loud on cell phones in public places. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
So we complete our transaction and "head" outside (get it?). A quick peek up and down... coast is clear. No penises over 12" in sight, when up behind us runs Mr. Loud.... (again.. at peak volume, w/ lisp) "Where did that huge penis go? He couldn't have gotten far! How far can a 10 foot penis get in 2 minutes?!?!?.... OH THERE HE IS OVER THERE!" and he points and runs off.
Did Max see anything? I don't know. I didn't even care at that point, but he didn't say anything and we made it home without my explaining why it's OK to dress as a penis in the street, but not OK to show your penis in the street (unless it's Folsom, and even then only once a year). Not to mention WHY you would want to dress as a 7 foot tall penis.
What the poor kid THOUGHT about this guy I'll never know, but he keeps his cool, like he's the only one NOT to know what's going on and he doesn't want to foil his cover by asking "What's that?" because everyone else knows already. But I wonder what ruminates in his head when stuff like this happens.
The best laid plans of mice and fathers. NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PART OF BEING A DAD!
EDIT:
I finally found the source of all this: http://www.healthypenis.org/
Thanks guys!
Now although I'm not a prude, I do try to keep my young son shielded from anything overly vulgar. He's 9 and knows where babies come from and what homosexuality is, but I try to avoid exposing him to outright porn (duh). There'll be plenty of time for that when he's older (double duh) and besides, he's blissfully all into yo-yos and legos and kid stuff - not girls (or boys) at all just yet.
As you all know, the Castro is a difficult place to avoid porn as it is in many shop windows, but I keep a steady gate and keep him occupied with conversation and strategically pointing out dogs, architecture, airplanes, and whatever when sauntering by a window full of madbuttsex. If he catches a glimpse, so be it, but that fine eve, we turn the corner and low and
BEHOLD!
So now I'm full of burrito, happy as a clam, it's a nice evening and I REALLY DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN A 7 FOOT TALL WALKING PENIS TO MY 9 YEAR OLD RIGHT NOW!
Fortunately, we are able to duck into Walgreen's and he didn't see anything. We shop (for a nice long while) then get in the checkout line. Behind us is a rather FLAMEboyant gentleman on his mobile with his mom... (to be said at the top of your lungs complete with lisp) "OKAY momma! I will! Yes momma! No he doesn't momma! Yes momma, I promise! Okay momma, I gotta go now, some cute boy wants me to give him money. Buh bye!".
Whew. People talking loud on cell phones in public places. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
So we complete our transaction and "head" outside (get it?). A quick peek up and down... coast is clear. No penises over 12" in sight, when up behind us runs Mr. Loud.... (again.. at peak volume, w/ lisp) "Where did that huge penis go? He couldn't have gotten far! How far can a 10 foot penis get in 2 minutes?!?!?.... OH THERE HE IS OVER THERE!" and he points and runs off.
Did Max see anything? I don't know. I didn't even care at that point, but he didn't say anything and we made it home without my explaining why it's OK to dress as a penis in the street, but not OK to show your penis in the street (unless it's Folsom, and even then only once a year). Not to mention WHY you would want to dress as a 7 foot tall penis.
What the poor kid THOUGHT about this guy I'll never know, but he keeps his cool, like he's the only one NOT to know what's going on and he doesn't want to foil his cover by asking "What's that?" because everyone else knows already. But I wonder what ruminates in his head when stuff like this happens.
The best laid plans of mice and fathers. NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PART OF BEING A DAD!
EDIT:
I finally found the source of all this: http://www.healthypenis.org/
Thanks guys!