[[there might only be now]]
what can i say?
today i threw a chair at rich preston.
today i screamed "fuck you" at the top of my lungs at joe muller
when he said, "your just a whining pink-o commie."
today i rode in a car with an old man.
he opened the windows and the sunroof.
he didn't tell me my driving was bad,
he even turned on the radio and we sang a song together.
today i laid around because being proactive might have made me cry.
today i didn't talk about it after i flipped out in government class.
today andrew and i tried watching boston public at eight but for some reason
channels 2,3,4,5,&6 were out on the tv in the tv room.
at 8:20 we got up and walked into my mama's room and laid down.
and boston public had just started.
i didn't get it. i didn't want to.
at 9, i realized he must have declared war.
i am a citizen.
i am against the war.
it has taken me a long time to say that,
because i am not against the war for the reasons that most are.
i feel, now, we are moving without enough time, enough thought.
there are so many options we have not exhausted.
we all know this.
WE ARE THE MINORITY.
WE ARE THE THOUGHTFUL OPPOSITION.
we are not those who stand blindly for america.
we are not those who stand,
without thinking, against 'the establishment.'
what are we against? our country? the actions of the executive branch?
the fact that they were allowed by the other two? saddam hussein?
the middle east? french fries?
i will not let it kill the spring for me.
all the time while i am actively not letting it kill the spring for me
i will know it is actively killing the lives of innocent iraqi citizens.
fuck you saddam hussein. fuck you george bush.
there is nothing to say. and i will keep typing.
i had a good night just laying around.
i let old habits live. i was happy.
i will think that this is the last forty-eight hours
for a woman and a man who are in love right now.
if there is any salve...
maybe i will just think that my night was nice.
and i can remember that i have always said what i meant,
and what i've felt. i have always said it loud.
and sometimes i've been hit in the face for it.
all the time when things are bad, i say,
don't worry it'll be better soon.
the fear comes when i don't know if it will be better soon.
i don't know what it will be.
it is not my decision.
these are not my actions.
'what can i say?' i asked.
i can say everything. and i can say nothing.
and that is how it feels.
today i threw a chair at rich preston.
today i screamed "fuck you" at the top of my lungs at joe muller
when he said, "your just a whining pink-o commie."
today i rode in a car with an old man.
he opened the windows and the sunroof.
he didn't tell me my driving was bad,
he even turned on the radio and we sang a song together.
today i laid around because being proactive might have made me cry.
today i didn't talk about it after i flipped out in government class.
today andrew and i tried watching boston public at eight but for some reason
channels 2,3,4,5,&6 were out on the tv in the tv room.
at 8:20 we got up and walked into my mama's room and laid down.
and boston public had just started.
i didn't get it. i didn't want to.
at 9, i realized he must have declared war.
i am a citizen.
i am against the war.
it has taken me a long time to say that,
because i am not against the war for the reasons that most are.
i feel, now, we are moving without enough time, enough thought.
there are so many options we have not exhausted.
we all know this.
WE ARE THE MINORITY.
WE ARE THE THOUGHTFUL OPPOSITION.
we are not those who stand blindly for america.
we are not those who stand,
without thinking, against 'the establishment.'
what are we against? our country? the actions of the executive branch?
the fact that they were allowed by the other two? saddam hussein?
the middle east? french fries?
i will not let it kill the spring for me.
all the time while i am actively not letting it kill the spring for me
i will know it is actively killing the lives of innocent iraqi citizens.
fuck you saddam hussein. fuck you george bush.
there is nothing to say. and i will keep typing.
i had a good night just laying around.
i let old habits live. i was happy.
i will think that this is the last forty-eight hours
for a woman and a man who are in love right now.
if there is any salve...
maybe i will just think that my night was nice.
and i can remember that i have always said what i meant,
and what i've felt. i have always said it loud.
and sometimes i've been hit in the face for it.
all the time when things are bad, i say,
don't worry it'll be better soon.
the fear comes when i don't know if it will be better soon.
i don't know what it will be.
it is not my decision.
these are not my actions.
'what can i say?' i asked.
i can say everything. and i can say nothing.
and that is how it feels.