(no subject)
so I'm back to my old ways apparantly, only without the booze. (for now) There's this guy in my group who is kind of obnoxious, huge frat-type of guy, not my type. I didnt give him the time of day until he joined my PAWS group. So now I'm obsessed.
He is extremely hot... but he's got about a million girls chasing him, and I've never wanted to go after a man that everyone else is chasing. I like to think I should be the one that gets chased, but hey, that hasnt happened since I was 14 and a size 10.
I cant stop thinking about him and how to get him in bed. And I know that if anything happens, even mild flirting, I'm just going to get my feelings hurt over yet another guy I dont even like.
In response to Stephanie's post... I feel exactly the same way. The only person I know from High School whos still single is gay. (except nathan) and even he's hot and gets guys like fleas on a dog. What's so wrong with me that I can't have a decent guy turn his head my way?
And on that note, I feel absolutely disgusting, I dont want to end up one of those girls thats always saying "oh im so fat!!" or "oh I cant eat that! it has like 60 calories!" but after my doctors appt friday thats what I feel like. All I can think about it NOT eating.
I got some more pictures from the wedding a few weekends ago, and there were, like, 4 of me. This is a family get together, and my own family doesnt take pictures of me. Which is a good thing, probably, because the ones they did get featured me, in my beautiful new Ann Taylor dress, that I was just in love with, in a bra that was too tight, with back fat pouring over the sides and making me stick out at odd angles. I wore one of those body slimmer/Bridget Jones type underwear, and all it does is make me look worse. In one picture I even look pregnant. god.... I feel so gross. and it makes me hate myself.
I dont think being heavy is a bad thing, if you have self esteem. And up until now I was doing ok, but the last few get togethers I've been to, and gotten pictures back from, have just made me want to kill myself. Why spend 80 bucks on a beautiful dress if its not going to be worn on someone who matches its beauty? Those pictures just haunt me, which makes me want to eat more because I'm depressed. Then the pictures get worse.... its just a vicious cycle.
and what i dont understand is how I got these fat genes. my mom and aunt and uncles were all stick figures when they were my age, and my dad was too. My aunt on his side of the family is still tiny, even if she doesnt think so (she wont eat anything... but thats another post) So why am I not? Why didnt I get their metabolism? What gives????? And how do I get rid of it??!!
I'm going to go watch Bridget Jones...
He is extremely hot... but he's got about a million girls chasing him, and I've never wanted to go after a man that everyone else is chasing. I like to think I should be the one that gets chased, but hey, that hasnt happened since I was 14 and a size 10.
I cant stop thinking about him and how to get him in bed. And I know that if anything happens, even mild flirting, I'm just going to get my feelings hurt over yet another guy I dont even like.
In response to Stephanie's post... I feel exactly the same way. The only person I know from High School whos still single is gay. (except nathan) and even he's hot and gets guys like fleas on a dog. What's so wrong with me that I can't have a decent guy turn his head my way?
And on that note, I feel absolutely disgusting, I dont want to end up one of those girls thats always saying "oh im so fat!!" or "oh I cant eat that! it has like 60 calories!" but after my doctors appt friday thats what I feel like. All I can think about it NOT eating.
I got some more pictures from the wedding a few weekends ago, and there were, like, 4 of me. This is a family get together, and my own family doesnt take pictures of me. Which is a good thing, probably, because the ones they did get featured me, in my beautiful new Ann Taylor dress, that I was just in love with, in a bra that was too tight, with back fat pouring over the sides and making me stick out at odd angles. I wore one of those body slimmer/Bridget Jones type underwear, and all it does is make me look worse. In one picture I even look pregnant. god.... I feel so gross. and it makes me hate myself.
I dont think being heavy is a bad thing, if you have self esteem. And up until now I was doing ok, but the last few get togethers I've been to, and gotten pictures back from, have just made me want to kill myself. Why spend 80 bucks on a beautiful dress if its not going to be worn on someone who matches its beauty? Those pictures just haunt me, which makes me want to eat more because I'm depressed. Then the pictures get worse.... its just a vicious cycle.
and what i dont understand is how I got these fat genes. my mom and aunt and uncles were all stick figures when they were my age, and my dad was too. My aunt on his side of the family is still tiny, even if she doesnt think so (she wont eat anything... but thats another post) So why am I not? Why didnt I get their metabolism? What gives????? And how do I get rid of it??!!
I'm going to go watch Bridget Jones...