(no subject)
boys are wierd... and kinda dumb too. even the ones i understand...
i think this is the first time in my life (since i was about 5) tha i havent had one certain person that i liked. one that i couldnt stop thinking about. even if i didnt really want to be with him, i still had him in mind, someone to think about, you know? its wierd... i never thought this was possible.
im going to see a psychic tomorrow. im excited. although i know there probably wont be a lot of good news.... i mean, not to sound cynical, but with all thats happening with my family, this years not looking too good. but im hoping she can help me be better prepared for it. and maybe give me something happy to think about.
theres a pagan festival for beltane that im dying to go to, and also an Elvish one in Needmore. the problem with pagan events in indiana is they all seem so.... redneckish...
im more peaceful then ive been in awhile. although my body hates me (i started going to the gym) i just hope i can stick with it. the working out and the peaceful state.
i know its stupid to sit around and wait for life to slap me in the face again. its pointless to put all my happiness on hold and wait for the hard part to be over, but i havent quite figured out how to work the pleasure in with the pain. i know i need some happiness to help me through... but i feel like i have to get through the pain to get the happiness... does that make any sense???
thats the thing about this year... its a turning point in my life. everything is going to be completely different this time next year. i guess i have the upperhand because i know a few of the things to expect... but it still hurts me. im worried out of my mind. but i know theres no sense in that. its all a part of life, and i just have to make the best of it.
its so easy to sound like i have it all together, like ive figured it out and excepted it. but in my head, and in my heart, im filled with hurt.
one day at a time.
i think this is the first time in my life (since i was about 5) tha i havent had one certain person that i liked. one that i couldnt stop thinking about. even if i didnt really want to be with him, i still had him in mind, someone to think about, you know? its wierd... i never thought this was possible.
im going to see a psychic tomorrow. im excited. although i know there probably wont be a lot of good news.... i mean, not to sound cynical, but with all thats happening with my family, this years not looking too good. but im hoping she can help me be better prepared for it. and maybe give me something happy to think about.
theres a pagan festival for beltane that im dying to go to, and also an Elvish one in Needmore. the problem with pagan events in indiana is they all seem so.... redneckish...
im more peaceful then ive been in awhile. although my body hates me (i started going to the gym) i just hope i can stick with it. the working out and the peaceful state.
i know its stupid to sit around and wait for life to slap me in the face again. its pointless to put all my happiness on hold and wait for the hard part to be over, but i havent quite figured out how to work the pleasure in with the pain. i know i need some happiness to help me through... but i feel like i have to get through the pain to get the happiness... does that make any sense???
thats the thing about this year... its a turning point in my life. everything is going to be completely different this time next year. i guess i have the upperhand because i know a few of the things to expect... but it still hurts me. im worried out of my mind. but i know theres no sense in that. its all a part of life, and i just have to make the best of it.
its so easy to sound like i have it all together, like ive figured it out and excepted it. but in my head, and in my heart, im filled with hurt.
one day at a time.