(no subject)
im seriously sick of it.. all of it. i havent written in here lately becasue i have been ok happy even sometimes.and yet i guess a week is just to long for anyone to let me be. i love him and only him. ill scream it to the whole world if you want me to just so each and every person knows. maybe then .. just maybe.. someone will believe me. i know yea i dont have the best credentials for you to actually believe but honestly. for how long can you be closeminded and bias. this isnt really directed to anyone.. just something that i need to get out of my head. i cant hold a grudge or be mad at someone for a long time so maybe i cant understand those who are but i just dont get it.. why waste your time trying to remain mad at someone when there is so many better things to do. i just want to yell at people sometimes yea i know you dont like me. but do you have a rub it in my face everyday? just ignore me and ill ignore you. i dont not like anyone for no reason.. ok im done. i wont let you get to me anymore.
i was reading a magazine from my dad and it was talkign about being yourself and it was wierd i disagreed with it majorly. as much as we all claim individuality, to a point we all speak dress and act for someone else. to impress the unknown. that someone you could meet in a place you might go at a time you maybe are there. and mayeb you dont know it but you do. and that mystery makes your act so much easier. i mean yea i say i am myself. but its those days that i drag myself up out of bed with some nice clothes on and a smile.. to make some else think im fine. and liek there are times when yea i am myself.. when im with a certian person or by myself but other then that im not sure i am. i have always heard that quote think about what you say before you say it. and when i was little always wondered how you could be yourself when you couldnt say what you wanted.. and now i see it so true.. i mean with the styles and everything what more individuality do we have then our own personalties and words? you make memories by the words you say and the actions you take. and these make you. i turned the page in the magazine and saw the guy that wrote the article about it and sarcastically thanked him for making me think about something else.. he goes off about memories and experiences and how they shape you.. but deep down theres you who you dont even know until the right time.. he says children know themselves better then us. and its true. i didnt care what she thoguht of me when i was 5 i was just worried about whether the rain would make me sick if i stood there with my mouth open. i said whatever i thought.. and it might of made you laugh.. smile or cry but it makes me think.. why do we change.. to protect others from our thoughts and opinions? or to protect ourselves from theirs.. i am me .. but im you and her and him too.. even if its just a little bit of me that youve changed your influence is still here somehow. so yea you can be yourself.. but are you really just you..
enough i need to sleep ..