Im falling apart to songs about hips and hearts
So George is safe. He’s here, and has been for a few days. But I just don’t get it. I’m still really depressed about stuff, and he is upset because he doesn’t know what to do. It’s so sad, and I try to be happy, but in the back of my mind I feel that something is just wrong, or off. I mean, I am really happy that he is home, of course, but I’m still really out of it. I rarely eat at all now, but I still eat. Since George got home on Wednesday, I have lost 10 lbs. That’s not good, but it is. To me, it’s good.
I’ve decided that I want to go to a nutritionist, so that I can loose weight a nice, healthy way, you know. Fuck all these diet pills, and phony fast dieting. If I want to be healthy, I’m doing it the right way. George lost weight, and granted it was 45 lbs in 3 weeks for not eating, and constantly working out, I can do it too, just with the eating. Maybe that’s it. Maybe Im so upset because I don’t think that he likes me the way I am now, because he is different… that could be it. But I know that it’s a lot of other things, but I just don’t know what to do.
I’m at work now, but im going to be heading home in 1 hour and some, and I’ll clean my room, and take a shower, and see if George wants to come over. Maybe I can figure all these things out, and we can talk…or do stuff that we used to do. Just, be. Well, I guess that I should get back to work; maybe the time will go by faster if I start doing something.