Fic: The Sea After a Storm (20/?)
Title: The Sea After a Storm, Chapter 20
Rating: R
Warnings: None really, just don’t feel like changing the rating :)
Spoilers: Season Two thru Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2x01)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©'s to Mike Judge for the quote from Office Space. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Jack reaches a breaking point…
Notes: Still catching up on comments - please know that they are all appreciated, even if it takes me forever to reply!! Sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Previous chapters of The Sea After a Storm found here. Thanks to my amazing beta and wonderful friend
thrace_adamsfor all the help and support; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Twenty
“Someone's got a case of the Monday's,” Owen muttered under his breath in at attempt at levity as the sound of Jack bellowing for his team echoed down the hallway.
Gwen, Tosh and Ianto chuckled obligingly, but the expression on Jack's face as he rounded the corner and nearly knocked them over chased away even their forced amusement.
“What's taking so long?” Jack demanded.
“We're coming, Jack,” Tosh said calmly. “We had to wait for the coffee to finish. Want some?” She held up Jack's favourite blue and white striped mug as a peace offering.
“Oh. Thanks,” Jack said. He took a sip and then frowned. “Why wasn't the coffee already made?” he demanded, glowering at Ianto.
“Because someone didn't rinse the carafe out on Friday before they left. I had to scrub out three day old dregs before I could make a fresh pot,” Ianto explained.
“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” Owen grumbled. “How was I supposed to know that Jack wouldn't make coffee all weekend? He's the one who bloody lives here after all.”
“That's not the point - ” Ianto started, but stopped when Jack growled and stomped back to the board room.
“Owen!” Gwen hissed. “What were we just talking about? Don't poke the bear.”
“I wasn't! I - ”
“Oh, just come on,” she interrupted, nudging Owen towards the door.
They took their seats around the table and waited for Jack to begin the meeting. Ianto lent half an ear to Jack's ranting about the Cardiff Police and their inability to conduct their own investigations, letting his mind wander a bit. God, he looks so tired. Jack's eyes were burning and bright, almost as if he had a fever. Ianto sighed, his hand sliding absentmindedly to the bruises on his throat, hidden at the moment by a high shirt collar. He altered the movement when Jack's hot eyes shot to him, moving to adjust his tie instead. He's got to let me help him, Ianto thought desperately.
However, it was hard to help someone who not only didn't want your help, but was actively avoiding any contact with you. After the incident at Ianto's flat Thursday night, Jack had effectively shut down the Hub with himself inside it. Owen, Tosh, Gwen and Ianto had all tried to contact Jack at some point over the weekend with no luck.
They'd had a quick conversation that morning while the coffee was brewing and Jack was waiting for them in the board room. Only Ianto was in possession of the full story. Owen and Tosh had some of the most pertinent information, apparently Jack had talked to Owen on Thursday night just as Ianto had shared some of the facts with Tosh. Gwen was under the impression that Jack had done something unspeakable to Ianto in the bedroom and was miraculously not pushing for details. They all agreed, however, that Jack couldn't last much longer without sleep.
Owen had nixed Gwen's idea of simply slipping Jack a Mickey and hoping it made him sleep long enough to get his head on straight. He said that Jack had flat out refused the medication he'd already offered and that tricking Jack into sleeping wouldn't solve the real problem. Ianto still felt that his original solution was sound and wanted to try again. As far as he knew, the few hours they'd spent together at his flat was the only real sleep Jack had gotten in over two weeks. He was sure if Jack could get used to waking up someplace safe and familiar, he'd be able to push past the nightmares. He'd finally convinced the others to back off and let him try again - now he just needed to convince Jack.
He forced himself to pay attention again. Jack was rattling off the day's assignments, mixing up names and places here and there which the team just let go without any rude comments. How he's even still standing, I'll never know, Ianto thought as Jack handed Tosh the autopsy reports and Owen the technical readouts of an alien artefact. As soon as his back was turned, they swapped files.
"All right, then," Jack said as he turned back around. "Why are you still hanging around here? Get to work!"
As the rest of the team hurried for the door, Ianto lingered behind. He waited until he and Jack were alone and then slid the pocket door shut.
Jack's head snapped up at the sound and his eyes widened. "What?" he asked defensively.
Ianto moved closer, standing right in front of Jack. "Ask me how I am," he requested calmly.
Jack coloured and muttered, "How are you?" He sounded very afraid of the answer.
"I'm fine," Ianto reassured him, hoping Jack would really hear him. "It's nothing but a few bruises. You know I've had a lot worse."
"Not because of me," Jack said bleakly.
"You weren't yourself," Ianto insisted.
"Yeah… well…" Jack stepped back and rubbed his hand over his face. "That's no excuse."
"It's not an excuse, it's an explanation of the situation. A situation that's not going to get better on its own. You have to sleep, Jack. You need to heal. By pushing us all away, you're only making yourself even more sick. Let me try again."
"No."
"Jack - "
"No! I won't risk you like that, not again."
"It's not a risk! I know what I did wrong, it won't happen again."
Jack looked confused. "What you did wrong?"
"Yes, it was my fault. I should have just woken you up, not tried to restrain you, not after what you've told me. I just… I wanted you to sleep," he finished helplessly.
"You…" Jack couldn't go on. He pulled Ianto into a rough hug, holding him close for a long moment. "It wasn't your fault. I… I can't do it again, don't ask me."
"But Jack - "
"Please," Jack said simply. And, as always, that simple broken word from his lover was Ianto's undoing.
"All right," he whispered. He pulled away from Jack. "We'll do it your way." He walked to the door, cursing himself for failing yet again. Once he was out in the hall, he allowed his shoulders to slump and his head to fall forward, dejected. Unfortunately, that movement jammed his collar against his bruised neck making him flinch. He shook it off and headed back upstairs, realising half-way up that he'd left his clipboard on the conference room table. With another muttered curse, Ianto reversed direction and hurried back downstairs.
When he got close to the board room, he hear Tosh's clear voice and Jack's low rumbles.
"…care about you. We all want to help," Tosh said earnestly.
Ianto stilled, but he was unable to make out Jack's answer.
"You have to quit shutting us out, Jack, especially Ianto. He trusts you completely! After everything he's been through, he still believes in you one hundred percent. Don't you think he deserves the same from you?"
Ianto heard the sharp bark of a chair being scooted backwards and imagined Jack standing, his arms braced on the table, his head lowered as he said… Dammit, Ianto thought as he crept closer. He still couldn't make out Jack's words. Whatever he'd said, it didn't seem to hold much water with Tosh.
"You know," Tosh said slowly. "I've thought you were a lot of things, Jack Harkness, but I never thought you were a coward."
When Ianto heard Tosh's angry footsteps heading his way, he ducked into a nearby corridor. He hid for a few minutes until he heard Jack pass by as well and then he grabbed his clipboard and followed them back to the Hub.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Three days later, the atmosphere in the Hub was that of a storm about to break. Everyone was on edge, not just Jack, snapping at one another, forgetting things. Ianto was afraid they'd all be at their breaking points before Jack accepted any help from anyone. As they were packing it in, Gwen nudged Ianto.
"Look at him," she whispered, nodding towards Jack's office.
Ianto followed her gaze to see Jack get up from his chair, walk around the desk, open the door, pause, close the door and return to his chair. He was just about to ask what she was so fascinated by, when Jack made the exact same circuit a few seconds later.
"What's he doing?"
Gwen shrugged. "Duuno, but he's been going on like that for about five minutes now."
Ianto watched as Jack dropped back into his chair again. "Bollocks to this, I'm going to go talk to him."
"Do you want us to stick around?" Gwen offered.
"No, thanks," Ianto said. "He might be more willing to talk if we're alone."
Gwen nodded and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "Pob lwc!"
Ianto waited until the others had gone and then straightened his tie. He got to Jack's door just as Jack did, both of them starting a bit and speaking at the same time.
"Jack, we need to - "
"Ianto, I want to - "
They laughed uncomfortably and Jack motioned for Ianto to go ahead.
"Whatever you're doing isn't working, Jack."
"I know," Jack admitted. "I got so desperate last night that I found myself in the armoury contemplating a bullet, just to see if a quick reset would help."
At Ianto's cry of protest, Jack shook his head. "I didn't do it, couldn't do it. I was just coming to ask you if… if we can try it your way again. With one precaution."
"What's that?"
Jack handed Ianto one of the standard issue stun guns. "This stays with you at all times and you use it if you have to."
"Jack, I…"
"That's the only way I can do to this, Ianto."
Ianto nodded. He took a deep breath and conjured up a smile. "Your place or mine?"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
A few hours and a light supper later, Ianto found himself waiting in his bed for Jack. The stun gun lay on the bedside table, an ugly black reminder of the last time he'd been in this same position. Ianto fidgeted a bit, feeling hot and uncomfortable, finally pulling off the undershirt he was wearing, leaving him in just his boxer-briefs.
Jack came out of the bath, similarly attired. When he noticed Ianto was shirtless, he smiled and for a second Ianto didn't see his sunken eyes and pale skin, just the man he cared for beyond all good sense. Then the smile faded and Ianto was reminded of just what they were doing.
"Is this okay?" Jack asked, pulling his own shirt off.
Ianto nodded and Jack crawled into the bed.
"Thank you," Jack said quietly as he slid under the covers.
Ianto nodded and leant forward to take a brief kiss. "You're welcome. Try to sleep, I'll be here. And I'll just wake you if you start thrashing around this time."
Jack nodded as well, his hand coming out to stroke the back of Ianto's head as he kissed him back. "You're really not worried?" Jack asked hesitantly.
"Nope," Ianto replied. He kissed Jack one more time and then leant over to turn off the bedside light.
"What's that?" Jack asked.
"What's what?" Ianto felt Jack's hand on the back of his shoulder. "Oh, that," he said.
"When did you get a tattoo?" Jack's fingers traced the design, following the swoops and curves.
Ianto thought back as he rested on his elbow and let Jack explore. "April. I spent the weekend in London with Jamie and Mark. There was drinking involved."
"There usually is," Jack chuckled. "Is it… is it a design or a word?"
"A word. Cryfdwr.”
“What does it mean?” Jack asked softly.
“It's - it was Mark's idea," Ianto explained, his cheeks heating. “It's one of the Welsh words for strength," he added.
He felt Jack's lips on his skin and shivered.
"It's perfect for you," Jack murmured.
Ianto turned off the light, rolled over and pulled Jack into his arms. "Sleep," he whispered.
Fingers still tracing the letters on Ianto's back like they were worry beads, Jack finally drifted off.
TBC in Chapter Twenty-One
*Pob lwc - Good luck
** I actually designed Ianto's tattoo. I can post a pic if anyone is interested in the visual… it's here :)
Rating: R
Warnings: None really, just don’t feel like changing the rating :)
Spoilers: Season Two thru Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2x01)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©'s to Mike Judge for the quote from Office Space. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Jack reaches a breaking point…
Notes: Still catching up on comments - please know that they are all appreciated, even if it takes me forever to reply!! Sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Previous chapters of The Sea After a Storm found here. Thanks to my amazing beta and wonderful friend
thrace_adamsfor all the help and support; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Twenty
“Someone's got a case of the Monday's,” Owen muttered under his breath in at attempt at levity as the sound of Jack bellowing for his team echoed down the hallway.
Gwen, Tosh and Ianto chuckled obligingly, but the expression on Jack's face as he rounded the corner and nearly knocked them over chased away even their forced amusement.
“What's taking so long?” Jack demanded.
“We're coming, Jack,” Tosh said calmly. “We had to wait for the coffee to finish. Want some?” She held up Jack's favourite blue and white striped mug as a peace offering.
“Oh. Thanks,” Jack said. He took a sip and then frowned. “Why wasn't the coffee already made?” he demanded, glowering at Ianto.
“Because someone didn't rinse the carafe out on Friday before they left. I had to scrub out three day old dregs before I could make a fresh pot,” Ianto explained.
“Bitch, bitch, bitch,” Owen grumbled. “How was I supposed to know that Jack wouldn't make coffee all weekend? He's the one who bloody lives here after all.”
“That's not the point - ” Ianto started, but stopped when Jack growled and stomped back to the board room.
“Owen!” Gwen hissed. “What were we just talking about? Don't poke the bear.”
“I wasn't! I - ”
“Oh, just come on,” she interrupted, nudging Owen towards the door.
They took their seats around the table and waited for Jack to begin the meeting. Ianto lent half an ear to Jack's ranting about the Cardiff Police and their inability to conduct their own investigations, letting his mind wander a bit. God, he looks so tired. Jack's eyes were burning and bright, almost as if he had a fever. Ianto sighed, his hand sliding absentmindedly to the bruises on his throat, hidden at the moment by a high shirt collar. He altered the movement when Jack's hot eyes shot to him, moving to adjust his tie instead. He's got to let me help him, Ianto thought desperately.
However, it was hard to help someone who not only didn't want your help, but was actively avoiding any contact with you. After the incident at Ianto's flat Thursday night, Jack had effectively shut down the Hub with himself inside it. Owen, Tosh, Gwen and Ianto had all tried to contact Jack at some point over the weekend with no luck.
They'd had a quick conversation that morning while the coffee was brewing and Jack was waiting for them in the board room. Only Ianto was in possession of the full story. Owen and Tosh had some of the most pertinent information, apparently Jack had talked to Owen on Thursday night just as Ianto had shared some of the facts with Tosh. Gwen was under the impression that Jack had done something unspeakable to Ianto in the bedroom and was miraculously not pushing for details. They all agreed, however, that Jack couldn't last much longer without sleep.
Owen had nixed Gwen's idea of simply slipping Jack a Mickey and hoping it made him sleep long enough to get his head on straight. He said that Jack had flat out refused the medication he'd already offered and that tricking Jack into sleeping wouldn't solve the real problem. Ianto still felt that his original solution was sound and wanted to try again. As far as he knew, the few hours they'd spent together at his flat was the only real sleep Jack had gotten in over two weeks. He was sure if Jack could get used to waking up someplace safe and familiar, he'd be able to push past the nightmares. He'd finally convinced the others to back off and let him try again - now he just needed to convince Jack.
He forced himself to pay attention again. Jack was rattling off the day's assignments, mixing up names and places here and there which the team just let go without any rude comments. How he's even still standing, I'll never know, Ianto thought as Jack handed Tosh the autopsy reports and Owen the technical readouts of an alien artefact. As soon as his back was turned, they swapped files.
"All right, then," Jack said as he turned back around. "Why are you still hanging around here? Get to work!"
As the rest of the team hurried for the door, Ianto lingered behind. He waited until he and Jack were alone and then slid the pocket door shut.
Jack's head snapped up at the sound and his eyes widened. "What?" he asked defensively.
Ianto moved closer, standing right in front of Jack. "Ask me how I am," he requested calmly.
Jack coloured and muttered, "How are you?" He sounded very afraid of the answer.
"I'm fine," Ianto reassured him, hoping Jack would really hear him. "It's nothing but a few bruises. You know I've had a lot worse."
"Not because of me," Jack said bleakly.
"You weren't yourself," Ianto insisted.
"Yeah… well…" Jack stepped back and rubbed his hand over his face. "That's no excuse."
"It's not an excuse, it's an explanation of the situation. A situation that's not going to get better on its own. You have to sleep, Jack. You need to heal. By pushing us all away, you're only making yourself even more sick. Let me try again."
"No."
"Jack - "
"No! I won't risk you like that, not again."
"It's not a risk! I know what I did wrong, it won't happen again."
Jack looked confused. "What you did wrong?"
"Yes, it was my fault. I should have just woken you up, not tried to restrain you, not after what you've told me. I just… I wanted you to sleep," he finished helplessly.
"You…" Jack couldn't go on. He pulled Ianto into a rough hug, holding him close for a long moment. "It wasn't your fault. I… I can't do it again, don't ask me."
"But Jack - "
"Please," Jack said simply. And, as always, that simple broken word from his lover was Ianto's undoing.
"All right," he whispered. He pulled away from Jack. "We'll do it your way." He walked to the door, cursing himself for failing yet again. Once he was out in the hall, he allowed his shoulders to slump and his head to fall forward, dejected. Unfortunately, that movement jammed his collar against his bruised neck making him flinch. He shook it off and headed back upstairs, realising half-way up that he'd left his clipboard on the conference room table. With another muttered curse, Ianto reversed direction and hurried back downstairs.
When he got close to the board room, he hear Tosh's clear voice and Jack's low rumbles.
"…care about you. We all want to help," Tosh said earnestly.
Ianto stilled, but he was unable to make out Jack's answer.
"You have to quit shutting us out, Jack, especially Ianto. He trusts you completely! After everything he's been through, he still believes in you one hundred percent. Don't you think he deserves the same from you?"
Ianto heard the sharp bark of a chair being scooted backwards and imagined Jack standing, his arms braced on the table, his head lowered as he said… Dammit, Ianto thought as he crept closer. He still couldn't make out Jack's words. Whatever he'd said, it didn't seem to hold much water with Tosh.
"You know," Tosh said slowly. "I've thought you were a lot of things, Jack Harkness, but I never thought you were a coward."
When Ianto heard Tosh's angry footsteps heading his way, he ducked into a nearby corridor. He hid for a few minutes until he heard Jack pass by as well and then he grabbed his clipboard and followed them back to the Hub.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Three days later, the atmosphere in the Hub was that of a storm about to break. Everyone was on edge, not just Jack, snapping at one another, forgetting things. Ianto was afraid they'd all be at their breaking points before Jack accepted any help from anyone. As they were packing it in, Gwen nudged Ianto.
"Look at him," she whispered, nodding towards Jack's office.
Ianto followed her gaze to see Jack get up from his chair, walk around the desk, open the door, pause, close the door and return to his chair. He was just about to ask what she was so fascinated by, when Jack made the exact same circuit a few seconds later.
"What's he doing?"
Gwen shrugged. "Duuno, but he's been going on like that for about five minutes now."
Ianto watched as Jack dropped back into his chair again. "Bollocks to this, I'm going to go talk to him."
"Do you want us to stick around?" Gwen offered.
"No, thanks," Ianto said. "He might be more willing to talk if we're alone."
Gwen nodded and gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "Pob lwc!"
Ianto waited until the others had gone and then straightened his tie. He got to Jack's door just as Jack did, both of them starting a bit and speaking at the same time.
"Jack, we need to - "
"Ianto, I want to - "
They laughed uncomfortably and Jack motioned for Ianto to go ahead.
"Whatever you're doing isn't working, Jack."
"I know," Jack admitted. "I got so desperate last night that I found myself in the armoury contemplating a bullet, just to see if a quick reset would help."
At Ianto's cry of protest, Jack shook his head. "I didn't do it, couldn't do it. I was just coming to ask you if… if we can try it your way again. With one precaution."
"What's that?"
Jack handed Ianto one of the standard issue stun guns. "This stays with you at all times and you use it if you have to."
"Jack, I…"
"That's the only way I can do to this, Ianto."
Ianto nodded. He took a deep breath and conjured up a smile. "Your place or mine?"
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
A few hours and a light supper later, Ianto found himself waiting in his bed for Jack. The stun gun lay on the bedside table, an ugly black reminder of the last time he'd been in this same position. Ianto fidgeted a bit, feeling hot and uncomfortable, finally pulling off the undershirt he was wearing, leaving him in just his boxer-briefs.
Jack came out of the bath, similarly attired. When he noticed Ianto was shirtless, he smiled and for a second Ianto didn't see his sunken eyes and pale skin, just the man he cared for beyond all good sense. Then the smile faded and Ianto was reminded of just what they were doing.
"Is this okay?" Jack asked, pulling his own shirt off.
Ianto nodded and Jack crawled into the bed.
"Thank you," Jack said quietly as he slid under the covers.
Ianto nodded and leant forward to take a brief kiss. "You're welcome. Try to sleep, I'll be here. And I'll just wake you if you start thrashing around this time."
Jack nodded as well, his hand coming out to stroke the back of Ianto's head as he kissed him back. "You're really not worried?" Jack asked hesitantly.
"Nope," Ianto replied. He kissed Jack one more time and then leant over to turn off the bedside light.
"What's that?" Jack asked.
"What's what?" Ianto felt Jack's hand on the back of his shoulder. "Oh, that," he said.
"When did you get a tattoo?" Jack's fingers traced the design, following the swoops and curves.
Ianto thought back as he rested on his elbow and let Jack explore. "April. I spent the weekend in London with Jamie and Mark. There was drinking involved."
"There usually is," Jack chuckled. "Is it… is it a design or a word?"
"A word. Cryfdwr.”
“What does it mean?” Jack asked softly.
“It's - it was Mark's idea," Ianto explained, his cheeks heating. “It's one of the Welsh words for strength," he added.
He felt Jack's lips on his skin and shivered.
"It's perfect for you," Jack murmured.
Ianto turned off the light, rolled over and pulled Jack into his arms. "Sleep," he whispered.
Fingers still tracing the letters on Ianto's back like they were worry beads, Jack finally drifted off.
TBC in Chapter Twenty-One
*Pob lwc - Good luck
** I actually designed Ianto's tattoo. I can post a pic if anyone is interested in the visual… it's here :)