Goodbye Saturday - Hello Monday.

[butterphly]

So I went to the doctor Friday... For the first time in a long time, I actually felt as if some progress was made... We discussed the communication between me and G, and he agrees with me that its lacking... So Saturday night we both got into a bad arguement in which I noticed some things... Now just because I am going to point out some things I noticed about G and the way he argues, dont mean Im saying that I dont have faults as well... I admit when I know Ive done something wrong or placed blame out of anger when I clearly shouldnt have... But anyways, during this arguement I made the comment, "I dont sit around planning out ways to make everyones day turn to shit." Meaning, I cant help if I do things that annoy people such as like EVERY SINGLE SONG that comes on the radio, or express my worries or concerns about something more than once and so on... So that is almost entirely what I meant when I said what I said... He took it as I am saying that HE sits around planning ways to make everyones day shit... He even said that its what I was implying... So kiddos, in every single arguement we have I fight with this... I say one thing, he hears something fucking else! Suzanne, who always has amazing advice to give, suggested that we go to marriage counselling... I know that I would do whatever it takes and go to the ends of the earth to help ease the pressure of these issues in our relationship and I am thinking that maybe that would be something that we would benefit from... But getting him to go... I cried and pleaded with him to try and help me (as I would him) learn better communication... So then Friday, my doc gave me the same advice as Suz. Go to counseling... And some of his last few sentences to me, which suprised the shit out of me, he said that he feels that I am a rare person and that my husband should feel lucky to have me... That made me feel really good and made me know that for once I actually "got through" to someone... He told me though that he does believe that we both have our problems that may need worked on, but he can see that I clearly am a communicator and without that in a relationship I get ultra-stressed and it ends up taking a physical toll on me... So fight that G and I had started with me asking him if he would mind talking more with me about the lap band surgery that he wants to have done for means of losing a great deal of weight... I expressed that I was worried about it and stuff and that I havent heard nothing but bad things about it... And the fact that he has only told me that some lady at work told him about it, and that it only costs $300... Its $150 for the actual surgery and then $150 for the counseling afterwards to help you know how to eat for the duration of getting used to the change or whatever... AND THATS IT... He hasnt said nothing else! He hasnt said what doctor this is who does it, where this doctor is, who told him about the surgery. And everytime its brought up, he gets extremely defensive... I have told him I am scared about him doing it which could be some of why hes getting defensive... But $150/$300- isnt that a little cheap for SURGERY + counseling? Wouldnt you think that there would be lines of people going down the street and around the block to have it done? People who desperately want to lose weight? Things just dont add up to me about it all... And it pisses me off when he says "Its my body and I will do what I want with it"... Ok, I agree there totally... But he has expressed that he wouldnt like it if I continued work on my tattoos... Or lost about 60 pounds myself because he "loves my ass the way it is" (lol, lame)... But also, theres the 'baby' issue... He thinks we shouldnt have a baby together... And he knows that its totally one of the major things that I wanted in my life when we got together and then got married... He wanted kids a year ago! Now he thinks it would be too expensive to have a baby... =( ... Im not saying that they are not costly but that is the very last thing I think of when I think of having a baby with him. And to beat all, he knows how extremely difficult my first pregnancy was and how its been my dream to have another baby and actually get to have a baby shower and shop for maternity clothes and be near family and friends throughout my pregnancy... So much I didnt get to experience the first time, but I always had the hope of having more than one child in my life. And its MY body and I want to bear more children before Im 40 for petes sake!!! But my decision about my body includes him and without him feeling the same, what the fuck?! My dream has to just die because of what HE wants, what HE feels....

Ok, the lap band surgery was the first of two fights on Saturday... The second was because he let Jeremy off of groundation early after being hell bent on keeping on until the minute of 6pm Sunday and telling me nooooo when I asked him Friday night if he can let Jeremy off for the weekend since he did so well all week long... And he got all shitty about the subject of me never sticking to anything when it comes to punishing Jeremy, and then turn around the next night and let him off the hook... And hes had a few drinks and has spent hours of lovely fun with his friends on his game, etc. so he was in a mood to make the decision... Well, I was a bit offended... And I spoke on it... I didnt yell or get ugly about it... I just made the comment as to why did he change his mind now? And the fit hit the shan.

So this post wasnt meant to be a rant, but I reckon its turned into that LOL... Im a little aggravated still about some things, but we have actually put all that aside right now and are getting along a little better... And Ive sat here and procrastinated long enough... Time to get this house cleaned up! And sorry for length and no cut, I have to get the hell up out of this chair! Love yall... Laters!