Reassurance of Love
I cant help but to think that what you just said was to me. It makes me regret so much of what Ive done. And if half the shit Ive done never happened then there would still be that spark that I saw between you and me.
You stopped talking to me online and I just assumed you finally got fed up with me and just didnt like me anymore. And at that time it made me realize that youre the only person to ever have me think that "Ive never wanted a person so badly like this before". But it wasnt for lust, and I dont know if it was entirely for love, it was for something. I just wanted to be with you and show you that youre the only one who's put that kinda effect on me and no one hasnt.
But I started to have a jealousy issue with you. I always have, it just never started getting so bad until last minute. You'd talk about all these ppl you liked [or still like to this day] and it would make me so jealous and then one day I just finally got so jealous I...just deleted you cause I just didnt want to hear about all of it. Iono Im just a real asshole when I get jealous, I do and say alot of irrational things...mostly DO without thinking. And I regret doing that cause I couldve told you how I felt and it wouldve done a good deal of change.
In a good way, mostly for me. I wouldve been more confident in my feelings about you. And I wouldnt have cared about that DAMN BARRIER thats been planted between us. I woulve taken the risk and be around you regardless. But we dont really talk anymore, much less see each other, so Im not so confident in whats left in me about you. But I see you around, seldomly. And for some reason I still get excited when I see you, like I have from the beginning.
I just cant throw away that feeling I get from you. The thought just makes me happy even though there's nothing really between us anymore. You think youve been replaced, part of me agrees but almost all of me doesnt. Back in the day everyone was considered some piece of ass to me, but you werent even though it didnt show but I knew it in my mind.
Because now these days Ive learned not to just USE someone as I please. I know what Im saying and I know what Im doing, which is the right and honest things. But it doesnt mean that I wasnt being honest with you...I wasnt being right...but I was definitely telling the truth.
Telling you "I love you" was the truth. Even when I was drunk and drunk ppl do spill out their guts most of the time. I keep thinking that my feelings for you were so fake back then and I was so blind, but I really dont think it had to be fake if I keep thinking about it. I keep thinking about it when ever you pop into my mind. I tried convincing myself that you were nothing to me at one point, but I saw you one night and all those thoughts just felt like lies to me.
I just couldnt help but to want a kiss from you. It made me realize how much I missed you. T^T I still miss you! But whenever I find you, you just seem so busy and eager to go somewhere else I think Im not worth the time of day anymore. So I just gave up trying to go after you because I honestly think you dont like me like that anymore so I decided to hang out with new ppl. Well not exactly "new" ppl. nee, I just wish I could tell you all this in person. Or at least message it to you but I think it wouldnt make much a difference now. D:
I thought I had replaced you, but honestly now that I think about it...no one has yet to replace that feeling I had for you. Youre just a flame that wont fucking die even if I try and stomp it out. If that bulletin still wasnt to me, then this is still a good thing. Reassurance of love! ^^
You stopped talking to me online and I just assumed you finally got fed up with me and just didnt like me anymore. And at that time it made me realize that youre the only person to ever have me think that "Ive never wanted a person so badly like this before". But it wasnt for lust, and I dont know if it was entirely for love, it was for something. I just wanted to be with you and show you that youre the only one who's put that kinda effect on me and no one hasnt.
But I started to have a jealousy issue with you. I always have, it just never started getting so bad until last minute. You'd talk about all these ppl you liked [or still like to this day] and it would make me so jealous and then one day I just finally got so jealous I...just deleted you cause I just didnt want to hear about all of it. Iono Im just a real asshole when I get jealous, I do and say alot of irrational things...mostly DO without thinking. And I regret doing that cause I couldve told you how I felt and it wouldve done a good deal of change.
In a good way, mostly for me. I wouldve been more confident in my feelings about you. And I wouldnt have cared about that DAMN BARRIER thats been planted between us. I woulve taken the risk and be around you regardless. But we dont really talk anymore, much less see each other, so Im not so confident in whats left in me about you. But I see you around, seldomly. And for some reason I still get excited when I see you, like I have from the beginning.
I just cant throw away that feeling I get from you. The thought just makes me happy even though there's nothing really between us anymore. You think youve been replaced, part of me agrees but almost all of me doesnt. Back in the day everyone was considered some piece of ass to me, but you werent even though it didnt show but I knew it in my mind.
Because now these days Ive learned not to just USE someone as I please. I know what Im saying and I know what Im doing, which is the right and honest things. But it doesnt mean that I wasnt being honest with you...I wasnt being right...but I was definitely telling the truth.
Telling you "I love you" was the truth. Even when I was drunk and drunk ppl do spill out their guts most of the time. I keep thinking that my feelings for you were so fake back then and I was so blind, but I really dont think it had to be fake if I keep thinking about it. I keep thinking about it when ever you pop into my mind. I tried convincing myself that you were nothing to me at one point, but I saw you one night and all those thoughts just felt like lies to me.
I just couldnt help but to want a kiss from you. It made me realize how much I missed you. T^T I still miss you! But whenever I find you, you just seem so busy and eager to go somewhere else I think Im not worth the time of day anymore. So I just gave up trying to go after you because I honestly think you dont like me like that anymore so I decided to hang out with new ppl. Well not exactly "new" ppl. nee, I just wish I could tell you all this in person. Or at least message it to you but I think it wouldnt make much a difference now. D:
I thought I had replaced you, but honestly now that I think about it...no one has yet to replace that feeling I had for you. Youre just a flame that wont fucking die even if I try and stomp it out. If that bulletin still wasnt to me, then this is still a good thing. Reassurance of love! ^^