Starlight Crashing Through the Room Part Ten
Spoony kissed me.
Spoony kissed me.
Spoony kissed me.
No matter how many times I said it in my head or which inflection I used, I couldn’t quite bring myself to believe it. Walking home, I could still feel his lips on mine, but distantly, as though it had happened to someone else.
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t process that it had happened, let alone believe that he meant it. Mistletoe, or Spoony just being Spoony…
But he kissed me.
And I had just run away.
I couldn’t help but mentally slap myself. Why had I run away? Even if it was just tradition or Spoony messing around, I should have stayed, or at least said something. Was it going to be weird between us now? Would he want to still be around me? Was he mad I didn’t say anything, or was he relieved? Or would we just pretend it didn’t happen?
The phone was ringing the moment I got home. My mom answered, but then handed it to me. “It’s Marzgurl,” she said.
I took the phone. “What’s up?”
“Linkara!” She sounded way too excited. “Did he really kiss you?”
I sighed. Of course someone had seen us. We weren’t exactly discrete. “There was mistletoe,” I mumbled.
“But he kissed you!” I was regretful that we were on the phone so I couldn’t pinch her. “Do you think he likes you?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “I, um…just sort of left.”
There was a moment of silence before she said, “But you’re gonna call him, right?”
“I don’t know. I thought I’d just…see him at school.”
“That’s two weeks from now! You should call him!”
“And say what? Sorry I ran off after you kissed me, I just didn’t want you to know that I’ve been in love with you for months and am too scared to admit it?”
She sighed dramatically. “You should!”
“I don’t want him to hate me.”
“He won’t hate you! He kissed you!”
“Goodbye, Marzgurl.” I hung up and went to my room, slamming the door behind me.
I knew I should call Spoony and apologize, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. One way or another, our relationship was going to change, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.
*
The next two weeks passed in absolute misery. Not over Spoony, that would have been stupid. More misery over the amount of food my mother made, food that I knew I shouldn’t touch.
And what I did touch didn’t stay down long, and now there was no one to stop me. No Marzgurl to force me to eat, no Critic to yell at me, no Spoony to carry my bag straight to my next class to make sure I got there.
It was simultaneously the most terrifying and liberating thing in the world.
My mom was concerned. She said I looked thin, was I sick? I told her no. I wasn’t sick. I was fine. I was just doing what I needed to do. My dad said there was nothing wrong with me keeping up with my weight training over the break. He said my coach would be proud.
My coach had damn well better be proud, because I felt terrible.
And of course, the kiss was plaguing my mind. What would I say? What could I do? Was I going to be doing this alone from now on?
Still, I couldn’t avoid school without getting into serious trouble, so I returned to the gym at five AM as scheduled. Spoony was there, looking normal, so I counted it as a good thing.
And I had no idea what to say.
“Hey,” he said, looking down, and I realized he looked pretty pale.
“Hey,” I said. I wanted to kiss him again, but I couldn’t do that in the middle of the weight room, even if it was empty.
We were silent for a moment before I spoke. “So…”
“Linkara, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so fucking sorry for what I did, I should have asked you and I know you don’t like me that way, so can we just…”
“But I do!” I burst out. “I do like you that way!”
He looked up. “Really?”
I nodded. “Really.” It was my turn to look down. “I know you meant it as a joke…”
“I like you, too.”
My head snapped up. “Really?”
He nodded. “I…I like you. I want to help you. I want to hold your hand in the hallway and make out with you behind the gym during lunch and go to the movies without Marzgurl and Roses…I want to save you from this team, and I really, really want to kiss you again.”
So I kissed him again.
Only once, because we had to get started with our usual workout. But we kept glancing at each other and smiling stupidly. Even when the rest of the guys came in, we ignored them in favor of those stupid smiles, and Spoony blushed a lot and I felt fantastic.
My good mood must have been obvious, because Marzgurl poked me with her bow the moment I sat down. “You make up with Spoony?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re together now…but don’t let it get spread around too much.”
She grinned. “Don’t worry,” she said. “Though I doubt anyone will care.”
“The wrestling team will,” I said. “So just…don’t let it be a full school thing.”
“You got it, Lovhaug.”
*
Marzgurl kept her mouth shut. She was generally pretty good about that.
Chick, on the other hand, was way too observant and Critic always had too big a mouth. The moment they saw me and Spoony walk into the cafeteria, both smiled and our hands brushing each other, they exchanged a significant look and I knew we were sunk.
“How long?” Chick asked as soon as we’d sat down.
“About four hours,” Spoony answered. “You gonna make something of it?”
“Not at all,” Chick said. “I don’t make anything of it except that the two of you finally got your heads screwed on right.”
“Critic,” I said, because he was already up and moving. “Please don’t make this overly public yet…”
“I just wanted to say hi to Film Brain!” Critic protested. “He changed lunch periods this semester and needs to sit with us!”
I closed my eyes, thankful that Critic’s circle of drama geeks didn’t usually talk to the jocks. Of course, the way Critic worked, whenever there was gossip worth knowing, he could have it spread to the entire school in an hour, even without use of the PA system.
Spoony touched my arm and I opened my eyes to smile at him. “Sorry,” I said. “My friends are too damn nosy.”
“It’s okay,” Spoony said. “What’s the worst that will happen?”
I sighed and turned back to the table.
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Spoony kissed me.
Spoony kissed me.
No matter how many times I said it in my head or which inflection I used, I couldn’t quite bring myself to believe it. Walking home, I could still feel his lips on mine, but distantly, as though it had happened to someone else.
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t process that it had happened, let alone believe that he meant it. Mistletoe, or Spoony just being Spoony…
But he kissed me.
And I had just run away.
I couldn’t help but mentally slap myself. Why had I run away? Even if it was just tradition or Spoony messing around, I should have stayed, or at least said something. Was it going to be weird between us now? Would he want to still be around me? Was he mad I didn’t say anything, or was he relieved? Or would we just pretend it didn’t happen?
The phone was ringing the moment I got home. My mom answered, but then handed it to me. “It’s Marzgurl,” she said.
I took the phone. “What’s up?”
“Linkara!” She sounded way too excited. “Did he really kiss you?”
I sighed. Of course someone had seen us. We weren’t exactly discrete. “There was mistletoe,” I mumbled.
“But he kissed you!” I was regretful that we were on the phone so I couldn’t pinch her. “Do you think he likes you?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “I, um…just sort of left.”
There was a moment of silence before she said, “But you’re gonna call him, right?”
“I don’t know. I thought I’d just…see him at school.”
“That’s two weeks from now! You should call him!”
“And say what? Sorry I ran off after you kissed me, I just didn’t want you to know that I’ve been in love with you for months and am too scared to admit it?”
She sighed dramatically. “You should!”
“I don’t want him to hate me.”
“He won’t hate you! He kissed you!”
“Goodbye, Marzgurl.” I hung up and went to my room, slamming the door behind me.
I knew I should call Spoony and apologize, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. One way or another, our relationship was going to change, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.
*
The next two weeks passed in absolute misery. Not over Spoony, that would have been stupid. More misery over the amount of food my mother made, food that I knew I shouldn’t touch.
And what I did touch didn’t stay down long, and now there was no one to stop me. No Marzgurl to force me to eat, no Critic to yell at me, no Spoony to carry my bag straight to my next class to make sure I got there.
It was simultaneously the most terrifying and liberating thing in the world.
My mom was concerned. She said I looked thin, was I sick? I told her no. I wasn’t sick. I was fine. I was just doing what I needed to do. My dad said there was nothing wrong with me keeping up with my weight training over the break. He said my coach would be proud.
My coach had damn well better be proud, because I felt terrible.
And of course, the kiss was plaguing my mind. What would I say? What could I do? Was I going to be doing this alone from now on?
Still, I couldn’t avoid school without getting into serious trouble, so I returned to the gym at five AM as scheduled. Spoony was there, looking normal, so I counted it as a good thing.
And I had no idea what to say.
“Hey,” he said, looking down, and I realized he looked pretty pale.
“Hey,” I said. I wanted to kiss him again, but I couldn’t do that in the middle of the weight room, even if it was empty.
We were silent for a moment before I spoke. “So…”
“Linkara, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so fucking sorry for what I did, I should have asked you and I know you don’t like me that way, so can we just…”
“But I do!” I burst out. “I do like you that way!”
He looked up. “Really?”
I nodded. “Really.” It was my turn to look down. “I know you meant it as a joke…”
“I like you, too.”
My head snapped up. “Really?”
He nodded. “I…I like you. I want to help you. I want to hold your hand in the hallway and make out with you behind the gym during lunch and go to the movies without Marzgurl and Roses…I want to save you from this team, and I really, really want to kiss you again.”
So I kissed him again.
Only once, because we had to get started with our usual workout. But we kept glancing at each other and smiling stupidly. Even when the rest of the guys came in, we ignored them in favor of those stupid smiles, and Spoony blushed a lot and I felt fantastic.
My good mood must have been obvious, because Marzgurl poked me with her bow the moment I sat down. “You make up with Spoony?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re together now…but don’t let it get spread around too much.”
She grinned. “Don’t worry,” she said. “Though I doubt anyone will care.”
“The wrestling team will,” I said. “So just…don’t let it be a full school thing.”
“You got it, Lovhaug.”
*
Marzgurl kept her mouth shut. She was generally pretty good about that.
Chick, on the other hand, was way too observant and Critic always had too big a mouth. The moment they saw me and Spoony walk into the cafeteria, both smiled and our hands brushing each other, they exchanged a significant look and I knew we were sunk.
“How long?” Chick asked as soon as we’d sat down.
“About four hours,” Spoony answered. “You gonna make something of it?”
“Not at all,” Chick said. “I don’t make anything of it except that the two of you finally got your heads screwed on right.”
“Critic,” I said, because he was already up and moving. “Please don’t make this overly public yet…”
“I just wanted to say hi to Film Brain!” Critic protested. “He changed lunch periods this semester and needs to sit with us!”
I closed my eyes, thankful that Critic’s circle of drama geeks didn’t usually talk to the jocks. Of course, the way Critic worked, whenever there was gossip worth knowing, he could have it spread to the entire school in an hour, even without use of the PA system.
Spoony touched my arm and I opened my eyes to smile at him. “Sorry,” I said. “My friends are too damn nosy.”
“It’s okay,” Spoony said. “What’s the worst that will happen?”
I sighed and turned back to the table.
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