Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
First off, I must apologize, but the next chapter of "Even Without Him" will not be finished before "Marauders to the End" starts. Sorry for anyone who cared.
Now that that's taken care of, let's talk about Twilight.
I hated Twilight. Or at least, I hated the first book and the first movie, which was all I looked at before forming that opinion. My problem wasn't just the terrible writing-- as a fan fiction aficionado, I have dealt with much worse writing. My problem wasn't even really the hype. I'd be a hypocrite if I said it was, considering my decade-long obsession with Harry Potter. No, like many people, my problem was with Bella.
But my problem is different from other people's. I don't hate Bella because she's boring. I don't hate her because she's a horrible person. No, I hate Bella for the reason many girls love her-- I see why too much of myself in Bella Swan. But that's not a good thing, because the parts of myself that I see in Bella are the things I hate about myself. Manipulative? Check. Dependent? Check. Obsession with boys named "Cullen?" Check. Pretentious interests? Check. Emotionless? Check.
Now, keep in mind these were the qualities I had when I first read Twilight at the age of sixteen. Since then, I like to think that I have improved on all of these deficiencies. I still have my failings, but I'm working on it, and I certainly didn't settle down with some guy at the age of eighteen. But the fact still remains that Bella is everything I don't like about myself, which makes all of these things even more repulsive in another person. But since I saw all these qualities in Bella, I was able to change them in myself-- but that's a topic for another blog.
So I read the first book, and I saw the first movie, and then I just ignored the rest of the phenomenon as much as I could, a difficult feat when my sister liked the books and my dad took her to see the first three movies since he also read the books (I don't know if he enjoyed them), and when the franchise refuses to go away. I occasionally joined in the mocking, and I did watch all of Spoony's vlogs on the topic, which are all hilarious, even the one he did while completely smashed. (I say this in all respect-- Noah Antwiler has balls if he got through all five of these films.) And that was the end of it.
Or I thought it was until "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two" came out. I watched every single vlog on the movie except for the Cinema Snob's, and that's only because Brad Jones guest starred in Spoony's review so I had already heard his opinion. And every single one of those videos ended up saying the same thing: Go see this movie.
As you probably know, I have the deepest respect for the reviewers, current and former, of Channel Awesome, so when seven of them tell me to go see a movie, I will definitely make an effort to see it. Obviously, I wasn't going to pay nine dollars to watch Twilight, so I had to wait a while. But it was date night for me and JoJo tonight, so we decided to rent a bad movie, and since the video store in Fucking Nowhere doesn't have the Star Wars prequels, our next choice was "Breaking Dawn Part Two."
I just finished watching it, and let me tell you: all seven of those reviewers were right. This movie is brilliant. It is so hilariously bad that JoJo and I couldn't stop giggling through most of it. The creepy CG baby? Laughably bad. The scene where Jacob strips for Billy Burke? Hilarious. Michael Sheen's epic squee when he sees the child? Fucking genius. We both already knew about the twist ending, so we weren't terribly disappointed, but it was still a dumb cop-out, and that was so epically bad that I couldn't resist laughing.
But the one thing JoJo and I agreed on was that this movie was mis-focused. As mentioned above, I haven't seen the middle three Twilight films, but a common complaint about them is that all the side characters are far more interesting than Edward and Bella. That was abundantly clear in this movie. We spent most of the movie saying that it should have been about Garrett and Kate, who have more chemistry, more personality, and a generally much more interesting story to tell. Hell, Noah Antwiler said that Edward and Bella were no longer driving the conflict of the story, and he was right. Breaking Dawn Part Two isn't about them-- it's about Renesme and Jacob, and at a more basic level, Michael Sheen and Alice. It's the story of a dictator trying gain a weapon shown through the eyes of two boring side characters. Or if you want a romance (between a werewolf and a child-- creepy), it's like Sleeping Beauty told through the eyes of the King and Queen. The action is not centered on our two leads, so why do we keep following them?
I don't know.
The big problem with this movie, though, is it leaves room for a sequel. Now, as epically bad and enjoyable as this movie was, the last thing we need is another one. Please, Stephanie Meyer, do not write more of this shit. It won't get better.
Now that that's taken care of, let's talk about Twilight.
I hated Twilight. Or at least, I hated the first book and the first movie, which was all I looked at before forming that opinion. My problem wasn't just the terrible writing-- as a fan fiction aficionado, I have dealt with much worse writing. My problem wasn't even really the hype. I'd be a hypocrite if I said it was, considering my decade-long obsession with Harry Potter. No, like many people, my problem was with Bella.
But my problem is different from other people's. I don't hate Bella because she's boring. I don't hate her because she's a horrible person. No, I hate Bella for the reason many girls love her-- I see why too much of myself in Bella Swan. But that's not a good thing, because the parts of myself that I see in Bella are the things I hate about myself. Manipulative? Check. Dependent? Check. Obsession with boys named "Cullen?" Check. Pretentious interests? Check. Emotionless? Check.
Now, keep in mind these were the qualities I had when I first read Twilight at the age of sixteen. Since then, I like to think that I have improved on all of these deficiencies. I still have my failings, but I'm working on it, and I certainly didn't settle down with some guy at the age of eighteen. But the fact still remains that Bella is everything I don't like about myself, which makes all of these things even more repulsive in another person. But since I saw all these qualities in Bella, I was able to change them in myself-- but that's a topic for another blog.
So I read the first book, and I saw the first movie, and then I just ignored the rest of the phenomenon as much as I could, a difficult feat when my sister liked the books and my dad took her to see the first three movies since he also read the books (I don't know if he enjoyed them), and when the franchise refuses to go away. I occasionally joined in the mocking, and I did watch all of Spoony's vlogs on the topic, which are all hilarious, even the one he did while completely smashed. (I say this in all respect-- Noah Antwiler has balls if he got through all five of these films.) And that was the end of it.
Or I thought it was until "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two" came out. I watched every single vlog on the movie except for the Cinema Snob's, and that's only because Brad Jones guest starred in Spoony's review so I had already heard his opinion. And every single one of those videos ended up saying the same thing: Go see this movie.
As you probably know, I have the deepest respect for the reviewers, current and former, of Channel Awesome, so when seven of them tell me to go see a movie, I will definitely make an effort to see it. Obviously, I wasn't going to pay nine dollars to watch Twilight, so I had to wait a while. But it was date night for me and JoJo tonight, so we decided to rent a bad movie, and since the video store in Fucking Nowhere doesn't have the Star Wars prequels, our next choice was "Breaking Dawn Part Two."
I just finished watching it, and let me tell you: all seven of those reviewers were right. This movie is brilliant. It is so hilariously bad that JoJo and I couldn't stop giggling through most of it. The creepy CG baby? Laughably bad. The scene where Jacob strips for Billy Burke? Hilarious. Michael Sheen's epic squee when he sees the child? Fucking genius. We both already knew about the twist ending, so we weren't terribly disappointed, but it was still a dumb cop-out, and that was so epically bad that I couldn't resist laughing.
But the one thing JoJo and I agreed on was that this movie was mis-focused. As mentioned above, I haven't seen the middle three Twilight films, but a common complaint about them is that all the side characters are far more interesting than Edward and Bella. That was abundantly clear in this movie. We spent most of the movie saying that it should have been about Garrett and Kate, who have more chemistry, more personality, and a generally much more interesting story to tell. Hell, Noah Antwiler said that Edward and Bella were no longer driving the conflict of the story, and he was right. Breaking Dawn Part Two isn't about them-- it's about Renesme and Jacob, and at a more basic level, Michael Sheen and Alice. It's the story of a dictator trying gain a weapon shown through the eyes of two boring side characters. Or if you want a romance (between a werewolf and a child-- creepy), it's like Sleeping Beauty told through the eyes of the King and Queen. The action is not centered on our two leads, so why do we keep following them?
I don't know.
The big problem with this movie, though, is it leaves room for a sequel. Now, as epically bad and enjoyable as this movie was, the last thing we need is another one. Please, Stephanie Meyer, do not write more of this shit. It won't get better.