Snowed in. and feelin home sick.
My mother And I are so much alike. and still, so different.
a late night mother daughter talk made me realize this.
"I can change my feelings about someone like that" as she snaps her fingers.
and here I thought I was just a heartless girl.
the main reason I hate fighting with someone is this.
when my feelings get hurt I can't help but throw myself into my own sick defense mechanism where I fool myself into thinking I never cared.
and just FYI, I tend to walk through life wondering if I should just spare myself the whole useless situation by not getting anywhere near attached to people. but I'm a sucker for kind eyes.
BTW... I miss yours.
I sometimes look at people and see if I can stop caring without being provoked.
this is a horrible thing to do. so many times I just wonder, do I even love most people?
cause true love should be some kind of impenetrable force field right?
I know I love people. there are people I physically cannot live without.
if Jordan, Kelli, or Jenna just up and left me I actually don't even know what I would do. my mind wont even go there.
but.
I can't have friends without loving them.
So, my question is...
is the brain really more powerful than the heart?
cause I need some convincing
If you don't live in the woods in Oklahoma let me just say its beautiful right now.
everything looks peaceful out of my window.
white, sparkly, cold... like my heart! oh!
I should be in Chickasha right now sleeping in Jordan's bed playing with her hair. but no.
I'm here.
alone.
awake.
debating my own sanity.
fun right?
for some reason the only time I actually get a good nights sleep is at Jordan's.
I have this pathetic theory. you see, ever since I was a kid I couldn't ever sleep well at anyones house but mine. my "home" and well, nothing really feels like home anymore except chickasha.
pretty damn sad.
Ah... here comes the part where I plan on laying down only to stay awake for who knows how long.
"Oh shit! I see pink elephants!"
a late night mother daughter talk made me realize this.
"I can change my feelings about someone like that" as she snaps her fingers.
and here I thought I was just a heartless girl.
the main reason I hate fighting with someone is this.
when my feelings get hurt I can't help but throw myself into my own sick defense mechanism where I fool myself into thinking I never cared.
and just FYI, I tend to walk through life wondering if I should just spare myself the whole useless situation by not getting anywhere near attached to people. but I'm a sucker for kind eyes.
BTW... I miss yours.
I sometimes look at people and see if I can stop caring without being provoked.
this is a horrible thing to do. so many times I just wonder, do I even love most people?
cause true love should be some kind of impenetrable force field right?
I know I love people. there are people I physically cannot live without.
if Jordan, Kelli, or Jenna just up and left me I actually don't even know what I would do. my mind wont even go there.
but.
I can't have friends without loving them.
So, my question is...
is the brain really more powerful than the heart?
cause I need some convincing
If you don't live in the woods in Oklahoma let me just say its beautiful right now.
everything looks peaceful out of my window.
white, sparkly, cold... like my heart! oh!
I should be in Chickasha right now sleeping in Jordan's bed playing with her hair. but no.
I'm here.
alone.
awake.
debating my own sanity.
fun right?
for some reason the only time I actually get a good nights sleep is at Jordan's.
I have this pathetic theory. you see, ever since I was a kid I couldn't ever sleep well at anyones house but mine. my "home" and well, nothing really feels like home anymore except chickasha.
pretty damn sad.
Ah... here comes the part where I plan on laying down only to stay awake for who knows how long.
"Oh shit! I see pink elephants!"